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ATHENSGIRL04's Photo ATHENSGIRL04 Posts: 493
4/15/18 11:12 P

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I hate the whole "it's different when it's your children" thing. The same people that say that I observe the same reason I say I don't want them either. I honestly hated kids when I was a kid. Was perfectly fine reading a book in my room while growing up rather than going out and playing with them. As I got older, and towards high school I did find stuff I did like and got along with the peers that had the same interest.

With health issues I have, that added to reasons I didn't want kids. As I tell many, the husband and the cat are enough.

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SCRIPTEDFLIGHT's Photo SCRIPTEDFLIGHT Posts: 2,061
3/24/18 1:40 P

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I appreciate feeling like I'm not alone here!

I never really connected with children. When my DH & I got married we said, "at the very least we don't want any kids right now, maybe not ever." We decided to revisit the conversation once every so often to see where we were at. Each time we did, it became more and more clear that we were not interested in having kids. Neither of us like kids, neither of us want to spend time with kids. We are both hella introverts who love our quiet time, and we love the two of us!

We both *really* wanted a dog, and when we finally moved into our house where we could have one, we went out and got a rescue right away. And we were over the moon! And I realized that this is the feeling people who want kids have - how I felt about wanting a dog so desperately, and how I felt when we got the dog, and how much I want to hold him & spend time with him, and how excited I am to see other dogs... LOL It sounds silly, but I was like - see I *don't* have that feeling for kids AT ALL. It just does not exist in me.

My mom said she didn't like kids growing up either, but "it's different with your own kids." We're finally pursuing permanent birth control, after having been settled on this issue for years. (We've been married for 8; I'm 32, he's 38). We've decided that if the tiny 1% chance happens that we do suddenly regret it and want a kid - we will adopt.

I also had a worry about post-partum depression, having dealt with depression for many years, that it would exacerbate some mental health issues. And just the whole delivery thing! YIKE!

~MJ~

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5/4/16 10:44 A

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https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GF2DLWV

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5/22/15 10:15 A

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Short answer to that question, "Because I like kids" and I'm ripping that answer from an ancient philosopher (I actually read that in one of my philosophy textbook, many many years ago.

Second answer to that question: because I like peace and quiet (I'm extremely sensitive to noise).

I came from a very dysfunctional family with many genetic issues, and I wouldn't want to pass that on to the next generation (my brother had no problem with doing that and he has four kids - two of them are extremely messed up).

I'm of the opinion that EVERYONE should have a license before they have kids. I know of too many people who have kids for the wrong reasons, as well as many are just too stupid to figure out birth control.

And I know of too many people of my acquaintance who are raising their grandkids, because the child's parent(s) decided taking care of their own flesh ad blood was too much trouble, and they wanted to go back to partying/drugging/drinking.

And face it, those who chose to be childfree actually made an intelligent, informed decision to do that. How many breeders ever thought before they bred. Ask most people why they had kids and the answer is usually "that's what you do."

Seriously?

They spend more time and thought on buying a car.

And lastly, I'm reminded of a very old survey the late Ann Landers did in her advice column. At one point she asked her readers, "If you had it to do over again, would you have kids?" Over 50% said NO. I'm sure today's survey would have inched up to at least 70%.

Annie

Edited by: ANNIETENNIS at: 5/22/2015 (10:17)
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DANNY_LCF's Photo DANNY_LCF Posts: 673
5/17/15 2:38 P

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Ever since I was I child I had no interest in dolls, babies or other children. I come from a toxic and violent childhood and I never wanted to have children. I come from a society that believes that women are only worth something if they are mothers, so I always had a lot of pressure to procreate, but when I turned 15 I decided that motherhood wasn't for me. Of course, everyone told me I was going to change my mind and/or regret it when I became older.

10 years latter, at 25 I went to a doctor and asked for a permanent birth control method, AKA, surgery, but he wouldn't do it, nether all the other doctors I asked. They all said the same I've heard all my life: you don't know what you want, but I do... WTF?

So I relied on the birth control pill and other conventional methods.

I'm 33 years old now, I've been married for almost 4 years now, but we've been together for almost 17 years and ether of us want children. Almost 20 years later and I still don't want a baby... after all I knew better... but still, no one will perform a surgery on a childless woman (childless... as if I was missing something, like an amputee...)

Why I don't want to have a child... well a million reasons: I don't want to become my mother, I don't want the financial burden, I don't want the strain on my relationship with my husband, the time and dedication they need, the huge responsibility, the overpopulation, how hard is it going to be for him/her in the future... reasons are endless... but to find a compelling motive to have one, I hadn't found any.

I love my nieces, and one friend's baby, but just for a few hours.

If you want to have children, that's ok, just really think about it, and if you don't, that is also OK, and probably you thought of it long and hard. It's a choice, but it is YOUR choice.

DaNnY!


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5/12/15 7:56 P

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Truthfully, I am afraid that I will turn into my mom. Some women are better as aunts, then mothers. I have never wanted kids and about 10 years I found out that it would be very hard for me to ever get pregnant without medical help.
There is also some genetic issues in my family that I do not want to pass down to anyone.

Edited by: CD13636224 at: 5/15/2015 (07:55)
THEFADEDSTAR's Photo THEFADEDSTAR Posts: 140
8/25/14 12:52 P

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Because I just don't want them. Not at all interested.

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EHAROTH's Photo EHAROTH Posts: 459
6/29/14 12:18 A

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Hey Carla, I think you know my story. XH didn't want kids and I was okay with that when we got married. The year that I was 29 I was a basket case because I thought I wanted to have a child. At 30 I found out about the muscular disease in our family and that I have it. My sister had a child that was severely affected and died when she was 9 years old. Both my brother and sister had the disease also. I pretty much figured that God was showing me I wasn't meant to have children. Sometimes I still wish I had had a child but I am SO glad that I didn't have one with X. Bob has a son and 2 step- daughters that are all grown. His oldest step-daughter has two wonderful children that I love. His son has been married a couple of years and I am sure they will have children at some point. I will consider them my grandchildren. I kind of think grandchildren are the best because you can spoil them and then give them back! LOL!

Success is a Journey, Not a Destination. "The only disability in life is a bad attitude", Scott Hamilton

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6/25/14 2:10 P

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My husband and I have been married for two years and we can't have children because of fertility issues. I am heart broken and still working through it. We didn't want in vitro or adoption. We didn't want to be parents to simply be parents we wanted to have a child that was a part of us. So we decided to get two lovely German Shepherds. I love being a furmommy and I spend a lot of time with my niece and nephew. There are still times I get very depressed about never being a mom, but oh well. I have to deal with the cards I have been dealt.

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5/13/14 1:52 A

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I can think of a billion reasons not to have kids and not one reason to have them. I am not enough of a narcissist to think there needs to be more of me in the world. Nor do I want to risk having to live with a mind numbing, annoying, brat.

I do not want to spend my time defending the fact that my child would never set foot inside of a fast food restaurant, and would not be raised on soda and chemicals. They would not spend their days numbed out in front of the TV or killing and raping people on video games.

For the surprising amount of teachers on this thread, I don't want to have to deal with all of the school drama. In that respect, I imagine the parents are more of a nightmare than the children.

I do not want a child dictating my schedule.

I do not have a nurturing bone in my body.

I'm over here living my life, minding my own business and think everyone else should do the same.

Yes, I'm all unicorns and rainbows up in here. emoticon

Missy
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5/13/14 1:02 A

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Amen! ANDI_3K & ROSENKAV1

Edited by: FATCATTN at: 5/13/2014 (01:04)
Missy
Stomach MUST Go! & SP Class of March 18-24, 2007 Co-Leader
Naturally Thin Leader

"Most people seek happiness when happiness is actually a choice."

"Food is not an option - find another way to cope."

"If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution"

"There ain't much fun in medicine, but there's a heck of a lot of medicine in fun." - Josh Billings, 19th Century Humorist

"There is power and courage inside each one of us, waiting for a


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SOUTHTXXRNNR's Photo SOUTHTXXRNNR Posts: 3,578
5/12/14 11:49 A

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It is very interesting to read everyone' response to this question. Even though, everyone seems to have their own unique reasons, it seems that at the core of it all, we are all the same. I am 47 and have been married to my wonderful husband for 17 years. I am the youngest of 7 kids and the only girl. My youngest sibling is 3 years older than I am. I became an aunt at the age of 7 y/o and it was non-stop from then on. I am the aunt of 17 nephews/nieces and a dozen great nephews/nieces. Needless to say, by the time I rolled in to my baby making years, my child would have been just one more in a VERY long list. Thankfully, I was never the "nurturing" type. I grew up in an alcoholic home and an abusive environment. This did not make me feel like I could not, or would not, make a great parent. I know I would have not continued the cycle. However, my childhood made me realize that I wanted more for myself. Call it selfish, but when I got out on my own I believed that it was my turn to enjoy life and make up for all that I had missed as a kid. My first marriage was a disaster. He wanted kids .... I didn't. We parted ways after 3 years. Later on, when I met my current husband, I entertained the idea of having HIS child. Though, he did not pressure me and I now know he indulged me when he really preferred to stay childfree. We went as far as to consult a reproductive specialist when I failed to get pregnant the old fashioned way. I tried meds, had multiple surgeries and way to many trips to the gyno. We stopped short of IVF. We decided to take a year off to clear our heads and give my body a break. During that year my husband and I both realized how much we had been missing and how much we enjoyed just being "us". We now are the proud parents of 2 beautifully adorable yorkies and a cat that has definitely used up more than her nine lives. Hubbies job requires us to relocate often (on average every 2-3 years) and by being child free I am able to take advantage of all the marvelous places we go to build on my photography career.

TEXAS, USA


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1/23/14 10:16 A

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I raised myself and my brother and sister. I was done having kids. Then I married an older man who wanted no children. I was fine with that. Then as I was about to turn 30 he passed away and I became a child psychologist. Suddenly I was sure I would be a great mother. I had been away from my abusive parents long enough that I wouldn't repeat their behaviors. So I married someone who wanted kids. Only it didn't happen. Then we tried adoption. We got a baby! I was a mom for 5 whole days before the birth mom changed her mind. I thought I would die of a broken heart. When I recovered I felt like God was saying "you didn't have kids for a reason and you're not going to now." I never tried again. I'm glad I don't have kids. I think I would have repeated my parents' mistakes because no matter how determined you are, in the heat of the moment you go with what you know. I've now seen my sister have her children taken away and my brother's kids are abused by his wife and emotionally neglected by both of them. They've both repeated history even though they didn't want to. I see some of the kids I work with and think "what if I had ended up with that kid?" I think I am better off with my dog!!!

CD6892401 Posts: 1,226
1/5/14 8:50 P

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My answer to this question could fill a short novel! Here is the short version...

Married my 6 years high school sweetheart after college.
I became a teacher. He became a doctor.
We tried to have children, but couldn't conceive.
We spent years discussing in-vitro, adoption and why we really wanted children.
I still wanted a child. He no longer did. I was heartbroken.
I had to learn to let go. I love my husband!
We got a dog.
We got another dog.
We all lived happily ever after!


Edited by: CD6892401 at: 1/6/2014 (02:32)
ROSENKAV1 Posts: 8
12/21/13 12:02 P

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I'm 50 now but I've known, probably at least since I was 9 and someone gave me a "Baby Alive" doll for Christmas (that was the must have kids give of the year). I played to be polite, but my interest was perfunctory at best. I was much more interested in the grown up lives of my Ken and Barbie dolls... When a baby is in the room, I just can't work up the interest I'm supposed to have to hold the baby, and when I'm on a plane and the two-year old in the seat in front of me wants my attention, my first instinct is to work as hard as humanly possible to ignore him so he'll go do something else. No good mothering instincts here!

I also think being an only child might have had something to do with it (my own parents were more uninterested than doting). I'd curious to know how many others on this board are onlies.

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ANDI_3K's Photo ANDI_3K Posts: 1,757
11/21/13 11:46 P

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I am not having them because I can't stand people around all the time. Simply can not stand never being along and being responsible for someone all the blooming time. Not for me

Andi
Take Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.
Ignatius Loyola



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PMAY0313's Photo PMAY0313 Posts: 9,368
11/16/13 12:34 P

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I really haven't spent much time thinking about why. I am just thankful I didn't. My husband and I have been together for 30 years and never wanted kids. At first we just didn't have any then we sort of both decide we liked it without kids. My job as a RN in the NICU was consuming and at the time I loved it. My husband was doing his radio thing which also was consuming. We moved every 2 years (at least sometimes less) while he climbed the ladder. We were happy and having fun...actually we still are. Most of our friends have kids and that is great for them. We just didn't go that route. It is a very personal decision when you decide not to have kids. At 53 I sometimes wonder if we could have had them if we had wanted to. I have been very careful with birth control over the years but who knows. We never even had a scare. Like I said I was VERY careful! I support everyone's right to have kids or not have kids. At the end of the day for me it is a choice I do not take lightly or regret at all. You have to do what is best for you and your partner.


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9/4/13 11:07 A

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OK, for me, the decision to not have kids was not my "first instinct." I married DH when I was 21. From the time I was a kid I bought into the societal norm of getting married and starting a family. It was just "what you did." DH wasn't ready at first, so we waited (he got me a puppy in hopes of calming my baby fever emoticon ). About 3 years into our marriage we decided to start trying...I had one very early term miscarriage (only 7 weeks along) and besides that we weren't able to get pregnant during the almost 5 years that we tried. Turns out we both have some minor things that could be preventing pregnancy. So, we decided to adopt. We went through the classes and started looking for a child through the foster care system (since adopting a baby is uber-expensive!). Well, finding a young child in foster care is very difficult to do so we ended up looking into adopting a 15-year old girl. At this point I had been a middle school teacher for 4 years so I thought "yeah, 15 is hard, but it's manageable...right???" WRONG...the adoption ended up falling through and the whole experience (from dealing with the teenage girl drama to "sharing" DH with someone) led me to realize that I can be a pretty selfish and impatient person...and there's nothing wrong with that.

So, DH and I are in the place right now that we are VERY happy with it being the two of us...like so many others on here, we love to travel and do what we want without having the confines of a child. I still love seeing the 3 nieces and 2 nephews that we have from his side and spending time with close friends who have babies is great too...but I thoroughly enjoy heading home to my quiet house and snuggling with my hubby without any interruptions (besides some dog barking from time-to-time emoticon ).

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HOLLEEHO's Photo HOLLEEHO Posts: 2,359
5/26/13 7:54 P

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Yes, I hit 60 and the questions of why we did not have kids died off. Now everyone wants to pick my brain about what I did to dump 25 pounds. When I tell them and they try tit and it does not work. Wierd!
-Holly

Edited by: HOLLEEHO at: 5/26/2013 (19:56)
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"There is no better feeling than having an appetite for life." -Holly

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5/10/13 10:51 P

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People will leave you alone about having kids when you're 60. This is the voice of experience.

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5/10/13 2:58 P

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Hi - I'm so happy I came across this team. I'm Catherine from Ottawa, ON Canada.

I'm 29 and find it super insulting when my co-workers laugh off my child-free intentions and say I'll change my mind. At what age is one allowed to have valid opinions?

I have never really been interested in having children. I taught kindergarten for three years and lived with my sister, her husband, and my niece from when she was 6 months until a year. I think knowing how much work kids are definitely helped push me in the child free directions. I think if everyone had to live with a baby for 6 months before having one, a lot of people would be child free.

My personality is more introverted. I love quiet time on my own and don't get lonely. I'm single and don't even know if I would want to live with a partner again. I lived with a significant other for a couple of years and I would rather just be on my own. Maybe there is something wrong with me but I don't think I have ever experienced what being "lonely" might feel like. I enjoy my own company and want to be able to do what I want when I want.

On the financial / economic side of things, I don't know how anyone responsibly affords children. I see how much my sister is going to be paying for day care and it's insane. Also, with kids staying at home forever now, I don't want that sort of commitment. My ex had older parents and when he moved out at 25 his dad was in his 70s. That isn't my idea of a nice retirement.

So, those are my reasons. Lifestyle, personality, and financial.

Catherine

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MACHINEHEADFAN Posts: 6
6/9/12 10:10 A

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There is a large age gap between me an my siblings (10+ year gap). My household went from quiet to chaotic when I was ten years old after the birth of my sister. I remember the terrible two's, the cloth pull up diapers (having to clean the soiled ones before washing), the green pea spit up, the Similac formula burp-ups running over your shoulder, sterilizing baby bottles and nipples, etc. When I got married at 18, I had no desire to have kids. I assumed the "mommy gene" would kick in. But it never did, and I'm in my early 40s. When I married, I did so with the idea that marriage should have a hefty dose of fun in it..and kids just aren't conducive to carefree fun.

Edited by: MACHINEHEADFAN at: 6/9/2012 (10:13)
OBIESMOM2's Photo OBIESMOM2 Posts: 15,750
6/8/12 12:52 P

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Beth (and others) - I agree about the "you'd be such a great parent" comment. Really? And you know this because...?

I love my nephews (and I tolerate my niece). I love their kids too. In small, infrequent doses. I like being able to enjoy them. And I LOVE being able to return them!

I'm perfectly happy with my furkids

The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
~Heather Whitestone

Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen


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6/8/12 12:29 P

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I, like many others on here, am a teacher. Before teaching I really didn't think much about having kids. Once I did my student teaching I decided there was no way in the fiery pits of hell I would have kids.
Some reasons:
1.) Nothing that big is popping out of my body.
2.) I can't deal with snot and babies/kids produce A LOT...probably more than their given body weight in a year.
3.) I don't want to be like my mother. She was not a very good mom.
4.) I want to enjoy my life the way it is. I like only being responsible for myself and hubby..and the pets.
5.) I don't want to be a glorified taxi driver.
6.)Hubby is not mature enough to have kids.
7.) I like "me" time.
8.) There are too many kids out there that don't have homes.
9.) I just dont think I am meant to have kids.
10.) If I did have kids and something happened to them, I could not deal with that.
Those are just some reasons I am planning on stayling kid-less. I feel there is nothing wrong with not having kids. Some people make wonderful parents, I just dont feel I am one of them. I do get tired of hearing the "Oh, you would be a great mom" spiel. It makes me want to rip out my uterus and throw it down at the persons feet and say, "I said no." I don't hide my feeling very much if you can't tell by this post!

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6/8/12 5:28 A

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when I tried to have kids and it wasn't working came the trip to the doctor and then we found a number of issues that caused me to have a complete hysterectomy. So we got a dog. No regrets I happy to be alive and getting more and more fit. I have a ways to go but I'll get there.

Pam, Cedar Rapids, IA


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6/7/12 6:52 P

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We have been married 30 years. We discussed the issue several times before having children became biologically impossible. Thinking back, I never remember having any mothering instinct toward human babies. Dogs? That's different. We had been married 5 years when my mother asked if we were going to have kids. When I said I didn't really want any, she told me I said the same thing when I was a child. I had a functional family and an uneventful childhood. At 59 I have no regrets. I see parents who say their children are their greatest joy, but I don't see this being lived out in their lives. I see perfectly capable and caring parents having to put their grown children in rehab, bail them out of jail, or take care of their kids' kids. They raised their children the best they knew how, but it still didn't turn out right. There are no guarantees, and I wasn't willing to risk it.




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6/7/12 6:51 P

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We have been married 30 years. We discussed the issue several times before having children became biologically impossible. Thinking back, I never remember having any mothering instinct toward human babies. Dogs? That's different. We had been married 5 years when my mother asked if we were going to have kids. When I said I didn't really want any, she told me I said the same thing when I was a child. I had a functional family and an uneventful childhood. At 59 I have no regrets. I see parents who say their children are their greatest joy, but I don't see this being lived out in their lives. I see perfectly capable and caring parents having to put their grown children in rehab, bail them out of jail, or take care of their kids' kids. They raised their children the best they knew how, but it still didn't turn out right. There are no guarantees, and I wasn't willing to risk it.




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6/7/12 3:32 P

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I never had that undying need to procreate. Many of my girl friends in school just wanted to get married and have a family. I actually had no intention of EVER getting married.

I don't dislike kids, I just didn't really care about having any.

If XH had wanted more children (he had 2 from his previous marriage), we probably would have. He was fixed when I got him, so it was never an issue.

DH and I discussed it. Thought about it. Never happened. And that's a good thing. I'm still working on raising DH. I don't need any more kids.

Dogs are better any way. They are at home all day with no issues. They are ALWAYS glad to see us. They give unconditional love. They are less expensive.

I'm a very happy dog mom emoticon

I do have several nieces and nephews. I've spent lots of time with sis' kids over the years.

One of my brothers definitely belongs on the list of parents who should never have had children (so does his XW). That poor little boy of his has a long road ahead. He's currently being raised by his maternal grandparents. The mom has no custody rights (per the court). My brother probably will be limited to supervised visits only going forward (and shouldn't get that, IMHO). Stupid idiot left the kid at a park while he 'ran some errands'. What a freakin' nightmare. Fortunately nothing happened to the child. Purely by the grace of God.

The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
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6/7/12 2:59 P

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"How many reasons can you think of that a couple would not have children, and which of those do you think is your business?"

...there is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquility in you. ~John O'Donohue
being.publicradio.org/programs/2010/
inner-landscape/transcript.shtml


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6/7/12 7:41 A

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No nephews or nieces here, I'm an only child and so is my bf.

When we first met both mums had a sparkle in their eyes thinking, maybe they'll change their minds now, but nope ...

For both of us our choice to be childless costed us several relationships, so very happy now

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8/24/11 8:25 A

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Val, interesting you mention "cruelty-free".... I think having a child in today, given the economy, politics, the environment, etc, is cruel! So you are staying true to your principles by not having a child and subjecting him or her to our effed up world!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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CD7883345 Posts: 107
8/24/11 4:25 A

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When I was in my twenties I did not even CONSIDER to have kids one day. I got married at the age of 27 and my (now ex-) husband wanted kids right away. This was too soon for me - our marriage only lasted one year.

I go re-married in 2008 to a most wonderful man - who does not want kids at all. Funny how things can change because I would at least consider having a child with HIM emoticon . His brother has just been blessed with a healthy baby boy - unfortunately they live very far away so chances are bad for ever seeing our nephew.

Lately, it seems that everyone around me got pregnant and this was a bit of a problem for me (I'm turning 38 tomorrow HORROR) LOL. I really considered motherhood seriously for the first time in my life. But having a husband who objects to that...well, it made me ask him a lot of questions and also made me think a lot about our relationship. I would, however, NEVER trick him into having a child because that would be most selfish and do no good to anyone.

Last but not least: we're both vegan and I do not know if I could manage to raise our child vegan or what challenges we might face while it grows up. I certainly could not bear the thought of raising another meat-eater (no offense!) because we want to live as cruelty-free as possible. Sounds silly, right? But you asked for the truth emoticon

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8/20/11 9:53 P

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I wanted kids growing up. I really love the little ones. I worked in a daycare with the 0-3 year olds and they had their ups and downs but I still loved them all the same. If I could have a kid that stayed that little forever, I might consider having a kid.

But, I grew up in a abusive home. I still don't think spankings are the worst punishment for certain extremes of naughtiness (not that I would ever spank other children's kids). My husband grew up in an abusive home. Being a social work major I understand that abuse breeds abuse. I don't want to raise a child in that environment (or deal with our parents who still don't understand or recognize what they did.)

Nowadays, I see the children out there. Most of them appear spoiled or ignored and do whatever they want without consequences. It drives me nuts. I know that if I were to have a kid I would be uberprotective and doing all sorts of things to make them the most intelligent kid ever. I would probably spoil their childhood with all my efforts.

My husband doesn't want kids. He's fine with the older ones, but has no desire for his own. We've talking about adopting sometime down the road with an older child. It makes me really uncomfortable to think about, but I guess if we really want kids and can afford all the therapy, we'll think more seriously about it then.

My brother wants a child, but his wife doesn't. I think my parents are fated to be grandchildless. We've gotten the talk a couple of times, but my mom's still more focused on how I didn't make our wedding happen the way she wanted...

ROZZIECOFFEE83's Photo ROZZIECOFFEE83 Posts: 209
8/17/11 10:43 A

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At 27, I've never shown a real interest in having children. I always felt like an outsider or a freak for not wanting to have kids, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that it's okay to want to be without children. Who knows? Maybe things will change, but for the time-being, I'm really happy with my choice. I'd rather have a dog, to be perfectly honest.

Also, both of my sisters have kids (I adore them), but I'm loving being an aunt, and a cool one at that! Shouldn't every kid have an awesome aunt that will play soccer with them and bring them back goodies from random travels? I'm hardly a globetrotter, but at least I bring them little toys or cool little things from the places I've been. I hope that I am part of their support system as they get older, but if that's all for me in the children department, I am perfectly fine with that.

Also, I have really big and wide feet and if I have kids, I'll have an even harder time finding footwear.

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8/13/11 11:10 A

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DHs older brother and sister in law have 2 kids and we love them both. His twin brother and his wife will have kids eventually.

My little sister and her husband will have children eventually.

Edited by: AIMLESS07 at: 8/13/2011 (11:11)
Amy "Aims "

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Wife to Jay, the police officer.


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8/8/11 7:42 P

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Honestly, I'm not a fan of kids. My fiance and I like the freedom to do what we want, when we want.

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8/8/11 10:40 A

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My brother has two boys (6 and 3) and my sister has a girl and a boy (4 and 3). I love them to death, and don't mind spending some time with them, but I'm glad when they go home.

My hubby is the youngest of 5 kids and we have numerous neices and nephews on his side, but all of them are adults now. They range from age 31 to 18, so they're obviously no bother to us!

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8/7/11 11:48 P

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I love kids. I loved teaching elementary school in Japan. I love helping them find video games when they come into GameStop. I want to get my teaching license. I don't want to have any kids.

Bottom line. Like notblushing said... why should I need a reason... parents don't have to have one.

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8/7/11 10:54 P

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I have a younger sister. She will probably have kids in a few years. She is on the fence. Russell has an older brother, and I think he might have a few later on. But currently, no. I have a 'nephew', who is my friends kid. He is cute enough :)

~Jess~

There are no shortcuts. No magic bullets. No secret spells. What works is hard work, dedication, and a daily dose of chocolate.


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CARLA-216's Photo CARLA-216 Posts: 6,826
8/7/11 10:59 A

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I have two brothers and neither have kids. They're not married and never have been, so I don't know if they would choose to not have kids if they were married.

My husband has 3 brothers, 2 have kids, but we never see them.

~*~Carla~*~

~*~BELIEVE ~*~ STRIVE ~*~ ACHIEVE ~*~

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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,605
8/7/11 7:38 A

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Just curious - how many of you have niceces and nephews? I have one older brother and he also does not have or want kids. He has a stepdaughter.

It's interesting because my mom seems more upset that other people might think we had some sort of horrible upbringing and that's why neither of us have kids, rather than being upset that neither of us have kids!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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8/7/11 3:56 A

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Like others here have posted, I have never felt a desire to have kids.

I am the second oldest of 7 kids. My older brother is 5 1/2 years older, but the younger 5 (4 boys and 1 girl) are all closer in age. I did my fair share of helping around the house, taxi driving, babysitting, etc when I was growing up.

I also have a medical condition and the medicine I take could have adverse affects on any child that I were to carry. I've known this since I was about 15 years old.

I don't know when I "realized" I didn't want kids, I just never have. And apparently I have told enough people. My mom has never questioned my decision, but I know my MIL was very disappointed when she learned that we weren't going to have children. That being said, she never pressured me to have kids. She did get her wish for grandkids when my husband's sister ultimately had 4. My parents have 9 grandkids so far.

I love my nieces and nephews. But again, like others have said, I like being in control of how much interaction I have with them. In a week I'll be joining most of my family (which includes 7 of the nieces and nephews) on a vacation in SC. It'll be a hoot, but it will definitely won't change my mind about kids! LOL!

I don't view it as a selfish decision to not have children. Its just the way it is. Some people feel a "calling" as it is to have kids and some don't. And of course then there are the ones that don't think.

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BUBBLEJ1's Photo BUBBLEJ1 Posts: 2,981
8/5/11 11:16 P

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Oh I HATE it when people say it will be different with my own! How do they know? I have seen plenty of parents who obviously had kids because it is 'what you do' and their kids are mistreated and neglected because they resent the kids so much!

~Jess~

There are no shortcuts. No magic bullets. No secret spells. What works is hard work, dedication, and a daily dose of chocolate.


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8/5/11 10:35 P

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I am surprised to see so many teachers on here! The one thing that some of my coworkers say is that "it's different when you have kids of your own" in terms of going home and fulfilling your responsibilities as a parent. My question is how do they know that it will work out for my situation? My husband is a police officer who works the midnight shift. So while the rest of them had a husband sleeping beside them to help them take care of the baby duties, I would be by myself nearly every night, every time the kid cries because I have no help and then go to school and attempt to be a productive teacher. HELL NO I don't want that.

One of my school families has FOUR kids: 8th, 6th, 5th, and 2nd. All four are involved in sports and that momma, who is my friend, is essentially a taxi driver. She does NOTHING but drive her kids to baseball, softball, cheer leading, and soccer practices. It may be for her b/c she made the decision to have that many children, but the woman has no time to herself.

At Bethany, I would be so bitter and angry if my mom was making remarks on my decision not to have children. My mom hasn't really done that to me, but if she were to, I would probably tell her to be quiet and that it wasn't her business.

Edited by: AIMLESS07 at: 8/5/2011 (22:37)
Amy "Aims "

Momma to Houston and Joy, the cocker spaniels.

Wife to Jay, the police officer.


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NOTABOUTHEFACE's Photo NOTABOUTHEFACE Posts: 14,496
8/2/11 9:35 A

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I was AWESOME with kids when I was young. I loved doting on my cousins as each of them came along...changing diapers, feeding them, playing with them, soothing them when they cried, all of it. It was just assumed I would be a parent; even I assumed it. I met my husband when I was 17 and suddenly the possibility of having my own child was in my face and I thought..."I don't think I want them." I told this to my then boyfriend and said "I don't know if I want kids so if that's something you want, we shouldn't even bother." He said he never thought of it one way or another (at 19) but said he didn't think he wanted them either.

I'm the product of 2 teen parents who thought they were in love and when I was 8 (and on my parents 10 yr anniversary), dad had an affair and left. I blamed myself. My mom did an awesome job raising me. It wasn't until my dad divorced his 2nd wife 13 years later that I realized the divorce had nothing to do with me and everything to do with he just wasn't cut out to be a father. I'm pretty sure that gene runs deep with me so instead of making a child suffer for that, we choose to travel, do what we want at a moments notice and criticize labotomized parents from afar. (Seriously, I've seen women who were perfectly sane and saying "I won't let my kids do X, Y and Z" have a child and let their kids become raging brats and not only do XYZ but all the other letters of the alphabet. Do they push the logical side of the brain out with the placenta?)

My husband? He seriously cannot tolerate children. He doesn't know how to talk to them, how to hold them and gets the cold sweats when he knows there will be kids at an event. I know if *we* were to have kids, *I* would be a single parent and *we* would end up divorced. (At which point I'd drop the rugrats off on his bachelor apt steps and run off to a foreign country just to punish him) I'm only half kidding...I think.

I like kids...well behaved and well parented ones. Doesn't mean I want to take them on 24/7 for the rest of my life!

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8/2/11 12:14 A

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I wanna enjoy my youth and freedom for now!

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FLUTTERSHY29's Photo FLUTTERSHY29 Posts: 20
8/1/11 10:17 P

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I'm not having kids for a number of reasons. First off, I deal with a number of health problems that I wouldn't want to pass on to a child. Next, I deal with pretty bad seasonal depression, and during the winter there'll be some days where I just physically can't get out of bed. And thirdly... I'm selfish and want my husband all to myself. :P

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8/1/11 7:42 P

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Funny how many teachers are on here....NOT WANTING THEIR OWN!!!

LOL

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8/1/11 7:39 P

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Simple: WE DON'T WANT ANY!

I don't want to spend $250,000 raising a child when I can spend $250,000 traveling the world, getting an education, and enjoying all my hard work!

Besides, I want to teach 1st grade, I'm sure I'll get my kid fix on a daily basis.

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7/29/11 1:45 A

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I'm not having kids because I feel they'll be too stressful in my life. I also would prefer not to dole out money to one. I like to travel. I also have a feeling that I would break mentally under growing (gestating? What's the best world here?) a child in me and raising it. I don't want to subject a child to how I can be. I chose not to have kids 12 years ago, when I was 10.

The thing is, I plan on working with depressed and anxious teens. Just because I don't want any of my own doesn't mean that I don't want to add to the world, and it doesn't mean that I can't.

SHORTY20's Photo SHORTY20 Posts: 7,138
7/25/11 9:12 A

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One more addition to the thread, I love to travel, and traveling with kids just flat out sucks. I don't care what anyone says, it is work. Even when they're older, it's work. We just got back from a couple of days at the beach, and although step daughter is 13 now, and *slightly* more mature, it was still a drag at times.

I've been fighting with her for 8 years to wear sunscreen during the summer. She used to go to a summer camp at the Y everyday, so we had to put sunscreen on her every single morning. I dreaded it every.single.morning. She's always hated it, and has always been a real PITA to get it on, constantly whining that it feels sticky...blah, blah, blah. Who does like wearing sunscreen? Suck it up!

She's very fair skinned and burns easily, but of course did not want to wear any sunscreen on the trip. So we encouraged her to wear a wide brimmed hat, which worked great until we went on a bike ride and it kept blowing off. So the hubby gave her his baseball hat, but she refused to tighten it b/c it apparently would give her a headache, so that blew off as well. Then we forced her to put the sunscreen on her face (we managed to get some on her arms and legs earlier), but of course that was like pulling teeth. It really put a damper on the trip. I'm sure some would say that we should've just let her burn, and she'd learn her lesson. Well, no, she wouldn't. She's had burns before, and still does not want to wear it, and then we have to deal with the whining and pain of her having the sunburn. Ughhhh!

So, just another reason not to have kids, vacations with kids suck. The best trips of my life have been with just DH and I. They are actually relaxing, imagine that.

Be fearless.
You only fail when you stop trying.
"The cure to anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

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7/25/11 12:24 A

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The idea of having kids has always sort of horrified me. I thought maybe I'd change in time, but now that I'm too old to have kids, I'm very glad things worked out the way they did. I often wondered if I was missing some elemental human gene, but in the end, you have to be true to yourself.

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7/23/11 3:06 P

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I just discovered this group, and I think it's a great idea. I am 24, and like many of you, I am a teacher. I teach 4th grade, and after dealing with my students for 8+ hours a day, I certainly wouldn't want to come home to more kids. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years, and he agrees with me. My mother is on the whole "I want grandkids!" kick, and I finally broke the news to her a few weeks ago that we aren't planning on having children, and you would have thought I told her the world was ending in 2 hours. She didn't take it well, and has continuously been making snide remarks about how I will eventually change my mind or I will live to regret my decision. I'm still young, so I know I have time to change my mind, but my boyfriend and I would much rather just live our lives together, be able to travel and do the things we want to do without dragging a child along.

ARMYOFLIONS's Photo ARMYOFLIONS Posts: 545
7/19/11 7:45 P

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I have a multitude of reasons for not wanting children... And I've had to recite the laundry list several times when seeking birth control etc.

When I was 12, I decided I didn't want biological children. I felt grossed out at the thought of pregnancy, and also, several family members including my mother nearly died in childbirth. I also felt so terrible that so many children had no homes. I even decided I wanted an older child because "everyone wants babies". I was a strange pre-teen. LOL

I spent my teen years working as a nanny and also growing up with two siblings who were 13 years younger than I was, meaning I helped raise them. Bed wet in the middle of the night? I was up changing sheets. (My mother was anything but - we're long estranged now). Those experiences made me realize I had absolutely no patience with smaller children in large doses.

When I was 24, I stumbled onto the notion of being childfree, and felt relieved. I realized that even being engaged, I still had no desire to have children - adopted or otherwise - and knowing it was okay to say, "No kids at all please" felt so RIGHT.

I also have numerous highly heritable genetic issues that I would never wish upon a child, so even if I suddenly went crazy and wanted kids, I would still never want to have any biological kids. My fiance now (a different guy from above) doesn't want them right now, but isn't dead solid on it, but says that the issue would never be more pressing than having me in his life. He knows I'm childfree and never changing. And with my planned career, I'd be sticking any kids we had with a nanny or in daycare and I just don't feel right about having a child and then promptly dumping it off most of the week elsewhere. That's just my personal belief - no offense to anyone who does it. *shrug*

Strangely, as you've seen in this thread, my career goal is to work with troubled teens, and I firmly support a children's crisis hotline locally. I always bring this up when people criticize childfree people as hating children or being selfish. Yes, some childfree people simply loathe kids - but not all. Many of us, if anything, are the most critical of bad parenting and how it affects children. Many of us are teachers, child psychologists, nannies... We just don't want our own.

My siblings all want a ton of kids, so the grandchild quota will be met. My family got over it pretty quickly. My younger siblings, who are teenagers now, always come to me for parent-like advice, and we're very close. I think they - especially the sister my mother threw out on the streets at 16 - are the 'kids' fate meant me to raise, in any sense of the word. That's more than enough for me.

"Why you waitin' on the world for a favour? This is your life, go ahead and change it.
You're the brightest star in the sky, but no one's gonna know if you never shine."
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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,605
7/17/11 1:03 P

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BlueSpyder, neither my brother nor I have kids (although my brother has a stepdaughter). My mother would never say it, but I know she's disappointed. She did say once that she worried that people would think my brother and I had a horrid childhood and that is why neither of us have kids.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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7/17/11 12:22 P

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My husband had a daughter from his first marriage. She was 7 when we married. She lived with us and would visit her mom in the summers.

I had no interest in having my own. I didn't really want my step-daughter to feel like a third wheel either.

The thing is, I like some kids and don't like others. Like adults, it depends upon the kid.

My sister doesn't have kids either. My brother and sis-in-law have two. I love them to death and am glad they're in the family. I enjoy being their aunt.

My mother used to wonder aloud why her kids didn't want to have our own children. She also wonders aloud why we are not church goers either. Ironically, she was the one who taught us to think for ourselves.

I don't have, nor ever had, the desire to bear children. I don't begrudge others who do. It's such a personal choice. I am glad that I live at a time when the choice is MINE to make.

I even like kids. Our friends have a 3 year old. I am one of his buddies. He's very cute and I guess I talk to him rather than at him. I get a kick out of him. I am glad that he's their kid though.

Friends have told me that other people's kids irritate them yet they have their own. One gal even told me she didn't like kids until she had her first. She had two more. She told me that she didn't like kids crying or screaming yet she said it was different when it was her own.

I'm now 45 and I don't relish the idea of having a child at this age. My grandmother had my father at this age. I wouldn't want to be 63 when my child graduates from high school.

I think like many here, I had no interest in having my own kids. I'm feeling long winded this morning!

Sparky

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December 1, 2012 - St Jude Marathon Weekend - Full Marathon


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BUBBLEJ1's Photo BUBBLEJ1 Posts: 2,981
7/15/11 11:50 P

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I am training to be a teacher (one more semester to go, whoop whoop!!!!) and my partner is a music teacher. We like kids, we like being around kids. But why would we want to deal with kids once we have finished work? I have never wanted kids and once I explained my reasons to my partner he decided that he didn't want kids either.

- We like our life and our lifestyle. We like travelling and eating out and taking a random trip or drive somewhere. We like that we don't have a time limit on our heads to do all the travelling we want, and buy and house and settle down so we can have kids. We have our whole lives to do all that (minus the kids part), and that makes us happy :)

- I also know that we are both selfish and as much as I love my partner he is useless at taking care of me when I am sick, I have no confidence that he would be able to take care of a child.

- I just have never had any desire to have children. In high school when my friends were pre-naming their children I would join in but I would feel sick thinking about having kids and being a parent. I have always known it is not for me.

~Jess~

There are no shortcuts. No magic bullets. No secret spells. What works is hard work, dedication, and a daily dose of chocolate.


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SHORTY20's Photo SHORTY20 Posts: 7,138
7/15/11 10:43 A

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Sharon, yeah, I honestly thought that I would never be with someone who was married before and had a child either! You can see how that turned out, LOL. Love does crazy things to you sometimes, I guess emoticon

Thankfully there is very little to no drama with the mother. The hubs and her had a very amicable divorce and it has stayed that way, thankfully. She only lives like 5 minutes from us, so we see her a good deal.

Be fearless.
You only fail when you stop trying.
"The cure to anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,605
7/14/11 5:17 P

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I was just having this conversation with someone at work. I work at a commercial real estate investment company, so everyone is very finance minded here. I told this guy that I thought having kids was a bad return on investment! LOL! It's the truth, though!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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NOTBLUSHING's Photo NOTBLUSHING Posts: 19,535
7/14/11 4:36 P

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Why do I need a reason? Parents don't.
Nobody ever questions why somebody HAS them or WANTS them, only people who DON'T get this question.

I'm still trying to figure out why anyone would WANT them.

EVERYONE knows EXACTLY what they NEED to do to be fit, healthy, and slim.
The problem is, nobody does it.


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CARLA-216's Photo CARLA-216 Posts: 6,826
7/14/11 2:35 P

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D could also mean "dang" or other similar adjective if you're irked with your hubby at the moment.
emoticon

~*~Carla~*~

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ANIMAL_L0VER's Photo ANIMAL_L0VER Posts: 1,520
7/14/11 2:27 P

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Thank you! I guess I didn't know since I'm not married! emoticon
I guessed right on the husband part, but wasn't sure what the d meant. hehe!

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CARLA-216's Photo CARLA-216 Posts: 6,826
7/14/11 2:19 P

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DH = dear husband
emoticon

~*~Carla~*~

~*~BELIEVE ~*~ STRIVE ~*~ ACHIEVE ~*~

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ANIMAL_L0VER's Photo ANIMAL_L0VER Posts: 1,520
7/14/11 2:14 P

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Okay guys, this may sound stupid, but what does DH stand for? At first I though it was the hubs initials but soon realized I'm missing something. And you can laugh all you want that I don't know, I'll even laugh with you! emoticon

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GLC2009's Photo GLC2009 Posts: 1,305
7/14/11 1:44 P

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i have never dated a guy who had children and i didn't meet my dh til i was 32! with all the single parents out there, this seems like a miracle. lucky lucky me.
my dh doesn't have children and was never married or living with anyone before me either (and he was 38 when we hooked up). i'm happy to not have ended up with someone who has the extra baggage of children, not to mention their moms. emoticon

Gail -- She believed she could, so she did.


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CARLA-216's Photo CARLA-216 Posts: 6,826
7/14/11 10:07 A

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I just assumed one day I would have kids, because that is what people do, right? After DH and I had been married about 3 years it occurred to me that I had no yearning to have kids like my best friend and many other women were having. It was then that we talked about it and we both agreed that life was just fine the way it was with just us, the dog, and the cat. We both also felt like nothing was missing, especially nothing a child would make complete. DH said he wasn't ever wild about having kids because both his brothers' marriages broke up after having a kid or three, as did his parents' marriage. He just felt kids would not add positively to the mix. It was also during this time period that it occurred to me that no, one doesn't have to get married and have kids just because society says so. I am much more evolved than to let society dictate my choices in life, especially one that carries such impact.

As time has gone on, it is clear that I was never meant to have kids. Looking truthfully at myself, I don't like being around kids for much longer than 10-15 minutes at a time, and then only if they are super well behaved, and that is rare thing to behold. Also, much like Sharon stated, if I were to find myself in a situation where I was seeking a new partner (heaven forbid), one with kids would be ruled out, even if they were grown kids (unless the grown kids were adamantly childfree). LOL

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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,605
7/14/11 9:05 A

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Actually, Heidi, that was a really interesting perspective. I have felt so strongly about NOT having kids that I would not even consider dating someone that had them (when I was single). Sometimes I wonder if that cut some great guys out of the pool of potential "victims", LOL! Mute point now, of course, as I've been with my current partner 7 years....

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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SHORTY20's Photo SHORTY20 Posts: 7,138
7/14/11 8:51 A

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Wow, that got really long, sorry!

Be fearless.
You only fail when you stop trying.
"The cure to anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

5K PR: 25:28 (Nov. 09)
5 Mile Race PR: 44:36 (Dec. 2011)
10K PR - 58:03 (Oct. 09)
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SHORTY20's Photo SHORTY20 Posts: 7,138
7/14/11 8:45 A

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I personally just never really liked being around kids. I hated babysitting, and it didn't help that my mom babysat out of our house for as long as I can remember, so there were constantly kids around. Some of them were cute and adorable and well behaved, others were most definitely not.

Honestly, I wasn't 100% sure that I didn't want kids until I got together with DH. I was with my ex-boyfriend for 6 years, and knew that he eventually wanted kids. I was pretty much nuetral on the issue at the time. Deep down I didn't think I really wanted any, but figured if we ever got married, I may have one or two, just because that was what people did. They got married and had kids. We eventually broke up, so that was the end of that.

Then I met now DH and he had a 5 year old daughter at the time. She took to me right away, which was a good thing. We eventually moved in together, and then I got the full impact of what it was like to have a child in the house. It was literally exhausting. Overall she was a pretty good kid, but she was very needy, meaning she was not very good at playing by herself, so she constantly wanted you to entertain her and play with her. Well that's just not my thing. I started to look forward to the days that she was with her mom, so I could get a break and do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I couldn't imagine having a child in the house (or multiple children) 24 hours a day/7 days a week, dealing with illness, sleepless nights, crying, colic, bad behavior, whatever. It hit me that having a child of my own was not at all what I wanted in life. DH did not want another child, but said he was open to having another if I wanted one. I choose not to.

My step daughter is now 13, and while she is still overall a good kid, it is very stressful at times trying to raise her right. There is constant worry, especially with the dangers of the internet and all the stuff in general that you have to worry about now with kids. Plus, we all know how the teenage years are, especially with girls. I don't normally wish my life away, but I pray the next 5 years or so with her go by fast and without any major issues.

I see how my friends lives are who have young children. They are stressed beyond belief, hardly ever get to do anything by themselves, and they seem to have lost themselves to being a "mom." Their world revolves around their kids. That's just not what I want in life.

I am not against people having kids, God knows we need good parents in this world. However, the majority of people who have kids are the ones that shouldn't have any at all. My ex was a social worker w/ children and youth, and he saw things with these poor kids that I just can't even fathom. Then these kids will grow up and reproduce and the pattern continues.

So, I am happily child free (for half the time anyway!)



Be fearless.
You only fail when you stop trying.
"The cure to anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

5K PR: 25:28 (Nov. 09)
5 Mile Race PR: 44:36 (Dec. 2011)
10K PR - 58:03 (Oct. 09)
15K PR - 1:29:59 (Apr. 2011)
Half Marathon PR - 2:03:39 (Apr. 12)
Marathon PR - 4:48:55 (May 2011)
BRENDAMARIE81's Photo BRENDAMARIE81 Posts: 120
7/14/11 7:52 A

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I am also a teacher, and I LOVE children. However, I've made the personal decision that I do not want to have children. I tire of hearing parents and co-workers tell me what a good mother I would make. My decision is independent of that; I want my free time and my money to go toward me and my goals-- not a child.

Bren

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NYXWOLFWALKER's Photo NYXWOLFWALKER SparkPoints: (169,439)
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7/13/11 8:28 P

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I like children in general, but for myself they are not right

I can deal with them in very short periods of time, but if I had to go from work back to a child I don't think it would be healthy for me at all (I don't work with children atm, but I have in the past, thus likely will again in the future).

I've never wonted them as long as I can remember and I've had more then a few people ask if I have children, or when am I going to do so. Most say oh you still have time, or you can always adopt, so I just say I have one kid at home and that is more then enough (and its true I have my husband who is a very big kid .. lol or our pup both are more then enough to take care of that tossing a human child into the mix wouldn't work for me).

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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,605
7/13/11 5:25 P

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I have never wanted to have kids. Never liked them, never liked being around them - once, my mom asked me to do the neighbor a favor and babysit the grandkid b/c they were in a real pinch...within an hour, I fled from the house in a panic due to an unconsolably crying baby and my mom had to save my neck!

As I've gotten older, I've realized that having kids is bad for the environment and terrible for one's personal finance. I also feel like I can accomplish more personally and professionally by not having kids.

To GLC's point though... most of my highly educated and intelligent friends have no kids or one at the very most. They can't afford more, or realize that having more will compromise their ability to successfully parent. OTOH, I am a Section 8 landlord and the BF and I tallied it up - between all of our government subsidized tenants, I think there are close over 50 kids living at our 12 properties (all single family homes). It's Idiocracy!

One of our tenants asked the BF if he had any kids and when he said, "NO!", she said, "Damn, you're lucky", as one of her brood was sitting on the floor eating LAUNDRY DETERGENT!

I could go off on this topic for hours if you let me....

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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GLC2009's Photo GLC2009 Posts: 1,305
7/13/11 4:31 P

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i look around me and sometimes feel a bit sad that the most intelligent, loving, creative successful people i know are the ones choosing not to have children. they have the genes that should be passed on to improve this world.
then i see some real jerks out there who definitely shouldn't have children and the idea of their genetic material propogating gives me shudders. the combo of genetics and nurturing (or lack of) is unlikely to produce a successful human being. i see alot of these kind of twits because i drive taxi.
and when i was a teenager my mom worked at a city subsidized daycare. talk about seeing alot of people who shouldn't have kids.....omg. and they never had just one kid either.


Edited by: GLC2009 at: 7/13/2011 (16:32)
Gail -- She believed she could, so she did.


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ANIMAL_L0VER's Photo ANIMAL_L0VER Posts: 1,520
7/13/11 3:35 P

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I feel you, girl. I have a special education degree (but currently no job in education, can't find one). I love kids and love teaching. I love my friends' kids. I love my nieces. But I love that I can leave them when they start to tire me out. I love that I can get up and go when I want. I love that my animals give me affection but don't talk back. I love that I have the freedome to do what I want, when I want, and that I can go to bed and get up at any hour.

No, this doesn't mean I'm not a "real" grownup. No, it doesn't mean I'm selfish. No, it doesn't mean I'm judging you for having children.
It means I know what I want. It means I'm doing what I want and what makes me happy. It means I'm not just following the societal expectations that never seem to be questioned or thought about.

I don't judge you for having kids, don't judge me for choosing not to.
I feel your pain. It can be frustrating. But there are many more just like you out there. And I'm glad we have a group like this to vent on.
Take care, sister!

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GLC2009's Photo GLC2009 Posts: 1,305
7/13/11 3:19 P

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sometimes the choice is made for you. while i wasn't dying to have children, having a hysterectomy at 35 kind of sealed the deal.
i guess we could've adopted, but, that never really came up either. now at 47, i am definitely too old to care. my cousin just had his first baby at 50 (wife is 35). first visit a couple weeks ago, a group of my family came, all adults except for the two 2 year olds.
of course, we didn't get to visit with the moms at all and when babies starting crying and needing naps, visit was over and everyone went home.
it didn't look like any fun to me. i guess i'm just old and crotchety and selfish when it comes to kids now. though i do have a couple of very good friends, girls of 14 and 16. i adore them, but, we have love of horses in common, so, that makes it easy.

Gail -- She believed she could, so she did.


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AIMLESS07's Photo AIMLESS07 SparkPoints: (23,443)
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7/13/11 2:28 P

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I imagine my situation is different than most. I am an elementary school PE teacher. I see every child in my school everyday with classes of 70-80 kids. My job is stressful as hell, loud, crazy, sometimes makes me question my sanity, yet I love it. I absolutely love it. My kids are athletic as hell and would jump off the roof if I ask them too. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that my fastest mile time this year was a 2nd grade boy who ran a 6:40.

With dealing with children and their parents, I have become very cynical towards becoming a parent myself b/c although I have some great kids and families, I also have some kids and parents who are a huge pain. And of course, I don't want to gain a ton of weight, I don't want to be pregnant and still do my job, I don't want to deal with my school kids and then go home and deal with my own child, and I like the freedom of doing what I want, when I want.

I am 29 years old, happily married for 6 1/2 years, and I like my life the way it is. I just wanted to know your mindsets as you all obviously feel very strongly about it like I do. I feel sometimes I am alone out there b/c other married couples my age have children and unless God intervenes and changes my heart, it ain't happening.

Edited by: AIMLESS07 at: 7/13/2011 (14:29)
Amy "Aims "

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