Just sayin’ … mornin’ after
Monday, August 03, 2020
So … I didn’t exactly fall off the wagon … but somehow half a box of Wheat Thins were attacked.
Everything was going just fine … OK, the morning weigh-in messed with my diet mentality brain.
Hubby was watching Law and Order … and wham. It was about a mentally ill man who was arrested for killing a shop full of people. During his interrogation … the detectives made fun of his mental illness, asked him serious questions that were met with jumbled thoughts; bits of reality and bits of total chaos.
I burst into tears as the man was guilty but … not in control of his thoughts and actions.
In a flash … I re-lived all of Hubby’s episodes all at once. I felt so overwhelmed. He doesn’t know what he does or says during his episodes. I do. He doesn’t have lingering memories. I do.
Hubby and I talked at a high level.
Hubby asked prying questions.
I thought I was protecting him by not getting down into the weeds.
He pried some more.
Then the wall crumbled.
I spilled forth pain, fear and sorrow. And relief … relief that HE is back. Fear … for how long???
While trying to stuff everything back in … I reached for the Wheat Thins.
As Brene’ Brown would say … I was numbing.
Change your mind … and the rest WILL follow.
Coz … I want to be ME.