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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,700
3/10/16 10:27 A

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I do understand all to well the misgivings of family and friends. In DH's last 5 years he did see friends far more than his family. Yet they all made it for the funeral and have since disappeared. Yet I know for a fact sooner rather than later they will need something and come calling.

My life continues on and will for me and family for a few more years with my Faith by my side.
DH's emptiness with his family started when he retired and they could not have what they needed. Funny that it takes an illness or death to bring out the True Friends and Family for others to see.

Stay strong, there is a light at the end of the TUNNEL!

Michele

Edited by: MICHELE142 at: 3/10/2016 (10:28)
Michele - Central Ohio


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ALRAET's Photo ALRAET Posts: 374
2/28/16 2:40 P

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After 8 years of caring for my husband He has a traumatic brain injury and has paralysis on his right side. I came to realize certain things as inevitable. The first year was hard but I had a lot of support from family, friends, and parish. Denis spent 8 months in hospitals and because we were so active in our parish and community we had people call and drop by for a visit. The ladies dropped off food for us the first few month and money was raised to help cover our cost while were were in Miami for 3 weeks. It was great to have so much support, love and prayers. I needed that in my fragile emotional state. My four children rallied around to support me as best they could. In Dec 2008 I brought Denis home under my care. I had to buy a commode chair, Hoyer lift, and build a ramp. Eventually I would renovate our home in 2012 and widen door ways, build a proper handicap bathroom , buy a ceiling lift and porch lift for his electric wheel chair. It was costly but makes life a lot easier for him and me. I went through disappointments and relief. Relief in that we had out of country insurance to cover the $500,000 in medical costs in Miami and to insurance to cover ceiling life, and electric wheel chair. Relief in the fact that Personal Support workers come in and help bath and dress him every morning..
Disappointment in the fact that the dive shop in Belize had no insurance and I got no financial help for his injuries.The biggest disappointment was and still is that friends and parish members have seemed to have disappeared. I know that they pray for us. It is lonely when I am house bound 22 hours out of 24. Those two hours a day I have to do my errands and book any appointment for hair, dentist or my doctor. My children too after the first two years have gone on with their lives. I don't blame them but it makes me sad when Denis and I can't do the things normal grandparents do. Like attend graduations, watch games and recitals. I wonder how we will be remembered.
Yes somethings are inevitable and life goes on as it should.I am not bitter. I am a realist and know that people are uncomfortable with handicapped sick friends. They don't know what to say or do to help. Even Denis's brothers are uncomfortable "seeing him like this" . I am not overjoyed seeing him like this either but that is the case and rather than cry over it , I have chosen to move forward and create for us the best life I can. Our love and faith keep me going. I forgive the boat driver, the dive shop and I forgive the people who are just uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Alrae

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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