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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 9,270
5/15/10 5:31 A

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Enjoy. Date him if you want, but don't put all your eggs in this one basket. My experience says that there is a little "spark" in a relationship that is meant to develop. I'm not sure I'm seeing that with this fellow and you.

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RENEEWOOD1's Photo RENEEWOOD1 Posts: 141
5/14/10 2:11 P

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I think you should just relax a little. (It's super hard to convey tone through text but please don't take this as mean at all, cause i mean this as sincere advice) I wouldn't worry about the lack of communication so much. You are at the very VERY beginning of a relationship. Its likely you aren't going to talk so much(certainly not every day) for the first few months of any relationship. That time is to get to know each other and see if you actually have enough in common to consider an actual relationship. Also, I know you said this was your first time dating, but let me tell ya, guys do NOT like anything that seems or sounds like desperation. It is a SUPER turn off not only because it effects your confidence but because it makes you seem needy. And you don't have any reason to be desperate. You are a bright, beautiful, amazing person w/ nothing but possibilities in your future. Whether he is just shy or just not into you, don't sweat it. Continue to see him casually for now and whatever is supposed to be will be. Just have fun- and try dating some other guys too! The more experience you have dating, the more comfortable you will be. I agree w/ MMCHARLIE that experience does not equal promiscuity. Have fun and keep us posted!

"We never repent of having eaten too little."--- Thomas Jefferson


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DDKITTYP1MP's Photo DDKITTYP1MP Posts: 473
5/14/10 2:00 P

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I, personally, like it when the MAN is the aggressor. I don't chase men, they chase me! If a man did nothing to pursue me, I would figure he wasn't interested, and leave it alone. When a man is interested in you, you will KNOW...they won't leave you alone!


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MMCHARLIE's Photo MMCHARLIE Posts: 517
5/14/10 11:54 A

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I don't want to be a Debbie Downer so I'll try to spin this in a positive way.

I was the type of girl who was always in a long term relationship so I missed out on casual dating in my teens and twenties. I stayed alone for a bit afterwards and then decided to have some fun. My personal motto was "Date like a man so you don't get played like a bi%ch".

Don't get hung up on finding 'the one', get out there and date as many guys as you can. You'll get exposed to all different types of venues and people, learn to handle rejection, and will also become more comfortable doling some out yourself.

Just because you might end up dating alot doesn't mean that you'll end up disrespecting your body. Quantity does not equal promiscuity.

NOTBLUSHING's Photo NOTBLUSHING Posts: 19,536
5/14/10 11:44 A

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I agree that you should NOT pursue him in any way shape or form. He is doing exactly what he wants. If he WANTED to do more, he would, without any help, hints or suggestions.
If he wanted to call, he would.
If he wanted to get to know you, he'd ask.
If he wanted to kiss you, he'd try.
If he thought paying for dates was worth it, he would.
If he was moved by a compelling quality or feature, he'd compliment it.
I know you said he texted you that he liked you a lot, but don't actions speak louder than words? What has he done that made you feel something could develop? Did you leave something out? Because I would NEVER contact him again. You don't have a reason to. Sitting down and talking about your relationship is fine, once you HAVE one.
That is not to say that you shouldn't "wait and see what happens". Of course you should have fun and see what happens, but it should be happening without ANY FURTHER EFFORT ON YOUR PART. You have done your part to encourage him and set him at ease. If he is interested, he's a grown man. He needs to do something too.
You should actively date as many men as you can fit into your schedule and let THEM worry this way.
GOOD Luck and get out there!
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EVERYONE knows EXACTLY what they NEED to do to be fit, healthy, and slim.
The problem is, nobody does it.


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JDMAKEIT2HOT's Photo JDMAKEIT2HOT Posts: 8,458
5/14/10 10:19 A

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it seems like you make all the first moves, text, setting up plans, ect.

maybe you shouldnt text him or set up plans and let him do it and if he does not do it then move on!

and if he really wanted a relationship he would be ok with phone calls. i hate talking on the phone but i talk to my boyfriend every night on the phone when im at my house before i go to sleep. we also text through out the day too and sometimes phone calls.

move on he seems to shy.

JD

*sparking since june 2007




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WHEREIS170's Photo WHEREIS170 Posts: 1,821
5/14/10 10:09 A

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I think he is a PLAYER with a capital P. Walk on. A relationship is not considered a relationship over the computer. What pathetic excuses does he have about the phone. For heavens sake. Most men don't like talking on the phone, but come on, if you are seriously interested in a "woman" you don't ignore, not call, cancell at last minute. Are your dates thru the week so he has his weekends open for "what or whomever"? This is what you have to ask yourself. I don't mean to be kinda abrupt. But, girl, you need to be patient and find a guy in the "flesh", and start fresh. This person your talking about, has something to hide, its my gut feeling and you are going to get hurt. You are a sweet person and deserve better. So don't settle for less. Respect yourself. Sorry, got on a rant there. If you were my daughter, I would tell you to walk on.

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MY4BOYZ4's Photo MY4BOYZ4 Posts: 243
5/14/10 7:22 A

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Guys that have no experience often wind up like this, while some of his actions could be deemed "fishy" it could very well be that he has no experience what so ever!

The good news is guys like this often just need a little helping hand. While this is new, communication is still very big. I am a firm believer in communication, if talking to him ends the relationship then it was NEVER going to work regardless.........but if communication sends your relationship on track then you have won the ultimate prize!

What I would suggest is a good sit down. Set up a date at a place where you can talk openly with him. Do not start out listing the things that you are upset about.

Instead lead with, "I know we both have no experience with dating" Then lead into the things that you would like to see. Such as the compliments. I would also suggest that you ask him about the texting later, and the no phone call rule. Not to rain on your parade, but guys who often refuse phone calls, or are late in texting you do tend to have someone else on the line..........while it may be innocent do not look the other way. A once in a while phone call will ensure that there is no other women, and if there is nothing for him to hide he should not have a issue with you calling once in a while.

Ask him where he wants to go in this relationship, is he looking for a friend or something more. He may fear that kissing you, may be to fast....guys with little experience often go with the idea that a inexperienced girl is a old fashioned girl.

One way to test that theory, is to show your own side of affection......reach for his hand, rub his back, give him a kiss. This will let him know you are opening the door.

Communication is always a good thing in a relationship, if you can not talk to him then it will only get worse. Its not a bad thing to expect a man who compliments you and wants to be a big part of your life. To often we settle thinking things will get better, and while the theory sit back and have fun is VERY much true, that does not mean you have to sit back and settle for something that does not make you happy.

Have a talk with him and then just have fun and see what happens.

Today is a new day!

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LATINA1980's Photo LATINA1980 Posts: 753
5/14/10 12:27 A

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Personally your describing my best friends situation exactly it seems very fishy. Come to find out he was a married man! it may not be the case for you but you should find out before you go any further so you can move on and find someone better:)

Edited by: LATINA1980 at: 5/14/2010 (00:28)
WHY ARE YOU GOING TO CHOOSE FAILURE..WHEN SUCCESS IS AN OPTION
..JILLIAN MICHAELS..



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AXISLADY's Photo AXISLADY SparkPoints: (0)
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5/13/10 11:46 P

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Be very careful. Sometimes when they don't seem very outgoing it's because there is another woman in the back ground. It could be he hasn't dated much and is shy, so you'll just have to wait and see. Have you met any of his friends? Have you met anyone he knows? Third date that might not have happened, but he ought to at least talk about his life somewhat. Otherwise you have no conversation. Is it all one sided????

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, WOW! What a ride!



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VIRTOPIA's Photo VIRTOPIA Posts: 6,287
5/13/10 11:24 P

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I agree with the poster who stated it sounds a bit fishy. I would just roll with the punches; if he texts, he texts; if he doesn't, I'd leave it alone. You both haven't been in relationships, but you are making an effort, so he should do the same.

The FOCUS is real!


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MISTIISM's Photo MISTIISM Posts: 210
5/13/10 10:23 P

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I agree with everyone else... take it slow, have fun and just see where it goes... obviously just like you, he doesn't have much experience (and he probably doesn't have us around to ask ;) ) so he is probably unsure of what to do and say. Go do some fun stuff, and just have some fun instead of worrying about a "date", I think getting to know each other in a casual atmosphere really helps you see who they are, and if there is anything there for the two of you :)

Good Luck!

~~Mistie~~



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CD5399895 Posts: 4,221
5/13/10 10:01 P

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I think it's the lack of communication and the lack of compliments. Everyone likes to receive compliments, it makes them feel special. It's weird to because it's not like I can bring it up to him. lol idk. We are supposed to go out again on Sunday and I will see how it goes. Thanks Everyone!

CD3726810 Posts: 1,064
5/13/10 9:54 P

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The text thing, I can kind of understand, as I pretty much hate talking on the phone, too. However, if I were trying to start a relationship, I would probably make more of an effort.

The only talking about himself and no compliments thing would bug me. I imagine a lot of it could be due to his newness to dating. As for going dutch, I think a lot of guys just don't know where they stand. Sometimes they aren't sure if they offer to pay for the whole thing, will the girl get offended? I know I wouldn't... but sometimes you just never know.

I guess if you really like him, maybe give him another chance?

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5/13/10 9:54 P

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I agree with the "have fun and see what happens" advice. Its been 4 dates. Dont push it. See how things go and you might think about asking him how he thinks things are going.

Recommit as often as you have to.

"Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in."

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WOLVEY1919's Photo WOLVEY1919 Posts: 974
5/13/10 9:50 P

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Well, only you can decide ultimately. From my own experience, it sounds like it's really not coming as naturally as it should for a solid connection.

Being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. Pick your hard.

If you're not growing, you're dying.


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CHICKYMOMMAOF2's Photo CHICKYMOMMAOF2 SparkPoints: (0)
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5/13/10 9:41 P

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I'd move on seems kinda fishy to me.

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DANCING4ME101's Photo DANCING4ME101 SparkPoints: (159)
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5/13/10 9:40 P

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maby seeing he really has never dated he doesnt know what to do or how to act or what questions to ask, its all new for you to and Im glad your asking us questions, just take it slow and let it happen on its own dont push it just enjoy it, relaxe and soon he will relaxe also, take it slow and have fun. It may work out and it may not, eather way your learning about dating relationships
good luck remember relaxe and have fun

diana


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CD5399895 Posts: 4,221
5/13/10 9:29 P

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Alright, some of you may know that I've never been in a relationship before, so I really don't know a lot of stuff. Here is my question.

I met this guy from the internet about 3 weeks ago. We talked through email for about 3 months before meeting, never on the phone though. We have been on 3 dates in that time, about 1 date a week. I do like him and feel like something could possibly develop but I have some worries (or is it nothing?).

-I have never talked to him on the phone, he hates talking on the phone.

-Again he only texts me to set plans up for the next date, sometimes 3-4 days go by without hearing from him. If I text him something he responds hours later or the next day.

-The 3 times we've been out he's never given me any compliments.

-He ALWAYS talks about himself but rarely asks me questions. Example- I ask him what he likes doing for fun? He answers the question but doesn't ask me.

-He hasn't made any attempts to touch me, kiss me or anything.

-He paid for the first date but hasn't paid for any other ones (we have gone dutch).

So, he is a very down to earth nice guy. He told me on his 2nd date that he's never been in a relationship before and the most he's ever been out with one girl is 2 times. He also told me though text that he likes me a lot. I keep thinking maybe because he doesn't have any experience he is like this. Or is this normal? Should I even bother to see him anymore?

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