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JANEYTEE's Photo JANEYTEE SparkPoints: (0)
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3/23/10 3:54 P

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Did you notice? Me and Shar are blonde too!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
3/22/10 10:47 P

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Okay I laughed at that one!

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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3/22/10 2:48 P

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Laura - here is another one for you.

During a companys recent password audit, it was found that a blonde employee was using the following password:



"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGo
ofySacramento"



When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.



Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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SHARBABY123's Photo SHARBABY123 SparkPoints: (0)
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3/18/10 9:38 P

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ROFLMAO!!

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10598

� Come join us!

D-I-E-T does not mean "Do I Eat Today?"


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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
3/18/10 9:27 P

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You are just sooooooo jealous of us natural blondes!!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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3/18/10 9:23 P

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This one is for Laura!

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"



The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:



1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.



Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"



The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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RRRNDA's Photo RRRNDA SparkPoints: (0)
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3/3/10 9:37 P

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LOVE IT!!!!!!! emoticon

From the lowest depths there is a path to the loftiest heights.

Rhonda


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3/3/10 8:56 P

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emoticon emoticon

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10598

� Come join us!

D-I-E-T does not mean "Do I Eat Today?"


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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
3/1/10 9:51 P

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emoticon emoticon

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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3/1/10 9:17 P

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A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning

instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.'

I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree,

so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream!

Got all the way through School, got my degree,

so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD,

so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD,

so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing......

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/22/10 6:27 P

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Love it! Chuckle chuckle!
emoticon

Lynn

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I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
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2/22/10 2:34 P

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Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."


Seniors -- don't mess with them, they've been around!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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JANEYTEE's Photo JANEYTEE SparkPoints: (0)
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2/18/10 9:56 P

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LMAO! Good one Shar!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/18/10 4:57 P

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Oh, thank you! That's what I call a 'feel good' joke. Stick it to 'em, woman!


Lynn

web-lady.net/

I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
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2/18/10 1:00 P

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Here's one for tax time:


With tax season approaching I thought you all might appreciate this. Keep it in mind when doing your taxes this year.

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of gauze bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all
CFO. "

Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."


Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10598

� Come join us!

D-I-E-T does not mean "Do I Eat Today?"


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2/18/10 12:35 P

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I've seen those before but still a good emoticon

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10598

� Come join us!

D-I-E-T does not mean "Do I Eat Today?"


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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/18/10 11:47 A

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LMAO
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Lynn

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I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
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2/17/10 11:37 P

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emoticon

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours. " Richard Bach


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2/17/10 9:57 P

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Jesus Knows

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

The burglar nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more , he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. His flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.





'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'


Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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JANEYTEE's Photo JANEYTEE SparkPoints: (0)
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2/17/10 9:48 P

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Little Old Lady in Court



Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little ba$tard!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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JANEYTEE's Photo JANEYTEE SparkPoints: (0)
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2/9/10 8:15 P

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LMAO!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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SHARBABY123's Photo SHARBABY123 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/7/10 6:36 P

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LMAO... Lynn! Those were funny! emoticon

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10598

� Come join us!

D-I-E-T does not mean "Do I Eat Today?"


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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/7/10 5:57 P

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Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Lynn

web-lady.net/

I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/7/10 5:51 P

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An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal. "It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."

A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. "I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists. "She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"

The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"

Lynn

web-lady.net/

I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/7/10 5:50 P

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see whos best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion."

"I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached Gods holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldnt have started with the circumcision."

Lynn

web-lady.net/

I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/7/10 5:48 P

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Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Stockholm takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer's field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. "I kick you as hard as I can in the crotch, then you do the same to me," he explains. "Whoever screams the least gets the bird."

The city man agrees. So the farmer winds up and delivers a crushing blow to the man's privates, and he collapses to the ground. Twenty minutes later, when he finally manages to stand, he gasps, "My turn."

"Nah," says the farmer, turning away. "You can keep the duck."

Edited by: LIVING_NATURAL at: 2/7/2010 (17:48)
Lynn

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I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
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2/6/10 10:04 P

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OMG! That is too funny!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
2/5/10 8:08 P

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emoticon

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
2/5/10 4:51 P

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OMG! I love it! Especially: William's Big Stick Did the Trick

emoticon

Lynn

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I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
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2/5/10 4:43 P

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ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET12659 ---
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
What he had to say for himself.

The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
And sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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� Come join us!

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1/16/10 10:21 P

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LOL! Blonde bees!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
1/16/10 7:27 P

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emoticon

Those were some very smart blonde bees!

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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1/15/10 11:34 A

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GROAN! emoticon

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10598

� Come join us!

D-I-E-T does not mean "Do I Eat Today?"


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1/15/10 10:16 A

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A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.


The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'


'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.


The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.


The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?



The bee answered,








Wait for it.wait for it..







You're just gonna love this..










BP!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
1/9/10 9:27 P

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ROFLMAO!!!!!

Thank you - I so needed a good laugh!


Edited by: LIVING_NATURAL at: 1/9/2010 (21:27)
Lynn

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I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
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1/9/10 1:39 P

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It is near the Christmas break of the school year.

The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*tches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Sharlene from Michigan


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1/5/10 10:14 P

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Lmao on both of those!

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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1/5/10 9:22 P

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LOL!

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


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WHICH_LISA_NOW Posts: 57
1/5/10 12:16 P

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The difference between Santa & Tiger???

Santa stops at 3 ho's!





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1/5/10 12:06 P

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The Frog and Golf

A man goes out golfing.

He is on the second hole when He notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to Prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.

You must be a lucky frog, he?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!

Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."

" They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom!

Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you you've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies,

"Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a Gorgeous girl.

"And that is how the girl ended up in my room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
12/19/09 12:04 A

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Brutal! emoticon

Edited by: LIVING_NATURAL at: 12/19/2009 (00:04)
Lynn

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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
12/17/09 11:23 P

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Yep, you all are just jealous of us natural blondes!!!

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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-TAMI-'s Photo -TAMI- Posts: 1,529
12/17/09 5:47 P

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LOL.. Loved it!

Tami

Do you have 50 pounds to lose? Do you want lots of love and support?
Join me over in the 50 Pound Challenge Team. You wont regret it!
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You are beautiful inside and out just as you are!


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12/17/09 2:49 P

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ROFLMAO!!!

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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12/17/09 2:25 P

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This one is for Laura!

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face!
Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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SHARBABY123's Photo SHARBABY123 SparkPoints: (0)
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12/17/09 8:56 A

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emoticon emoticon

Sharlene from Michigan


Co-leader Fabulous, Fun and Forty-Somethings! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10598

� Come join us!

D-I-E-T does not mean "Do I Eat Today?"


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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
12/17/09 6:58 A

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So true Janet. So true!

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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LIVING_NATURAL Posts: 3,882
12/16/09 6:05 P

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emoticon Way too funny!!

Lynn

web-lady.net/

I never met a wise old woman who needed plastic surgery to look beautiful.
- LZ
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12/16/09 3:51 P

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REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while bothmale and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birthin the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depictingSanta's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, hadto be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-assman in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Janet

Goals:
1 - Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus 15 minutes of strength 3 times a week
2 - stay within my calorie range

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I am not on a diet - I am living a healthy life


 current weight: 178.6 
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RANAWAY's Photo RANAWAY Posts: 8,912
12/11/09 8:03 P

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emoticon

Laura
"God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says...you've got to be kidding!"


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