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PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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7/30/17 10:40 A

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Dear, dear Lily,

I can not imagine what your life must have been like, and to be honest I don't want to......
Neither can I imagine the pain you must carry with you, day after day.....

But, it is the past. I have no idea if you are able to forgive them? I am just sharing this
thought (and even while sharing it, wondering IF I myself could forgive them?) but, I do
know hurt, anger, bitterness does much more damage to the person that has the feelings
than it ever does to the person who the feelings are against. So for this reason alone
I encourage you to forgive them.

Secondly, please, please, believe me, not everyone out there is like that. There are still
some kind, generous, sweet people. Try trusting people again, (always using caution)
but give people a chance, don't let those people from the past ruin your future. Don't give
them that power.

Thirdly, remember, you ARE worth something! You ARE of value. You ARE worth
working with your weight, achieving better health and being able to get out there and
have fun.

You ARE loved.

With much love and prayers, The Team's Momma :-) emoticon

"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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LILY735 Posts: 4
7/30/17 3:34 A

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I was sexually abused by family members and their friends most of my childhood and at that time food was used as my way to say - "go away and leave me alone" though of course it didn't work. Most people think if you're real fat no one will be interested in you sexually. I know that's true of me, at least when I was a child. I don't think it was so much sex that they wanted. I think #1 on their list was to control me. Fast forward to today. I think I'm continuing to use food as a way to keep people away from me sexually, maybe with the hope that no one will abuse me in that way again. I'm also afraid of anyone getting close enough to me to know me and staying heavy is great for that. As I write this I feel I can go on and on but I'll just leave it at that.

LOTS-OFME-2LOSE's Photo LOTS-OFME-2LOSE SparkPoints: (107)
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7/25/17 5:26 A

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And for those that say being fat is selfish...in my opinion, that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, it's most likely that fat people have given everything of themselves, and no longer have anything else to give other people. In fact, once you've reached a certain weight, life becomes unlivable and seems worthless.

It's not a question of selfishness, but rather self-preservation in order to keep going.

LOTS-OFME-2LOSE's Photo LOTS-OFME-2LOSE SparkPoints: (107)
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7/25/17 5:23 A

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Well, I must say, it's something that therapy has taught me. I'm not fat SIMPLY because I'm lazy, non-active, and eat too much.

Here's a better question....why are most of us turning to food in the first place? If it weren't food, would it be alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, porn, etc?

Everyone has their "vice", but the real question is WHY DO WE CHOOSE THE VICE WE CHOOSE! Once you've answered that question, you'll be free from making the same mistakes over and over again.

I, for one, have not been able to answer that question. But at least I know the question exists. That in and of itself is a step in the right direction.

Abuse is a common pre-cursor most fat people have experienced in their past. Whether it's physical, sexual, emotional or mental. It could even have been as simple as being bullied in elementary school! So no, being fat isn't just for the bad reasons. It could be to protect ourselves from more abuse, and also because we don't want a different addiction.

CHANGZWALK's Photo CHANGZWALK Posts: 8,500
5/31/17 5:28 P

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interesting.

Edited by: CHANGZWALK at: 6/3/2017 (00:54)
RKOTTEK's Photo RKOTTEK Posts: 23,054
5/27/17 8:06 P

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I am not sure but it may be that big people are more indulgent rather than selfish.

A lot of us already know what is wrong with our diets and lifestyles.

The fact that we persist with having things that dont do us any good can be by way of personal preference. Even that we know it to be no good at the time.

Cheers Richard



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VIRGINIAGIRL's Photo VIRGINIAGIRL Posts: 5,163
5/10/17 10:42 A

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emoticon Justine!!

~Sonia

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

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JUSTINEVB1961 Posts: 443
5/10/17 9:09 A

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I agree it is so non judgmental and everyone is so nice..

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MERMAIDLIFE's Photo MERMAIDLIFE Posts: 1,079
5/9/17 6:42 P

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...I kinda love how this turned into a chicken thread, too...

This is my very favorite way to do boneless skinless chicken breast.

http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/baked-chick
en-breast/

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VIRGINIAGIRL's Photo VIRGINIAGIRL Posts: 5,163
5/9/17 9:48 A

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Great advice on the chicken and life views!

~Sonia

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 270)
10/27: 280
11/03: 278.8
11/10: 279.8
11/17: 282.4
11/24: 280.6
12/01: 280.2
12/08: 279.2
12/15:
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LEEANTHONY40's Photo LEEANTHONY40 SparkPoints: (273,687)
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5/8/17 11:39 P

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Zoiesmom3, Marinate your Chicken Breasts for an hour or more in Fridge before cooking. There are several marinade recipes to choose from. Cooking on low heat or indirect heat over the grill once you sear each side and covered also helps keep the meat moist. Hope this helps.

On all the topics of people speaking of over weight or morbidly obese individuals. The saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover" comes to mind. Each one of us have different circumstances but should be held responsible for our choices at the same time, I feel. For myself, I don't blame anyone else for how my body is but myself for the choices I've made or may they be Genetic or Environmental or my own bad choices. It all factors in.

Edited by: LEEANTHONY40 at: 5/8/2017 (23:43)
~We're not Human Beings Having a Spiritual Experience But Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience~

~Until you have loved an animal, parts of you are left unawakened~


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VIRGINIAGIRL's Photo VIRGINIAGIRL Posts: 5,163
5/8/17 9:32 A

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Makes total sense and I completely understand!

~Sonia

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 270)
10/27: 280
11/03: 278.8
11/10: 279.8
11/17: 282.4
11/24: 280.6
12/01: 280.2
12/08: 279.2
12/15:
12/22:
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KRYSTLEYN's Photo KRYSTLEYN SparkPoints: (364)
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5/8/17 8:25 A

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I know I am late to this, but I want to put in my 2 cents (for what its worth). I think overweight to obese people are selfish .. and I'm in that category.

What I am doing to myself is killing me but I obviously don't care even though the ones around me do. My loved ones want to see me healthy but I have been too selfish to listen to them because I keep doing what I have done in the past.

I hope this makes sense...

Always,
Krys

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do for the glory of God.



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VIRGINIAGIRL's Photo VIRGINIAGIRL Posts: 5,163
5/3/17 7:40 P

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I cook mine from a frozen state, especially when grilling because it stays more moist. The same for crockpot chicken, but remember chicken in the crockpot will dry out quickly. Cook in plenty of water and not for a long time. emoticon

~Sonia

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 270)
10/27: 280
11/03: 278.8
11/10: 279.8
11/17: 282.4
11/24: 280.6
12/01: 280.2
12/08: 279.2
12/15:
12/22:
12/29:


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ZOIESMOM3's Photo ZOIESMOM3 Posts: 214
5/3/17 7:23 P

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Can one one please tell me a good way to back chicken breast but not be dry. I need some really most chicken breast. Or crockpot chicken any kind.

I can do all things thru Christ . I'm leaning on Psalms 23. I'm taking one day at a time. And God is bringing me thru


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PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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3/25/17 7:33 A

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Good, CJ, who are you? Talk to us....I saw on another post you are really struggling....
we are here for you...with lots of love and hugs, how can we help? Keeping in mind,
we are not perfect either (oh, well) but we keep helping each other, and have wonderful
support here.......

Love and prayers, Oh, P.S. looking forward to getting to know you better.

"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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CJWORDPLAY's Photo CJWORDPLAY Posts: 31,268
3/25/17 2:56 A

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emoticon As a new person to this team I want to express how thankful I am that you are providing a forum where it is okay to say what you are feeling - or wondering about - or trying to work through. I believe I am a work in progress and it encourages me to find a safe place to be who I am.

CJ emoticon

CJ
~A&I Active Apples BSG Team

~Team Co-Leader:
Stronger Seniors,
Aspire & Inspire,



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PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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3/24/17 7:59 P

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I agree with Tigger that there is no way you can classify something like this in totality...
There is nothing like this that you could do that, there is always the exception to the
rule, but...where I was going with even asking such a thing, is exactly where Sonia
went with her answer......

Years ago I was sitting in a church service and there was a special speaker.... he
proceeded to get up and the message in general was fine, then he started to hit
on people that were overweight, and the laziness and the slothfulness of an over
weight person. Now, first let me say, I was probably the biggest woman in the
congregation, so I was very embarrassed for myself. But, we had invited a family to
come and they were gracious enough to come and had driven over 120 miles to get
there. She was very much overweight....so I hurt for her, but he made me think, too.
I went to him after the service, and confronted him on his statements, wanting to see
Scriptural proof or some type of evidence (meaning examples he could give me)
of this being true. At first I was hurt and embarrassed, but it made me ponder on this
a lot.

The friend that I had invited was one of the most active people in her church, she
served in the capacity of S.S. teacher, she had a children's Bible club, she helped
in their Christian School, she cleaned, and visited the shut-ins, etc.

I was very active in my church and possibly the most active woman, there was seldom
a service I got to sit through and hear preaching, I taught S.S., either helped, taught
in Junior church, we had the teen/youth group, if I was not needed in any other spots,
I would be serving in the nursery, and the few services I would get to sit in, I was usually
called out to do something....I am NOT complaining just sharing, that was my church
life at that time, but that doesn't count my home life, family that had needs, neighbors,
and so forth.

It has made me very aware that people do categorize people.....I have since heard it
over and over....doctors who assume if you are overweight you must sit home all day
eating bonbons and watching soap operas.

Now, I am not saying an overweight person cannot be selfish, they definitely can, in
various ways. I remember once we were invited to my husband's employer's house
for a very nice picnic, I was in line with a lady that was my size, that was an acquaintance, and as we moved through the line, I took a roll, a slice or two of lunch meat (using a
fork), etc. I am not sure I even had what the average person had.....I know, especially
in public, even if I like something I hesitate to have seconds because I feel as if every
one is looking and saying, No wonder she is so fat..... But the lady (my size) following
me, did not use a fork, she picked up the platter of meat and tilted it and shook half of
the lunch meat off the tray onto her plate, she did the same with the cheese, etc.
she had another plate underneath the one she was filling and started filling that up,
like she was never going to get another opportunity to eat, when we sat down she ate
in the same manner. I was so embarrassed for her....I know it is stupid, but I remember
crying the whole way home, partly for her, for she seemed to have no idea how rude
she had been, there were more people there, she had no idea if the hosts had other
food in the house or not, but I was so ashamed because I felt everyone probably
thought I ate like her. There are so many ways to be selfish.....

But over the years in helping people, I have just noticed that "many" not all, in either
circumstance, but many who carry I higher level of stress in trying to always do for
others, care for others are heavier, possibly due to the cortisol levels. Or, like sometimes
in my case, you are so tired, you are even exhausted but telling someone no is not a
reality for me, so I might eat something quick so I can keep going.....

Just in the last couple of weeks I had three girls come to me with problems, but they
were all thin, very thin, and all their problems deal with self, their looks, how ugly they
are, their hair isn't right, their nose is crooked, or whatever....in talking to them there just
didn't seem to be any concept that there are more serious things in the world than if
your eyebrows aren't plucked just right. And, I am sorry, that is not stretching it.....
and yes, I do have people talk to me about how fat they are. :-) My husband thinks it
is a compliment, something about they know how much I care they forget how big I am,
but it gets hard to listen to.....while I am sitting here in my fat, and they do not have an
ounce of it any where on their bodies.

I can't help but look at my teammates and see how so many of them have not just
carried the extra weight, but the burdens of family, of work, of caring for others. Like
Sonia said, her parents are now gone, it is now time to take care of herself.........how I
can relate.....my husband and I both have serious health problems, but when it came to
the care of my parents, we were the ones who did it, we were the ones who took care
of everything afterwards, preparing for sale, having the sale, etc. My siblings showed
up for the sale and for the settlement, but otherwise they did not do one thing. Then
years later, it was like history repeated itself, we had the care of his parents, to the point
of bringing his Dad here to die (which I do not regret in any way, it was one of the most
blessed things we had the privilege of doing - I wouldn't have missed that opportunity
for anything in the world.) But we had then his Mom's care to oversee, we could not
do it because we could not lift her....we had to prepare for the sale all by ourselves,
have the sale, do the settlement, etc. None of his siblings helped except to make
things more complicated and to cause issues, but none of the actual work, they needed
to take care of themselves, their health (of which they had no problems,) they were
busy...going for walks, exercising, etc.

This week, a young girl came to our home who is somewhat overweight, but she is so
busy, and a lot of times it is cooking meals and doing for others, we have various ladies
in our church that serve others, shut-ins and care for their parents, all but one is over
weight (and actually she is now too, since her Mom has gotten worse and she doesn't
have as much time for her daily walks.

I guess, all I am trying to say, there does seem to be a type of pattern, not all, but many
who are overweight are servers of others, and it is hard to find that balance of taking
care of one's self and of others.

If I had to choose between being skinny and being 100% focused on self, and being
fat and caring about others, I would hands down choose to be fat. I hope, eventually
I can still be caring AND still lose weight, we'll see.............

But, I so appreciate all of you who have sacrificed yourselves, not just your weight but
your health, and time and all that is involved in order to care for those around you.

I hope this made sense, it was a lot of rambling, but........it is what it is.

Edited by: PROVERBS3128 at: 3/24/2017 (20:04)
"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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TIGGER2908's Photo TIGGER2908 Posts: 952
3/24/17 3:47 P

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My answer is ... neither. We cannot simply lump people together based on their outward appearance and say that all the people in one group have this trait and all the people in the other group have that trait. There are too many variables.



You can be the hammer, making things happen, or you can be the nail that sits there and gets pummeled over and over. It's time to start being the hammer.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.


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PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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3/24/17 9:53 A

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Good Answer, any other thoughts? Come on, we need more thoughts on this issue....

"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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VIRGINIAGIRL's Photo VIRGINIAGIRL Posts: 5,163
3/24/17 9:48 A

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My impulsive answer (but something I have thought about before):

Skinny to a trace overweight are definitely more selfish!

I think one reason we have become overweight to obese is because we have not been selfish enough. We spend our time serving others: family, the community, any one that needs a hand at that particular moment. We are nurturers by nature and thus we have allowed ourselves to go - leading to being overweight because we didn't take the time to take care of ourselves.

With that being said - I think we have all come to the realization that it is time we NEED to be selfish!!!! We NEED to take care of ourselves. After all, how do we continue to do for others if physically we are unable to do so???

For me - I am thankful to become a little more selfish. I am at the point in my life where my children no longer need me for every single little thing, my parents have passed so I don't have anyone to take care of. It is time to take care of me. I haven't done that and that is why I am 45, obese, on way too much medication, full of arthritis and aches and pains.

IT IS MY TIME!!!


~Sonia

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 270)
10/27: 280
11/03: 278.8
11/10: 279.8
11/17: 282.4
11/24: 280.6
12/01: 280.2
12/08: 279.2
12/15:
12/22:
12/29:


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PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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3/24/17 9:36 A

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Weigh in on your point of view........think before you answer....or answer impulsively, and
then come back and add to your thoughts in another post if your thought have changed.

Of the people you meet, if you classified them in "just" two categories....
Skinny to a trace overweight vs. Overweight to Obese

What group do you find has a more selfish nature (realizing we all have a selfish nature
to a degree, I said a MORE selfish nature?) and which group has a MORE serving
nature (serving and doing for others, not just family?)

Think about the people you know and then share your thoughts.

Thanks! Love and prayers!

Edited by: PROVERBS3128 at: 4/23/2017 (20:53)
"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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