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NANCYLEE46's Photo NANCYLEE46 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/25/10 4:54 P

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Jeannie - (did I get your name right?)

I am so glad you got the SSDI - that is one hurdle down. That is good that your therapist is helping a lot.

What's up with the house situation now?

Keep us posted my friend,
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Nancy

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

Leader - SparkPeople's Official Virtual Walk/Run Challenge www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=33492

Leader SP CLASS of November 8-14 www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=34800

Co-moderator, Dealing With Depression
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PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/24/10 7:02 P

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Hi to everyone. Things have been like a roller coaster and i will tell you i hate roller coater rides. Talking to my therapist is helping me allot although I can't seem to get rid of the sadness I feel. I do have some good news and that is that I got disability. So for at least the next 6-12 months I will be trying to get better physically and emotionally.
Thank you for all your support and I will keep you updated.

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
6/16/10 7:55 P

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Glad to know that you are still hanging in there! I've been thinking about you and hoping that you were okay!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
NANCYLEE46's Photo NANCYLEE46 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/14/10 4:12 P

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I was just thinking of you

Glad you checked in my friend.

Try checking out the joke thread for a little laugh. I never went there and for the heck of it I did and it feels so good to giggle if only for a minute.
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Nancy

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

Leader - SparkPeople's Official Virtual Walk/Run Challenge www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=33492

Leader SP CLASS of November 8-14 www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=34800

Co-moderator, Dealing With Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953
PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/14/10 4:07 P

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Thank you for all of your support and words of encouragement. I am still struggling but am just trying to live minute to minute. I see my therapist tomorrow so its another hard day working through all my stuff.
I'll let you know how things go.

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DCRAFTY4's Photo DCRAFTY4 Posts: 506
6/13/10 9:40 P

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If you were here I would give you the biggest hug. I believe you need to know that you are worth loving and that you are worth every effort you are putting forward to succeed. Trust me honey, you are a survivor that just needs a helping hand right now. I would not only talk to my therapist but also my family doctor and my minister or priest. I would find someone who would not mind if I called them to cry on thier shoulder, come over for a hug or to just sit with you and hold your hand at any hour of the day or night. You are a wonderful person with high hopes and dreams.........it is just right now someone moved your ladder to help you climb higher. I have been depressed. I have lost others. I have been in a wilderness and ONLY God helped me find my way out. Then felt like I was on sinking sand when I lost another loved one. I have given up my home. But NOTHING is worth me giving up. I have built another ladder and have started climbing to the stars. You can do it too honey. You are indeed a winner........the advice given from those hear are wonderful so please try to do whatever it takes to hang on and be focused. HUGS

Life can give me alot of oops but it does not have to keep me down. I just have to try harder.


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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
6/13/10 8:15 P

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Hoping that you are okay and getting the help you need!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 24,214
6/13/10 6:32 P

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Buddy, just do lots of avctivities to keep busy and keep your mind off things. Volunteering is great.
Good luck.
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DARKSCORPIO's Photo DARKSCORPIO Posts: 48
6/12/10 3:59 P

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Buddy, I think you and I are in the same boat. I'm disabled and can't work, broke, starting school in August and I too have a partner trying to carry the burden alone.
It's all very frustrating when people are taking their good old time deciding you fate when all you can do is sit and wait.
Try to pick up a hobby. I started reading again and I made a Sparkteam to help me feel as though I am helping people. If you want to join it's called "See You on the Slimmer Side" and it is designed for people to come and talk about losing weight, their setbacks, or anything else. I'd be happy to help you out and talk with you.
In the meantime, try to volunteer or pick up a small job. I am babysitting my boyfriends cousin for 20 bucks a day which isn't much but it's helping pay the bills and keeping me busy. Maybe there's a room in your house that needs cleaning out or a door that needs fixed. Or maybe your car needs washed. Doing small things around the house can help you keep your mind busy and that way you don't feel like your wasting time just waiting. And once school starts back up you will feel busier too. I know as soon as school let out for the summer I sunk into a deep depression. Trying to manage my disability and the paperwork while trying to scrounge together money made things hard on me too. I started by cleaning the house, then visiting family members I don't get to see a lot because I'm in school. Then I landed the babysitting gig. Maybe you can ask the family to help you out. Hey, do you need your garage cleaned out? Or do you need a room painted? Need the pool vacuumed? I will be happy to do it for you for a small fee. Your family will understand that you need the cash and probably find something for you to do. I don't know what your disability is or how it limits you but find something you can do.
Hope this helps. It's a lot to take in all at once but I'm really hoping you can ease yourself out of your depression like I am trying to do. Best of luck and take care!

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
6/10/10 9:21 P

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This is a list one of our leaders compiled in order to make it available to any of our members who are struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Before you take any action which would lead to self-harm, or if the thoughts are overwhelming you, please, please call one of these numbers.
We care about you and want you to reach out for help if you need it.


National Suicide Hotlines USA
Toll Free, 24/7

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

1-800-799-4TTY (4889)- Deaf Hotline

For individual USA State hotlines:
http://suicidehotlines.com/ and select the dropdown for your State

• Call 411 and ask for: Suicide Hotline
• Dial 0 and ask for: Suicide Hotline
• Check the FRONT of the phone book for:
• suicide prevention
• crisis intervention
• hotlines - crisis or suicide
• community crisis center
• county mental health center
• hospital mental health clinic
• Or. call 911 and ask for help. Tell them you are in suicidal danger.

You do have reasons to live. Your loved ones would be devestated to lose you, and it is only your depression that makes you think otherwise. Remember, depression distorts our thinking and perception, so that what we think and feel are not in line with reality.
Hang in there, and keep writing to us here!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
JIM1MICHAEL2's Photo JIM1MICHAEL2 Posts: 3,142
6/10/10 1:22 P

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Hang in there. There are so many that care about you. margi. emoticon

_______________________
margi
Michael's Mom
12/6/72 - 2/23/73

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way . . .
- Exodus 25:30

The guardian angels of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.
- Jean Paul Richter
_____________________



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NANCYLEE46's Photo NANCYLEE46 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/10/10 12:38 P

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emoticon PEDODGEBALL- checking in to see if you went to therapy and how it went.

Together we will hang in there by pulling up the boot straps.
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Nancy

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

Leader - SparkPeople's Official Virtual Walk/Run Challenge www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=33492

Leader SP CLASS of November 8-14 www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=34800

Co-moderator, Dealing With Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953
PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/9/10 10:59 P

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Another sad day and the tears are so on the surface. I texted my therapist tonight just to touch base. My doctor had to lower my seroquel because I was having nightmares. Now i am back to the racing mind and I want to blow my head off. We will be looking into another med. I hate feeling as if life isn't worth living but there has to be worth somewhere in my life.
Thanks for the continued support.

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
6/9/10 6:46 P

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How are you doing today? Thinking about you!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/8/10 9:03 A

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I will give these feeling after therapy another day. I have been in contact with my therapist and that is a big feeling of relief knowing she is around. I really want to hide today but am being forced out by a brokers open house for my house. I am going to my mom's for alittle bit, I just hope she isn't to motherly today because I am feeling so distant. Thanks for all of your comments and concern for me. It is times like these that I am glad I have my sparkfriends.

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JIM1MICHAEL2's Photo JIM1MICHAEL2 Posts: 3,142
6/8/10 8:39 A

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The evening and the day after I had my therapy sessions were the worst days. Because we had gone over stuff I just didn't want to think or talk about. But by the 2nd day, I had calmed down and could look back at the therapy session and realize it had really been a good one. Hang on there; things will get better over time. margi.
emoticon

_______________________
margi
Michael's Mom
12/6/72 - 2/23/73

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way . . .
- Exodus 25:30

The guardian angels of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.
- Jean Paul Richter
_____________________



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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
6/7/10 10:00 P

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Wow, you were feeling so low and yet you still went to work out!
Feelings are temporary -- it is our depression that makes us think that they won't go away.
Right now, don't try to think about how you are going to be tommorow or the next day, or even a couple of hours from now. Just get through this a minute at a time, and if you are struggling to do that, then I agree that it may be time to go to the ER or call 911.
You can do this, but if you need help to make it through, please reach out for it.
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
TARAFROMONT's Photo TARAFROMONT Posts: 1,959
6/7/10 9:41 P

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PED GO TO THE HOSPITAL don't give up if you have to admit yourself so you can get better then so be it.. But you can get through this and you will Remember you are not alone Hold on ok

Men look at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7b

For with God nothing shall be impossible Luke 1:37

For HE will command HIS angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
Psalm 91:11


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PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/7/10 8:54 P

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My therapy session was really emotional. We talked and it got pretty deep. I have so much that I am dealing with and it seems as if the hour went by to fast. I went to workout after and literally wanted to cry while on the treadmill.
Tonight I am just so sad and I wish the feeling would disappear but its not. I don't know if i can do this and hang on knowing all the emotions won't go away.

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
6/7/10 8:01 P

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How did your therapy session go? I hope that you are feeling a bit better, but whether you are or not, we are here for you!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
JIM1MICHAEL2's Photo JIM1MICHAEL2 Posts: 3,142
6/7/10 1:46 P

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I hope your therapy session goes well. As far as disability, I was just approved but the wait was awful! For my policy, I couldn't work in the meantime. You just don't know what to do. It took a great toll on me physically and emotionally. Just keep hanging on.

You have many friends on Spark who care. Keep posting so we can help you through this. margi. emoticon

_______________________
margi
Michael's Mom
12/6/72 - 2/23/73

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way . . .
- Exodus 25:30

The guardian angels of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.
- Jean Paul Richter
_____________________



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PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/7/10 9:47 A

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Thanks Nancy for the advice. I am having a very sad morning and will be heading to therapy which will hopefully help me with these unescapably bad feelings. The feelings of worthlessness and just wanting to cover up and disappear. emoticon

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NANCYLEE46's Photo NANCYLEE46 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/7/10 8:05 A

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Good Morning PEDODGEBALL,

If I can add one thing to what has already been said it is that YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

Sometimes we just can't change the circumstances that are going on in our lives, but we can change how we react to them. Take action on what you can and work on letting go on the rest. I see 3 areas, well maybe 4 that you are struggling with - disability, school, house being sold, and finances. Try not to meld them all together as anyone would become overwhelmed.

Sounds like you have done what you can as far as the disabilty goes. I know it is hard going without income. I also did this while waiting for SSDI and had to rely on my mom for the bare neccesities.

School - What do you want to do about school? Will it affect your disability and are you ready to go back? This is a great area to talk with your therapist about.

It is a tough time for anyone to sell their home. Are you still living there?

Finances - you say your partner is carrying the load - hopefully you are keeping the lines of communication open and she is supportive of where you are at right now.

Hopefully I have given you some suggestions to think about. I am glad you shared - I hadn't heard from you since you posted in the Having A Hard Day thread awhile back. Keep sharing my friend, you don't have to go this alone. I truly believe you have come so far and made progress since your ECT. I have faith in you and know you will come through this also.

Please let us know how you make out at therapy today.
emoticon
Nancy emoticon

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

Leader - SparkPeople's Official Virtual Walk/Run Challenge www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=33492

Leader SP CLASS of November 8-14 www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=34800

Co-moderator, Dealing With Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953
TREATL's Photo TREATL Posts: 6,613
6/6/10 11:25 P

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Welcome to our team!

You may not perceive it now, but know that God's healing power is supporting you. Take slow deep breaths and remember that the thoughts and prayers of your SparkPeople friends travel with you. Stay in touch, okay?

Co-Leader, Dealing with Depression Team

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ? Maya Angelou

“The art of medicine is long and life is short; opportunity fleeting; the experiment perilous; judgment flawed.”-Hippocrates, The Emperor of All Maladies

When the power of love
overcomes the love of power
the world will know peace.
--Jimi Hendrix


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PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/6/10 9:56 P

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Thank you to everyone who responded. I have had a rough couple days and I will be headed to my therapist tomorrow. I feel very overwhelmed and just don't have the fight in me.

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
6/6/10 7:26 P

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Hi! I can identify with the feeling of wanting to disappear and feeling hopeless, that is the depression talking. It is hard enough to deal with life's complexities and challenges without depression, so it is no wonder that you are feeling overwhelmed.
Your situation is temporary, and you need to keep that in mind. I have gone bankrupt once, and basically been wiped out financially another time, and I have also had to wait to qualify for disability. I was anxious and upset then too, but now my life is quite settled and comfortable, so do not lose hope!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
LINDABEAR3's Photo LINDABEAR3 Posts: 1,901
6/6/10 6:18 P

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I agree to take it one minute,five minutes at a time. Try to go outside and take a walk or something. Is it time to give your phyciatrist a call? Maybe your meds need adjusting. Don't give up. I know your under a great deal of stress right now but it will get better. It takes time to adjust to having a disability and not being able to work, I know I've been there, Hang in there and tell someone close to you how you're feeling. We care.
((((Hugs)))
Linda

Blessed are the cracked, For they let in the light

Don't take life too seriously, No one gets out alive

I used to have a handle on life, But it broke

God must love stupid people, he made so many
Maxine


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PRINCESSTTM's Photo PRINCESSTTM SparkPoints: (0)
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6/6/10 5:26 P

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One minute at a time, one minute. I find this method helps me when the depression rolls in. Blessings

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 24,214
6/6/10 5:19 P

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Yes I agree withVXWALL and you must take one day at a time. emoticon

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VXWALL1942's Photo VXWALL1942 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/6/10 4:48 P

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How dreadful that it will take such a long time until disability is decided. You can only do what you can do Dear.

Try not to live so much in the future. Take it one day at a time and one step at a time. Worrying will not help at all. You are important to many of us so please don't think of giving up.

You can accept the job with the school for now. Don't agonize over it. Just proceed. When disability is approved you can take appropriate action then. Talk to the real estate agent and ask what you need to do to get them to show the house more and get a buyer. Alternative could be to lease the house out for a year thus getting $$$ for the mortgage and some living funds.

Smile just a bit. You matter. I care.

Edited by: VXWALL1942 at: 6/6/2010 (16:50)
vicki

Co-moderator
Dealing With Depression


Team Leader
Living with Neuropathy

Co-moderator
SP Class of May 1-7, 2011

Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. -Anonymous

If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing here in the pits? -Erma Bombeck


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TARAFROMONT's Photo TARAFROMONT Posts: 1,959
6/6/10 4:39 P

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Pedodgeball *HUGS* I understand that feeling about having to drop out of school because of Anxiety and Depression.. I am on disability and I don't like being on a disability pension and not working. I tried to go to school to no avail *HUGS* You keep going ok Don't give up. You can and you will get through this just know that you are not alone.. You are never alone and have people who do understand.. Hold on tight ok.. It will get better for you and your husband

Men look at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7b

For with God nothing shall be impossible Luke 1:37

For HE will command HIS angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
Psalm 91:11


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PEDODGEBALL's Photo PEDODGEBALL Posts: 413
6/6/10 4:34 P

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It continues, the sad anxious feelings about my disability. I found out that my pyschiatrict evaluation will take 2 weeks to get to the strs board. I will then need to wait 30 days for the board to review my case. I will not be on the agenda until August when school starts not to far after that.I will have to let school know whether I am coming back or not.
I have no money left and a partner trying to take care of everything. Our house is up for sale and not sold yet.
I have been so emotional and just can't seem to get myself up and motivated. I just want to give it all up and disaappear. Nothing seems worth anything anymore.

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