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POTRIDGE's Photo POTRIDGE Posts: 5,278
10/14/09 3:58 P

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JHUBKA84, It's just my opinion, but I think even if you rectify the sex thing, he's going to find something else to blame on the fact that he may not happy with the relationship. If it's not sex, it will be your cooking, your lack of attention or the way you dress. But like I said, it's just my opinion.

DIET IS A FOUR LETTER WORD!!!!

We are constantly creating our "karma" or destiny through our intentions, thoughts and deeds in this moment. It is achieved through countless deliberate acts of selflessness.

It's hard to be happy with others if we are not happy with ourselves.

Just keep on moving and you'll get there.


If you ever want to feel good about yourself, go out and help someone else!


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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
10/14/09 2:22 P

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There are lots of ways to keep it interesting... and I know you may look at it as a bad thing, but I think it's good that your spouse is talking to you about what he wants. So many men seem uncomfortable just saying what's making them unhappy... so at least he's honest.

Ideas
Initiate. Be the one when he comes home to be waiting in the living room... the kitchen whatever.
Role playing-dress up-sometimes if certain situations make you uncomfortable pretending to be someone else helps.
Get one of those games... like the sex board games
Visit an adult shop to get some ideas
movies
change up positions

And it's not just about him, don't do things you really are uncomfortable with just to make someone else happy. Keep talking.



Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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EOSAURORA84's Photo EOSAURORA84 Posts: 281
10/14/09 2:13 P

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my spouse has not cheated on me, but he droped a bomb on me last night....apparently he is not happy with our sex life that it is too boring...that we need to do it in more places other than the bedroom...that he is loosing intrest and it is harder for him to get excited..... emoticon ...
i am fine with other rooms of the house, we just end up in the bedroom cause it is comfortable and everything we need and use is in there... emoticon ....he got irritated that i did not want to have sex in broad daylight when we were at Sloss Furnace looking around..
i am at a loss for words...what do i do here????
if we did start to do things in other locations when would that become boring too and the need for more extream until i just cant provide......i dont know maybe i am overreacting, but i just cant help feel that this is not going to turn out good.....

Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life--facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and our own unique potential.-----John Amatt


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BARBARA8541's Photo BARBARA8541 Posts: 437
10/14/09 1:09 P

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I think its inevitable for someone to cheat if you are together when youre young. Like many people have said, we all change with every event in our lives-work, children, school, and just age. It takes a strong bond for someone to evolve with you. Which unfortunetely most people don't have. Then when the changes come and you are unhappy, you stay because you are comfortable. This is never a good idea. Its such a shame that comfort is more valuable than happiness. Its not the case with all, but I really believe that is the problem with most.

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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
10/14/09 12:59 P

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I know what you mean about just being afraid that your SO is going to. I decided after my first marriage that I would def have my eyes open but was not going to live my life paranoid. That if I got in another serious relationship I was not going to be the cause of it ending. All we can shoot for in life is being the best possible us. We can't control other people, we can only control ourselves. So be the best possible you, the best possible you in a relationship, be proud of who you are, live life that way. If bad things happen then they happen. I know though that I've done the best I could do and I can be at peace with that.


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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OCEAN_EYES's Photo OCEAN_EYES Posts: 658
10/14/09 12:32 P

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I think i hate this subject more than anything. I am always SOOO terrified my bf will cheat on me. And the irony is, my insecurity is the only thing that would probably ever drive him to!
He's never done anything considered cheating, but I just get so scared and I even once said to him "could you please just cheat on me already, that way i can dump you now instead of marrying you and then having to file for divorce?"He was really hurt by that.

I know it's the dumbest thing, but it just terrifies me to think that it's possible for my lover and best friend to ever do something like that to me. I know it's happened to lots of other people, so why not me?

I HATE CHEATERS.

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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
10/14/09 11:38 A

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Mine went with my friend who was unhappy in her relationship, I think he just liked feeling like he could be the hero to women in unhappy situations. After her he moved on to his brothers unhappy girlfriend.
Some people I really don't think it matters what you do.


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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CELTIC_WITCH Posts: 4,787
10/14/09 11:34 A

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I saw the show. And once again I ran over in my mind my husbands cheating. Could I have paid more attention to him? Sure. Did I ignore him? Nope. I always asked about his day. I thanked him for the things he did around the house. I made special meals for his birthday (lasagna & angle food cake both from scratch) & Valentines Day. I got Father’s Day gifts & cards from the animals. I sent love notes on our monthly anniversaries (25 years worth). He forgot our anniversary, my birthday, mother’s day (I sent his mom flowers from him), & Valentines Day. And yet he chose to become involved with a women who worked in his building. Why? Not because she gave him more of those things, but because she was needy. Her teenager ran away, her husband was sleeping with her best friend….. Her drama attracted him.

Interestingly, she dumped him as soon as I filed for divorce.

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Treasury of Gifts unending,
Open now my closed heart’s door
Waken spirit deep within me
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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
10/14/09 10:57 A

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Mine said that I didn't cook enough for him. Yeah.


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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POTRIDGE's Photo POTRIDGE Posts: 5,278
10/14/09 10:49 A

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My husband cheated on me. He said that I had changed. Yeah, it's called becoming a mother to two kids and running a household. His world is away from the house, my world IS the house. While he was out having sex in his car, I was doing the carpool thing. Of course I've changed! But at least I changed for the better. There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating on a spouse and these shows are almost always counterproductive.

DIET IS A FOUR LETTER WORD!!!!

We are constantly creating our "karma" or destiny through our intentions, thoughts and deeds in this moment. It is achieved through countless deliberate acts of selflessness.

It's hard to be happy with others if we are not happy with ourselves.

Just keep on moving and you'll get there.


If you ever want to feel good about yourself, go out and help someone else!


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JADEDINVASION's Photo JADEDINVASION Posts: 1,000
10/14/09 9:51 A

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I agree with Kimmie. If there is something wrong with the relationship that makes you want to stray, grow some balls and talk about it or break it off BEFORE you cheat. I hate that almost every movie the woman always caves and goes back to the husband... what about her needs? Ugh, just makes me mad.

No matter what the reason for cheating, it's still the most dishonest thing you could EVER do.

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CD5371723 Posts: 896
10/14/09 9:43 A

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Some of what was said was valid, just the mistresses never acknowledged that it went both ways....when you are stuck in a rut of a marriage, where all you do is work and pay bills and take care of kids, and fight....sometimes you find someone that is fun to be with, and that draws you in....that person (man or woman) makes you feel sexy and important, and exciting....if you dont have a good relationship with your partner at home, that can be very consuming....

On another note, I am from the belief that humans are just not made to be with one person forever, and that causes boredom among other things, so some people will just cheat no matter what you do....

DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
10/14/09 9:40 A

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I watched about 10 minutes and then I stopped. I didn't want to watch trashy women make excuses for the poor, shameful choices they made. I don't want to hear excuses why men cheat because to me that's all it sounds like. Women need the same things in relationships that men do, yet it's always the cheater saying poor me, I did a bad thing but you didn't ________. What a crock.



Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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LARAE329's Photo LARAE329 Posts: 4,847
10/14/09 2:48 A

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I saw this show and I agreed with some things and totally disagreed with others. In my opinion these shows are a waste of time. There is no one reason why anyone cheats. Affairs don't just happen, we all have a choice and those that cheat make the conscious choice to cheat and the why will vary. You can do everything "right" in your relationship but an honest mate is not a guarantee.

Know God Know Peace; No God No Peace


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CATIATM's Photo CATIATM Posts: 39,578
10/14/09 2:11 A

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Oprah did a show with a man who has written a book on why men cheat. The whole audience was filled with couples where the man had cheated.

THe author said that men need to feel listened to, respected, cared for, valued, needs sex, needs attention and so on.

In the audience, many of the couples were holding hands, but their bodies were both straight forward, and they almost never looked at one another. The women seemed so shut down emotionally. Finally one woman said, "What about me? I need those things, too, and I didn't cheat." The women ERUPTED into applause, but none of the men clapped or showed any acknowledgement.

One couple revealed that for his 40th birthday, the wife had commited to have sex with him every single night - 365 days - and he STILL began an affair at the office.

Of course couples should value each other, but when one person cheats, I view it as a lack of respect by a selfish coward. That includes cheating women, too. I just find it so ... distasteful. (And where I live in the Middle East, it's the #1 way how women contract HIV.)

Edited by: CATIATM at: 10/14/2009 (02:55)
~ Cat


"We first make our habits, and then our habits make us."
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KEEPINMYCURVES's Photo KEEPINMYCURVES Posts: 23,895
10/14/09 1:44 A

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Nobody can MAKE their spouse cheat but they can definitely do things to push them away or make them want to search for something new. Cheating isn't okay. If the love is strong enough then nobody would stray, they would be mature and communicate their issues and try to work on them. It that doesn't work then they should BREAK UP before cheating.

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MARLY314's Photo MARLY314 SparkPoints: (0)
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10/14/09 1:01 A

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Did you see Dr. Phil when he had the mistresses on? It really upsets me when the wives' are blamed for the husband's cheating. One woman suggested, when the man comes home from work, sit down, listen to him talk, be sympathetic, blah,blah,blah. What about the wife? She's had a busy day too. She could use a little attention beside the kids, rude supervisors, whatever. I just don't get watching every word you say around the man, making certain he's taken care of--but he's not a child--being pretty, wearing makeup or having upkept hair. He won't do that. He's gonna stray no matter what you do. It's just not right.

"Que Sera, Sera" What will be, Will be.

Feel your emotion, don't feed your emotion.

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