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1/11/20 11:57 P

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Happy New Year 2020!

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“ Love yourself to live a healthy lifestyle”
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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
12/25/19 4:22 P

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Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year! emoticon

Michele - Central Ohio


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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
10/18/19 2:44 P

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Blessings to you and your family.

Michele - Central Ohio


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
6/18/19 11:45 A

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Just wanted to let you know my dad passed away this weekend. Thanks for your words of encouragement while I was on this Forum! God bless!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
5/5/19 11:15 A

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Well...guess I will find another forum to join as this one is basically inactive. Hope life treats everyone kindly and may you have the strength you need to face your life's challenges! God bless!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
5/4/19 12:27 P

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Having a quiet day today. Planted my flowers in pots yesterday. It's funny. I wasn't into flowers until about 5 years ago. I enjoy them. Asked my neighbor if we could clip some lilacs from his yard. He said yes. I'm waiting for them to open right now. When I was a kid, we had several lilac bushes along the north side of our yard. Loved them!!



"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
5/2/19 10:50 A

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Feeling good today! Did a strenuous workout and felt like I had a quick recovery! Yes!! Sweat like a dog, too! Will definitely use this video again!!

Dad seems no worse for wear today which is good. He's seeming to slip more mentally. Is forgetting what he's trying to say, can't remember why he's headed somewhere, isn't understanding how to use equipment and things he's used on a daily basis. And the really sad part is he recognizes he's declining. Says he has trouble remembering things about himself, although whenever asked, he still knows his birthday, etc. We deal with things as they come....focus on just today and let tomorrow take care of itself! Have a good one!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
5/1/19 8:47 P

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Had Dad out today for a doctor's appointment. Changes made to some meds and thankfully, now have some nitroglycerin...just in case. He's had some chest pains off and on. Hard to know if it's heart-related, but ya never know. He's had two heart attacks and has stents so nothing would surprise me. Hasn't had any since Easter.

After the appt, we went to lunch and then took him to the nail salon so he could have a manicure. His nails are thick and were chipping. He enjoys having it done! The lady asked how old he was and her eyes got big when I told her 90! LOL!!

He was pooped when we got home. He's been in his chair except to go to the bathroom! I expect he will sleep well tonight.

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/30/19 12:19 P

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Dad had lots of troubles yesterday...had to change his clothes twice...believe he's just waiting too long to go and it takes him longer to get where he wants to go. Might need to start using his commode. His attitude mellowed the more he was needing more assistance. We addressed things as matter of fact. Gave him encouragement, redirection, and reassurance.

Today he came down and decided to sit in the living room, which is unusual. He usually sits in the kitchen nook area. Now he's in the bathroom...has been for the past 20 min or so...I'm hoping he doesn't have a big mess in there. I checked on him and he said he was fine. Time will tell. He commented last night there wasn't anyone around. We both corrected him on that as we were both in the dining room when he was in the bathroom and only a holler away!! My sister told him if he needed help, he needed to voice it!! Totally not going there!! smh!!! He doesn't like it when we try to anticipate his needs....unless it comes to getting him coffee! lOL!!

Edited by: BIZENMO at: 4/30/2019 (12:31)
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/27/19 11:49 P

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Feeling pretty good today! Got my final four miles done for this week to make up for the three-mile day I missed earlier this week. Will take tomorrow off as a day of recovery. Will resume four miles beginning May 1st.

Had a good time visiting with a few of my high school chums last night and again today during our reunion meeting and lunch. Met up with another one at the venue where we plan to hold the festivities. Should be a good time!!

Hope everyone has a good Sunday!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/25/19 11:31 P

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Laurance...I figured you would be familiar with the smoking alternatives...:-)...so does the nurse aide staff help him smoke when you aren't there? When I worked at a facility, staff provided assistance/monitoring as needed. It was the same at various places I inspected as well. Our facility had specific times when smoking was allowed. Not everyone was happy about it, but it does take a lot of time for the staff member assigned that duty (although it doesn't sound like that's something they do there...since he has to go "off campus" so to speak).

You need to be sure to take care of yourself! He doesn't have a motorized chair? If he's too much for you physically, just tell him he can use the patches, etc. or he can quit smoking, unless the staff will take him! He'd be better off not smoking, but I'm sure he already knows that.

If I recall, he doesn't like to attend many activities. What about puzzles, word finds, and the like? Does he read? They should be able to get him some books on tape or something to help him stay occupied...but if he won't comply, then it's his monkey...you definitely have a lot on your plate.

Were they able to get his procedure done?



"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
4/25/19 2:51 P

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Hello, Biz...I'm aware of the nifty alternatives to smoking via nicotine patches, gum, lozenges and what have you. But unfortunately that man does NOT want to stop smoking, and the nurses know that. He doesn't want to, and he refuses the patch or gum and insists that he be able to keep smoking, which means that I have to sign him out, load him in his wheelchair and take him off the property, then bring him back in and sign him back in.

What makes that onerous and will eventually be the deal-breaker is that there's a slope that I have to first wheel him down, and then wheel him back up. He's obese, and I'm 125 pounds and 77 years old, and it's a real pain and trouble to push that stinkin' wheelchair. I refuse to take him out every day, and there will come a day when I tell him it's just too much for me, can't do it any more, and he'll just have to live without the cigarettes.

He's fussy these days, says he's bored, and I'm not surprised. At the same time his behavior is not much different from what it was when he was living in my house. Lie around in bed and watch TV. The difference is he can't smoke (and that's both tobacco and wacky tobaccy). And he got all my personal attention. He gets that now, but only when I visit. He has to put up with nurses doing what I used to do.

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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/25/19 1:50 P

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Woke up before my alarm which is always nice. Got in two miles of "walking" so far today. Plan to add another two miles later this afternoon...need to make up for what I didn't get done yesterday. I am considering splitting my workouts and build up to at least five miles per day. Plan to start four miles on a regular basis come the first of May.

Found another diamond art pic...hot air balloons! Will do it and send it to one of my friends in Idaho. She loves them! Also found some high gloss mod podge spray. Am doing a test spot on my flamingo canvas to see what it will look like. Otherwise, I will need to cut out paper around the beads so I don't get the spray on the canvas. It's supposed to be strong, yet flexible. Time will tell! TTYL!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/24/19 9:12 P

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Attended my friend's mom's funeral today. The pic they had of her was exactly as I remember her. She was a nice lady! She's with my friend (her daughter), Jana, now. Jana passed eight years ago. Can't believe it's been that long. Looking at Lois today reminded me of my mom. Can't believe Momma will be gone two years come June. It seems longer and yet not that long. Was good to reconnect with other friends there as well....Jana's husband and daughter...her sister (who is currently battling cancer herself)...my friend, Jill, a close nursing buddy...sad reason to get together but it was nice to do so...

Hope everyone had a great day!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/23/19 12:14 P

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Alternatives to smoking have greatly improved over the years from what I have seen. They have varying doses of the patches which means you could slowly wean him from the nicotine. They have gum, lozenges, e cigarettes, etc. You can cut a straw down that he could suck on like a cig if he wants the hand/mouth/oral satisfaction.

I understand your dilemma. Mom used to smoke. She was able to quit using the patches. She started back up, but I think it was because my dad kept asking her if she wanted to smoke. I was like Dad, leave her alone!! But, she gained some weight when she quit and he's so fixated with weight, he'd rather she smoked than become fat!! Go figure! She had emphysema but it wasn't to the point where she needed oxygen round the clock...just at night. I totally enjoy a smoke-free environment! LOL!! I can hardly stand secondary smoke, let alone sucking it into my lungs intentionally! hahahaha!

Hope everyone had a good Easter weekend. I went to visit my brother in Colorado. It was nice to get away. Needed some time to "sharpen my saw!" I did a 3-mile walk via the computer and struggled with my breath at various times, but I was at about 8000 feet instead of 3000!! LOL!! Helped my brother with clearing some trees that had fallen from the last "weather bomb" event. Had to stop a few times to recover. I was moving and piling the branches in different areas. I thought I did pretty good. Added to my exercise total for the day so that was good, too!

Well, better get back to my "to do" list. I have lots to do since I was gone and will not have time tomorrow as I have a funeral to go to (one of my friend's mother passed unexpectedly). It's a 2-3 hr drive. It will be good to see people again...it's just too bad it takes a death to make it happen....but I understand...life tends to intervene...

Hope everyone has a great day!




"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
4/18/19 2:17 P

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Allan refuses nicotine patches. I have to say I'm mighty tired of managing his stinkin' addiction! Eventually I'll reach a point when I simply refuse and tell him I've had enough. And I will talk with the head nurse and our favorite practical nurse and see if we all can persuade him to at least try the patches.

He had patches back in the '80's but it didn't work. He wanted to smoke. He didn't want to quit. But if he simply HAS TO quit, he might...

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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/18/19 1:39 P

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Feeling good today...got my 3-mile walk done first thing...sweating like a fiend...feeling muscles I haven't felt in a while...working on my arms, too. Am seeing improvements so am feeling good. Put on my old shorts and they are very baggy!! They are also starting to have frayed spots in pertinent places so will have to relegate them to sleepwear now. Good thing I have new clothes! LOL!! Hope you all have a great day! emoticon

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/16/19 12:42 A

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Have you tried nicotine patches for Allan?

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
4/15/19 1:16 P

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Chilly day today. Drizzle, not enough for an umbrella, but it's clammy, a clammy cold, and there's wind. I'm going to visit Allan in a while and I won't be surprised if he asks me to take him outside and across the street so he can smoke his stinkin' cigarettes. I'll explain that there's no way I'm going to stand outside in this miserable chilly weather.

I wish he'd stop smoking. His addictive habits make work for others, and he doesn't comprehend that. Never did, actually.

I dole out my "yesses" and manage my "nos".

First I need a short afternoon nap, then onward and downward!

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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/15/19 10:32 A

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A usual weekend. We went out to eat yesterday at Dad's suggestion. It was more like lunch and dinner. We had an okay time. I know it was late enough my body was letting me know I needed sustenance!! LOL!!

Dad does seem to be declining...struggling more with his mobility and he seemed more confused as the evening wore on...sundowning, perhaps...I believe he's trying to lose weight again so he's cutting back on how much he's eating. If how he scarfed down his salad and meal was any indication, he was hungry!! But, there's no changing him so the only thing we can do is offer him food periodically. Yesterday he had his Glucerna, OJ, and a slice of bread with peanut butter and butter at breakfast...his usual. He didn't eat again till we went out. What do you do? I'm beyond worrying about it cuz he's going to do what he wants to do...and he uses it as a picking point to rile us up; a way to get attention. Mom used to get soooo mad at him! I just say my piece and keep on steppin'. He wants to starve himself, that's his business. He sees the little bit of skin hanging at his waist (he used to be heavier years ago) and believes he's "fat." He's anorexic imho. Whatever!

We stopped at Walgreen's on the way home from the restaurant to get some stuff that was on sale. He made some crack about me buying stuff that was just going to make me fat! Yes, I got some junk stuff, but I also got other stuff as well, namely stuff for him, like his coffee, peanut butter; stuff for my sister, etc. It ticked me off! I told him they could wait and I could return the stuff I bought if it bothered him so much, although I'd be returning the stuff I got him...I made sure he knew I purchased the stuff with MY MONEY! smh He's always commenting on how people look on TV..."Good God! Look how big that person is!!" "My word, that woman's mouth is BIG!" "Could that person get any bigger?" I recall a time when my mom, he, and I were at a restaurant. I'd been gone to college for a while so I know you forget things, but I happened to laugh out loud (and I have a rather unique laugh...kinda like a witch's laugh imho; the volume was usual). The man about dove under the table. I'm like what's the matter with you? He said, "Do you have to laugh like that?" I'm like what? I looked at my mom confused and said that's how I'd always laughed...I joked it off and told him it was what it was, and don't know how he could complain since it was half his fault, so to speak! He was in the public eye at the time so was uncomfy with people staring at him and the laugh just drew peoples' eyes, you see. I'm like whatever!! Ya might as well complain about the color of my eyes! But, I've come to accept people can only be who they are...I try not to let this stuff get to me, but I'm not always successful. The difference between then and now? I set limits, and if necessary, I walk away! Again...I recall my mantra...."Just for Today!" Have a good one! emoticon



"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/12/19 1:13 P

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Things seem to have settled down these days although it's still hard to know whether what Dad's exhibiting is dementia-related or him just trying to push buttons. He has seemed to be a little more confused of late. Will need to keep a closer eye on him...watch him for s/s infection. That definitely exacerbates confusion, especially in the elderly. Last night he thought I was making him go to bed during the day. "It's not even 11 o'clock!" he said. I'm like Dad, this is the time you usually go to bed. "But it's daytime." I redirected him, opened the curtain to show him it was dark outside, and he was surprised that it was and he went to sleep.

It's sad watching him deteriorate bit by bit. Don't understand why the Lord just doesn't take him...it's what he wants...he says he's ready to be with Mom...he recognizes he's slipping and it bothers him. Sometimes I watch him walk and think about how he was when he was younger...how the roles have reversed...just want to keep him comfortable and safe so he is content. Soon he won't remember how to do basic stuff. But, that's why we are here...to meet his needs and keep him home for as long as possible...hopefully, till the Lord calls him home...

Better go! Hope all is well with you and yours...have a great day...and weekend! TTYL!
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"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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BIZENMO's Photo BIZENMO Posts: 551
4/11/19 2:42 P

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Went to bed early for me and woke up at 0700. It was snowing pretty good still, but just looking out the window it was obvious we didn't get near what they were predicting, which on one hand it's disappointing and on the other hand it's good! Won't last long...and in fact, some is already melting. LOL!! I'd like to have a ginormous snowfall once in a while...guess I will have to be content with the 8-9 inches we got with the last storm. They were saying north of us was going to be really bad...Yes, Laurance, I'm in NE. My brother called from CO and said they were looking for 4-8". I know they cancelled lots of flights (over 700) out of Denver...I'd be surprised if we got 4-5"...we were supposed to get 6-12"....oh well...

The daffodils I picked yesterday have all opened up. They were starting to put off a scent, but it's not as nice as I remember, but I still like them...they are a nice bright yellow! Brightens up the kitchen!

Dad's bath aide came today. I wasn't sure if she would or not. I called the company and they said everything was still a go so that was nice. Dad enjoys her and so do we. She's been doing such work for over 4 years and seems to enjoy it a lot.

I made the 2-ingredient Apple Pie Cups recipe I'd pulled the other day. Fast and easy and it didn't taste bad. Ya just use refrigerator cinnamon rolls. Make cups out of them in a greased muffin tin and put apple pie filling in them. Bake 14-18 minutes (a little bit longer than the time on the package), let them cool 5 min and drizzle the frosting that comes with the rolls on them. I added some caramel sauce as well. Dad and the aide had that with their coffee when they were done with his cares.

For lunch Dad had half a peanut butter and butter sandwich while my sister and I had leftovers from the other night (skillet stuffed peppers/cauliflower salad; offered the same to Dad. He refused.)...both tasted better since the ingredients had time to mingle. Not sure I will make the stuffed pepper thing again. I'm just not into peppers that much. The cauliflower salad wasn't too bad...might make it again with some adjustments to the recipe.

Since I was up early this morning, I got the trash collected and took it out when I let Harley out for the second time today. This time I made sure he went down the stairs since he pottied on the deck last night. Can't say I blame him. LOL!!

Well, hope everyone is having a great day! I'm off to my chair for a short nap...having trouble keeping my eyes open...should be up in time to make stew...have been in the crockpot as we speak! emoticon



"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
4/10/19 9:27 P

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I gather you're somewhere in the midwest? I saw that there's awful winter weather somewhere out that way. I think I'll go and have a look at the weather map and see if any of this stuff is headed our way.

Be well and safe, Biz...

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4/10/19 8:56 P

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Hi all! Weather is turning bad...had sleet and expect snow any time...it's gonna get ugly tonight with heavy wet snow and high winds and is supposed to continue all day tomorrow. They've already closed the interstate to our west and will add to that as the situation warrants, and our community and other surrounding ones have already called off school for tomorrow. Glad I don't have to get out in it...except to scoop it!

Went to the grocery store. Bought a bunch of canned goods and meat to restock our supplies. We should be good for a while. When I grew up, my folks got most of our food from a warehouse place. A semi came and delivered groceries about once a quarter or maybe every six months. Our basement was like a grocery store! It was great. We are still using the freezer they got with their start-up. The company is still in business but no longer provides canned goods. That's too bad. Once I get back to working a job outside the home, I may check into this company again. They offer lean foods now. We'll see...

Gotta go! Hope y'all had a great day! Happy Siblings Day!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/9/19 6:51 P

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Had a good day today...am tired tho...didn't get a nap. LOL!! I haven't been napping since I started exercising! I need to get my c-pap back out. I got a So Clean machine but haven't used it yet. Will disinfect my set-up a couple of times before I use it again...just as a precaution since it's been sitting...

Made a couple of recipes tonight from SP. I've never been partial to bell peppers, but made a skillet stuffed pepper casserole and a cauliflower salad that was included in the cheese n chili chops w/Cauliflower salad recipe. If you would have told me I'd eat cold cooked cauliflower, I'd say you were nuts, but I did, and I have to say it wasn't bad. Would make a nice refreshing salad during the summer...kind of tart because of the lemon juice. Couldn't tell there was any jalapeño in there, but I only used half of the pepper. As I said, not too keen on peppers, and my sister doesn't really like spicy food. Hopefully, both dishes will taste better tomorrow. Am marinating some chicken and going to make buttermilk country fried chicken tomorrow night. It's not a SP recipe, but sounded yummy! I also made some quick crescent pecan pie bars. Again, not a SP recipe, but they are only supposed to be 100 calories a piece, although I added more pecans to it than what it called, so it will be a little more...Don't know why I'm in a cooking/baking mood. Could be cuz we are looking at blizzard conditions tomorrow and/or Thurs.

Hope everyone has been having good days...TTYL!

Edited by: BIZENMO at: 4/9/2019 (18:52)
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/8/19 12:24 P

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Laurance...so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I'm glad you could be with her and help her as you did. Glad you have the kitty...and while it's another responsibility for you, it's also a way to help restore/recharge your "emotional bank account," if you will. Animals can bring such joy into our lives...and it is a way for you to stay connected to your friend! And while your friend may have missed her baby, she trusted you with a most prized possession. That speaks volumes in my book!

It is nice to reconnect to people, it's just too bad it usually takes a funeral for that to happen. Years ago I was near death and all of my siblings came to be with me. Once I was on the mend, we talked about getting together on a regular basis as we hadn't been all together since 1984!! I was sick in 2011!! Lots has happened in those years! But, as things do, it's been eight years now since I recovered and we siblings have yet to have a get together that's just us! With Momma gone, we will never be a whole family again, and now that Dad's debilitated, we probably won't be together again till his passing. We almost had it happen this past summer but my one sister already had plans with other people over the weekend my brother was able to come over. There are five of us kids and we are coast-to-coast...from New Hampshire to the San Francisco bay area with stops in MO, NE, and CO. We always have a great time when we get together. Hopefully, when all is said and done, we will make the time to do it. Life is very short really!

I felt great irritation on your behalf when you described Allan's behavior, but I felt very happy for you as well for standing up for yourself! Good for YOU!! I find it really annoying when people are so egocentric, particularly when they know what they are doing...I figure Allan doesn't really understand and just knows his wants were not met and acted on his disappointment, but it has to hurt, especially considering all you have done and do for him! But, it's a new day! Ya don't want yesterday to color your today!

I've had a productive day today already. Came awake to my alarm at 0800...up by 0830...did my exercises while trying to get Dad's morning routine completed...I just keep walking in place while I do things so my heart rate doesn't lower! LOL!! He's sounded surprised I'm exercising (remember the "I will give you a $1000 if you lose 100 lbs" encouragement to get me to lose weight offer I talked about before?...well, that's not why I'm trying to lose, but anything one can do to lower weight is exciting for him)!! I dusted downstairs and dust mopped the downstairs, upstairs, and main stairway. Wanted to get it done before Anna, the bath aide, got here since I said Friday I needed to dust! LOL!! She's visiting with Dad in the kitchen now. She comes at 1015a. They were done with his bath by 1100a. She's here till 1215p. Next time my sister and I might just go out to eat for lunch while she's here...provided she's comfortable with us doing that. I don't think she'll have any problems with it.

The weather is supposed to be nice the next couple of days and then maybe snow on Wed or Thurs. NO!! LOL!! I was going to get the garden area cleaned yesterday, but went to the store instead. I wanted to grill some steaks for supper. I am going to go back today and get some more shorts and maybe look at some tops as well, and then this afternoon I will see if I can't get Dad out there and have him help me in the garden...even if we need to have him sit in a chair. I offered that yesterday but he declined. I have a small "greenhouse" to put together as well. Got some tomato seed in the mail so need to get them going as well!

Hope everyone is having a good start to their day and that it continues!! If not, remember..."Just for today"....you can endure anything..."just for today!" And if things are too overwhelming, I tell the Lord..."My name's not Job!" I'll explain later!! LOL!! TTYL!! emoticon



Edited by: BIZENMO at: 4/8/2019 (12:30)
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/7/19 11:20 P

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You hoped everyone would have a good day today. Mine was wonderful-awful. I was at a funeral today. My friend - many, many people's friend actually - has died. On the one hand I was crying, of course, but on the other hand it was so good to see all these people there. The funeral was lovely, with a poem written and read by her granddaughter, and it felt so good to see some old friends there from when we were young teenagers.

Wonderful-awful. Great loss, but great memories of a remarkable woman.

I got home with plans for what to cook for my dinner, but I realized I'd have to change my plans, and I dug a leftover out of the fridge and put it in the nukeulator and nuked it, ate it, and then headed over to Centre Crest to hang out with Allan.

Whoops! I forgot! He wants to have his daily coffee with Irish Cream in it (he has doctor's permission for this). I was hustling around, it was late in the day, and the cat* wanted to be fed. I took care of business and headed out the door without the stinkin' coffee with Irish Cream.

And Allan whined and fussed and acted as if I were an uncaring person who was neglecting him. He yammered and sniveled at me and finally I told him that he'd better deal with the fact that I'm human and I forget things in demanding situations, including Irish Coffee for him. I have a life, too, and things that make demands on me.

I'm tired now! I want to go to bed! So I am going to do that thing! Tomorrow is another day.


* Cat. My friend and I had an agreement. If she was in the hospital for a couple of days the neighbors would take care of the cat. But if she were there for a long time I'd foster the kitty while she was away and bring the cat back when she was home again. And if/when worst came to worst I'd adopt the little pussycat. The cancer was aggressive and bad and my friend never came home again. From hospital direct to nursing home. My wish was to take the little cat to the nursing home to visit, but this cat does NOT like being in the cat carrier and does NOT do well at all in a strange place, and visiting was NOT feasible - and it wasn't long till my friend died. So I have a little pussycat here. As long as my friend was alive I felt bad, as if I were stealing her cat. She said to our mutual friend that she lost everything and had to give everything up, but the worst was giving up her little cat. Now our friend has died, and I feel as if I have a cat now.

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4/7/19 10:12 P

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Today was a pretty good day...I think exercising is having a positive effect on my attitude...either that or it's the prospect of going out of town sometime soon....hahaha!

This morning Dad came down the stairs and as is his usual, he gives a quasi compliment in order to make you stroke his ego..."You look good this morning, how do I look?" smh I just say he looks fine and keep on doing what I'm doing. He does the same thing when he wants coffee. He asks you if you want some instead of just asking if one of us would get him some coffee...it's ridiculous...especially since neither my sister nor I drink coffee and never have!!

He told me this morning he wasn't going to eat much today. I reminded him his body worked 24/7 and he needed to fuel his tank to prevent issues, then told him I couldn't/wouldn't care about his eating...that it was his choice and I changed the subject. He let it drop!

Can't believe how green our grass is and how fast it's growing! My neighbor, who mows our lawn, too, mowed his today! I thought I heard a mower when I was in the basement folding clothes! LOL!! I should have got in the garden and cleaned it up so it would be ready to be tilled, but I went to the store instead. I bought some more shorts as I've been wearing the same ones for the past two years and they are showing the wear...I wear shorts year round cuz Dad gets cold so the house is hot during the winter. I was able to buy a smaller size and I bought an even smaller size so I'd have some to wear later in the summer when I go to my HS class reunion!! Should be fun! I'm looking forward to it...

Hope everyone's had a great day! TTYL! emoticon


"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/6/19 8:17 P

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My word, Laurance! I think I'm tired just reading about all that you did and do for Allan (sorry I assumed he was your husband)! I'm really glad you are making sure you take time for yourself! You definitely need that time to recharge. It's no wonder you felt you were breaking down...doing all of that on your own! Once again, I must say...God Bless You!

I hope all goes well with his procedure. Sounds like he is high risk any way you go. Things will be as they are meant to be. And, if there are complications and he doesn't survive the procedure, you know you have gone above and beyond to help him have a quality life! You are most definitely a partner in his care!

Yes, they put stents in all sorts of places. My dad had his aortic aneurysm repaired with one. They went up through the artery in his groin and placed two parts as the aneurysm was extending towards one of his iliac arteries (towards his legs) as well. He's got a "clinically insignificant" leak now (figure his vessel has continued to weaken and it's extended beyond the length of his stent), but considering Dad's 90, we aren't going to do anything about it. My mom had her main artery to her kidney stented as it was pretty well blocked and causing her to have hypertensive crises which put her in the hospital twice (her BP would skyrocket which threw her into heart failure. Her heart couldn't pump the blood properly so it would back up into her lungs which caused fluid to seep out into her lungs tissue, aka pulmonary edema, which basically meant she was drowning in her own fluids). She didn't have any more problems after that. I've personally seen them for vessels, the heart (as you've noted), the kidney, and the biliary system (bile ducts). Is Allan's problem with his urethra (tube draining the bladder) or his ureter (tube draining kidney into the bladder)? Men often have issues with their prostate enlarging which compresses the urethra and results in urinary retention which can lead to complications such as infection, etc.

Are you still having problems with getting his pain meds timely? I looked back at some of the previous entries and saw that was an issue. Is that snarky nurse still there? Did you go to management about all of that? Did you discuss it during Allan's care plan meetings? What about the spills you are falling in?! I've been a Director of Nursing (DON) in long-term care (LTC) and that's definitely something we'd have been on top of...for that very reason...safety! Don't care how busy you are, sometimes you have to MAKE THE TIME to get things done. A stitch in time and all that...I sincerely hope you are wearing gloves when you do clean up spills! If not, please start! There are so many "bugs" in such facilities. You don't want to expose yourself unnecessarily!

If they are overwhelmed, the staff needs to talk to management and ask for their help! Usually people can help out for a spell...even a short time is helpful...the Administrator, DON, ADON, MDS Coordinator, etc. As a DON, I made beds, toileted people, helped with cares, hopped linens (rinsed soiled briefs, linen, etc....that was more prevalent in the old days when people had washable briefs, but they should still do it if the residents' outside clothing is soiled with stool), passed trays, helped feed and walk people, etc. Yes, I had my own responsibilities, but the point of the facility is to provide care for the residents. Each day requires a shift in priorities.

After I was DON for a couple of months one of my night RNs quit (my honeymoon period was OVER!! LOL!!) so I ended up working every other weekend nights plus work as the DON because I couldn't find anyone to fill the position. I worked double shifts from nights on Sun through the day shift on Mon in order to meet RN coverage for nights and DON regulations for the week. I can't believe I did that for eight months! But I was only 31 then and I didn't have a life except my work. Hahahahaha!!

I was very lucky to have had a really great core staff who believed in the WIT program...whatever it takes...to meet the residents' needs. They did more than their share of overtime. We paid bonuses, etc. but that only goes so far. People burn out. I eventually talked my administrator into raising the wage and using agency staff until such time as I could get permanent staff hired. It wasn't easy because we were in a rural setting and less than an hour from a metropolitan area where people could make more money. By the time I left, the CNA pay had increased by 50% and the licensed staff's wages were better, too! It should have been more! And despite all of the challenges, our facility was deficiency-free with our surveys for the two years I was there and for at least another year after I left! I lasted about two and a half years.

I might have stayed longer, but my boss did me a really bad turn and it became apparent to me my efforts were not appreciated. I felt burned out and since I got out of debt, I decided to seek work outside of health care for a while. I did word processing (generated reports for a home inspection company) and later sold water treatment equipment (had to supplement my income by working as a LTC staff nurse as my sales job was commission only and the only sales I seemed to make were to people who had no credit! ha!). I needed that break and what I learned from doing sales helped me in my nursing career later!

In '97 I moved to Idaho and initially started to work in LTC. I lasted three days! I recall my first night of orientation. I'm asking my trainer about doing the Medicare assessments. She said we'd get to it. We never did. The second night I again asked her when we would do the assessments. She said she did her assessments as she did her rounds, passed meds, etc. I'm like well that's great for you, but I don't know these people...when do you listen to their lungs, heart, etc? She got irritated with me. We never assessed anyone (imho). The kicker was the third night. One of the CNAs was beside herself because her daughter had not arrived home from school and she had absolutely no idea where she might be! The DON told this poor young woman she could go home IF SHE FOUND HER OWN REPLACEMENT!! I'm like what the heck?! I could not believe it! She was in no condition mentally to do her work, of course, and I figured if the management of the facility had such little consideration for its staff, it wasn't a place I wanted to be associated with, not to mention the nurses weren't doing what they were supposed to do. That next day I called and told them I would not be back! A few weeks later I started working in dialysis!

Health care has definitely changed in the 37 years I've been in it, and I can't say it's all for the better. Technology has improved many things, but you can't do without the face-to-face time between the staff and residents/patients. People are a lot sicker, need more attention, and companies try to do it with the bare minimum while regulators require more and more! It's wonderful that you are able to be there for Allan the way you are! All I know, if I wasn't a nurse, I literally wouldn't be here myself...but that's a story for another day...

Have a good evening!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/5/19 10:43 P

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Hello, Biz, and thanks for the Spark Mail you sent me. I will be answering you soon.

We don't know yet when Allan will have his procedure. Oh, and it's not surgery of the cutting sort. He won't be sliced, diced and julienned (and there was a super dramatic surgery some ten years ago that would fit that description - and that unforgettable double-doctor surgery on the morning of 9/11). Rather it's more of a procedure that involves probing his nether orifice and trying to open up the pipes between his kidneys and the outside world. Might have to put a stent in. I'd always thought stents were for hearts, but apparently a stent can be used to open up all sorts of plumbing.

Allan has been dying since Christmas of 1992. Long story and I'm not going to go into it right now. He should have been dead. He told me he heard the doctor in the Emergency Room saying, "Why is this man still alive?" And since then it's been one emergency after another, one operation after another, one crisis after another. I think I said this already. It's late and I'm tired and can't remember, gotta look at the posts we've had in the past day or two.

He's cheated death so much I've forgotten that one of these days he will turn up his toes and be pushing up daisies. I've said that I will be grieved and relieved in equal measure. What I will do I cannot predict.

I was 51 when he came back to me to die. (We're not married, and I was not at all happy to have him turn up suddenly while I was putting the lawn mower back in the garage.) Now I'm 77 and my options are not what they used to be. While I do give thoughts to what I will do (besides sitting on the floor crying and playing weepy old George Jones tunes), I really don't know just how much I will be able to do. Once I've stopped crying I may find that I like having my time for myself again. I might really get going with my art work.

Assuming I outlive him, that is. He's younger than me, only 68. As I just said, I'm 77. So we're in a race to the grave. Who will get there first? I have age against me. He has all this ill health.

As for outside activities, I do belong to two book clubs that meet weekly and one that meets monthly. And my best friend and I go to Panera, order our salads and sit there playing cards. We both love to play cards but have nobody else to play with. I do go to Jazzercise and to the gym, and I go mall walking with my daughter.

But you're right, I do spend a lot of time with Allan, and I am involved in his care. I help the nurses and aides out as much as I can, changing his bed sheets, changing his diaper, fetching things, those nurses and aides work so awfully hard, with such long shifts and being short-staffed. I do what I can to help.

I see myself as a partner in his care. When Allan was in my house the Office of the Aging was useless, as I said in another post. The Senior Center's version of "Meals on Wheels" was, well, trading one set of problems for another. Home nurses were seldom and useless. (Years ago it was I who had to teach the nurse how to use a Wound Vac. *She* is the nurse, I'm a nothing, so why am *I* the one who teacher *her*?)

I was overwhelmed and depressed and couldn't hold everything up by myself. It was such a relief when Allan went into Centre Crest, our local nursing home. (The doctor was in cahoots with the Emergency Room and there was some sort of arrangement that the next time Laura brings Allan in...oh yeah, "Laurance" is Laura...)

But I see so many having to work long 18-hour shifts. I often see the halls empty, and the nurses' station is empty because everyone is needed elsewhere. I don't blame the nurses, they're already tired from long hours, and it's not their fault that nursing homes in general are short-staffed. So I help out as much as I can. And because there are now these people doing jobs that I used to do alone I don't get burned out and depressed. I feel like I'm part of Allan's care.

Speaking of people doing jobs. I looked around at all the jobs being done. Someone is doing the registered nursing, and I did some of what the registered nurse does. I see the practical nurses, and what I was doing at home was practical nursing. There's the dietician and the people who provide food, and lemme tell you, trying to keep that man on a low sodium diet was a nightmare!! The housekeepers clean things up, and Allan could sure make a mess! Just clean up after Allan has had a hemhorrage, yeah! The maintenance men take care of the other sorts things, so did I. The Transportation people take care of arranging doctor appointments and taking the residents to the doctor. I did all that, and continued to do it after Allan went to Centre Crest until he was unable to get in and out of the car and unable to walk the short distance into the building. Now Transportation takes care of his appointments and I meet him at the doctor's office.

I looked at all the people who are doing all the jobs at Centre Crest, and I thought, Wow, I did all those things by myself.

Enough! I'm glad to share the job! High-demand people take A LOT out of caregivers.

Anyway I'm glad that this forum is coming back to life again. Good night, everyone!

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4/5/19 6:35 P

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Laurance...how was your day today? Hopefully, all is well. When will your husband need his surgery? Have you given much thought as to what you will do when Allan's time does come and he's no longer with you? It sounds like you spend a lot of time with him. Do you have any outside activities that you do for yourself? Will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers...



"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/4/19 3:23 P

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Y'know...Allan is going to die one of these days. That's what happens to people in nursing homes. That's what happens to EVERYONE sooner or later. Allan has lived through So. Many. Operations. And. Emergencies when he should have died that it seems to me that he will live Forever. I've gotten so used to him cheating death.

But lately I've been looking at him and thinking, Gosh...one of these days...and now we have this kidney thing and yet ANOTHER procedure...some day his luck will run out...this time I am feeling anxious in a way that I haven't felt before.

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4/4/19 3:13 P

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It doesn't end. Well, some day it will end. Now we have ANOTHER disease to think about. Allan was diagnosed with some nasty kidney disease this morning. There'd been a CAT scan a couple of days ago, and the urologist told us about the gnarly yucky things that are going on. I can't say I'm surprised. Allan takes after his mother who went diabetic and had just about every disease known to mankind as a result, and Allan is following her in her footsteps.

He's got the diabetes, and his kidneys are shot to bits and he needs treatment. Not dialysis yet, but the procedures and treatments the doctor needs to do are dicey. Because of Allan's frail health anesthesia is very dangerous for him. The cardiologist said that Allan should not have full anesthesia because it could very well kill him. He should only have full anesthesia if the situation were so dire he'd die for sure without the operation, but if they gambled on the full anesthesia there's a chance he might live through the operation after all.

So they're talking about consulting with the cardiologist and doing some lesser work on him with a sedative and some sort of partial anesthesia.

Yuck.

It's been a long time since Allan last had an operation. He's had more operations than I can count. He had a drastic and serious operation nine years ago or so, IIRC, which would have been the last time he had full anesthesia. He's had a couple of minor operations since with partial anesthesia, and just recently...before Christmas... I forget, what was it that happened? Some minor thing with a sedative and mild anesthesia, I can't remember, but it messed with his head. It was enough to add to his dementia...oh yes, it was to remove a big honkin' varicose vein on his leg, because the vein was adding to the difficulty of his awful leg and ankle ulcers healing. They'll probably never heal, but they can be better or worse.

And now he need yet ANOTHER operation/procedure. Here we go again.

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4/4/19 2:55 P

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Hello, BIZENMO...so your Dad doesn't like to bathe? Hah! When Allan was living with me he didn't want to bathe, either. One year he showered four times. Did I say "year"? Yes. Did I say "four times"? Yes. That's one shower per season.

Then in July of 2016 he finally went into the Nursing Home (and not a moment to soon; I was collapsing from the stress of caring for him - it was just too much for me all by myself and the Office of Aging was useless) and when the aide asked him if he wanted a shower he said No. This went on, and the aides were distressed. Allan has Patient's Rights and can refuse if he wants.

I suggested to the one girl who was on duty, "Let's go together. We're gonna gang up on him a bit. Instead of *asking* him if he wants a shower, let's *tell* him it's time for a shower. He'll still have his Patient Rights because he can say No and we'll do what he wishes. But if we *tell* him we'll stand a better chance.

So off we went, and we told Allan it's time for a shower. By golly! We got him into the shower.

These days I'm told he's much better about accepting his shower.

Having an aide come and manage the bathing sounds like a good idea. Your Dad might cooperate better with an aide than with you and family members.

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4/4/19 1:11 P

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Well, my sister returned yesterday and my dad said he was "so glad" to see her! No more than I was!! LOL!!

Yesterday wasn't too bad when all was said and done. I ate lunch with Dad and later he asked me to sit and visit with him, which I did. He helped me fold clothes, told me he was glad that I was there to help him, etc. He commented maybe he needed to think about moving to a facility..."they don't cost that much!" I reminded him the assisted living facility he looked at when my mom was ill was nearly $6000/mo and that was why my sister and I were there...to help him stay at home. He said he didn't realize it was so much and he was glad we were there.

Today he had his first visit with the bath aide. It seemed to go well. She will be here twice a week for two hours each time. We can leave when the aide is here so maybe we will do that. It will give us all a break and it will be good for Dad to have interaction with other people. He liked it when the Home Health people came so this should be no different except that we can leave. Seems like a win-win to me!

I need to figure out where I want to go when I take some time away. Need to pay some bills with my tax return and where I go will be determined by how much I have left!

Have a great day!


Edited by: BIZENMO at: 4/4/2019 (13:13)
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/3/19 3:06 P

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Appreciate the feedback. I will check into what you've shared. I've gone on line at Alz.org and also talked to them by phone and they basically told me what I already knew, but it was good to vent. I've also taken a care giver's class through the Agency on Aging and have their info which I can reference. I realize how I'm communicating isn't the best. Need to review that section again...I might see about attending a support group as well. It will get me out of the house and share with people who are going through the same thing.

I know my nursing background helps, but it can be problematic as well. People typically will do what you need them to do in the hospital setting...not always, of course, but typically. And I'm very much in the habit of giving choices as that's foundational. Here at home, I try to do that and it seems to cause more problems than it helps! I've begun to limit the choices offered which has helped to a certain degree, but the bottom line is Dad doesn't like to be told what to do and never has! In fact, he will do exactly opposite of what you ask of him and smile while doing it!! He did that this morning when he came down! He asked me if he should leave his walker in a certain place and then sit down in his chair which was still four or five steps away (he does the same thing with the toilet). Of course, I asked him to use his walker till he got into the chair and then we'd move it. He said okay and then did exactly what he asked about doing...left the walker and very hesitantly/unsteadily made his way to his chair. I got annoyed. Dad said "maybe" he didn't hear me...maybe?....BS! I was speaking loudly enough for him to hear me! I reminded Dad there were various means of enhancing his hearing that he could use!! (He has a rechargeable amplifier that looks like a hearing aid as well as one with ear buds that looks like a small transistor radio...does he use them? Nope! You see, when he does, he hears more than he wants to. He even gave real hearing aids a go shortly after I got here...his testing proved he needed them...but he only wore them two days and then they stayed in the box after that! We took them back.)

We finally had to get him a headset to watch TV because one day he'd "need' to have the volume up to 90 and other days if it was over 35, it was "too loud, too loud!" Again, I call BS. We endured this for a couple of months and then the excess noise became too much for my sister and me! We got the ear bud amplifier so we all could have a better experience watching TV, but he refused to wear it! When I saw the headset, I grabbed it! He used to listen to music with one while he gardened so I figured it was something he'd use and for the most part he does. If he claims the volume needs to be turned up on the TV, we just remind him to use his headset and we adjust that. The volume on the TV remains at a regular level for the rest of us! It was amazing how much stress that was causing because the TV was so loud we couldn't hear him talking so we'd mute it and then he'd ask why the TV went off and to turn it back on!! smh We still have to help him with the headset, but our lives have improved greatly!!

My brother said we need to make him think things are his idea. Well, I call BS on that! We're all adults here and we try to accommodate for Dad's declining abilities, but I've always had a hard time "playing games" so people will do what I want. I don't like to be manipulated and I am not comfortable doing it to others! My sister feels the same way. It could be something I will have to change, who knows.

I told Dad it was my intention to start today with a clean slate today, but that did not happen. It started out okay...I checked on him about 0900 this morning. Since he was complaining his knees were hurting a lot, I went down and got his pain pills so he could get them on board before he needed to do much walking today. He comes down complaining his knees haven't hurt this bad in a long time (weather's fluctuating right now with the season...yesterday was in the 60s...today's high is only in the 40s). I asked him if he was wearing his knee braces...he had to move them to get to his shoes while dressing...like he does every day....of course, he did not put them on! I told him I didn't understand why he refused to use adaptive equipment to help himself, he just shrugged. He's of the opinion that suffering pain "makes me know I'm alive!" Well, he can suffer I guess! I asked him last night if the braces were too small...no....were they uncomfortable?....no...so they help?...yes....so why don't you use them? "I don't know." smh What do you do except treat each event as if it's new to him!

I asked him if he wanted lunch. He said no and I left it at that. He's anorexic and has been for years. It's also a typical "hot" button...a way for him to get attention. I just shrugged and told him that was up to him. He said he was glad I said that. I did let him know I didn't appreciate having to deal with his symptoms because of it. Numerous times he's complained of nausea, weakness, no stamina and it's simply because he hasn't eaten for who knows how long. He wants to weigh 135!! To reach that he basically starves himself. He weighed that in Sept of last year, but he had lots of symptoms to get there. This week he was almost 154 lbs...hence the focus! He won't accept he needs to eat enough to keep his body functioning!

And heaven forbid he gets on such a "roll." You never hear the end of it! He makes snide remarks about how much we put on our plates..."Are you going to eat all that?!" I'll give you $1000 if you lose 100 pounds! He not so quietly remarks about others "Look how big that person is!" "My God!" We just tell him we're not going there or remind him everyone's different and it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round; he doesn't know the person's background so how can he judge, etc. Once my sister and one of her friends came for a visit and the first thing out of Dad's mouth, even before a hello, was to ask my sister if she didn't think she needed to lose some weight! The sad part is he is so focused on the outside when he needs to see the inside...but that's just a pipe dream. I remember one time we were having a discussion...it was shortly after I was out of nursing school. I hadn't consciously thought of the question; it just came out of my mouth. I asked him, "Why do you think the worst of me?" I will NEVER forget his answer...."I don't know. I guess I just do!" It was one of the most hurtful things I've ever had said to me...and he really hasn't changed much, but we have...we set limits if/when we can!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
4/3/19 7:23 A

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Hello, BIZENMO...you're right, not much activity here, and that's partly my fault, of course, since I've been here for years. There was a time when this thread on this team was very active and lively. Maybe we can get it rockin' 'n' rollin' again. I found both good support and useful information here.

Two useful things I learned here:

(1) The Alzheimer's Reading Room:

https://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/

This man took care of his mother at home until she died (wow!), and started blogging about what he was experiencing and learning. The blog grew and grew, with more and more people reading and responding, and now it's huge. Not only does Bob still blog, he has other people contributing essays and useful information, and now it's a real source for us.

(2) Let's Talk Dementia, by Carol Howell:

https://smile.amazon.com/Lets-Talk-Demen
tia-Caregivers-Guide-ebook/dp/B0155KST
FM/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?crid=UAP3EI7WW0
8N&keywords=let%27s+talk+dementia+
a+caregiver%27s+guide&qid=15542897
07&s=books&sprefix=Let%27s+Tal
k+Dementia%2Caps%2C213&sr=1-1-fkmrnull

This short and simple book gave me useful information. There are much longer and more detailed books available, but what I really like about this one is that it is indeed short and simple and deals with everyday hands-on issues and does so in a personal way. I've been through it twice or so, and it's time to re-read and refresh myself.

Between Bob DeMarco and Carol Howell I have gotten useful information and a feeling of support.

Yipes! Just this moment I discovered that Carol has a new book out!

"Momma Is Confused and So Am I: Knowing the Difference Between Dementia and Alzheimer's Disease"

So many books! So little time. And I have to get ready to go to the physical therapist for my problematic left knee. I'll have to look into this later. I was trying to find the URL to Carol's blog...

Anyway I'm glad you wrote, and I will try to do my part to keep things happening here. I did have something I wanted to share here, but it's just been one thing after another, and I'm slow at typing and end up not writing.

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4/2/19 11:59 P

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Doesn't seem there is much activity on this forum...oh well...I'm gonna vent anyway.

Didn't have such a good day today. I've been after my dad to shower for the past two days...three really...to no avail...at least not until today, of course!! Today was already chock full of things to do which is pretty much why he put off his showering (imho; he's very manipulative)...a doctor appt at 1000 and another appt at 4p...that's a lot for him!

I got him up a little after 8am because it typically takes him a good hour or so to get all of his stuff done when he showers and he needs time to eat, drink his coffee, look at the paper, etc. He still hadn't gotten into the bathroom by 0830 so I knocked on his door asking him if he was ready to shower. He gets all disgusted about it so I tell him it was strictly up to him whether he wanted to shower or not, it was no skin off of my nose, but I recommended it because he was starting to smell. (He hadn't showered since a week ago Sat!) He finally got moving and walked to the bathroom with his brief hanging half off of his bum. I encouraged him not drop it any farther as it could cause him to trip. Just trying to startle and embarrass me. I've been a nurse for almost 40 years...I don't embarrass easily!!

He showered without too much difficulty...tried to turn DOWN the hot water in an effort to increase the temperature as he was cold...and, of course, he got snarky when I redirected him. Ugh! He seemed to tolerate the activity fairly well, although he did need to sit down several times once he was out of the tub. It's funny because he initially refused to use mom's shower chair and was really ticked when my brother put grab bars in the tub area, but he has limited stamina and not to do those things would have been negligent imho. He's happy to have them now!

With his toilette completed, we went downstairs. He seemed to tolerate that activity pretty well. Had little time to eat, drink coffee, or read the paper, but that was of his own making. He read the paper later. He refused to wear his coat even though the temp was only in the 40s this morning. Any other day he'd be saying he was oh, so cold! Whatever. I brought it just in case!

We got into the car and as we were headed to the doctor's office, he tells me he's having left-sided chest pain. He's had it before...two MIs...five stents...I asked him if we needed to go to the hospital. No! We go on. A little later I asked him if his pain had gone away. No! Ok...so we get to the doctor's office, I check in, and let them know he was having some chest pain. Next thing I know, the doc is at the door telling us to come in. They put him in the first room after weighing him and the doc tells me he figures we will be going to the hospital. Dad's thinking this is pretty funny, commenting he'd never been in that room before (it was their "emergency" room). As the doc checks my dad and asks him questions, I reminded Dad he had told me in the car on the way over he was still having chest pain. He verified this. When the doc asked him about it, Dad said, "I lied!" I looked at Dad and then I looked at the doctor and said "What?" The doc looked at me and quietly said, "Well, I guess he won't need to go to the hospital after all." I was so ticked because the doctor had bumped another patient in order to check my dad out! All I could do was apologize. Unbelievable!! We did get his pain medication increased since his Mobic had been discontinued previously with nothing added in its place. They gave him a new shingles vaccine and we left.

As we exited the clinic area and went into the waiting room, I asked Dad to have a seat while I checked him out. I got done, turned around, and no Dad! I looked around the room and figured maybe he was in the bathroom as I didn't see him anywhere else. I sat down for a few moments to wait for him and happened to look out the window....and what do I see? My dad is in the middle of the parking lot walking north all by his lonesome. Now my dad's knees are bone-on-bone...they cause him a lot of pain...and he's walking off?! I went out the door and hollered at him, asking him where he was going. He said he was getting into the sun because he was cold. If I hadn't seen him, he would have kept on walking...he was already in the sun! smh

We get home and he has to sit down quickly because he's beat and his knees are hurting. He has one butt cheek on the chair and one hanging off. I ask him to reposition so he's securely seated. He sits there. I go to the bathroom, come down, and he's still sitting one cheek on, one off. Again, I ask him to sit on the chair properly. (Dad has a habit of falling asleep at this table so sitting in that fashion puts him at high risk for falling off the chair). Still he does nothing. Eventually, he decided he needed to go to the bathroom. He got up and started walking to the stairs...no cane...no walker. I gave him the cane and reminded him to leave it at the top of the stairs when he was done and to use his walker when going about the house. He got done, came up and started heading back to his chair with nothing. I stopped him, handed him his walker, and reminded him physical therapy had said he should use the walker when walking about the house because his gait was unsteady and his knees gave out on him. He said, "I know" and takes the walker. Instead of going to his chair in the kitchen, he turned to go into the dining room. I figured okay, he's headed for his recliner...well, that couldn't be farther from the truth...no, he "parks" his walker behind his recliner and then was trying to walk unsupported back into the kitchen. He was weaving all over, trying to reach for furniture, etc. I lost my cool and told him just what I thought about all of the BS he'd been pulling today letting him know neither I nor anyone else impacted by his behavior thought it was funny! I gave him his lunch and a carafe of coffee. He stayed in the nook and I let him know I would be in the living room. I checked on him periodically asking him if he needed anything, gave him his afternoon meds, and his beer and chips at 2pm; otherwise we kept to ourselves.

At 340p we left for our appt. Things were calm. He made a comment while we were sitting with the tax lady about my "having issues" and that I "needed to make a decision". I just looked at him. We went out to supper afterwards. Things remained calm but conversation was kind of sparse, especially after we got our food. He spilled his beer which embarrassed him. I told him not to worry about it; stuff like that happened all of the time. No biggy. Now if we'd have done that as a kid, he would have been all over us and we'd have gotten a spanking when we got home...because he would have been embarrassed...and God forbid if you embarrassed Dad!! He thanked me for not getting upset. I'm like what is there to get upset about...later he dropped food as well. Not sure if he was just checking my reaction or if he just wasn't getting his food on his fork right. He seemed ok so I wasn't worried...

Tonight he's seemed to do okay. We watched TV for a while and then I got on the computer. I have reminded him to use the bathroom periodically; he's declined. Typically, he is continent. The other day he wet himself simply because he didn't want to get up to go to the bathroom! It was the first night my sister was gone. He's worn briefs for months because he has accidents. We know when it's an accident because he gets upset. He wasn't upset the other night!

What do you do...except what needs to be done...I'm not happy with myself for losing my cool today....but today is over...each day is a new day...a clean slate as it were...I'm hoping tomorrow will be better...(I'm definitely taking some "me" time once my sister is back and I get my income tax return!! I believe we all will benefit!)





"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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4/1/19 12:28 A

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Hi! I'm new to this group. This thread seems to be the most current so I'm chatting here.

I came back to my home town three years ago to be closer to my folks as they were aging (in their mid 80s) and needed more help than I could give them living six hours away. Neither wanted to be placed in a nursing home and since I'm unattached and their DPOA, it made sense for me to make the move. My oldest sister comes and helps out as well.

We, unfortunately, lost Mom in June of 2017 so now my oldest sister and I are helping to care for dad. My sister left today to spend some time at her home, get her taxes put together, etc. so I guess he feels it's okay to make rude comments and pull a bunch of BS which he likes to do just to get your goat. He's always been a very narcissistic person. We take it one day at a time! We've been caring for him at home, but if he wants a different environment/caregivers, so be it. I will leave it up to him. We'll see what he has to say tomorrow when I address what went on today! He likes to play games and it's very annoying because it's difficult to determine if his behavior is related to his disease or if it's just him being a butthead! Many times I think it's the latter, but my gut tells me I need to treat it as the dementia!

He's definitely declined since Momma passed. They were married 65+ years. If I could, I'd recommend my mom for sainthood! I have no idea how she put up with this crud for as long as she did! Wow!! We were able to move away...she stayed true to her vows (even though he's accused her of doing just the opposite...and still does! smh). He thought for sure he'd go first since he's had two MIs, a mild stroke, and a AAA repair, but she beat him to the punch! LOL!! He was honestly quite annoyed with her about that! No joke! He didn't come to the hospital the last two days she was alive and refused to participate with her arrangements! When he did deign to meet with the minister, he was in an all fire hurry to get it over with...it didn't center around him, you see! Now, he wishes he could die, too, but it's like we tell him, that's up to the Lord! We try to give him encouragement, but it doesn't do much good. We offer to take him places, but he always declines...I figure it's because of his memory. We do get him out to eat periodically. It makes his day if people recognize him! His mobility is going to limit that soon. He's "bone-on-bone" at his knees so it's painful for him to walk much which is sad because he used to walk all of the time when he retired.

He turned 90 this year. He's still pretty spry really...able to handle most of his ADLs...when he wants to, i.e., activities of daily living...eating, dressing, toileting, etc. He has occasional accidents but mostly he's continent! He should walk with his walker or cane, but most of the time lately he's trying to walk unassisted and he won't wear his knee braces even though it helps his pain. We've redirected him repeatedly, but he's going to do what he wants to do.

He definitely lacks safety awareness. I keep telling him he's eventually going to fall, but he just poo poos it just like most elderly people do...just like teenagers, they think it won't happen to them! I remind him he may not be as "lucky" as Mom was....if you can call it that! She fell down the basement stairs and ended up with bleeding on her brain in two areas as well as inside, suffered a shattered collar bone at her sternum, and she had a large, deep hematoma in one of her buttocks. She had a goose egg on the back of her head and another smaller one on her left temple. She had stroke-like symptoms with right-sided weakness. It was less than what it could have been, that's for sure! She was rebounding, but then took a turn due to lack of care (imho) and passed....(that's fodder for another story...will make your hair curl...glad you are as involved as you are with your husband's care, Laurance!! It's so important to be watchful and vigilant!)

As I said, we are trying to take it one day at a time. I have only two more days with him by myself before my sister returns. We get along okay; it's just more stressful being with him alone. Ya can't go anywhere unless you take him with you! Figure I will do errands on Tues in between the appointments he has. Once I get my tax refund, I'm going to take some time away. I haven't had any breaks since a year ago Nov. Family's come around, but I just haven't left while they were here. Maybe I'll see my friends in Idaho...who knows?!

Thanks for listening! Have a great night!

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
3/25/19 2:07 P

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Nice to hear from you. Hope future testing is promising and your able to keep yourself healthy as your work with your daughter. Keep us posted.

Michele - Central Ohio


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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
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3/25/19 9:21 A

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I haven't posted in a while, my daughter is finally back to full time at school. Okay to be honest they call it school and it is part of the public school system and health care system. She is doing okay for the most part. I'm enjoying the 5 hour break it gives me every weekday. They are able to work with her and keep her safe.

The neurologist is about ready to make a major diagnosis, he is sending hubby and I for some extra genetic testing and having some more done on our daughter. He is confident that she has Leukodystrophy, just not sure what kind.

Have a great Day
Kira a.k.a. majork29
Living in Edmomton, AB
BL Challenge: Pink Flamingoes!


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#1 Consistently drink 8 glasses of water
#2 Increase my Daily Steps to 8500 by the end of January 2020
#3 Journal Daily


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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
3/22/19 8:46 P

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Yes, you're right. All Nursing Homes, rehabs, senior facilities have problems keeping staffed. Not everyone has the needed ability to handle senior care. That in itself may be one reason some families may drop and rarely visit their elders once in a facility. I keep hoping families have the chance to get better informed on elder care. To my knowledge Kentucky and Ohio have no offerings. Myself, I would rather remain right where I am.

Stay Safe!

Michele - Central Ohio


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
3/22/19 10:50 A

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Hello, Michele...I haven't become an official volunteer because I don't know that doing that would help. I might find that I'd have specific hours to be there and given specific tasks that might well be in another part of the building.

The way it is now I can come when I can and want to, and I focus on Allan and on being useful to the nurses and aides. I change his bed, change his diaper (poor guy, to be incontinent and have to wear a diaper like a baby), and importantly, I report things to the nurses. I feel so bad for the "dump and runs" whose family left them there and then disappeared, never to be seen again. The sad reality is that lots of things get missed, not because the nurses and aides are bad, but because they're just so overworked and busy and short-handed. They can't see everything, can't be aware of everything. Having a family member who is there every day and can tell the nurses when something is needed really helps.

And Centre Crest isn't the only place like this. I'm told that this sort of thing is the case all over the place. Nursing homes in general are understaffed. And I know there are people who are unhappy with the fancy expensive places because the nursing is insufficient there, too. Centre Crest actually does quite decently in comparison with other places. It's only the outdated image of "the County Home" that has people thinking differently.

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
3/22/19 8:59 A

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Happy to hear that Allan is still at Centre Crest. It does make a difference to be able to come and go as one wishes. Did you every hook up with Crest's Volunteer group?

Michele - Central Ohio


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
3/21/19 10:52 P

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My bad! I'm one of those who hasn't posted in quite a time. I wish I were Caring without problems. I've just been kind of, well, constantly running around feeling confused and tired and unable to solve problems.

Actually I have a lot to say. I could fill a small book. Just too much.

Come July Allan will have been in Centre Crest for three years. For him it's frustrating not being able to have his own way and do what he wants. For me it's a life saver. I'd have fallen down by now if he were still in my house. He's just too much, too much.

I'm finding out up close and personal about Life in the Nursing Home. I do care for Allan still, but now I'm a partner in his care rather than the isolated burned out do-it-all.

On the one hand I love Centre Crest and feel like it's my home, because Allan is there. I live in my house, but my heart is with Allan and the other residents.

Centre Crest is desperately understaffed, but I hear tell that that is the case all over. Centre Crest is not an exception at all. A friend of mine is dying of cancer in one of the fancy-dancy places in our area, and while her facility had carpets on the floors and fancy furniture and pretty chandeliers in the sitting rooms, the care is actually not as good as at Centre Crest, which has a poor reputation because it used to be the County Home (now a non-profit has taken it over shortly before Allan arrived). But our nurses care, they know us, and we love them, while they have Agency Nurses at the fancy place and that long-term loving caring relationship isn't there.

And I care about our nurses and aides. They work so hard and so long. I try to be helpful. I'm there every day at least once, usually twice and sometimes three times.

Allan is declining. He's seriously incontinent now, and he walks only short distances with great difficulty. But he's in denial about that. After struggling to get five feet from the bathroom door to the bed he'll say he wants to come back to the house and sit on the porch. I remind him he can't walk from the car to the porch, but he swears he can. He forgets that the last time I took him to the Wound Clinic he couldn't get in and out of the car and had to have nurses come out to pry him out of the car and then stuff him back in, He forgets that the last time he came to my house he couldn't get up out of the chair and I had to work hard to help him get up - and then he had such a hard time going the short distance to the car.

I'm sad for him. I wish he could still do the things he likes. But he's going downhill. And I'm old. I get irritated when people say to me, "Oh, you're so YOUNG! You're NOT OLD!" I do look younger than I actually am, and people would think Allan is much older, even though he's nine years younger than me. But I'm OLD now, and things are slipping. Allan and I are sliding down, down. He's worse off and slipping and sliding faster. But I feel different now. It's not a bad thing. Actually I'm happier as an old geezer than I was when I was young.

But it's hard to take care of Allan, and Centre Crest is my lifesaver.

Now it's time for me to go to bed. The day is over, and tomorrow we start over again.

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
3/20/19 7:08 A

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So glad to see that everyone is Caring without problems.

Michele - Central Ohio


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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
12/13/18 11:56 A

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Hope everyone is enjoying the full meaning of this Season.

Michele - Central Ohio


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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
9/9/18 6:31 P

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Check that out. He/she can help greatly with any problems or even with solutions for you to help the home.

Michele - Central Ohio


Warriors In Pink~~Administrator
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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson



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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
9/8/18 9:21 P

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Allan has both Medicaid and Medicare now that he's old enough for Medicare. I know there's an ombudsman at the courthouse, but I don't know if the ombudsman has anything to do with Medicaid and Medicare.

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
9/8/18 9:41 A

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Does PA's Medicaid program have an Ombudsman? Is Allan just with Medicaid or does he have Medicare?

Michele - Central Ohio


Warriors In Pink~~Administrator
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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson



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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
9/8/18 7:12 A

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Hello, Michele...oh yes, I did file an incident report, and as soon as I get the bill from the doctor who checked me over I will be meeting with the guy who is the head of Centre Crest. I want to approach him as a friend of Centre Crest, not a disgruntled opponent.

I want to ask how we can help Centre Crest. I know that understaffing is a problem all over the place, and that Centre Crest is no exception. I also know that Centre Crest is considered one of the better places that serves Medicaid and poor people like Allan (there are two others in this county). It's actually quite decent and compares favorably with the expensive places that only take people with money or care insurance. For that matter there are problems with those expensive fancy nursing homes as well. There's even grumbling about the snazziest place in State College. I know that the problem has deep roots, and there are issues with funding and getting enough money to hire people, as well as issues with minimum standards of care - it's not a simple issue.

We need more nurses. We need more assistants and aides. We need enough people that there can be somebody at the Nurses' Station (as often as not I have to play Hunt-The-Nursie when something needs attention) at all times. We need someone in the hallways who is able to respond when someone rings for a nurse or is having a problem or when a spill needs to be wiped up.

More often than not Allan will ring for the nurse and then have to wait and wait. One day it was time for his pain medicine and he rang. Finally an aide came, and he told her what he needed. She said she'd tell the nurse. More time passed and Allan rang again. After a wait someone came and once again he asked for pain medicine. Once again the aide said she would tell the nurse. More time passed and once again Allan rang. Same thing.

After an hour Allan was about to ring again, but I said, "Let me go to the Nurses' Station and try to take care of business." The nurse was there with a couple of other people. I told her that Allan was due for his pain medicine an hour ago.

She's a snarly nurse. She must be stressed and stretched too thin. I try to be pleasant and courteous with her, but she seems like an unhappy person. She snarled at me that Allan can't have the medicine automatically. He has to ask for it! I responded that we understand that, and that Allan had asked three times over the past hour. The nurse retorted, "Well, nobody told me!" I said, "I'm telling you now. Allan is in severe pain and needs his medicine."

My guess is that the aides are too busy to remember. Too many patients are needing things all at once, too many patients are asking for things, too many things need attention all at once. And by the time they get to the Nurses' Station they've forgotten some of the things they've been asked for.

The problem is complicated by the fact that Allan's dementia is slowly getting worse. He'll ring for the nurse to ask for pain medicine, but sometimes when the aide arrives he's forgotten why he rang, and he'll say he wants a cup of ice water. So I myself go and tell the nurse that Allan is requesting his medicine. (But I was there the day of the hour delay, and we did tell the aide that Allan was requesting his medicine.)

I'll be discussing these things with the guy in charge before long. But I don't know how much can actually be done.

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
9/6/18 8:47 A

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Understand how you feel with Centre Quest. Yet not letting them know could cause a patient to get hurt and hospitalized. That being said could cause the hospial to report the incident and place Cdntre Quest on the States watch list. The owners need to know. GET better soon!

Michele - Central Ohio


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
9/5/18 9:20 P

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Checking in again. I've been having a bad time with the heat and humidity. I hope that when it cools down I'll be functional again.

Since I last checked in here something happened to me. I fell for the third time at Centre Crest. It's not that I'm an old lady who can't balance herself. It's that although the cleaning ladies clean the floors (no complaints about the cleaning ladies), after they've finished and moved on to another hall, well, people spill things, and there's often nobody to wipe the spill up. First time I fell, it was on water. Second time I fell there was something oily/greasy on the floor. And this last time, which was August 15th, there was something slimy that I didn't see, and fell down went boom.

Once again the problem is insufficient staffing! Too often the only people in the hall are residents, and there are no nurses, no assistants, no aides. Something gets spilled and nobody notices or does anything. I did call a spill to the attention of the girl who was going into the rooms and gathering up the dinner trays, and she said to me, "I'll get to it." But the spill needed cleaned up before someone, especially some old lady with weak bones and bad osteoporosis, slips. After fifteen minutes nothing had been done, the girl had forgotten, so I cleaned up myself. Now I'm doing that. Don't waste the time of people who are just too busy and have too much on their plate. I know where to find a towel. Today I did it myself. I cannot be angry at Centre Crest, though.

Allan keeps on slowly deteriorating. His friend came again to play music, but this time Allan did not want to play with them. And he didn't want to go down and hear the music. He has pain that the pain medicine doesn't control. And his teeth are an awful mess. I need to talk with the head nurse and write down exactly what's wrong and ask for someone to refer Allan to somebody who can diagnose, look at his painful ankle and make some sort of diagnosis that makes sense. I did take Allan to the Pail Clinic, and that was a waste of time. Nothing came of it, and the source of pain wasn't addressed.

I hurt, I'm tired now. I want to go to bed.

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
8/24/18 1:43 P

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Hope all works out well!

Michele - Central Ohio


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LOIS_1950's Photo LOIS_1950 Posts: 5,737
8/24/18 8:16 A

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As long as he is up, dressed and sitting at the computer he should be fine by himself. But, I will likely have hallway neighbors come by or DD call to check on him.

Lois
from GA - EST

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
8/22/18 2:08 P

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Laura, will you be running for election in 2020? Got my vote!

Lois, Who will be with hubby while you'll be gone?

Michele - Central Ohio


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8/22/18 9:11 A

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Hi Ladies....been away for a while. We finally got settled into our new senior living place. Was good for a while.....now DH would rather return to our old place so he can have his garage and tools. He forgets that he can't do anything with his hands without my help.....so, no I'm here to stay. I would rather be within 2 miles from our grands and be able to help watch and play with them. I'm strongly considering doing some volunteer work at the local hospital 4 hours one day a week. When I write that out it sounds so incredibly simple to do with minimal amount of time, but I've never been away from DH more than 2 hours. I feel I would benefit mentally from being away, but am I only thinking of myself?? Do I have a right to think of myself?? Sigh......

Laura....my FIL played the harmonica his whole life up until his 93rd yr.....dementia hit him and one day when he blew into the harp he declared something was terribly wrong with that thing and put it away for good. Yes, dementia is a horrible road to travel.

Lois
from GA - EST

2016 Spring & Summer 5% challenge - Goal Met!
2016 Fall 5% challenge - Firecracker 4.33% of my goal
2017 Winter 5% challenge - Firecracker ML 2.41% of my goal (illness)
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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
8/13/18 2:10 P

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God willing I'll hit 77 next January.

Nursing homes are usually understaffed and that seems to be the wages. Yet aside from the money, a special mindset is needed in a Nursing Home. Private Nursing Homes can have better staffing and less of overturning in the staff. Yet it's the mindset that holds the staffing for longer and sometimes permanent staffing.

Have you been doing any water exercising?
emoticon

Michele - Central Ohio


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
8/12/18 10:33 P

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I've decided that when I take over and become the Supreme Dictator of this country, I am going to triple nurses' pay and cut their hours in half and provide them with a massage each week.

How do nurses do it?? I'm told that Centre Crest is not all that different, actually somewhat better than a couple of other places around here, and that it's common for nursing homes to be understaffed and nurses and attendants overworked.

Probably lots of hospitals, too, I'm told.

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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
8/12/18 10:28 P

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Hello, Michele...ho-hum, I'm in rather a rut these days. I visit Allan every day at Centre Crest and listen to him fussing about wanting me to take him out so that he can smoke his d@mn cigarettes. I have Officially Resigned as his No-No-Nanny. Just too hard. He wants to smoke? He wants to eat sodium? He won't exercise and won't participate in activities at Centre Crest? I'm through struggling with all that. He's obese and his dementia gradually gets worse. But I can't save him. I tried, and all I did was make myself sick.

Somebody, who was it? I forget, said just the other day how badly off and unhealthy and close to collapse I was when I had Allan at home. Now I'm losing weight and starting again to walk and get in my exercise.

I'm sneaking up on my 77th birthday and still around. I want to focus on some good things.

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
8/12/18 2:22 P

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Hope everyone is have a Blessed Weekend!

Michele - Central Ohio


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7/7/18 10:08 P

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Medicare and Health Insurance do not support progressive dementia. They do not consider it a disease like cancer. Nothing is covered - maybe because is is progressive to death and cancer can have remissions or cures? It is private pay so that is why many spouses end up dying caring for their loved one at home.

MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
7/6/18 4:30 P

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Does your healthcare group offer nursing assistance to help with the bathing and respite time?
You need to have some fee time yourself if you have not found your way of getting it when someone is with her.

Laura ....

Hard to believe that he's given up drumming. Hope you can find out what did bring on his stopping to play. Does he still listen to music per the TV or Radio?

Edited by: MICHELE142 at: 7/6/2018 (16:39)
Michele - Central Ohio


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MAJORK29's Photo MAJORK29 SparkPoints: (39,110)
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7/6/18 10:32 A

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Yes Michele and Laurance, many of these wonderful organizations that are supposed to help are less then helpful and often add stress.

My daughter is 12. So she is a child according to most places and the help is so-so. Next month when she turns 13 my help with her should double as she goes into the teen faze for help. I'm trying now to get an amendment to my contract for nursing care so that I can hire a nurse to come in 3 times a week and help with her hygiene. She absolutely hates showers and baths so if I could get someone who is not emotionally attached to help force her to clean up it would help.


I did finally get notice yesterday that the province is going to pay the difference between a regular camp and the one she will be going to. So thankful about this as it means I can do 2 weeks for her instead of 1.




Have a great Day
Kira a.k.a. majork29
Living in Edmomton, AB
BL Challenge: Pink Flamingoes!


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#2 Increase my Daily Steps to 8500 by the end of January 2020
#3 Journal Daily


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
7/6/18 8:35 A

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Good morning, Michele...Oh yes, Allan is still being Allan, and gradually dwindling.

His music is very limited. Those drums are gathering dust. He has no desire at all to practice with CDs to accompany him. So he doesn't. He has an old music friend with a guitar who comes with a banjo playing friend to perform as "Picker and Papa" for the Saturday afternoon music events, oh, every two or three months or so.

A number of local musicians come to Centre Crest to perform. Many are very good musicians who play professionally. When Picker and Papa come, Allan is invited to join them. I go to the music room and bring down his snare drum and high hat. The residents really enjoy seeing Allan there. The fact that he's a fellow resident with these visiting musicians seems to make people happy.

But the last time Allan played something happened afterward. I don't know what it was. But his brain was misfunctioning for a day or so. Disorientation and serious inability to remember things - well, more than usual. It scared him, and he declared to me that he couldn't ever play music again - it's all over and I should go ahead and donate the drums to The Music
Academy (which had been the plan when Allan went into Centre Crest).

I'm not going to jump the gun and do that yet. His friends will be back and he may want to play with them again. Allan is changeable, I can't bank on anything he says, he changes his mind and then changes it again.

The thing we don't quite say out loud is how stupendously good Allan was back in the day. A musician Allan played with, oh, teens of years ago, told me that Allan was the best drummer he'd ever worked with. And I still remember the last time Allan performed in public. He was fantastic! Gorgeous! Memorable! I wish wish wish someone had been there with a video camera! We didn't realize at the moment that it was his Swan Song, that it was his last appearance. He was wiped out, exhausted, in pain. I loaded his drums in the van and we went home.

And we know how minimal the music is now. How simple and unimaginative, uncreative. He believes that if he were only with a good band again, he'd do it again, and I do believe he still has the music in him. I think music is one of the last things to go. I've heard of seriously demented people still being able to play the piano even though they cannot do anything else.

But Allan gets tired. He's grossly overweight now - obese - and he can walk only a short distance. He's limited and makes no effort to maintain himself. I don't know how long he could play before becoming seriously, possibly dangerously, exhausted. Drumming of the sort he did is very hard work, involving both hands and both feet all at once. It's a whole body job.

Music is lost now. Only a remnant is left. And we both know it. The simple drumming at Centre Crest is a nice thing on the one hand, but at the same time an awareness of how much has been lost.

Getting old means loss. It just does.

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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
7/6/18 7:50 A

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Hello, Kira...I've just met you and I'm interested in how things are for you. I understand that your daughter is seriously disabled, but I gather that because of her age she is still considered a girl in school. And it sounds as if the school's program doesn't meet her needs even though they told you that she'd get needed services.

I suspect that this goes on in a lot of places. Help that isn't helpful. Services you were led to believe you can get that you cannot after all.

I don't blame you for hating bureaucracy...!

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
7/5/18 2:49 P

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Do you ever get the feeling that those agencies you depend on have a tendency to speak with fork tongue it helps them and not you. The Camp sounds like it would be fun.

Michele - Central Ohio


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7/5/18 8:51 A

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Yesterday was a better day. My daughter didn't complain about a head ache at all, first time in forever. Maybe the B2 is finally starting to work a bit, not sure but the neurologist seems to think it will help.

She had a the play-date yesterday afternoon. It went really well. Both kiddos were good. No melt downs from either of them. My house isn't trashed. The other mom stayed for coffee and then left to get her hair done. Looks like we are going to try a weekend camping trip together.

Today is an errand day. I have to contact the Steadward foundation and find out if they have an aid for her for her day camp. I may have a lead on a girl to go if they don't but I really don't want to use up my respite hours for this if I don't have too.

I've also got to call the social worker and see about amending my contract with the province to include some better occupational therapy. The school OT discharged her because she is going into grade 8 and is now classified as non academic and on their life skills program, which means that she no longer needs support to learn. The school OT told me that they don't work with kids on self care and dressing that I have to go outside the school for this. Complete opposite of what I was told last year when we cancelled the outside the OT because it was duplication of services...… I hate the bureaucracy.

Have a great Day
Kira a.k.a. majork29
Living in Edmomton, AB
BL Challenge: Pink Flamingoes!


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#2 Increase my Daily Steps to 8500 by the end of January 2020
#3 Journal Daily


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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
7/4/18 9:37 P

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emoticon Laura

Glad to hear Alan is still Alan. Has he had a chance for music or is his dementia holding him back?

Michele - Central Ohio


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LAURANCE's Photo LAURANCE Posts: 6,127
7/3/18 10:45 P

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I fell by the wayside and haven't posted for a while. Now that it's July it's been two years that Allan has been in Centre Crest and we have a routine. I do visit him a lot. I see him every day, and frequently twice a day, and sometimes three times.

What makes that doable is that the nursing home is less than five minutes away. I don't have a problem with time-consuming travel.

I look around and see all the people working there. Nurses, both registered and licensed practical nurses; nurses aides; general caregivers; Wound nurses; laundry ladies; cleaning ladies; recreational therapists;, occupational therapists; physical therapists; dietitians; people serving food and helping disabled patients to eat;maintenance men; appointment and transportation people; receptionists oh gosh, and I remember that before two years ago I was doing all those jobs alone by myself. Mind you, I had only one patient, not a whole nursing home of them...but still...

I want to get my health back. All that caregiving with him at home trashed my health. Finally I'm starting to walk again. My daughter and I went mall walking, and I was tired after one loop around, and by the time I completed the second, I was totally whipped. Mall walking, for heaven's sake, and five years ago I was able to climb the mountains here in central PA.

I'd say at present the most irritating part is having to say NO to Allan over and over and over. He whines and fusses and wants to come back to my house and have things the way they were before. Doesn't realize how tired I was. He complains and says he doesn't want to be there. I can sympathize with him - and I do - but I can't fix it! I can't make the world be the way he wants.

His dementia is progressing, and he's been on intravenous antibiotics for some three or four weeks at least. We hope that after another week and a half that will be over.

Oh my, I really want my brains and health back...

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MICHELE142's Photo MICHELE142 Posts: 16,702
6/26/18 10:02 A

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emoticon

Need to get 2018 going and clear the slate for some chatter.

Hope everyone is Healthy, Wise and Safe!

Michele - Central Ohio


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