JPAMPY
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August 22, 2020

Saturday, August 22, 2020

As I sit at my computer I am once again looking at a plan to lose weight. I have come to realize that my overeating is caused by something deeper inside me. I use food to fill voids. I use food to celebrate. I am addicted to food. I guess I always knew I overate, but to be addicted wasn't something I believed. Any one who's ever overcome an addiction knows that the first step is admitting they are powerless and their life has become unmanageable. Well, I wouldn't say my life is unmanageable, but I can say my negative thoughts and body image have become unmanageable. I obsess over my clothes not fitting or fitting too tight. I obsess over my jelly belly rolls, I obsess over the way my body looks. I feel insecure. I don't really want people to see me. I am ashamed. I used to be a runner and in fantastic shape. I was proud of that. I was content with and even proud of how I looked. Then I had an injury. My body didn't return to complete healing and the weight came on over the years since. I am in my mid- forties. That means my body naturally is slowing down, getting soft, getting weak. I know what I need to do. I always have. I've just never been able to keep on a good eating and exercise plan. hmm....
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