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PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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7/25/17 4:49 P

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Welcome back again!

I sometimes help people through difficult situations. So I am a listener, and it IS seriously
amazing what you can see from being "outside" the situation. And, obviously, I haven't been
able to help myself or I wouldn't be here, but that is a totally different situation. :-(

I will sit here and listen to someone talking about a husband, or a sister or this one or
that one, and "how big" they are. How terrible of a person they are due to their size, etc.
Hello!!!! Do they actually not see me??????? And since I have gotten older, my face
getting red is not something I can disguise, or there have been times that I have realized
later on, I know my mouth has dropped open and I didn't think fast enough to shut it again.
My sister is always talking to me about this "fat person" and that "fat person." My mother-
in-law had this little dittie to say about everyone she hadn't seen for a while. Boy! Did they
ever gain weight! Sometimes I thought I could scream, but I didn't.

I do try to help them to see sometimes, (if I think it will be worth it) that yes, that person
might eat too much, but, maybe they (the speaker) are too critical, or clean obsessively, or exercise too extreme (and yes, I do know some who do that.) We all have our "issues,"

Don't get me wrong.....I am not trying to step on toes.....this is MY opinion, but people who
think premarital sex is wrong (which I agree - not putting anyone down, that is my
conviction.) But, people will judge the girl harshly who gets pregnant, oh, she is terrible,
she did this, etc. Excuse me, the last I knew, there had to have been a guy involved as
well?????? AND, the girl who did not get pregnant but did the same thing is on the same
level, she just didn't get caught.
Now, stay with me.....we are like the pregnant girl, our issues show on our bodies.......
yet the next person might drink too much, their problem might show in being abusive to
the family but others don't know about it, or someone else might eat and throw up, etc.

We all have problems and we all need to accept that and love each other for what is in
the heart. And, we also need to be willing to reach out and lend a helping hand when we
can, we have become a country of me, me, me people. We need to care about one
another, whatever our issues. I hope that came out okay.

"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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CELTLADYMN's Photo CELTLADYMN SparkPoints: (8,852)
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7/25/17 12:04 P

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Wow...so happy I stumbled upon this specific post. I'm nodding along with all the observations from all of you.

I'm 56 (for another couple weeks!) and keep thinking I should have learned by now to get out of my way. I can have all the support in the world around me. My hubby is heavy, also, but working on being healthier, so I don't have the "he always brings crap in the house" excuse.

My biggest demon is the frickin' fast food & horrible grease/salt cravings. The stupid thing is that if I can make it 7-10 days without driving thru somewhere, then the food starts to sound gross to me & actually makes me physically ill if I eat it. But, the mind games I play with myself are amazing!

One of the things I LOVE about these boards is that you all GET IT! I feel like I'm the biggest person in my life & no one understands how much it sucks to be ruled by the inner demons.

Just wanted to chime in, as I'm back on Day # 2 again after a horrid weekend.

Hope you're all having a great day!

Laura

2019 is my year to work on ME!

~Laura

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LOTS-OFME-2LOSE's Photo LOTS-OFME-2LOSE SparkPoints: (107)
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7/25/17 5:38 A

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Wow, I love your honesty! I love the fact that you don't hold back. I do the same thing. I use websites like this as therapy, and it helps!!

I have an unconventional way of looking at questions like yours. Where most people probably say "keep the money out of sight", or "take a different path to work", I tend to feel the reason we are doing it is way deeper than a $5 bill burning a hole in our pocket.

I tend to ask myself, "Why am I sabatoging?" Am I afraid to lose weight? Do I have fears that aren't being addressed?

Personally, I've never been thin. EVER. LIKE EVER. My mom tells me I even came out of her with a big belly! Wow..thanks mom ;)

But seriously, why do we allow ourselves to self sabatoge? In my case, it's because I'm terrified to lose my identity. My identity is to be "the fat funny girl." If I don't have the fat, all of a sudden, people might realize I'm not that funny either. Then what do I have to fall back on? My personality? Would anyone like me simply for being me?

I have mastered the act of role play. In a crowd of 4-5 people, I can take the awkwardness of any one of those people, and put it on myself. I'm a self-appointed whipping boy! Why? Because I feel inside I don't deserve to be anything more!

I know it's hard to face, but my guess is that not facing facts like this is why only 5% of people that lose weight, keep it off. Ignorance isn't always bliss.

I am here if you'd like to talk! I love chatting about deep stuff like this. I'm an open book.
Good luck, friend. God knows your heart and He is leading you to a life of change if you're willing to accept it!

CATIATM's Photo CATIATM Posts: 38,579
5/31/17 12:23 P

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Shirley - That's terrific that you listened to your body and realized what you need. I hope it's helping you control hunger and cravings during the day. emoticon

~ Cat


"We first make our habits, and then our habits make us."
- John Dryden


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SHIRLA7's Photo SHIRLA7 Posts: 2,593
5/30/17 8:02 A

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You're not the only one who does that. I do too. Especially it seems every time my dh and I go out he has to stop and get a coke somewhere. He always asks me what do I want? I don't really need anything or want anything but I usually say get me this or that, none of it's healthy. I'm learning to say NO more often. I always sit in the car, going into one of those convenience stores is a disaster for me.

I found out one summer by accident that I need protein in the mornings. We work 10 hour days without a lunch break during the summer and one morning I just felt like I needed something to get me through the day so I stopped at Chick-Fil-A and got a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. I found out I felt so much better after eating the protein, I wasn't so hungry and my morning went great, so I did it a few more times and that's when I realized I need that extra protein. I really try to eat more protein in the mornings. I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes 3 years ago, so far I've been able to control it with just diet and exercise so I really have to be careful and eat more protein at every meal and snacks.

I've kicked myself so many times over the years. After menopause I'm finding it really hard to lose weight. After being diagnosed I have asked myself a million times why I didn't heed
my Drs. warnings about pre-diabetes and what have I done to myself?

None of us are perfect. We just need to practice saying no to the bad foods and keep pushing forward. We are all worth it.

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 274)
10/27: 280
11/03: 279
11/10: 277
11/17: 279
11/24: 279
12/01: 281
12/08: 283
12/15:
12/22:
12/29:

"This too shall pass"

I need to get up, brush myself off and keep doing it until I learn to do it right!

Shirley


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CHANGZWALK's Photo CHANGZWALK Posts: 8,500
5/29/17 1:11 P

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Hi ~ a little late to the party but just wanted to stop by with a couple thoughts & encouragement ~ a lot of us here get it, struggle too...

weight loss can be as simple as following a certain meal plan, but it often is about so much more... for me, it involved love of food, love of eating socially with others, a bit of habit (always have hashbrowns or bagel cream cheese on break), sometimes emotional dependence (break up boyfriend = eat ice cream)... special treats, it's available don't waste the food, it's available/party dig in... and then there was the harder physical urge part like at night... and for me, that was a surprise... when I tried to stop say evening eating and couldn't and got physically agitated... what?

There was a book that helped me understand that for some of us, carbs, and especially the combo of excess sugar, carbs, fats & salt (think ice cream, pizza) are so appealing we just can't seem to resist... it was worth the read...

The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite ~ by David Kessler

1st part a bit like a an easy to read high school science book explains why how irresistible habits form chemically in the brain, 2nd part how/what the food companies are doing to intentionally hook us, 3rd part his suggestions for dealing with that overeating drive...

for me, it was eyeopening, and once we realize we have a problem, decide we want to change it, then we can begin to really start changing it... for me... there were so many complex changes, I would get overwhelmed, so it helped me to ask myself... why, when, where, what & how am I eating... is this good? keep it... is this hurting me... work to change it... and it's getting better... I'm glad we have so much info available now...

Hang in & keep at it! U R worth It!

PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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5/8/17 3:06 P

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Krys,

Some more thoughts to think about or toss out the window. I am NOT being obnoxious,
seriously trying to help.

I have been overweight all my life, I also have an extreme amount of health issues,
including taking thyroid medicine for 18 years and wasn't suppose to. I never had a
blood test.

Now, I am old, tired, and not doing well, but I can't seem to give up and call it quits,
yet then some days, most days I guess....I do give up, etc.

But, I have always been a giver, taking care of everyone else, meeting anyone else's
needs. My favorite saying was..."Get me a Coke with caffeine and sugar...and I'll get
you there.....or I'll do that." I didn't no how to say No, and I have for so long given to
other people that it would almost kill me to tell someone no, so no matter how tired,
how burned out I was, I would use sugar and caffeine to keep me going just a little
longer. I use to homeschool and at my 50th birthday party my son told the story he
didn't think I ever slept, I was up when he went to bed, up when he got up and up in
the middle of the night if he went to the bathroom, etc. And, that is true. I never slept
more than 2 hours a night up until 15 years ago.

We ALL do things for different reasons. I used the food for years to bribe myself, to
do what needed to be done. Not being able to sleep didn't help anything either. I feel
so many things were knocked out of whack, I may never know what all the imbalances
are.

Stress makes me want to eat, some friends of mine can't eat because of stress,
sometimes stress will almost paralyze me now, others, clean due to stress, or want to
walk or run.

I would much rather be overweight and care about people, than to be so focused on
myself that it is all I can think about and not care about people. We have to make
some choices.

Look at who you are, not at the weight, what about you as a person? Change the
things you can change. Do the best you can with the weight and learn about yourself
as you walk this beautiful journey.

Be aware that certain things can trigger the hunger hormones like foods with MSG,
or for some wheat will cause out of control hunger, etc.

Now, lets go to your Dad. I am so sorry...I don't know if I even understood what you
were saying. But, I do know when my Mom first became diabetic, I jumped right in
there and helped her in any way I could. I was determined I was going to make her
better if it killed her. Get it???? I was so scared and so worried. Then I realized this
was her choice, not mine. I tried all kinds of things with her and other family and some
friends, but I was the only one making the effort and I was getting no where. I would
cook special diabetic meals for a friend, and that was with a lot of pain, etc. Then he
would sit down and eat a whole packet of crackers with it. It drove me crazy until I
learned it was my problem, it was his choice. So I backed off and quit. If he wanted
help, he knew where he could get it, but he had to want it. Maybe your Dad has
cravings he can't seem to control, maybe just sitting there in the wheelchair all day
triggers something. But, as his daughter, just love him. Love him while you have him.
I am not saying help beat him down, necessarily, but he needs love more than anything.
Hug him, touch his arm, kiss the top of his head, sometimes, for some reason I think
some of us feel a lack of love, and that there is a hole is us that we try to fill with food
that really needs filled with love.

Okay, I have thrown so many things at you...I need to quit, I am sorry if I said too much
or confused you, I hope some of these thoughts help you as you search out your own
struggles.

The thing to close with is you are loved, you do not need the condemnation, and we
are here for you and we definitely understand where you are coming from!!!

Love and prayers,



"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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KRYSTLEYN's Photo KRYSTLEYN SparkPoints: (364)
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5/8/17 2:36 P

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Mermaid,

I ALMOST went a different route this morning when I heard my inner self arguing. I should have. I try my best NOT to carry cash but today I had some... I almost gave it to my husband but I didnt. I see now all the things I should have done to divert. Instead of doing what I usually do, which is beat myself to a pulp, I recorded the food, blogged about it and wrote very honestly about it.

Thank you for your reply. I needed that!

Always,
Krys

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do for the glory of God.



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KRYSTLEYN's Photo KRYSTLEYN SparkPoints: (364)
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5/8/17 2:29 P

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Thank you for responding! You have really made me think. I am going to research carbs because I really do believe I am not getting enough protein vs carbohydrates. Your triggers sound a lot like mine!

In general, fatter people as a whole are more giving and less selfish I totally agree with you, but I am trying to figure out why I can't "just lose weight". I have been through A LOT in my lifetime and have overcome some great obstacles. But this losing weight business, well its HARD (a very elementary word for what it actually is!) I mean I went through the loss of my grandma (who was my rock), and one miscarriage in 6 months. The next 6 months brought on the loss of my other grandma, another miscarriage and a divorce... And I made it. Not only did I make it, I became stronger and better as a person. But this weight loss... WOW!!!!

My dad is severely obese and is now wheelchair bound. He has a brand new granddaughter and we all thought, "This will make him want to live" but it doesn't. I know it's too late for him because he quit long ago.

I look at him and he has even told me, "Dont be like me and end up like this" and STILL I havent been successful in losing weight. This is why I say I'm selfish...

Right now, I have NO health issues to speak of. I am taking advantage of God's grace and mercy because He has sheltered me from diabetes, heart disease, heart attack and stroke. It's like I actually hear Him saying, "Look I have given you this time, eventually your body WILL take over and I will allow it too. Lose weight NOW while you are HEALTHY." Does that make sense? I am playing on borrowed time.

I am playing on borrowed time.......... wow. That just hit me like a TON of bricks...

Thank you Proverb for making me think... I have just had an epiphany.

Always,
Krys

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do for the glory of God.



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MERMAIDLIFE's Photo MERMAIDLIFE Posts: 1,078
5/8/17 1:55 P

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A couple random strategies:
*Don't carry cash.
*Put your cash IN your wallet instead of just in your purse. The act of "putting it away safely" may help your brain understand that it's for something else, not for food. You could try saying out loud, "I am saving this cash for something important" when you put it away.
*Change your route to work. This actually has a couple benefits for the brain, not just avoiding the local yummy stop. Small changes like that keep our brains firing all cylinders.
*Maybe you just didn't want oatmeal?? I usually crave something savory and hot for breakfast, so yeah, I would have bought that biscuit gravy, too! Can you make a healthier version of this at home?
*This is further proof that Funyuns still outsell Responsibilityuns. emoticon

But really, don't beat yourself up. We all do this kind of stuff, and one meal does NOT have to ruin your whole day. Be sure to check in with us later and let us know how the rest of your day going!

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 389)
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11/10: 397
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PROVERBS3128's Photo PROVERBS3128 SparkPoints: (45,201)
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5/8/17 11:50 A

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Krys,

I can do things like that as well, I have various triggers and I have to be prepared for them.

These are some of "my" triggers, it does NOT mean they are yours.

One, I am very weak if my blood sure is not high on protein.
The days I do my best I have eaten a protein bar,...cut into pieces and eat a piece every
15-30 minutes ( I am also a grazer.) Also, if I eat eggs for breakfast, or a high
protein yogurt, or cheese or even meat. I can have some toast with the eggs and be
okay, but if I have 2 slices of bread and 1 egg it won't work, not enough protein to balance
the bread.

I have tried high fiber cereal....I will eat....any carbs will make me eat, and even fresh
fruit will make me eat.

Also, try something besides the sausage and biscuit which s one of my favorites, also.
Sometimes it can be that inward feeling of I need to treat myself, so have you tried ordering an egg biscuit with cheese and asking them to hold the biscuit?

I am sorry if you are truly a selfish person, but I have to wonder.....actually I disagree
with you on that part, but we can all have our opinions. Most of the heavy people
I know are not near as selfish as the skinny people. They are usually so busy doing
for others they don't have time to take care of themselves. But, I think they have
more triggers.....I did not have a good childhood, special things to treasure, to
remember, but one of the good things, we did have some foods, and if Daddy had
enough money left after everything was paid, we got to have chips and cheese.
When I hear someone rattle a chip bag I want to eat right away. It means things are
good. See how we can think? We need to recognize those things and deal with them.

A young girl gave us some sandwich bags of vegetables last week, she had prepared
them and put assorted ones together in certain bags. I have so enjoyed them. I don't
remember anticipating eating vegetables like I have those. They were ready, pretty
and very good, but they were also given with love. All the things that I need. I prepped
some veggies yesterday but they probably won't have the same effects.

Hint I do eat my veggies with peanut butter, cream cheese, cottage cheese, etc.

One of my fall backs for the sweet tooth is smearcase, that is applebutter on cottage
cheese. Ew,....so good.

I guess all I am trying to say is....make sure before you condemn yourself, that it was all
things that were your fault, make sure it is not something within your body's mechanism.


Have a great week, my friend!


"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice." Phil. 4:4


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KRYSTLEYN's Photo KRYSTLEYN SparkPoints: (364)
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5/8/17 10:35 A

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Thank you Cat, I'm trying to figure out why I do what I do. The only thing I come up with is I had "greenbacks" in my billfold burning a hole in it!!

Always,
Krys

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do for the glory of God.



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VIRGINIAGIRL's Photo VIRGINIAGIRL Posts: 5,161
5/8/17 10:26 A

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Absolutely - we are family in this journey
emoticon

~Sonia

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 270)
10/27: 280
11/03: 278.8
11/10: 279.8
11/17: 282.4
11/24: 280.6
12/01: 280.2
12/08: 279.2
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CATIATM's Photo CATIATM Posts: 38,579
5/8/17 10:23 A

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I sometimes do things like that, too. If you can, try to work out what triggers these unwanted behaviors. Then you can apply strategies to deal with them. It is definitely a process, though.

And good for you for being honest with yourself. A lot of us aren't, and we hurt only ourselves.

~ Cat


"We first make our habits, and then our habits make us."
- John Dryden


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5/8/17 10:18 A

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Thank you. If you don't mind I'm going to add you as a friend... I need positivity right now! And you are positive!!!

Always,
Krys

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do for the glory of God.



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VIRGINIAGIRL's Photo VIRGINIAGIRL Posts: 5,161
5/8/17 9:38 A

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Don't beat yourself up too much. It takes a lot of time to break those habits that we have developed. One step at a time, one small change at a time really adds up!

~Sonia

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

2019 End of Year Challenge! (Goal: 270)
10/27: 280
11/03: 278.8
11/10: 279.8
11/17: 282.4
11/24: 280.6
12/01: 280.2
12/08: 279.2
12/15:
12/22:
12/29:


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KRYSTLEYN's Photo KRYSTLEYN SparkPoints: (364)
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5/8/17 8:36 A

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Hi. I have promised myself I would be 100% honest when I joined spark. I joined only 2 groups so that I could maybe forge friendships that will help me move forward and vice versa.

My confession is a self destruction action that I do all the time. It happened this morning and I am kicking myself as I type this. I had prepared lunch and had also some snack items to bring to work. I had oatmeal here already to eat for breakfast. Well, I also had a $5 in my purse and stopped at a local place and bought a biscuit gravy and funyuns. #1, that money could have went to a better use #2 I didn't NEED the biscuit/gravy and funyuns I had breakfast already. #3 I had the argument that I didn't need to stop but the "good" me didn't win this time. She rarely wins when biscuit gravy is involved.....

This is one reason why I try not to keep money on me, if I don't have it I can't buy it. How do I break this? I want to break this....


Always,
Krys

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do for the glory of God.



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