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Learning or Relearning Self-Love

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Self-love means taking care of yourself the same way you’d take care of someone you love.
in appreciation of one's own worth or virtue.

Self-love begins when we observe our actions and words with compassion as if we were our own best friend. — Sara M Bosworth
Self-love means that you accept yourself fully, treat yourself with kindness and respect, and nurture your growth and wellbeing.

What does self-love look like?

It is a HABIT that is created through the repetition of small acts of love. It isn’t going to happen overnight but there are simple things you can do to start learning how to love yourself again.

Saying positive things to yourself
Forgiving yourself when you mess up
Meeting your own needs
Being assertive
Not letting others take advantage of or abuse you
Prioritizing your health and wellbeing
Spending time around people who support you and build you up
(and avoiding people who don’t)
Asking for help
Letting go of grudges or anger that holds you back
Recognizing your strengths
Valuing your feelings
Making healthy choices more often
Living in accordance with your values
Pursuing your interests and goals
Challenging yourself
Holding yourself accountable
Giving yourself healthy treats
Accepting your imperfections
Setting realistic expectations
Noticing your progress and effort

"Instead of watching the 5th episode of that mindless Netflix show, try reading a chapter in a book you started months ago and keep meaning to finish, pick up that hobby you've put aside and haven't worked on for months, possibly even years.

Instead of forcing yourself to meet your friends out for dinner, enjoy a night in refilling your cup. And tell your friends the REAL reason you aren’t coming-- you need a night for YOU.

Instead of wishing or waiting on someone to buy you flowers, get your butt to your local florist and buy yourself some, ones of YOUR choice. You'll be surprised and even shocked by how happy you'll feel whenever you look at the beautiful floral arrangement that you gifted yourself. Don’t have a lot of money? Go to the grocery store and spend $5-10 on lilies. They’ll last two weeks and are worth every penny.

Most importantly, when you look in the mirror, don’t just accept what you see. Look deeper than the surface and really thank and appreciate the person you see in the reflection for being with you every moment of your life. Love the fact that you get to spend your life with that changing person you see in the mirror."

Mel Robbins

It’s normal to be ambivalent about self-love – or making any change. However, loving yourself doesn’t mean you have to change everything about your life. Just try to treat yourself a little better than you did yesterday.

When we love ourselves, we have more of an overall positive opinion of ourselves. This doesn’t mean we feel positive all the time. That would be unrealistic!
It's like, I can temporarily feel upset, angry, or disappointed with myself and still love myself. If this is confusing, think about how this works in other relationships. I can love my husband even though I sometimes feel upset or disappointed with him. Even in the midst of my upset and disappointment, my love for him informs how I relate to him. It allows me to forgive him, consider his feelings, meet his needs, and make decisions that will support his wellbeing. Self-love is very much the same. This means, if you know how to love others, you know how to love yourself!

What's helping me is identifying one loving thing I can do for myself today. It could be a supportive thought or action. I even write it down. Writing it down increases accountability and makes it more likely that I’ll follow through. As I add more and more loving thoughts and actions to my daily life, I'm slowly finding that they are beginning to crowd out some of those self-defeating thoughts and behaviours. With practice, self-love will become second nature.

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