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6/25/10 9:27 P

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Welcome Feather and don't be down on yourself. There are enough people in the world willing to beat us up and few to speak up for us, be your own champion. Depression can just come, without reason. In some cases it can come when we become disconnected from the purpose of our lives. I have experienced it from both of those situations. It can get better but if you find you can't shake it yourself or through the imput of the group, consider getting help. Depression can progress and become chronic if not treated. I look forward to your participation in the group and posting your goals, accomplishments and challenges. The more you post the more support you'll get.


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1. Suffering is a part of life
2. Suffering is caused by our attachments and avoidances.
3. Suffering can be ended.
4. Freedom from suffering is possible by following the Eightfold path.

Bigotry disguised as morality is still bigotry just as an outhouse with
marble columns is still an outhouse.
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6/25/10 8:59 P

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Hi Feather - welcome to SP and welcome to our team. It is great that you have come to SP and to our team in particular. You will find that you will get loads of positive support and feedback fromt the members - many of whom have been or are in your position now.

You comment in your thread title "Why I like to be depressed" - unfortunately for some people, that is all they have ever known, so in a way it is their "comfort zone". When they have found the path to wellness, they are totally blown away by how good it feels!

I note that you are the "logic king" - well I must be your partner, because I am the "logic QUEEN!" I have a tendancy to think things through with logic (we must be related to Dr Spoc) before emotion. Mind you, I don't apply it as a way to get away with things OR to get out of things! I use it for problem solving - not evasion. I read your blog and yes, you are right - you DO need a therapist! What is holding you back from seeking one who specialises in Eating Disorders? Unfortunately, regardless of how smart we may be, we DO need to put ourselves in the hands of people who specialise in our emotional health issues sometimes. This is their area of expertise - yours is in a totally different area. The best thing you can do for yourself at this point of time is to make an appointment with your Dr ASAP and ask for a referral to a therapist who specialises in this condition. This is in fact my challenge to you! I am not going to insult your intelligence by telling you why you should do this, because you will already be aware.

Take care, and remember to keep us updated.

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression

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6/25/10 3:51 P

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FEATHER Welcome to DwD! We are a very supportive group, and will do our best to help you on your journey towards a healthier mind and body. I checked out your page and blog to try to get to know you a bit better.
First of all, I have some questions for you. We can often be of more help when we know more about certain things.
Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or any other mental health condition? Do you by any chance have ADHD? I have the feeling that something more may be going on somehow. You ARE very intelligent and articulate, but there is a racing quality to the way that you write, and I know that many people with ADHD gravitate towards physically challenging career paths. Do you have upbeat, super-creative periods sometimes where you have tons of energy, as well as times when you feel depressed with low self-worth?
There is a dichotomy in your writing between extremes. You say that you are logical, and I believe that you are, but it is not logical to engage in self-destructive behaviors. You say that you are very lucky, and able to make some of your wishes come true, but that you see your life as “pitiful and uncontrollable.” You do have friends, but are alone a lot, yet you “seek out humanity.” You indicate that you are successful at your career, but that you aren’t as good at your work as you think that you should be.
The phrase that really stands out for me is “in the end I find myself restlessly pacing the world looking for answers.” There is a very restless, maybe even disconnected feel to your posts, and at times you sound as if you admire many things about yourself, and at others as if you despise yourself.
You are obviously a very unique and expressive person, who has a lot to offer the world, but there is something getting in the way. Perhaps if you pick one coast, any coast will do, and find a geared to income therapist or psychiatrist (I would suggest the latter first) who is willing to treat you on a semi-regular basis, working around your schedule, or even one on each coast if need be (perhaps they can both work together with you?). If you have not already had a psych evaluation, I really think one needs to be done, so that you can get a clearer picture of what is going on.

My blog for women with depression is:
My "dealing with issues" blog is:

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
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6/25/10 1:53 P

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Hi feather!

Welcome to the team.

Being a logic king, you may want to look in to CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). It's a therapy system for depression that looks at things for a logical point of view. It's pretty helpful and it can be done on your own or with professional guidance (in group or direct 1 on 1 therapy).

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6/25/10 1:51 P

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6/25/10 12:59 P

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You are very kind to reply to my message. I am excited that I joind spark people. I came firstly to change my nutritious health and was eleectric excited to see that I could also fous on my psycological heath as well.
Depression for me has been a very very difficult and long last struggle. My being raised orbits around that of broken, and at the same time beautiful. I was an army brat and then traveled a lot- When I was 13 I ran away from home and lived with family friends until attednign and graduating college. During that time my mother was in re-hab for drug use and my father passed away.
I told myself I need goals to overcome much despression and sadness and since I have been riding on a luck train comeplete with anxiety and depression drivers. What made me sad, made me mvoe forward, and tha which I didn't move me forward I supressed.
I became an artist. A performer. Dance primarily and writing, theater, music follows respectively and closely. I have been successful and missing out on the glory of that becuase I keep going the more sad i get and become delusional the more differnt lives, projects and travelling I do. At the same time, I coudl never give this up to find myself, I have lost myself within it and it is here/there that I feel led to discovering me.
I say this all because even sucess as an artist doesn't render the ammenities that stablize people the way the ecomonic workforce intends. I have no insurance, health care, primary doctor, or dentist. I am lucky enough to be abe to go back to my college and get free check ups, however I live between two coasts and cannot afford psychiatric help.
I have lived a very very difficult life and I feel a strength within me to be able to nuture myself or rather survive, however my propesity toward the dark, sad, painful and weighted misses the palming of my strong nuturing self.

This is mwhy I am here. In hope of finding solace, peace, happiness through others who have and are going through a life that in ways might parallel mine and are open vulnerable and sharing.

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6/25/10 12:49 P

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Hey Feather,

Welcome to the team! I could totally relate to a lot of your post, so you're not alone...I hope you can find what you're looking for here...we're here for you.

My name is Kristin, and my kitty's name is Haku.
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6/25/10 12:40 P

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Hello Feather! Glad you have chosen to join the DWD Team where we can provide support and encouragement by caring and compassionate people.

Your intelligence is highly evident in your post. You certainly have been blessed in many ways. The opportunities to recognize and appreciate that have not gone unnoticed by you and that is a good sound basis for overcoming some of your other issues.

I don't totally understand your reference to 'like to be depressed'. There are any number of things you can do to overcome the depression and live in the light rather than a place where negative emotion is your driver.

Do you have a psychiatrist and therapist that work with you to address the medical issues you've raised? Are you on meds? I suggest you contact your psych dr and together assess where you are at on the spectrum and the potential for adjusting meds to more effectively balance your brain chemistry. If perchance you don't have a psych professional working with you I strongly suggest you talk to your primary dr and get a referral.

The reality of what you seem to be working against is indicative of a self destructive bent. You are a worthwhile individual with purpose and reason for living this life.

Come back soon and post often so we know how you are doing and what you have done to address your issues. You matter. I care!



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6/25/10 12:33 P

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emoticon feather to Dealing With Depression,

Glad you joined us. I responded to your blog - emoticon job getting started and I so appreciate your honesty and openness - that is often one of the harder hurdles to overcome.

You will get much feedback and support here as you keep sharing. Sounds like your job to start off with is to work on keeping it simple. I also suggest you strongly consider counseling - having someone to steer you in the right direction can open a whole world of simplicity.

For now start with setting one goal to get going - it could be checking in daily. Make sure you check out some of the articles in the healthy lifestyle section for some great information.

Look forward to hearing more from you.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

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6/25/10 11:44 A

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Hello everyone,
I am new here, today is my first day and I go by the name feather. I joined this week because I am tired of living an unhealthy life both emotionally and psychologically. I am a logic king. I think there is meaning in everything and a way to get away with everything to. Ignorance to nutrition facts or ideas and justifying daily starvation and nightly binge eating are a few of my mountable issues i bring to tackle. In the end I find myself restlessly pacing the world looking for answers or attention because I am sad, I see my life as pitiful and uncontrollable. I have found myself to be very lucky, I can make some of my wishes come true. I have great jobs, and career, I do have friends and I am smart. I am alone a lot, I am not as good at my work as I think should be. I don't feel like i deserve or work as hard as i should, and yet I am blessed. I pray on everything that i am to keep what I have, however I just don't having a cognizant drive. I see the epitome of unattractiveness in mirrors, i see how people look at me, I realize the chore or seemingly un realistic nature of my friends attention to me, or my distaste in them. I seek out humanity and the weighted outerspace like foreignness to my being relives me. the feeling of always wanting to cry out challenge my existence, my mortality warrants a day to day survival. I think more and consider more, pay attention and feel, I actually feel. What is wrong with that I ask myself some days. Other days I understand why this has to change. I might end up under a car, or floating face down on water. in a hospital forever alone-- the reality of loosing what I am working for and against ruins me.

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