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just sayin’ … well, poop

Tuesday, September 22, 2020



Well, yesterday afternoon I got the … heebeejeebees. DD is having a rough time in St Louis. I can’t help. DS2 here in the Rockies … is having a rough time. I can’t help.

Then this morning DS1 in Texas called to share bad health news. I am still processing it. Cirrhosis of the liver and he is NOT a drinker. Next steps aren't until mid-October when he is seen by the specialist. I want to get in the car and drive 18 hours to get to him. But was told ... no. When the head and the heart aren't on the same page ... what to do, what to do.

The desire to eat the house down was more than overwhelming. Lots of tears. Lots of pacing around the house. Lots more tears.

I chose to hit the treadmill and try to "work" out my feelings.

Arrrggh.

More from Steve #30:

Fat people eat for instant pleasure.
Fit people eat for delayed gratification.

Fat people use food like a drug to alter the way they feel. Every few hours, the food junkie needs another fix to keep their emotions high.

This eating for instant pleasure addiction is easy to develop and requires commitment and courage to break.

The key to breaking this addiction is to find other methods of altering your state of mind. Fit people use exercise to enhance the pleasure they experience.

Fat people believe change like this require great discipline, but fit people know that building a new habit gets a little easier every day.

The most painful part of the process is making the decision to do it.

Critical Thinking Question: Are you using food as a drug to alter your emotional states of mind or do you view it as your body’s primary fuel source???

Action Step: Start to monitor the reason you’re eating what you’re eating and when you’re eating it. This will give you a glimpse of why you’re getting the results you’re getting.

I HOPE to develop the habit of using exercise to alter my state of mind. I do feel better these days participating in exercise.

I have used food to anesthetize myself for eons. So, the habit to cruise the kitchen when my feels are overwhelming is deeply ingrained.

Yesterday I banged around an empty kitchen coz of the home improvements. I looked kinda funny staring into empty cupboards but it brought to light the “habit” coz my studio is actually our make shift kitchen and I never walked in there.

PS … today's painting the hall ceiling project got put on hold.

************************
Change your mind … and the rest WILL follow.

Coz … I want to be ME.

**Within this blog is my longwinded thoughts based on my reading and humble understanding of Steve Siebold’s Die Fat or Get Tough and years and years and years of searching for thinness and … self-peace.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WATERMELLEN
    That's a LOT to deal with at once -- absolutely overwhelming. And sometimes we just have to feel the overwhelming feelings. Glad you shared them here and also released some of the tension with the treadmill.
    201 days ago
  • OVERWORKEDJANET
    Dang, girl!

    There are many things that can be done to help you son so hold onto good thoughts.
    Good move on walking as your eating won't help him either.
    Know you are in a very well-shared boat with the rest of us here.
    emoticon
    202 days ago
  • MAWMAW101
    Congrats for not eating the house down and finding a solution for that day! emoticon
    202 days ago
  • YOUCANDOITNANA
    I am sorry. I understand what it is like to worry about our children and I just want to tell you that I am sorry.
    202 days ago
  • SWEET_HONEY_BEE
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    202 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    It is SOOOO hard to watch our kids suffer in life and not be able to help them.
    But we must, must, must take care of our own selves so we will be there for them to do what little we can.
    You know my younger son, 50, is towards the end of his life. emoticon
    My DD just turned 33 and has cognitive limitations...she is fine... with a lot of help from us...but still needs us pretty much every day...what will happen when we are gone?
    And my older son, no shining star in living his life, just told me he has lost yet another job...through no fault of his own, of course!!!
    So, 3 for 3.
    I MUST take care of myself, and my man, who still has issues from his 2014 health crisis. emoticon
    Tonight I feel a bit depressed..unusual for me...but I know exactly why...the 200,000 of our fellow American men, women and children who have died unnecessarily of this freakin virus because of our inept leadership, and now it appears that our Supreme Court will swing to the right, causing all sorts of heartache and turmoil for the next 20 years or so.
    And...today, in meeting my dear son and his family’s needs, I neglected my own and neither walked not meditated...and THAT is why I am feeling pretty down.
    I am pouring another glass of wine and finding a FUN movie on Netflix tonight...any suggestions?
    Sorry to dump on you, my friend...I didn’t know that was gonna happen!
    emoticon
    202 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/22/2020 7:43:44 PM
  • ONEKIDSMOM
    Prayers for your children and for your mother's heart! I know that feeling... lived through two deployments and wasn't even aware of how stressed I was by them until his boots hit the soil of the North American continent! Listening, loving, and assuring them that they are loved is powerful...

    emoticon emoticon

    And yes, exercise is a great outlet for that wrapped up "I can't do anything I want to do about this" feeling... I started training for that first half Marathon when son went to Iraq.
    202 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    First of all . . . MANY prayers for your DD and your sons. It is very hard when there is nothing you can do to help your kids. But sometimes just listening, as you did, is a huge help. I have found w/my 2 adult kids, ultimately, they have to solve their own problems. It's HARD.

    Hugs and prayers and peace, my dear.
    202 days ago
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