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Just sayin’ … mornin’ after

Monday, August 03, 2020

So … I didn’t exactly fall off the wagon … but somehow half a box of Wheat Thins were attacked.

Everything was going just fine … OK, the morning weigh-in messed with my diet mentality brain.

Hubby was watching Law and Order … and wham. It was about a mentally ill man who was arrested for killing a shop full of people. During his interrogation … the detectives made fun of his mental illness, asked him serious questions that were met with jumbled thoughts; bits of reality and bits of total chaos.

I burst into tears as the man was guilty but … not in control of his thoughts and actions.

In a flash … I re-lived all of Hubby’s episodes all at once. I felt so overwhelmed. He doesn’t know what he does or says during his episodes. I do. He doesn’t have lingering memories. I do.

Hubby and I talked at a high level.
Hubby asked prying questions.
I thought I was protecting him by not getting down into the weeds.
He pried some more.
Then the wall crumbled.

I spilled forth pain, fear and sorrow. And relief … relief that HE is back. Fear … for how long???

While trying to stuff everything back in … I reached for the Wheat Thins.

As Brene’ Brown would say … I was numbing.


Change your mind … and the rest WILL follow.

Coz … I want to be ME.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Pretty clear why you ate half a box of Wheat Thins. Who among us might not?

    Great that you had "the talk"!!

    NOT so clear: why you aren't congratulating yourself for eating ONLY half a box of Wheat Thins . . . in circumstances like that. You have dealt with a lot.

    And: no serous damage from half a box of Wheat Thins.
    32 days ago
    Well, I am actually glad that you were able to share some of your experiences, fears and concerns with your guy (if I am reading this correctly).
    Why would you not share the burden with your beloved?
    Are you protecting him by sacrificing yourself.
    That doesn’t seem fair to you or him.

    41 days ago
  • MAWMAW101
    emoticon Sometimes it’s the safest way to cope.
    45 days ago
    45 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949

    Awesome breakthrough on conversation with Hubby. Be extra kind to yourself.

    46 days ago
    Great post.
    46 days ago
    Better out than in as is well-said. I hope it was eye opening for hubby.
    46 days ago
    emoticon I'm with the others... be extra kind to yourself today... you've done something very brave, sharing those thoughts and feelings with your DH. And yes, I can see the reaction in the wheat thins. Behind you now... pat self on back, and move forward, again, with kindness.

    emoticon emoticon
    46 days ago
    ((((HUGS)))) Agree with Cheri. You have had lots on your plate and this program just brought it all out full force. Glad you and DH did get to talk, and hope today is a better day.
    46 days ago
  • CHERIJ16
    Don't beat yourself up for a little transgression. It sounds like you have had a lot on your plate and not just food! Be kind to yourself and get back on track! emoticon
    46 days ago
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