I am still lurking here
Saturday, February 15, 2020
It's funny how I've been a part of Sparkpeople for such a very long time. I do come on here most days and read my "friends" blogs and updates. I haven't written anything myself for over 2 years. I don't even know what to say anymore. I currently weigh about 12 pounds over my current goal and about 15 pounds over the "after" pictures on my profile page. It's not the most I've weighed and even though I am not thrilled with it I can't say that I'm miserable about it either. As always, it is more my behavior and preoccupation with food and weight that steals the moments of joy from my life. It it ALWAYS on my mind - - my body size and my food consumption. Yesterday we went to my in-laws for lunch. While I did enjoy the conversation I also gorged myself on the chocolate goodies that were on the table. We don't keep those things in the house so I found myself eating WAY too much just because I didn't know when I'd get to eat that kind of stuff again. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I KNOW that is ridiculous thinking. I am 53....I have been struggling with eating issues since I was 14. I can buy chocolate whenever I want. I am a grown up. So WHY do I still do this? Really these are rhetorical questions. My life is about to undergo a huge change. My husband is retiring and we are moving from Southern California to Coeur d'Alene Idaho (in April). We bought a new house and are selling a house here that I love very much. While it is exciting and I am CHOOSING to do this I have a huge amount of sadness for leaving my friends here. On a positive note, I am consciously trying to drink less and for the first time in decades I have succeeded. So the focus is eating/overeating once again. Not sure really why I'm blogging about this. My life is good. I want to be happy. I think I'm just afraid of leaving everything I know.