I agree with Tigger that there is no way you can classify something like this in totality...
There is nothing like this that you could do that, there is always the exception to the
rule, but...where I was going with even asking such a thing, is exactly where Sonia
went with her answer......
Years ago I was sitting in a church service and there was a special speaker.... he
proceeded to get up and the message in general was fine, then he started to hit
on people that were overweight, and the laziness and the slothfulness of an over
weight person. Now, first let me say, I was probably the biggest woman in the
congregation, so I was very embarrassed for myself. But, we had invited a family to
come and they were gracious enough to come and had driven over 120 miles to get
there. She was very much overweight....so I hurt for her, but he made me think, too.
I went to him after the service, and confronted him on his statements, wanting to see
Scriptural proof or some type of evidence (meaning examples he could give me)
of this being true. At first I was hurt and embarrassed, but it made me ponder on this
a lot.
The friend that I had invited was one of the most active people in her church, she
served in the capacity of S.S. teacher, she had a children's Bible club, she helped
in their Christian School, she cleaned, and visited the shut-ins, etc.
I was very active in my church and possibly the most active woman, there was seldom
a service I got to sit through and hear preaching, I taught S.S., either helped, taught
in Junior church, we had the teen/youth group, if I was not needed in any other spots,
I would be serving in the nursery, and the few services I would get to sit in, I was usually
called out to do something....I am NOT complaining just sharing, that was my church
life at that time, but that doesn't count my home life, family that had needs, neighbors,
and so forth.
It has made me very aware that people do categorize people.....I have since heard it
over and over....doctors who assume if you are overweight you must sit home all day
eating bonbons and watching soap operas.
Now, I am not saying an overweight person cannot be selfish, they definitely can, in
various ways. I remember once we were invited to my husband's employer's house
for a very nice picnic, I was in line with a lady that was my size, that was an acquaintance, and as we moved through the line, I took a roll, a slice or two of lunch meat (using a
fork), etc. I am not sure I even had what the average person had.....I know, especially
in public, even if I like something I hesitate to have seconds because I feel as if every
one is looking and saying, No wonder she is so fat..... But the lady (my size) following
me, did not use a fork, she picked up the platter of meat and tilted it and shook half of
the lunch meat off the tray onto her plate, she did the same with the cheese, etc.
she had another plate underneath the one she was filling and started filling that up,
like she was never going to get another opportunity to eat, when we sat down she ate
in the same manner. I was so embarrassed for her....I know it is stupid, but I remember
crying the whole way home, partly for her, for she seemed to have no idea how rude
she had been, there were more people there, she had no idea if the hosts had other
food in the house or not, but I was so ashamed because I felt everyone probably
thought I ate like her. There are so many ways to be selfish.....
But over the years in helping people, I have just noticed that "many" not all, in either
circumstance, but many who carry I higher level of stress in trying to always do for
others, care for others are heavier, possibly due to the cortisol levels. Or, like sometimes
in my case, you are so tired, you are even exhausted but telling someone no is not a
reality for me, so I might eat something quick so I can keep going.....
Just in the last couple of weeks I had three girls come to me with problems, but they
were all thin, very thin, and all their problems deal with self, their looks, how ugly they
are, their hair isn't right, their nose is crooked, or whatever....in talking to them there just
didn't seem to be any concept that there are more serious things in the world than if
your eyebrows aren't plucked just right. And, I am sorry, that is not stretching it.....
and yes, I do have people talk to me about how fat they are. :-) My husband thinks it
is a compliment, something about they know how much I care they forget how big I am,
but it gets hard to listen to.....while I am sitting here in my fat, and they do not have an
ounce of it any where on their bodies.
I can't help but look at my teammates and see how so many of them have not just
carried the extra weight, but the burdens of family, of work, of caring for others. Like
Sonia said, her parents are now gone, it is now time to take care of herself.........how I
can relate.....my husband and I both have serious health problems, but when it came to
the care of my parents, we were the ones who did it, we were the ones who took care
of everything afterwards, preparing for sale, having the sale, etc. My siblings showed
up for the sale and for the settlement, but otherwise they did not do one thing. Then
years later, it was like history repeated itself, we had the care of his parents, to the point
of bringing his Dad here to die (which I do not regret in any way, it was one of the most
blessed things we had the privilege of doing - I wouldn't have missed that opportunity
for anything in the world.) But we had then his Mom's care to oversee, we could not
do it because we could not lift her....we had to prepare for the sale all by ourselves,
have the sale, do the settlement, etc. None of his siblings helped except to make
things more complicated and to cause issues, but none of the actual work, they needed
to take care of themselves, their health (of which they had no problems,) they were
busy...going for walks, exercising, etc.
This week, a young girl came to our home who is somewhat overweight, but she is so
busy, and a lot of times it is cooking meals and doing for others, we have various ladies
in our church that serve others, shut-ins and care for their parents, all but one is over
weight (and actually she is now too, since her Mom has gotten worse and she doesn't
have as much time for her daily walks.
I guess, all I am trying to say, there does seem to be a type of pattern, not all, but many
who are overweight are servers of others, and it is hard to find that balance of taking
care of one's self and of others.
If I had to choose between being skinny and being 100% focused on self, and being
fat and caring about others, I would hands down choose to be fat. I hope, eventually
I can still be caring AND still lose weight, we'll see.............
But, I so appreciate all of you who have sacrificed yourselves, not just your weight but
your health, and time and all that is involved in order to care for those around you.
I hope this made sense, it was a lot of rambling, but........it is what it is.
Edited by: PROVERBS3128 at: 3/24/2017 (20:04)
"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4
Justine!!
As a new person to this team I want to express how thankful I am that you are providing a forum where it is okay to say what you are feeling - or wondering about - or trying to work through. I believe I am a work in progress and it encourages me to find a safe place to be who I am. 
