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MUSHCAT's Photo MUSHCAT Posts: 4,639
4/19/11 7:01 A

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It has been nice having my step-son here. We are taking him back to Gillette, WY today, then headed to Yellowstone park where we will spend two nights and try to see as much yellowstone as we can.

Yesterday, somebody stole my camera from the tewo boys at the racing track. We can't exactly afford to replace it yet, but we found the newer model of the one I had on Amazon, and we will get it soon.

Gary has a Minolta SLR digital camera, but he's not that goos with it. Between that and the phones, hopefully we can capture a few good images.

Have a great day!



Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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4/13/11 11:27 A

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It's another migraine day... emoticon

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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4/7/11 2:40 A

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I am feeling better and hope to get to the gym for the second time this week plus try out my Wii "NEW U MIIND BODY" yolates workout. I hope that because I have been sick I can just maintain my weight this week.

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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3/31/11 9:43 A

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I am battling another migraine already. I am going to try to endure because my plate is full today, but I did put a call into my doctor to see if she can possibly work me in before I begin my daily chores.

I want to express my gratitude to everyone that has given support to me. You'll never know how much it means to me.

I was struck by the irony that I, the team leader of this group, had a meltdown and had to enter the mental hospital. However, I feel that gives me all the more experience to be a good team leader because "I have been there and done that" more times than I care to count.

I know we all continue to struggle through our daily lives and sometimes we end up in a dark place. I thank God for Spark People because it can be a point of light when we are in that dark place.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, stress-free and anti-anxiety day today.

Big emoticon to everyone.
Judi

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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3/29/11 11:15 P

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I just came home late this afternoon from 3 days in the mental hospital because I was having sucidal ideology. I knew I had to get myself to a safe place. Gary has agreed to keep our marriage counseling appointment. We'll see how that goes before I make any real life-changing decisions. I am pretty tired and will try to blog tomorrow between my two Doctor appointments and some exercise.


Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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3/26/11 5:45 P

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I slipped and overspent again mailing out packages. Actually, I don't consider what I did to be overspending, because I have the money. My husband is being overbearing and controlling. He told me not to spend more than 25.00 on the shipping. I thought he was being unreasonable, and instead of talking it out with him, I did something sneaky, and of course it backfired on me. I had eight packages to ship and when the total reached $25 I paid for the transaction. There were two packages remaining. I should have taken them back home and waited to ship them next month, but patience is not one of my virtues...and lying has become my worst sin. I mailed the two remaining packages as another transaction which was another $8.

I went back to the car where my DH (?, maybe not anymore) was waiting and I showed him the $25 receipt. He took it from me and counted the number of packages mailed and asked why there were only 6 on the receipt instead of 8. I fessed up to my lying and deceit. Needless to say he was very angry and we headed back home.

He told me we were done and asked me to develop a time line for moving out of the house. I told him I have a serious problem, a spending addiction, and that I would get help. I already have counseling appointments set up to work on this. I also told him I am willing to do a 12-step program and whatever else it takes. I don't think he has it in him (although he calls himself a Christian) to forgive me and help me get the help I need.

I am asking all believers to pray, pray, pray for me. Pray that my husband doesn't insist on a divorce. Pray that I can conquer my spending addiction. Pray that If my husband kicks me out I have the strength to survive on my own. Pray that I do not commit suicide, because I am that depressed. I am debating whether or not to check myself into a mental hospital immediately. Yep, not a grain of positive mental health in my existence at the moment.

I did talk to my good neighbor and friend. She kept asking me if I really want to stay in this marriage with as controlling as my husband can be. Maybe I would be better off and less stressed if we did get a divorce. However, I believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment and you don't run out when things get tough. That is when you should cling to each other for support more than ever and work things out. I guess marriage has become another victim of our disposable society.

Racing thoughts are running through my mind in a jumble of confusion. I can't think of what else to write at this time except that my heart is heavy and I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. So I ask once again to pray for me, hold a good thought, or do whatever you believe in to help me through this difficult time.


Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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3/24/11 8:14 A

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My migraines are running roughshod over my life again. When will I ever get accustomed to accepting and dealing with them as a normal part of my life?

I hope my doctor gives me the all clear to go to the ER, because I think that's my only hope of breaking this one. Long story short, my doctor wants to treat me in the clinic, but she doesn't have all the approved methods of aborting my migraine as the ER does.

It's inching closer to the weekend. Does anyone have any plans? I hope to be gardening.

May this find you well and happy.

Judi


Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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3/14/11 2:48 P

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Once again I feel like crap and am taking pills to try to keep a migraine at bay. I never should of jumped into a day full of activity after I got out of the ER on Saturday because I wanted to spend some quality time with Gary. That has worked for me before, but this time it backfired.

My doctor is supposed to call me this afternoon to discuss my treatment options. It has been determined that I should not get Nubain more than once a month, but there are three other drug regimens to try. I'm sick of having to go to the ER and being addmitted into the hospitals because some of these treatments are given over the course of every 6 - 12 hours, and one of them requires about 3 days.

Just when I got my life back, it has simply vanished again. I am in too much pain to exercise today or run any neede errands. Besides, it's dangerous for me to drive with a migraine. I can only see what the doctor recommends and go from there, while trying to keep the emotional eating monster from rearing it's ugly head.



Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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3/2/11 5:54 A

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I woke prematurely again, so decided to Spark. I feel as if I have another migraine coming on. I don't know how long I can stave it off, but today is my gym day. I hope I can go and make it through a workout.

The quilt sqaure I designed and was sewing for a driend proved to be rather difficult. I am going to try and work on it some today, but if it's just too challenging since I don't have a sewing machine, I am going to start over and just paint the design onto a square of fabric.

I have lots of cleaning to do today as well. Sometimes I just can't take advantage of all the time I have because iverdoing it triggers migraines. I am learning to deal better with them, though.

Happy Humo Day!

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/28/11 6:17 A

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I am up with insomnia and sick to my stomach because of the stress I put on my marriage. I lied.

I am a shopoholic and I have been hiding my spending habits from my husband. I lied to him about where I bought a pair of shoes. I bought a bunch of clothing and boots from various thrift stores, and I told him that I bought the shoes at the thrift store as well, along with the boots. In reality the shoes were $24.99 and I could not bring myself to tell him I had bought new shoes which I don't need.

I had lied to him in the past early on in our relationship about something quite important. I promised him then I would never lie again. Now, because I am a shopoholic and ashamed and embarrassed by my lack of impulse control, this lie over a $25 pair of shoes is about to bring our marriage crashing down. I can't believe I have been so stupid. I would rather die than cause my Gary the hurt and pain that I brought on him.

How will I ever regain his trust? We had a long discussion about my problem and tried to identify potential solutions. I started psychotherapy last week and this is one of the things I said I needed to work on. Too little too late. I am forgiven but my actions will not be forgotten.

In our discussion last night I did tell Gary that my shopping was an addiction and I need professional help to get over it. I promised myself there would be no more unecessary spending when I found out about his pending job layoff...then it was, "Well this little bit won't hurt." However it snowballs and I am now dealing with an avalanche. Gary said we could work through this now that he knows it is an addiction, compulsive shopping, which I did not intend to simply totally disregard his wishes. Still, my bad, and what a mess I have put myself in that will take much time to clean up.

I am trying to figure out how in the world I became a shopoholic and felt the need to lie to my best friend, lover, and confidante.

I want to understand how I developed this addiction so I can change my behavior. Perhaps it's gotten worse as I diet and exercise and want to reward myself for the deprivation in other areas of me life, and from severe deprivation and mental abuse in my prior marriage.

I also have insomnia. My buying impulse is hardest to control when I am sleep deprived.

I am going to be 50 this year, but I often act like a child. Is it because I was an only child and spoiled brat? I am worse than a kid in a candy store. No matter how much I have, I want more. Someone told me, "It doesn't hurt you to want." but there is an ache or longing akin to hurt when I feel deprived of some trinket, knick-knack, bauble or pampering. My addiction is so bad that I am close to becoming a hoarder because I don't want to get rid of anything once I buy it. I am running out of space!

I have hurt Gary beyond measure, because he has always emphasized honesty. This is no one's fault but my own. I still don't know if there is help for my shopping addiction. I will say that I am not in debt and I always pay the bills I'm responsible for and buy the groceries and household supplies. Still no excuse for my breach of trust and the rift I created that might be irreparable.

I'm ashamed to say how long it has been since I have really done something spiritual. I guess I have a guilty conscious about my lying so I have been practicing avoidance instead of seeking guidance and being repentant. I sure need the inward examination, and the truth hurts.





Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/27/11 2:39 A

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Yesterday I went from Eeyor to Tigger in a relatively short period of time. Part of it was because I woke up with a migraine, but got rid of it at the ER so I just felt better as the day went on. However, now I have so much energy I can't sleep. I am wondering if I might be bipolar. Something to talk about with my therapist and psychiatrist.



Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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MUSHCAT's Photo MUSHCAT Posts: 4,639
2/24/11 3:03 P

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“First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.”
~ Rob Gilbert ~

I challenge each of you to pick one bad habit to stop this week. If possible, try to replace it with a good habit. For example, if you drink regular or diet sodas, try giving them up and replace with drinking water.

I am going to give up impulsive buying. With my husband's job future so fuzzy (impending layoff and finding a new job) we can't afford for me to continue this bad habit. The question I will ask myself before buying anything more: Is this a necessity or a want and desire. It doesn't hurt me to want, and if we can't cover the necessities, that surely will be painful.




Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/22/11 1:36 P

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Today I am playing catch up from the over month that I was away. A lot of stuff has piled up on me. I am tired, but taking care of business. I'm sure the more I get accomplished, the more energized I will feel.

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/19/11 5:24 P

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Just got back from the ER where I was treated for today's migraine. Now I am going to enjoy a pizza and the rest of the 3-day weekend with my honeey of a husband.

How are you doing?

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/17/11 3:24 A

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I am having another night of insomnia. I hope it doesn't trigger a migraine, but I must just go with the flow.

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/16/11 8:35 A

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Today I am borrowing from Spark's Healthy Reflections because the message is so on target.

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."
- Albert Ellis


Do you accept responsibility for your choices in life?

Do you feel in control of your life? No matter how negative events or actions may become, you are the only force that is able to determine the reaction. Often we fail to do this and instead blame the world for our feelings of sadness, rejection, and hopelessness. The reality is that your actions are a choice, and you must claim those feelings and choices. We can be our best cheerleader or worst enemy when it comes to determining the health of our emotions. Do some pep talks with yourself each morning. This will help you develop positive, self-affirming thoughts that will enhance your personal development and growth.

1. Claim your feelings and choices
2. Do some pep talks with yourself each morning this week. This will help you develop positive, self-affirming thoughts that will enhance your personal development and growth.

What I am going to work on:
1. I administer no self-control over my shopping and spending habits. Eventually this could ruin my marriage.
2. I am going to tell myself each day that I am a wonderful person and that I do not have to buy myself stuff to make myself feel better. I can feel good and happy each day because I choose to.

Judi



Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/9/11 5:54 A

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Hey, team!

I am feeling better and wool be discharged from the hospital soon. Thank goodness I have my Android phone to keep me busy.

I would like some feedback on my team leadership. All commenta are welcome. I'd really like to get this team firef up, but I need your participation..

Does anyone even like this team, or should it be put out to pasture?

Judi - team leader

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/9/11 5:14 A

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emoticon

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/8/11 3:13 A

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My spirits are really low today because I have been hospitalized again while I am still on vacation. Since I am a survivor it is just another one small hurdle in life.

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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2/3/11 5:25 A

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emoticon

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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1/30/11 6:46 A

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I ran across this yesterday and found it to contain some very useful info. I think it is worth the time to read.

blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2011/0
1/
mindful-monday-an-interview-wi.html?R>utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=ema
il
&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+beyondblue
1+%28B
eliefnet%3A+Beyond+Blue%29


((((Hugs)))) Judi

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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1/23/11 4:35 P

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Hi all,
It's me, your new team leader. I am on a three week vacation visiting my mom and friends in FL. I don't have everyday access to the net so I will be posting sporadically. Do not think I have already abandoned my duties as team leader. It will take some time for me to really get going since net access is limited and I am spending so much time with family and friends. Hope all is well with everyone.

Happy Days come from a limitless well I can drink from whenever I choose - Petra Van Baar

I thank God for all His Blessings on me,
And the mercy that He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed. - Michael Combs

Wishing you love, peace, joy, and blessings, Judi



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