"The past has no power over the present moment." Eckhart Tolle
"Just because I give advice, doesn't mean I'm smarter than you. It means I've done more stupid stuff than you."
A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it’s time for a change.
He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.
After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.
“Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!”
The teacher replies, “It’s no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the engine. 50% is for perfect reassembly of the engine.
I gave you another 50% on top because you did it all through the exhaust pipe!”
It's Tell a Joke Day! My favorite day because it's full of laughter. Tell your favorite joke and let's make today roll with the belly laughs.
--Joe Miller's Joke Day: along the same lines, it's also Joe Miller's Joke Day, a day we're supposed to tell stale, worn-out jokes in honor of Joseph Miller, an English comic actor during the early 18th century.
--National Airborne Day: today is a salute to the US airborne military forces; the first official parachute jump of the Army was on August 16, 1940; we honor the service paratroopers who serve to protect our country.
--National Bratwurst Day: today is a salute to a sausage with sweet spices from 14th century Germany; they originated in Nuremberg, Germany, in the 14th century, and their name is derived from the German words "braten", meaning "to fry" or "to roast", and "wurst", meaning "sausage"; they were introduced to the United States in the mid-19th century by German immigrants, and have become especially popular in Wisconsin; now I want one.
--National Roller Coaster Day: today is a salute to that hair-raising ride we all love to scream; the first roller coasters were built by Russian immigrants in Portugal during the 17th century because they missed sledding the snowy hills of their land. The originals were platforms 70-80 ft high and the ramps, covered with ice, had a 50 degree slope, very similar to playground slides. It's also the day in 1898 the vertical loop roller coaster was patented and would be used on Coney Island.
--National Rum Day: "In the 17th century, hard-working slaves on Caribbean sugarcane plantations were the first to discover rum. They detected molasses as a byproduct of leftover sugar that transformed into alcohol after refining and fermenting. Eventually, distilleries caught on —turning rum production into a major global business. The Royal British Navy, as well as rogues and pirates, drank rum by the gallon"; rum has a colorful history as it was used for more than drinking but also as currency in obtaining favors in politics.
--True Love Forever Day: not a lot of info but today was chosen from "The Bridges of Madison County" when Kincaid, the photographer, meets Francesca on August 16, 1965; if you're not familiar with the story, he writes her at the end that, though they never met again, he had never stopped loving her.
--In 1896, the Klondike Gold Rush begins when Skookum Jim Mason and George Carmack find the richest gold strike in North American history; "Because of the remoteness of the find, it would be over 11 months before the rest of the world found out. And it did so in the most dramatic fashion, when the steamers Portland and Excelsior pulled into the harbors of Seattle and San Francisco respectively carrying over one ton of gold (worth more than $1 billion in today's dollars)."
--In 1858, the first transatlantic message was sent. "The message sent by Britain’s Queen Victoria to American President James Buchanan, read ‘Europe and America are united by telegraphic communication. Glory to God in the highest, on earth peace, goodwill to men.’ The cable, which cut down the time of communication between the two continents was successful only for a few months. Technical difficulties led to the cable being closed in October of 1858."