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Thursday, February 20, 2020

So, been off of here for quite some time. Fell and have been trying to pick myself up for a couple months now. I know I have it in me. I feel it. I just need to lasso it and keep the reigns. I have been starting and stopping and starting and stopping over and over. Same ol story of many of us on here. I had 6 deaths of friends, family and co workers between December and now. One of my son's proposed to his long time girl friend and she said yes. No plans beyond that have been made.
I am trying very hard to look forward, be back on track one baby step at a time. Trying to pull myself up by the boot straps. Right now, I am trying to do "right" by my food. Once I get that back on track then I will feel ok heading back to the gym and exercise. I need to focus on one thing at a time right now to stay on that balance beam.
I am trying to make things to look forward to so that it drives me in the right direction. I am in the beginning stages of planning our summer. My airline trip to Texas that I had to cancel in December to see my long lost best friend is now going to be a road trip to Texas with my husband and youngest son and maybe my oldest son. I hope to go to Iowa to visit my family sometime this summer along with Thanksgiving. The 4th of July we will spend an hour from here with my husband's family. My oldest son asked if we wanted to go to a Ren Fair this summer together. So, that gives me some things to plan out and look forward to.
I am also shopping around for new appliances. I think we decided we will replace our small chest freezer that isn't functioning well with an upright freezer. And we will move our now frig to be next to the new upright freezer and get a newer frig. This will help me with make ahead meals and stocking up on the right kinds of foods.Making staying on track more simple because I will always have something on hand that way eating out is at bay.
So, all my personal issues aside. I am doing my best to hold myself accountable, look forward and trying to stay on the balance beam of life. I do have a blood draw in a couple weeks to find out my A1C. And I know it is up since November. BUT I think it may be down from when I got my A1C checked by the doctor. I will have to check into that.

I am disappointed in myself for not being able to harness my eating better. But I am accepting of it because LIFE happened. And I am NOT perfect. Nor am I supposed to be perfect. And it could have been much worse. I am here, I am alive and I have many gifts from God. And I need to restart helping myself again. So, as of today...
According to my calculations...
My 180 day A1c progress is 5.7 or average bsl 117.0
My 90 day A1c progress is 6.1 or average bsl 129.8
My 30 day A1c progress is 6.4 or average bsl 136.5
My weight is 187.0 lbs
I am back on 60 units of insulin which is my original highest dose. Along with other medications.
My fasting blood sugar today was 114 which I am happy with today since it has been up.
My doctor will test my A1c for the past 60-90 days. And my weight will get checked along with my BP and pulse. We will discuss changing medications or stopping them. My weight is down quite a bit since I saw him last, so that is still a positive. I just looked and my A1c was 5.7 last time I went to my med check 9/4/19. So, that is up. :(
BUT it should still be low enough that it isn't a alarming change and he will know I am still on the right track, trying.
I am double tracking my food as of today, for awhile anyway. I am doing that to get back into the habit and to realize again things add up faster than you would realize. I am attempting to rewake a good habit I had created in myself. I am tracking on SP food tracker and Carb manager app on my phone. HA, I blew my fat and calories today at breakfast already. So I will take note of that, not do that again and adjust for the future. I had for breakfast, 4 eggs, 2 slices of havarti cheese melted into the eggs, onions, bacon, and cream in my coffee. AND I made sure to log the fat I cooked the eggs in. Why? BECAUSE THAT COUNTS TOO! I hadn't been counting that. Just fooling myself when I know it counts. Not doing myself any favors ignoring it.
So- outlook-
I need to lower my A1c, and blood sugar levels over all.
I need to lose 27 lbs to get back to where I was a few months ago.
I need to re establish my good habits
I need to move past my emotions and look forward to positive events.
I need to be ok with making sure I take care of ME.
I AM on the track to doing all these things. I have that spirit inside me, that I feel revving up to drive me forward. I know I can and will do it again.
I know I AM doing it again. And the realistic facts are that it is going to happen IF I put my mind and energy and commitment into it. And I am doing that.

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**Update **
My last dr apt in 9/19, My weight was 194 lbs so I AM still down in weight. So that I will consider an accomplishment I was able to keep.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PICKIE98
    I hope you are doing better this week.
    28 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Your A1c of 5.7 is pre-diabetic. THat is great. Losing the weight is a great thing too!
    Good luck on that appointment!
    32 days ago
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