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CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
9/10/13 4:22 P

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Greg, I'm glad to hear of your abstinence streak.. It took a lot of will power and prayer to keep me from making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich last night...and it wouldn't stopped at just one.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/10/13 3:25 P

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Good Afternoon
I hope your day is well. I really didn't feel well this morning so I didn't go to work. I had to drive a friend out of town for an appointment, I wasn't really feeling it but I made the commitment.

I was abstinent yesterday for the 2nd day in a row. I have been doing well today as well. I don't have much else to say I really don't feel that great.
I got in contact with the person at the hospital; I am going to resume my local meetings on WED evenings. I still do a home meeting on WED mornings but no one really seems interested in coming, which is fine. We have some great meetings regardless. Maybe a public meeting will bring some people out, time will tell. I will run it as long as I can and hope other people will come and participate, being the person responsible for everything all the time is a great responsibility, but the meeting should function whether I am there or not and thatís not really how it worked before.


Goals for the day

pray & meditate (done)
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text my food sponsor before/after my meals
be of service
do something for my recovery every hour
pray & meditate before bed


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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ROBIN0511's Photo ROBIN0511 Posts: 71
9/10/13 10:04 A

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I have the worst migraine but I'm trying to not allow that to stop me from eating healthy and exercising. So far so good.

Namaste


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LKS2GAB2's Photo LKS2GAB2 SparkPoints: (37,770)
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9/10/13 7:30 A

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Trying to change my outlook and how I handle situations. I always say you are in charge of your happiness and I am trying to live by that. Yesterday was my husbands birthday. I have done really well with my eating since Saturday. I bought him a giant cupcake with the intentions of sharing it with him. I took a bite and decided it didn't taste that great so I had sugar free pudding and enjoyed it guilt free. emoticon emoticon

LORI
Las Vegas - PST
Team - Firecracker
5% Winter Challenge

ďOne of the most important keys to Success is having the discipline to do what you know you should do, even when you don't feel like doing it.Ē - Unknown








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CINDY-K's Photo CINDY-K Posts: 5,938
9/10/13 12:30 A

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yesterday I did not do as well as I have done for the last 4 or 5 days. I started thinking about not having the money for a car repair and having to borrow the money from family who will then use that as a weapon over me. It drove me to making some bad food choices.

So I did pretty good today and I will do even better tomorrow.

cindy

Cindy - A Co-Leader on Gastric Bypass Sparklers
Proximal Laproscopic RNY 9-10-10
Start Wt: 228 5-21-10
Surgery Wt: 205 9-10-10
Goal Wt: 135


 current weight: 185.0 
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M6CRONKRIGHT SparkPoints: (776)
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9/9/13 10:07 P

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Hi, I'm new to the group, I have always struggled with my weight and I have done numerous dies and exercise routine, I am really motivated to loose and can't wait to meet some awesome people while also changing my lifestyle!!

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CD11607669 Posts: 447
9/9/13 12:49 P

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So far today is going better than yesterday. I got some news that really stressed me out. But today, I'm going to not let it get to me and I am looking forward to a good day.
This evening I'm taking a class on canning which is something I have always wanted to learn. So whatever comes my way, I have something to look forward to. emoticon

PASCAL921's Photo PASCAL921 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/9/13 8:44 A

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Wow I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. I've had a very busy weekend.

My husband is away on a week long fishing trip so its just me and my daughter. I had a lot of homework this weekend so that didn't leave time for cooking but we've stocked up a few home cooked frozen meals. I haven't done a workout all weekend and I think I'm dehydrated. All in all I was feeling pretty stressed out and down on myself yesterday. Then I got an e-mail telling me someone posted on my SparkPage. I didn't look at the post right away but I'm always excited when someone leaves a message, then I got another e-mail saying I got a new goodie. I thought wow, usually I don't get a goodie or post unless I first send one to someone else. Well after that they started pouring in and when I finally read the posts and goodie comments I burst into tears. It is such an honor for me to get TMOW, I'm usually very introverted and so I've had a goal to post 5 times a day on the message boards to get myself active. I never thought I'd get recognized. I THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. You guys really turned my bad attitude around and I've never felt more accepted by a team than I do this one.



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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/9/13 5:53 A

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Good morning :)

I had a pretty good day yesterday, I was abstinent. My food was good.

Not much to say today, things are good. Mom is still away on vacation so I have the house to myself (ahhhhhhhhh)

A recovery reading I did yesterday was pretty profound to me

Just for today: Rebellion

"We need not lose faith when we become rebellious."

Basic Text p.34

Many of us have lived our entire lives in revolt. Our initial response to any type of direction is often negative. Automatic rejection of authority seems to be a troubling character defect for many addicts.

A thorough self-examination can show us how we react to the world around us. We can ask ourselves if our rebellion against people, places, and institutions is justified. If we keep writing long enough, we can usually get past what others did and uncover our own part in our affairs. We find that what others did to us was not as important as how we responded to the situations we found ourselves in.

Regular inventory allows us to examine the patterns in our reactions to life and see if we are prone to chronic rebelliousness. Sometimes we will find that, while we may usually go along with what is suggested to us rather than risk rejection, we secretly harbor resentments against authority. If left to themselves, these resentments can lead us away from our program of recovery.

The inventory process allows us to uncover, evaluate, and alter our rebellious patterns. We can't change the world by taking an inventory, but we can change the way we react to it.
Just for today: I want freedom from the turmoil of rebelliousness. Before I act, I will inventory myself and think about my true values.

Boy if that doesn't describe me to a T I don't know what does. It was, I am not even sure how to describe it, but I knew instantly that it applied to me.


Goals for the day

Pray & meditate (done)
submit meal plan (done)
stick to meal plan as I wrote it, or text my food sponsor if I need to make changes
pray before and after my meals
text my food sponsor before and after my meals
do something for my recovery every hour
pray
be of service where I can
pray and meditate before bed
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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CINDY-K's Photo CINDY-K Posts: 5,938
9/8/13 3:24 P

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Hello, I have not posted in quite awhile nor even read the threads lately. I unfortunately suffered a 38 pound regain and just became too down on myselt to even look at the posts. But with the help of my counselor, naturopath and accupuncture doctor I am finally learning to deal with stress eating in a healthier manner. So I am back and am working to hold myself more accountable for me. I was up dressed and at church this morning where the sermon hit home to me. I need to focus on my faith and helping others. Which means that I must start engaging people in the area of health and food.

Cindy

Cindy - A Co-Leader on Gastric Bypass Sparklers
Proximal Laproscopic RNY 9-10-10
Start Wt: 228 5-21-10
Surgery Wt: 205 9-10-10
Goal Wt: 135


 current weight: 185.0 
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ROBIN0511's Photo ROBIN0511 Posts: 71
9/8/13 1:01 P

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Hello to all, I'm having a great day. I've stayed on track with my eating and exercising. I hope all of you are having a great day as well.

Namaste


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/8/13 10:53 A

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Good morning I hope this finds you well
I am alright this morning, its a good day to be alive. I don't have much to say today (shocker I know) Just plan on keeping my head down and doing my recovery work. I hope you have a great sunday


My goals for today

pray & meditate
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after meals
text phil before/after meals
pray
be of servce where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
listen to a speaker file
pray & meditate
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/7/13 1:21 P

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Have a good and peaceful day all :)
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
9/7/13 12:09 P

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Thankfully I had a good day yesterday, and I am looking forward to another good day today. I'm taking it one meal at a time, one day at a time.
Greg, I was there where you are many times in the past, and I could very easily be there again...but for the grace of God go I.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


 Pounds lost: 11.0 
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CD11607669 Posts: 447
9/6/13 10:21 P

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All I can say is I am glad it is Friday and tomorrow is a new day, to start again
I over did it with my calorie intake, but I got some exercise in before I even left for work.
Amazing. I am just going to keep taking small steps, and I don't know why, but I am finally getting to the point where I'm going to tell my body to shape up and quit craving sugar. I do need to watch it. Now to finish my movie and time to relax for the evening. emoticon

GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/6/13 12:59 P

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My day isn't even half over and I have already destroyed my caloric intake for the day I gave into my darkness and despair thinking a large XXX would make me feel better. It didn't, all it did was push me further into depression and despair. I was making a post on myfitnesspal to add my food in and see how much damage I did, when I read a post by a guy and it said "in 19 months I have lost 262 pounds, new me, new life"

I never read the posts on there but for whatever reason I decided to read that one. I could identify with just about everything he said. I am still feeling pretty beaten and broken right now, but that post gave me a glimmer of hope that I didn't have before I read it.

I really wasn't going to post in here today, but I did it anyways. I am not trying to get sympathy or anything of that nature. I did it to show that despite REALLLYYY not wanting to I did it anyways, that I walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I feel like a big sack of dog s*** right now. I could have just posted and not said anything to anyone, but that would have been dishonest. Itís important for me to share as much as possible. People often say I inspire them, I have to kind of laugh.

I sure don't feel very inspired most of the time, most of my days are kicking, screaming, tooth and nail fight. Itís not easy. I guess maybe when I am having a good day it looks easy. Most of the time when I am feeling like this I just don't post so all people may see if the positive stuff I write. Itís not all sunshine and puppies thatís for sure, there is alot of dark days and even wondering why I bother anymore. Some days it would just be nice to not wake up, not that I want to die, but I sure as hell don't want to keep doing like I did today. The pain is far too great and I suck at sitting with pain. I am told it won't kill me, and that is probably true but in the heat of the moment I break like a wooden hut in a hurricane. I find it hard to inspire myself most days so itís almost amusing that other people say that I inspire them. I feel like a fake and fraud, if they only knew how freaking hard it is day in and day out, the battle that goes on in my mind.

Most days I feel lucky to be able to crawl into bed and call it a day. I guess the point of this is itís not easy for any of us. We might all have different lives and different challenges, but at the end of the day we are not so different. So if you sit there and think you can't make it, that you won't ever win this battle with your weight, I understand all too well. Thatís half my problem is I think "I" can't win, and thatís the truth, I can't. Thatís more than apparent, yet I have not been willing to let go and surrender. I keep thinking I am, I Keep saying I am, yet I end up right back in the same ****** ******* spot again. I REALLY had to curse there but censored myself, youíre welcome ;)

I don't understand why I keep taking my will back, thinking that I know best, I don't know best. I get so angry and resentful when people, good people who I trust and have asked to help me try to help me, I get so angry and the FU mentality sinks in, and then Pandoraís box (not the cool web streaming site) opens up like today.

*LAUGHS* John Denver: Sunshine on my Shoulder is playing right now. Itís funny because I was going to call this blog Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth, perhaps this is a sign.

I am just as screwed up as anyone else, maybe even more. If I can drag my sorry a** on here every day (mostly) and do things I don't want to do, you can too. Thatís the definition of motivation, doing what needs to be done regardless of how we feel. If I waited to post this until I felt like it, you guys would never get any blogs from me. Well thatís not true, but they would be fewer and far between believe me. I do it, and force myself to do it because I know that no matter what I stuff into me to destroy myself with, that things like this are my medicine, I don't like the taste of it, but then again the good medicine always tastes horrible anyways. I might not be steady but I am on my feet, ok so I might be leaning against a wall..but I am up.

Greg
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
9/6/13 10:46 A

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Good morning everyone. Hoping all of you are doing well today.
I don't drink sodas of any kind, but I have to have my cup of coffee (only one cup) every morning...so thankfully my caffeine use is very limited. I'm trying to rid myself of the habit of dietetic sugar use. My understanding is that it is bad for your liver and kidneys. Although I am still using it, I am trying to cut back on my use of it until hopefully I can do without it altogether.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


 Pounds lost: 11.0 
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PASCAL921's Photo PASCAL921 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 148
9/5/13 5:42 P

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Hello All...I hope everyone is having a good afternoon. I can definitely sympathize with you SZANDO152 and CAROL3SAN. About 6 years ago I lost 20 pounds after a bad break-up and within a year I gained back 10. Then the next year I gained 25-30. I too remember how good I felt (and looked). It is frustrating but without SparkPeople I wouldn't have a plan and support group so I feel like as long as I try to stick to the plan I still have hope of reaching my goal weight.
Greg, I gave up caffeine for a while because I was having trouble sleeping. It was really difficult and for months I felt like the walking dead. I feel for you. Your withdraws may be even worse because you are trying to avoid sugar and caffeine. When I gave up soda, I switched to sugar free carbonated waters.

 current weight: 188.0 
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CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
9/5/13 4:29 P

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Good afternoon everyone. I had a good day so far. I went to the pool once again at the gym with my sister today. We stayed there for 1 1/2 hours having fun with our water aerobics. I feel wonderful after leaving the pool.

SZANDO152, I lost 175 pounds about four years ago, but I gained about 75 pounds of it back already. I pray that I am through with gaining back any more of my weight. Instead of having to lose 60 pounds before I reach my goal weight, instead I have 125 pounds to lose before I get to my goal weight. emoticon


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


 Pounds lost: 11.0 
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SZANDO152's Photo SZANDO152 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 10
9/5/13 1:48 P

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Lori, what an excellent quote Lori. I think this will help pull me through. Four years ago I lost just over 25 pounds and I have gained 45 back. I am very disappointed with my self. I keep remembering how good i felt when the weighted was off. I want to get back there so bad and now I have even further to go. I need a support system to help keep me on track. I know how to do this, but like the quote said, I need the strenght to do what I know is right.

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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/5/13 5:47 A

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Good morning
I hope you had a good day yesterday.
I was not abstinent yesterday due to having a coke. I have been distancing myself from sugar, caffeine and starting to get away from white flour.
I was having some serious withdrawal symptoms yesterday and it got to the point I could not stand it anymore, no amount of prayer or reaching out was going to help with the blinding, splitting headache that I had. I realize that soda and sugar is not healthy for me, I just don't deal well with intense immediate pain. About 5 minutes after I had it I felt 100x better. The headache went away, I wasn't feeling as tired, or angry and down. I realize I cannot use this as a crutch all the time, I just wasn't prepared for it; and it was unbearable. Aside from that my day was good. I will continue to work on separating myself from sugar. I will use something like orange juice or apple juice in the future. I have some sometimes with breakfast to take an iron pill the DR gave me, he suggest OJ as it would help it absorb into my system better.

I have bought myself some green tea; I bought a flavor that seems palatable to me. I have to check it for sugar and make sure it doesn't contain any or that darn high fructose corn syrup which seems to be in everything these days.
I use a wraps with my meals, I am going to investigate making my own to see if I can avoid sugar in that. They have something called Manna Bread which I have looked into a little bit, itís not a wrap but I might try it to see how it tastes. At this point I am not ready to start eating foods that are not at least palatable to me. Maybe at some point i can just eat strictly healthy foods regardless of how they taste but that time is not now.
I have tried doing that in the past and it just builds resentment in me, I cannot have food that tastes rich and is high in fat and sugar because it triggers me, however I feel that I need to at least enjoy the food I am eating as long as it doesn't trigger binges in me.

Goals for the day:
Pray & meditate
submit meal plan (done)
Pray before my meals and give thanks after
Text my food sponsor before and after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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72.5
145
217.5
290
PASCAL921's Photo PASCAL921 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (5,477)
Posts: 148
9/4/13 12:28 P

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Good morning everyone. I hope you all are doing well. Today is going well for me so far. I had breakfast today, which is something that I've been trying to make a habit. Yesterday I skipped breakfast and put in a 12 hour day at school. On the way home I stopped at Taco Bell and got way too much food and ate it all in my car (also a habit I'm trying to break). So today I ate breakfast and brought a lunch with me, and lots of water too.

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CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
9/4/13 10:15 A

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LKS2GAB2, I've fallen down the rabbit whole many times. That is nothing that I ever plan on doing, but before I can stop my fall, I've fallen. Sometimes I don't even see it coming. Thankfully today I'm on the right track and I will take it one meal at a time...one day at a time.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


 Pounds lost: 11.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/4/13 6:33 A

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thank you for sharing LKS2GAB2, I don't consider it whinning. I appreciate you sharing your experience, strength, and hope. We all have those days where sometimes the dark side gets the best of us, but having the courage to admit that, learn the lesson and move shows far more strength than keeping quiet and powering through it on our own, least that's my opinion on the subject for what its worth.

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/4/13 6:31 A

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Those days happen Nomis, its tough sometimes to walk past things, happens to me quite frequently. When I choose to pick up the phone and call someone in program I have an easier time, my ego doesn't always allow this. I often times think I can power through it, some days I do but its a roll of the dice. Today is a fresh day, you can do it :)

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/4/13 6:27 A

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good morning

yesterday was ok,Didn't feel well at all. Was a little grumpy with mom but I apologized.
My day food wise was ok, I did some picking while I was prepping some food, aside from that my day was good

goals for the day

pray & meditate (done)
submit meal plan (done)
pray before and after my meals
text my food sponsor before and after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
listen to a speaker file
chair meeting
do something for my recovery every hour
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
LKS2GAB2's Photo LKS2GAB2 SparkPoints: (37,770)
Fitness Minutes: (24,191)
Posts: 1,230
9/3/13 9:59 P

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I fell down the rabbit hole today. Was doing ok with my eating but bad news kept coming one after the other until I found myself at the bottom of a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. Did I feel bad about it? Sure. Should I have done it? No. I did as many distractions as I could and then I ate them anyway. Did it change any of the news? NO. Will I gain weight? Probably. Do I have anyone to blame? NOPE. So what is done is done. I will now quit whining about it and move on. emoticon

LORI
Las Vegas - PST
Team - Firecracker
5% Winter Challenge

ďOne of the most important keys to Success is having the discipline to do what you know you should do, even when you don't feel like doing it.Ē - Unknown








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9/3/13 9:33 P

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That's great. Especially driving past the Dairy Queen.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
CD8040942 Posts: 1,882
9/3/13 8:26 P

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Hi, everyone! Just thought I would stop by and say "hi". I actually had a good day today emoticon . I did have an extra half serving of pizza at dinner, but I am still within my calorie range for the day, which is what I am focusing on. I actually drove by a Dairy Queen and DIDN'T STOP emoticon emoticon which is HUGE for me. I hope everyone has a great evening! emoticon

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9/3/13 2:04 P

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Good for you.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
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9/3/13 9:43 A

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Good morning everyone. I hope you're all ready to return to work today. I know I am. I had a good weekend. I am very proud to be the only member of the family (besides the children) who did not suffer a hang-over this weekend. I got a lot of work done while everyone was lying around in bed.

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9/3/13 7:58 A

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I didn't do as well yesterday. I did buy a Lindt bar - had a $1.00 coupon and couldn't resist. Back on track today.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/3/13 6:40 A

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Good morning I hope this finds you well

I was not abstinent yesterday,I had a small slip. I was out to eat and had a serving of a dessert. I didn't eat it right then I had it later on. It was not planned for and I did not check in with anyone. It sounded good and I wanted it so I got it, that was the reasoning behind it.

I didn't really pray before I ate either, it was some half-a**ed after thought The rest of the day I did well.

Goals for the day

Pray & meditate
submit meal plan (done)
pray before and after my meals
text my food sponsor before and after meals
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray and meditate

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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9/2/13 12:51 P

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Stomach a bit upset today so I still haven't got to the gym. See what happens in a while.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/2/13 11:23 A

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Good morning

had a good abstinent day yesterday. Not much to report it was a quiet day. Went for a nice long ride in the country. I found the place I want to live. Its down a nice quiet country road, you crest the top of a hill and the view is of the entire valley, you can see for miles, its beautiful with mountains in the back ground. There is already a large home built there, a person who lives in the neighborhood stopped to talk about a few things and called it the "million dollar mansion on the hill" I guess Wynonna Judd tried to buy it a few years ago. Its a shame it costs so much to live like that in Northern Maine, but the view is worth it. I guess I need to buckle down and get busy on my entertainment career *chuckles*


Goals for today

pray & meditate
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after meals
text my food sponsor before/after meals
pray
be of service
do something for my recovery every hour
pray & meditate
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
9/2/13 9:07 A

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Good morning sparkers, and happy Labor Day. Actually today is just another day to me since I've been retired for a few years now. I have no plans for eating BBQ or other picnic foods today. Feeling happy about my food plan for the day. Picnic foods will only encourage me to go on a binge right now. Hopefully I'll be stronger at some point soon, and will be able to enjoy a picnic and eat like normal folks.

Greg, thanks for your sharing as usual.
Have a good day everyone.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


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9/1/13 8:09 P

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Pascal Ė sorry about the smoke. Hope it will be cleared soon. These fires are just terrible.

Greg Ė I think for the most part people are nonjudgmental here. Of course, there are always those few but they are not in the majority. What you said about not being alone, I think that is so important. So many times we think no one else can understand what we are going through Ė nice to know there are people out there who do know and can help us.

I had a nice day at my daughterís. Better than I expected. I thought it would be unbearably hot. I stayed longer than I thought and once I started feeling a bit uncomfortable due to the weather and sleepy I knew it was time to leave.

On the way home, it is an hour and a half ride, I thought, as always on this ride home, Iíll stop get some ice cream and watch some shows. Relax. Happy to report I did not do that.


Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
9/1/13 3:50 P

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Hi Carol and thank you. That's part of the road to recovery is being totally transparent, well for me. I hid so much over the years I didn't know who I really was. Still not quite sure some days, its very disconcerting to look in the mirror and not know who is staring back at you.


I share to show people its ok to let that stuff out, that we have to get that stuff out of us or it will eat us alive from the inside. Granted its a little more scary doing it here as there is a greater chance of judgement, Thats the great thing about the program, no one judges. Then again I guess at this point I don't care what people think *chuckles* if I did I wouldn't share the most intimate parts of myself.

I also do it to show people that they are not alone, I don't want anyone else to ever feel as lost and alone as I did. My shares won't fix anything, but sometimes just knowing someone else out there understands is enough to help get through a day. Have a great weekend
Greg



Good afternoon, Happy Sept 1st 

I was abstinent yesterday, no soda :)

I credit my success by starting off my day with prayer and meditation, also being in contact with my sponsors and praying through the day.

I started off my day today the same with prayer and meditation. I expect if I keep doing what I did yesterday I will be abstinent again today

goals for the day

pray and meditate
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text phil before/after my meals
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray and meditate


Edited by: GREG32572 at: 9/1/2013 (15:50)
" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
9/1/13 1:53 P

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Good day everyone. Hope all are doing well.
Greg, anyone who is willing to pour their heart out like you do, has to be on the right road of recovery. I can identify with you in many ways. Thank you so much for sharing and for giving your support.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


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9/1/13 11:40 A

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Good morning everyone. I hope you are all having a great long weekend.

NOMIS1, great job avoiding the junk food and Greg, we are rooting for you.

My goal for today is to track all my food, drink at least 8 cups of water and get at least 10 minutes of exercise. The exercise is the tough part. I was doing really well with my running for a while but my region is being hit hard with smoke from the fire in Yosemite, so I have to bring my exercise inside. I have some videos I could do but I get so self-conscious working out around my family that most of the time I end up skipping exercise all together.

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8/31/13 10:04 P

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Wow Greg - some post.

I must say, if you want to hear it or not, you are doing great. Look how far you have come.

I still have not found a happy medium. I have gained and lost weight so many times I can't even count.

When I am very strict and don't certain kinds of food eventually I will binge on them and feel as if I was holding my breath until I can eat them. On the other hand if I incorporate them into my food plan, I also never know when a binge will start.

Many years ago when I was in OA I remember saying he reached for a cookie and knew if he took it a binge would start. Sometimes I feel like that. I know it will start something.

I also know after so many years I am tired of it. Tired of always being vigilant.

That's it for me - except I do want to say I did not buy junk food when I was grocery shopping.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
8/31/13 3:02 P

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Hi Nomi
hope your weekend is going well.

Well it IS and it isn't progress. It's good that I am not binging anymore, however what I am doing now is still feeding my disease and keeping me from being sane, happy and healthy.

My sponsor turned me onto the quote "true freedom isnt free
eternal vigilance is the price of freedom"

I have to be vigilant of every piece of food that goes in my mouth. I cannot allow for any sloppiness or slips. Most people have the luxury of not being as strict, I am killing myself with food, I don't have the time or luxury to keep on going on like I am.

To be happy and healthy I need to follow my meal plan 100%. Stay away from any sort of trigger or binge foods, even if its just a taste. Most importantly I have to remember I am weak and I don't got this. I have to reply on a power greater than myself to take the compulsion from me, but more importantly i have to do the work on the ground.

I need to be in touch with my sponsor daily
I need to fill out a meal plan daily and stick to it no exceptions
I need to stay away from certain foods I have deemed binge/trigger foods
I need to pray to my concept of what a higher power is for strength everyday
I need to have a plan of action every day, and I need to follow through on it no matter what I think or feel.
I need to be unflinchingly honest about everything I do
I need to reach out to people like me who are battling the same battles, we won't all face the exact same challenges, for the most part we are all striving towards the same thing. A better healthier life free from the emotional/compulsive/binge eating.
I need to let other people who have come before me and are living a happy, sane life free from compulsive over eating guide me to the same.

I am a very arrogant, self centered person. I suffered a lot of abuse when i was a child, mental,physical, emotional, sexual. It made me a very bitter and angry person. I raged against the world for many years. I did things I am not proud of, treated people horribly. I was hurting so why shouldn't they? I blazed a path of destruction through my life, hurting those I love and care about and strangers alike. I lied, cheated, stole. I was only concerned about myself.

I tell you that stuff because in order to leave all that behind I cannot allow myself to think of these slips as progress. As long as I am still fooling myself into thinking I can have a soda, or a bite of this or that I am in danger of the person that I was coming back.

I have a deep dark hole in the center of me. I have tried to fill it with everything food, sex, drugs, alcohol. The food and the sex were the only things I got any enjoyment out of, if you can call it that.

Its very difficult for me to just submit and admit that I am weak, that I cannot handle food or any of my other vices. I was told when I was a kid I was worthless, weak, no good, fat, never going to amount to anything. I really do not do well with any sort of criticism positive or negative.

I find it very difficult to follow what my sponsors tell me without question, a part of me doesn't want to give up the freedom of choice, even though those choices are killing me. Its like that last little piece of me is holding out, I just have to let go and let God as they say, do the work and follow the direction of my sponsors and I will be free of this.

Part of it is the arrogance and self will, I think a larger piece is fear. I am not sure I would know what to do with a life free of pain, where I was happy and healthy. It sounds silly to say, but change is hard, even when its good change.

although its great I am no longer binging, I cannot allow myself to feel good about what I am doing now. For most people it would be ok, most people aren't the weight I am, with the health issues I have, and may not be as sick as I am. And I am very thankful for that, i wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I have been in program over 3 years now, at this point I know better, yet I keep doing the same things and expecting different results. I am living the definition of insanity.

Wow this ended up being way longer than what I intended to be *chuckles* sometimes I just sit down and write until I am empty.

The things I do and say apply only to me and no one else. I have to follow a more defined and strict code because my life depends on it. I used to think what was good for me is good for everyone else, that whole ego thing again *chuckles* we all have to find our own path and solution to our eating problems. They are going to be as different and varied as we all are. I no longer think I know whats better for other people because I don't, hell I don't even know whats good for me eating wise *chuckles* That's why I count on my sponsors to guide me . As tough as it is to let someone else direct certain aspects of my life, it works when I work it. One of my sponsors I really connect with, his story is pretty much my story. The group he belongs to has a webpage with speaker files from the program. Every time I hear him speak I hear my story coming out of his lips, I know that what he tells me is the truth, I know that the road I must walk needs to be very strict and rigid because anything else will mean death for me. My ego and self will are very strong from years of running wild, its so tough for me to listen to other people, I still think I know whats best even though I clearly don't. alright my long winded rambling post comes to an end. I hope you have a great weekend, thank you for the comment I greatly appreciate it. I am proud that I have come as far as I have, I just cannot sit here and admire myself I have to push forward and not accept this stuff anymore. Its a battle for me everyday


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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Fitness Minutes: (79,242)
Posts: 8,773
8/31/13 2:03 P

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Greg, I think only picking and not bingeing is a great accomplishment. Hope you are not in as much pain.

I went grocery shopping and did okay. Bought only what was on my list.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
8/31/13 1:26 P

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**food mentioned**

Good afternoon
I hope your weekend is going well.

Yesterday was not a good day for me, I am really unsure why. Nothing specific is going on. I did not feel well as usual, and I was in a considerable amount of pain. I tend to not binge anymore I just do these little picks here and there. Like with the soda, I have a soda here and there, I no longer consume whole pizza's or large amounts of Chinese food. I don't understand the small slips, the make no sense to me. Itís like I am almost there, yet I still act out in these small ways.

I started my day off today with meditation and prayer. I will work to do things for my recovery every hour through the day. I am confident that today will be a good day. Despite the actions I took yesterday, I did not start off with prayer and meditation. I cannot be sure but it seems to me those days I don't do so well.

Goals for the day

pray/meditate (done)
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text my food sponsor before and after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
8/31/13 1:19 P

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Good afternoon everyone. I had a great morning in the pool doing my water aerobics for 2 hours. I love it and I feel fantastic!
GEORGIAGIRL26 I'm happy that you got your car fixed. My car broke down on me a few months ago, and I wasn't able to fix it...but I ended up selling it. I hope to get me a much nicer car soon.

Have a great Labor Day Week End everybody.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


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8/31/13 9:44 A

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Good Morning

Wishing you all a good day.

Have to do some grocery shopping, yet again. I will not buy any junk food.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State
GEORGIAGIRL26's Photo GEORGIAGIRL26 Posts: 6,453
8/31/13 6:57 A

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Good morning, how are you doing guys?
I am doing alright just been busy.
Just got my car out of the shop yesterday.
Cost over $600 dollars to get the sucker fixed.
The compressor went, they had to replace the belt.
And I think the fellow mentioned having to put some liquid in there.
I think it was Freon. I was happy to get it back.
Need to finish up this temp job and find another one soon.
(Only a few more weeks before I get paid).
The book store only hires you for a month at the most.
Depending on how many students are coming back to the college.
And how many books that they buy. Anyway I got to go for now.
I hope that all of you are well and that you have a great weekend!
Your friend in Fitness and Healthy Eating, Holly emoticon

Holly-Georgia

Eastern Standard Time



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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
8/30/13 1:22 P

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**food mentioned*

Good afternoon I hope this finds you well

I most of my day yesterday was good. I had a couple of pop corn balls as a snack. It was not planned, Itís something I have not had in years and it sounded good. I rationalized they were low in calories so it wouldnít hurt. I realize I cannot afford to let my sick mind rationalize such things for me. The rest of the day aside from that was good.

My caloric intake for yesterday was 2621

My goals for the day

pray
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text my food sponsor before/after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
CAROL3SAN's Photo CAROL3SAN Posts: 20,244
8/30/13 10:52 A

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Good morning and TGIF! Have a great day everybody.


"You never know just how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Unknown
"....This above all, to thine own self be true"
Wm Shakespheare
"If it is to be its up to me"


 Pounds lost: 11.0 
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NOMIS1's Photo NOMIS1 SparkPoints: (74,453)
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8/30/13 9:52 A

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Good Morning

My goal for today is not to buy junk food. This, for me, is not easy. As I'm not planning on going out again, should be okay.

Naomi a/k/a Nomi
from New York State

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