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CONTROUBLE's Photo CONTROUBLE Posts: 9,004
10/22/19 7:30 A

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He surprised the daylights out of me this morning - I went down when my alarm for his meds went off and he was already taking them!!! First time in months. Will wonders never cease.

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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
10/22/19 1:48 A

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Yes, kerry, our situations are very similar. Mine is a bit lower functioning than yours, but this life phase seems to not care about functional level! Parents are all annoying to every kid between the ages of 16 and what, 21?

The passive resistance is really tough to combat.

And the night owl phase simply blows (excuse me).

What can I do for myself today?

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CONTROUBLE's Photo CONTROUBLE Posts: 9,004
10/21/19 7:22 A

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Sounds like this past Saturday morning at my house. My son and I both had dentist appointments and I reminded him multiple times during the week before and then the night before and then on Saturday morning, he wouldn't get up or even take his meds, just ignored me. I went without him. When I got home, he had gotten up and taken his meds, but that was it. Passive resistance is very annoying. I feel your pain because it is also mine.

This morning, he told me to stop coming down about his meds in the morning. I don't think that's gonna work since if left alone, he has been known to sleep until 4 pm. I will try to talk to him when I get home tonight, but he won't talk to me about anything other than Pokemon or one of his computer games or videos. He won't even tell me when he's out of something he needs until after it becomes annoying to him. Then he wants it replaced immediately whether I have time to run to the store or not.

Kerry aka Trouble
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NEXT-PHASE's Photo NEXT-PHASE Posts: 10,944
10/21/19 6:45 A

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I'm afraid I don't have an answer. emoticon

Elizabeth
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. -Adlai Stevenson, statesman (5 Feb 1900-1965)

Compassion is not weakness and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism. -Hubert Humphrey, US Vice President (27 May 1911-1978)

It is horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment. -Ansel Adams, photographer (20 Feb 1902-1984)



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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
10/20/19 7:25 P

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What do you do when:

... an impaired person says "yes" to getting up and moving on with the daily activities, but just sits there.

...and this happens again

...and again

...and yet again

...ad nauseam for hours

...and the person is too big to pick up and move

...and the person is violent if reminded too many times, or punished, or yelled at

...and there seems to be no middle ground between "yes" and the violent outburst

????????????????????????????????????????
????

ugh...just ugh

What can I do for myself today?

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MINNIEUK's Photo MINNIEUK Posts: 6,699
1/31/19 5:38 A

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emoticon Hope things have smoothed out a little by now AAAACK

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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
1/16/19 2:55 P

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In this section, today, I'll just say...

AAARRRGGGHHH

Home life isn't fantastic in this realm lately. I won't bog everything down by sharing details at the moment. Suffice to say the daily struggle is really amped up and a struggle.

What can I do for myself today?

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8/1/18 7:35 P

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TALLYFLA-- I am in contact with a government person who promised 50 free hours of help . I have asked again--2 weeks have gone by--and she says she has to wait for an agency to "pick up" my request. Ho hum. I guess my work will wait awhile. It is very frustrating! chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
7/12/18 9:27 A

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Unfortunately there are not that many people who want to do this any more. When the economy is better they can find jobs which are easier making just as much money. We found that we usually had to pay more to get good, dependable help. And these people can pretty much set their own hours and don't want to work weekends, holidays, evenings.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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7/12/18 5:50 A

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Chris, there must be government agencies that can help you find the resources you need, probably some charitable organizations in the area, too. Your situation is not unique so you are not alone. Didn't you move to be closer to family? Can they assist you in researching the available options for his care?

Elizabeth
https://teams.sparkpeople.com
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. -Adlai Stevenson, statesman (5 Feb 1900-1965)

Compassion is not weakness and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism. -Hubert Humphrey, US Vice President (27 May 1911-1978)

It is horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment. -Ansel Adams, photographer (20 Feb 1902-1984)



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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
7/11/18 7:49 P

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I have been in your situation with my maternal grandfather, maternal grandma, mom, and dad. It is so hard to find good help. Hugs.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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7/11/18 7:03 P

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Facing some tough decisions. All was going well but then I ran into a huge problem. I can't find health aides to care for my husband. I am down to one woman who is not even a trained aide. She has worked caring for people .

Without the aides, I can't continue to care for him at home. He needs daily (bed) bathing, clothes changes, use of a Hoyer lift, a motorized wheelchair, and use of diapers.

If I get sick, we are done for. I am on the edge of a precipice .

chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
4/30/18 6:26 P

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And, to be honest, there is a limit to how much we should be allowed to need someone else. Helping someone is one thing, being absorbed by their neediness is another.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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4/30/18 2:42 P

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I think an awareness that we are neglecting ourselves in efforts to care for others is the first awakening of why "I Matter".

We have to be first priority in order to have the strength and stamina to be there for other people when we are needed.

Elizabeth
https://teams.sparkpeople.com
/I_Matter

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. -Adlai Stevenson, statesman (5 Feb 1900-1965)

Compassion is not weakness and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism. -Hubert Humphrey, US Vice President (27 May 1911-1978)

It is horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment. -Ansel Adams, photographer (20 Feb 1902-1984)



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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
4/27/18 8:28 A

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It's difficult to achieve balance. I hope you have some help.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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NARLEYPIGGY's Photo NARLEYPIGGY Posts: 227
4/26/18 8:23 P

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This is my first time posting in this category, I am finding as I care for my mom, my health and taking care of myself is falling behind, I swore I wasn't going to let that happen but, it is so easy to let yourself go in caring for others, I have been be very lax in charting my progress but, i am trying and know that i will improve as time goes by
emoticon

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Just remember how far you have come.
Remember everything you have faced,
All the battles you have won,
And all the fears you have overcome. ~ Unknown Author


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4/11/18 1:47 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon


chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
4/11/18 8:54 A

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Chris, I am so happy that you are going to have an outing with friends. I hope you make time for this more often. You deserve this! I have a gel cushion that I like.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

Co-Leader "Smart Carbing"
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4/11/18 8:29 A

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ROHO seat cushion!

It has rubber air chambers--maybe 50 or so! I have to use a hand pump to put air in it. Very weird! emoticon

But he loves it!

The other things were fixed, too. The footplate still is not finished but the guy will come back.

This has been a long time --months--getting it all fixed. It did not help that our new health insurance does not cover our old wheel chair repair place!

Thanks for commiserating with me. I need some fun in my life! Fri. I will have lunch with 2 friends. emoticon I am looking forward to that.

chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
4/10/18 4:09 P

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It sounds like it is in bad shape. I hope it is fixed soon!

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

Co-Leader "Smart Carbing"
Leader "Low Carb For Dummies"
Co-Leader "South Beach Diet"
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4/10/18 3:37 P

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Hubby's wheelchair just got fixed. 4 major problems! Joystick broken, rubbver wheel had chunks out of it, headrest out of wack, oh and new cushion! ROHO cushion--very techy with an air pump!

We have been struggling with broken parts. In fact he broke his leg! The food plate is not yet perfect. The Velcro strap to keep his leg on is not designed right. Sigh!

chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
4/7/18 2:43 P

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You have a lot of tools in your tool box that a lot of other people don't have. With your skills you may as well use them to your advantage. It's very difficult to be a caregiver and, though you seem to always try to be objective about it, I would guess there are times that you want to pull your hair out. I know how it feels from both sides as I been very ill and dependent on others and I have also been the caregiver. I appreciate the people who gently helped me to know how to accept help graciously without my being a pain in the butt. It's all about compromise. You can't mistreat people that are trying to help you. You are your husband's best advocate, his best friend. He is fortunate to have someone like you.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

Co-Leader "Smart Carbing"
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4/7/18 10:11 A

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I will try harder not to yell back. You are exactly right. And, you are right,
I know how to do what you said.

chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
4/6/18 5:14 P

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You are very patient, Chris. If things get too much for you, you might consider using some behavior modification therapy and only respond to him if he is civil. I think you would very effective at it as you have a lot of experience.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

Co-Leader "Smart Carbing"
Leader "Low Carb For Dummies"
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4/6/18 1:50 P

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emoticon

Elizabeth
https://teams.sparkpeople.com
/I_Matter

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. -Adlai Stevenson, statesman (5 Feb 1900-1965)

Compassion is not weakness and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism. -Hubert Humphrey, US Vice President (27 May 1911-1978)

It is horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment. -Ansel Adams, photographer (20 Feb 1902-1984)



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4/6/18 1:23 P

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This aide arrangement has been the best we ever had in 12 years. However, they seem to be losing steam. It is a private arrangement, not a real agency. In the future we will have a more stable arrangement. I am going through an elder lawyer. It will be expensive up front but worth it later.

Hubby has become very passive. He did not mind at all being in bed till the afternoon. I say passive but... he has started to yell at me for any minor aggravation. Huh? If I can't understand a request of his, he yells at me. It is quite frustrating.

I don't think he can help it. I have been talking to him about it. Even before the stroke, he'd yell instead of describing a frustration of his. So now, I don't think he can relearn this behavior. I am continuing to talk to him about it.

chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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4/3/18 7:10 P

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Good grief! That is terrible!! Not sure what excuse there was for this but I hope it's a good one.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

Co-Leader "Smart Carbing"
Leader "Low Carb For Dummies"
Co-Leader "South Beach Diet"
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4/3/18 6:41 P

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Took kitty to the vet today. It was a break from caregiving hubby.

But... a bad start to the day: the health aide did not show up in the morning. I went to the pool as usual and when I got back, hubby was still in bed! Usually the aide has been here and he has already been down to get his breakfast--bring it up here to our apartment and eat it. Today I did go to water exercise class, and he was still in bed when I got back! not good at all.

An aide did come at 2:00 pm to get him out of bed!

Darn, chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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3/31/18 3:32 P

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I feel blessed to have a break from care giving.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

Co-Leader "Smart Carbing"
Leader "Low Carb For Dummies"
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3/31/18 9:37 A

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I am sorry to hear that

Amy
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My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me!

Do what you LOVE....LOVE what you do!

The BODY achieves what the MIND believes!

If it doesn't CHALLENGE you, it won't CHANGE you!

LEARN something new EVERYDAY!

Be BETTER than you were yesterd


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3/27/18 5:49 P

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Some of the people in this group have so much to deal with they seldom get to check in with the group.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

Co-Leader "Smart Carbing"
Leader "Low Carb For Dummies"
Co-Leader "South Beach Diet"
Leader "Low Carb Recipes Plus More"


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3/27/18 5:25 P

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My parents help out when I need it , I get SSI survivors checks for my 2 sons which covers everything.

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3/25/18 5:30 P

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I was doing the same only just had one grade school child. I know what you have to deal with. I hope you have some help!

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
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3/25/18 4:33 P

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Yes it is very nice to find people who understand. I understand you with being a caregiver at a young age. I am still raising two sons plus having to be a caregiver to my parents.

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3/23/18 8:11 P

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So nice when we find someone who can understand what we are dealing with. At the time I was a caregiver most people my age were having fun.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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I now feel I have a friend at the doctor's! I was not "clicking " with him at all. But his nurse talked to me. She had a husband with Lou Gerag's Disease. He has since died. But she raised 4 kids by herself. And she can relate to me caring for my husband after his stroke 12 yrs ago.

chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
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3/22/18 9:36 A

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One of my grandpas died when I was 5 and my one great grandma and great grandpa when I was a little older. Oddly enough I had a couple of boyfriends die in high school. Then my fiance when I was 18 and my best friend when we were both 25. I'm 65 now and most of the boys I dated long term are dead now except for my first husband. I still had an uncle, a half brother, a couple of cousins, my husband, and son but everyone else is gone. We were never a big family.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
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-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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3/21/18 11:39 P

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Same with my parents. The losses in my life began after my son died I was 20. My husband has been the last loss and we were both 32. The majority of the losses have been young adults and children. the children are the hardest ones on the heart. I have realized that I have became stronger and do appreciate life more also. I am 49 now.

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3/20/18 9:55 A

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When I was young parents kind of insulated us from loss and I didn't lose a lot of relatives until I was much older. Most of my relatives and friends lived to old age except for a few. Most of them died in a 3 year period when I was around 45. It was a really bad time for me but I came out of it stronger than I had ever been. I had a new appreciation for what they did for me and I still do. I appreciate my life more now too.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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3/20/18 8:47 A

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That is true with it being easier to let them go because they are finally at peace. This is true that we do become more acquainted with losses.

Amy
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3/14/18 7:36 P

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It was really hard to watch them suffer but it made it easier to let them go. The longer you live the more acquainted you become with loss.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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I am sorry that they were sick for so long. I hope to get help with my mom and dad. I too have lost a good majority of my family to tragic events, My grandmother died of lung cancer and suffered for about a year, she was finally diagnosed with lung cancer 3 weeks before she passed away. It is said to know death so intimately.

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3/13/18 5:56 P

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Mom was sick for 19 years and my grandma for 21. I lost almost all of my family within 3 years including them. I hope they find some way to help your mom and dad.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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3/13/18 5:09 P

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It is difficult watch them both deteriorate. I am not sure if my dad's renal failure could be medicine related or not. I am so sorry you had to go through what you went through with you mom and grandmother.

Amy
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My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me!

Do what you LOVE....LOVE what you do!

The BODY achieves what the MIND believes!

If it doesn't CHALLENGE you, it won't CHANGE you!

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3/12/18 1:57 P

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It sounds similar to my mom and grandma. Mom had renal failure from meds for severe Rheumatoid arthritis and was on home dialysis. Due to meds she also had heart disease, diabetes, and was non-weight bearing. My grandmother was blind, had dementia, had TIAs, and was non-weight bearing. It must be really difficult to deal for you with both parents having cognitive problems.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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I am a caregiver for both my parents my dad is in kidney failure and also has advanced dementia, my mom is healthy and is starting to show signs of dementia.

Amy
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My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me!

Do what you LOVE....LOVE what you do!

The BODY achieves what the MIND believes!

If it doesn't CHALLENGE you, it won't CHANGE you!

LEARN something new EVERYDAY!

Be BETTER than you were yesterd


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3/9/18 3:48 P

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I second what Elizabeth said. I'm also not in the situation of specialized caregiving. I usually hesitate to comment on this thread because I am in awe of what you do day in day out and don't feel qualified to offer advice. But if you need support and understanding or just somewhere to let off steam please know we are here for you.
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3/9/18 3:26 P

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Chris, I think there are a limited number of team members who are in a care giving situation which is part of the reason this isn't a super active thread. AAAACK, for one, is so overwhelmed at times that she may not even check in with the team for several weeks or (at times) months. There are also likely care givers who just are not comfortable sharing their challenges.

I am not a caregiver so I really have nothing to add to the discussions here.

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3/9/18 2:22 P

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Whew! I feel much better. I thought I had BO or something.

If you don't know, I take care of my husband. He had a stroke 12 years ago--yes, 12 years. I was still teaching at the time. My school was very kind to me for the first year agter his stroke. Of course, they had to tighten up eventually . We now like in an apartment complex --"independent living." They do provide a good deal of help with chores. Care of hubby is my responsibility. I pay aides for early morning and at night. To keep him clean and get him into and out of bed using a lift. He can't stand at all. And he can't turn in bed by himself. Dressing him is not all that easy.

OK. So that's my situation. chris

emoticon chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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SPARKL3SUSAN's Photo SPARKL3SUSAN Posts: 2,093
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I don't always have anything to say in this topic.

"Everything we do, even the slightest thing we do, can have a ripple effect and repercussions that emanate. If you throw a pebble into the water on one side of the ocean, it can create a tidal wave on the other side." ~ Victor Webster

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3/9/18 8:02 A

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I know that you both and some others in the group have special challenges you face every day. And you all handle them very well.I know there are times you feel really overwhelmed. I was a caretaker for my mom and grandmother for 19 years, both with high levels of disability, so I know some of the problems you are going through. I read your blogs so I have empathy for you. emoticon

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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3/8/18 8:56 P

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It's not you, Chris - we've been kind of snowed under with our kids lately.

Kerry aka Trouble
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3/8/18 7:35 P

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Um.... I joined and everyone left.... emoticon


chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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Hi to everyone! I just found this forum on the team. Great. I will be joining you. chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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11/7/17 1:53 P

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I'm glad that you two have each other to talk with. I am sure you realize that those who don't have special needs children (and especially the ones who, like me, have NO children) cannot begin to comprehend your daily challenges or appreciate the depths of your joy when you make a breakthrough. Things that seem small and inconsequential to many of us are really big deals to you. I hear often, even on other Spark teams, criticism of parents and their unruly children and then I think of the things I've learned from Lisa and realize, yet again, that they don't have a clue! There has to be some small amount of comfort in being able to talk with someone who DOES understand. emoticon to you both.

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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. -Adlai Stevenson, statesman (5 Feb 1900-1965)

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CONTROUBLE's Photo CONTROUBLE Posts: 9,004
11/5/17 7:29 A

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Hm - not exactly the same thing - mom was doing it because it was the only way to get my attention. I hadn't thought of blocking off one sense to see if it helped. He does a lot better now. He has had several mentors through the ICG program and the last one gave him an app for his iPad called Breathe - breathing exercises to help with anger management or sensory overload. Concentrating on breathing seems to make the other inputs fade back to bearable levels.

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11/4/17 7:29 P

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That's exactly what I do when he starts to get overloaded. I tell him to close his eyes and/or cover his ears. Just to eliminate one sensory receptor. Often we just have to leave places if it's too much sporadic input. If it's constant, like a buzz, he has learned to relegate it to the background. It's the unexpected things that seem like an assault to him. And after too many, he gets raw and jumpy. The grocery store is like that. So he ends up overstimulated, and we have to stop periodically, do deep breathing, and I make him cover a receptor or do it for him if he gets too far gone. Talk in smooth tones to him and try to make him repeat something in slow motion. That's something I found recently that works. Making him be "slow motion man" to calm him down...as long as he's not too far gone and I've caught it in time.

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11/4/17 3:05 P

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Sensory overload. Too much input to decide what needs attention. I totally get that bit as my son has it, too. The fine focus on a computer game or minecraft video lets him tune everything else out - kind of like I get when reading. My mom used to have to put her hand between my eyes and the book to get my attention when dinner was ready, so I know where part of that came from.

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11/4/17 2:30 P

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Mine recognizes emotions but doesn't internalize the social impact of them. Like he knows when I'm angry, sad, etc. But generally he just says, "Mom will stop crying," or "Mom will be happy."

Kind of like a toddler, he appears to understand how my emotions impact him, but only for about a minute. Then he's off to something else. His ability to pay attention to composing music or minecraft or some drivel on the computer is bar none. But his ability to pay attention to the world around him is much shorter. Likely due to processing. The real world is very unpredictable, and full of input that he doesn't have filters for. Like we know we aren't responsible for processing the smells from the restaurants, the chatter of other people, but that we ARE responsible for listening for the sounds of cars coming, or someone shouting directly to us. Those things are nearly impossible for him to discern, but I won't stop trying!!

We're only just now getting to the point where he will finally, after about 10 years of saying it over and over again, look for cars before crossing. BUT only if I stop first. I say nothing, I just stop and stick my arm out as an indicator for him to stop. I look at him and keep quiet. Eventually, about 75% of the time, he'll look for cars. I praise it (to reinforce the preferred behavior) and then we cross. But sometimes he still wants to go through the routine of saying, "if I get hit by a car, I will be flat. I might go to the morgue." He really picks up on the weirdest stuff. Those 2 separate clauses are from a joke book, of all things.

Edited by: AAAACK at: 11/4/2017 (14:39)
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11/3/17 9:43 P

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My son is 21 and in his last year of high school. He has finished all the coursework, but the special needs high school has a couple of adult transition programs and he is in one of those. It teaches life skills like using a checking account, basic cooking, shopping, using public transportation, and finds them cooperative work training jobs.

He won't cook at home because the stove at school is electric and mine is gas. He will use the microwave, but will ask for directions every single time he needs to heat up the same thing on a different day. If it's something with directions on the package, he can do that, but homemade stuff he has to ask every time.

One of the residential places made the kids do their own laundry. They taught the kids how and so when he moved back home just before his sophomore year all I had to do was show him how to use the controls on my washer and dryer.

He is quite intelligent and pretty high functioning, but has no social skills or situational awareness whatsoever. Driver ed is required in high school here, but I wouldn't let him take the behind-the-wheel part and he actually understood why and agreed with me.

Emotions seem to be outside his understanding. I was crying one day after he'd been bullying me for over a week and he could NOT understand why.

Getting him off the computer and out of the house for anything other than school is getting harder by the day. My new job is 27 miles away and is a 45 minute trip if I have no traffic and catch all the lights green. It usually takes an hour. I'm kind of dreading what my commute is going to look like once it starts snowing.

Edited by: CONTROUBLE at: 11/3/2017 (21:44)
Kerry aka Trouble
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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
11/3/17 9:13 P

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How old is your son?
Mine's 15. But he's not really functional enough to do his own laundry. Heck, my HUSBAND is barely functional enough to do his own laundry. And my son certainly couldn't be left home alone! I'd find him in the street run over by a car or something. He has very little sense of danger, or common sense. I mean, he's getting better little by little, but it's a long haul from being left alone.

I'm just training him to prepare his own meals (minus the knives - I still cut the apple and bread slices). But he couldn't even be trusted with a microwave until recently. He's just so impulsive and doesn't really seem to absorb the world around him. He was in severe classes b/c of his being so cut-off, but needed instruction as a mild/moderate b/c his intelligence is slightly above average. So, traditional school was a mess. That's why I homeschool him. He actually learns here.

But It constantly baffles me how someone can have average intelligence but be so unable to perform basic self-care. It's just a different part of the brain, I know. My husband is ridiculously smart and well educated, but the man can't find basic things in the fridge, doesn't understand putting things where they belong, etc. So executive functioning in this house is largely on me. And I get frustrated and depressed sometimes.



Edited by: AAAACK at: 11/4/2017 (14:23)
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CONTROUBLE's Photo CONTROUBLE Posts: 9,004
11/3/17 8:43 P

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He's hitting YOU?? I have many holes in the walls, but he doesn't hit me. The aggression is what got him placed into residential to begin with, so they really worked on that with him.

He does still refuse to accept consequences for his actions most of the time. Since he's bigger than I am now, I can't forcibly take anything away from him and he threatens to throw computers, books, his glasses, etc. down the stairs when he gets angry about not getting something he wants.

Now that I am working again, he's doing less around the house because I'm not home to enforce anything. He still hasn't finished his laundry from last Sunday. I do mine on Saturday and he does his on Sunday. Last week I had to take his out of the dryer to finish mine. This week he still has some in the washer, too.

Kerry aka Trouble
EL WRJ&G 2019 FALL 5% CHALLENGE
Co-Leader Forks Over Knives and Engine 2 Diet team
Des Plaines, IL
Central time (GMT -6)
www.fitbit.com/user/245CXC


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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
11/3/17 5:53 P

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Thank you all for your support.

Edited by: AAAACK at: 11/4/2017 (14:24)
What can I do for myself today?

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CONTROUBLE's Photo CONTROUBLE Posts: 9,004
11/2/17 9:35 P

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I think I'm glad my son was in residential when puberty hit. I did get told some of the problems that arose, so I feel for you.
emoticon

Edited by: CONTROUBLE at: 11/2/2017 (21:35)
Kerry aka Trouble
EL WRJ&G 2019 FALL 5% CHALLENGE
Co-Leader Forks Over Knives and Engine 2 Diet team
Des Plaines, IL
Central time (GMT -6)
www.fitbit.com/user/245CXC


 current weight: 150.0 
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MINNIEUK's Photo MINNIEUK Posts: 6,699
11/2/17 1:42 P

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Sorry you are having a tough time! emoticon

*Minnie*

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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
11/2/17 1:16 P

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nevermind...I decided to just keep the nightmare of last night to myself

Puberty + Autism is just awful

What can I do for myself today?

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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
10/17/17 12:20 A

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It's definitely a flawed system. It bugs me a lot that I get unsubbed to people's blogs!

What can I do for myself today?

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SPARKL3SUSAN's Photo SPARKL3SUSAN Posts: 2,093
10/16/17 9:05 P

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I'm glad you thought it would be helpful.

I think the Spark website is wacky sometimes. I didn't get any notifications of replies for this thread, but I came to check it out, and sure enough, there were some replies! I don't know how I got unsubscribed!

So now I'm posting just to get re-subscribed.

Edited by: SPARKL3SUSAN at: 10/16/2017 (21:06)
"Everything we do, even the slightest thing we do, can have a ripple effect and repercussions that emanate. If you throw a pebble into the water on one side of the ocean, it can create a tidal wave on the other side." ~ Victor Webster

»Susan


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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
10/15/17 5:18 P

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Wow, that website sounds awesome! I'm going to see if my brother and sister want to try it.

What can I do for myself today?

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AAAACK's Photo AAAACK Posts: 2,453
10/15/17 12:19 A

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Rats! I got unsubscribed from this thread which I created! I just assumed it had fizzled out. I've got a fair amount of catching up to do.

What can I do for myself today?

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BECCABOO127's Photo BECCABOO127 Posts: 18,098
10/14/17 10:47 P

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emoticon

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." Thomas Edison


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SPARKL3SUSAN's Photo SPARKL3SUSAN Posts: 2,093
10/14/17 10:19 P

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I found this website where you can organize help for caregivers called Lotsa Helping Hands (dot com). You put events like rides needed, meals, whatever on a calendar. You create a community of volunteers who are willing to help, but need to know just what's needed. I'm thinking about setting one up for my friend who still hasn't been given the okay to drive yet (and may not ever get back to driving). There are people willing to help. I just need to put the dates out there and let people sign up where they see they can help. That way I'm not on the phone, calling people.

Our church also uses another site called Sign Up Genius to organize volunteers for specific needs for funeral meal planning (help plus food) and for another church committee I'm on, but Lotsa Helping Hands is specifically geared toward organizing help for caregivers. I wouldn't have even thought to explore that option except I was flipping channels the other day and watched a segment of the show "The Doctors." Celebrity guest Leeza Gibbons was talking about ways to take care of yourself while caring for others. She named a website or an app, can't remember, that was for organizing help for caregivers, but she said it so fast and I wasn't prepared to write the name down, but this may have been it.

"Everything we do, even the slightest thing we do, can have a ripple effect and repercussions that emanate. If you throw a pebble into the water on one side of the ocean, it can create a tidal wave on the other side." ~ Victor Webster

»Susan


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MORTICIAADDAMS's Photo MORTICIAADDAMS Posts: 100,868
8/27/17 3:15 P

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I don't share it often. It is something between my son and me. A life changing event.

-American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
-The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen

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