WHat is holding me back?

(Taken at Longwood Gardens a few years ago)

As I was planning my day and my to do list today, I was not feeling motivated. ALthough I wanted to feel like making progress, I was just not feeling it.
I asked myself what is holding me back? Memories starting flooding in.
I remember being a very young child, sitting on the porch playing with a doll. My younger sister was crying and throwing a fit, SHe wanted my doll. Mom came out and told me to give her my doll so she would stop crying. I felt so sad and worthless. I felt unimportant. I gave her the doll, she was happy but I wasn't.
ANother memory of a neighbor who used to bully me, torture me, every day on the way to and from school. I never fought back. I just took the abuse. I knew there was no use in telling anyone, because no one would come to my defense. I was the oldest of five kids, and it was my job to take care of everyone else. No one ever took care of me.
the message of my childhood, from my point of view, was that I was responsible for everyone else. If anything happened it was always my fault. I was invisible as a person. I was unlovable and worthless.
Though the years, as much as I have tried to overcome these negative self doubts, I still struggle with them. I have learned to look on the sunny side of things. I have become positive in my outlook. I tell myself I am loved, by my husband, my children, my grandchildren and my friends.
All of those experiences as a child have affected me. I know they can hold me back from success on my healthy lifestyle.
SO when the child in me says - You are worthless; I say I am worthy.
WHen the child says you are a failure, you cannot do anything right; I tell myself I may stumble, but I can get right back up and move forward.
WHen the child says, no one loves you; I say I am loved, by my heavenly Father, by my family, by my friends.
WHen the child says give up, you cannot do this; I say I will never give up, no matter how long it takes.
WHen the child says, your feelings will rule you, eat up; I tell myself I will feel my feelings, but I will overcome and not use food to satisfy them.
I am going to concentrate on overcoming those thoughts that hold me back. I am going to find out what they are and turn them around to positives.

My to do list for today:
Be grateful
Turn obstacles into opportunities
make healthy choices
Listen to some happy tunes
SMILE
Pray and meditate
Move it
encourage others
read SP blogs for inspiration
Track everything
Be positive
DO a sudoku puzzle
Take a photo

Let's not let anything stand in our way of success.