Group photo
Author:
OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 17,776
3/22/16 3:33 P
Online Now  • ))
Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
White, I'm sure a good marriage is hard work; so is being single! I guess it's work being human. emoticon

Seven years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.
*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
8 years and counting! nosdiet.com/
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=1323


3,961 Days since:  I began the NO S lifestyle
0
1000
2000
3000
4000
OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 17,776
3/22/16 3:11 P
Online Now  • ))
Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Just to be clear, we don't need to solve the problem of boredom in order not to binge, AND solving the boredom will likely NOT solve a bingeing problem, either. But I like having a thread where boredom or dissatisfaction is a focus, rather than weight or even eating. I might end up being the only one here after awhile. emoticon If that's true, I may just write in blogs.

I did try a thread in which people were supposed to write what they did that day instead of giving in to a bingeing or eating urge, but that didn't take. It might have overlapped the boredom issue. We'll see how it goes. I suggested June start the thread because there she was interested in the topic. Anyone can start a thread! If that thread strikes a chord, it will likely continue. That's how the 21-day streak started, though it's become much more than a place to record simple data. (Its anniversary is coming up.) But there is definitely room for other issues (and not the focus there is already so much of on Spark).

Edited by: OOLALA53 at: 3/22/2016 (15:31)
Seven years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.
*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
8 years and counting! nosdiet.com/
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=1323


3,961 Days since:  I began the NO S lifestyle
0
1000
2000
3000
4000
WHITE-GREEN's Photo WHITE-GREEN Posts: 4,517
3/22/16 2:57 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Oolala, a good marriage is hard work! AND luck, indeed.

13 Days since:  BLE rezoom
0
12
25
37
50
OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 17,776
3/22/16 2:41 P
Online Now  • ))
Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
This is very interesting because I often think that a major problem I have is that I don't have a happy marriage. It's ironic because a big part of me believes or wants to believe that I DON'T need a man to be complete, and men don't NEED women, either. However, humans do tend to do better when they get some outside approval. But though you have a happy marriage, you still feel a lack. So marriage certainly doesn't solve everything! I know that, but I'd still like to have some happy married time before I die. That is a taller order than losing weight, for sure. There is a lot of luck involved! I've put a TREMENDOUS amount of effort into that in the past, and it's on hiatus for now.

I don't want to make things sound harder, but I will report that in some research I've done on loneliness, it was found that simply socializing more did not solve the problem. The unfortunate truth is that many lonely people have rather high expectations of others, often apparently because they have felt short-changed in the past and are also more likely to perceive others' treatment of them as demeaning. So they have a harder time feeling satisfaction from the interactions they have. Getting therapy geared toward these problems has been shown to have some success.

Ironically, doing some volunteering can be beneficial as well. It tends to take the focus off self and often does tend to make one feel useful and appreciated.

I haven't done any volunteering yet, but I did start therapy a few months ago. I am paying out of pocket. It's slow going, but I feel I have to do something.

In the mean time, I hope we can keep supporting each other to fill our time with a greater variety of activities than the ones we've been using. We can be gentle with it. Habit theory says the best way to change a behavior is to have a specific target, usually very doable, record the success/failure, give a lot of praise and attention to the success, and very little notice to the failure. (Just the opposite of what we often do about eating.) So we don't have to fret too much about how little it looks like things are changing. I know when I target 15-minute increments, I often do more. I was keeping my dishes more squared away for awhile, but lapsed again, but just like with binge eating, I think that I can aim at the lapses getting shorter and less frequent.

There is also another element I think is important but this is plenty for now.

Edited by: OOLALA53 at: 3/22/2016 (14:43)
Seven years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.
*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
8 years and counting! nosdiet.com/
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=1323


3,961 Days since:  I began the NO S lifestyle
0
1000
2000
3000
4000
WHITE-GREEN's Photo WHITE-GREEN Posts: 4,517
3/22/16 2:36 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
These are my thoughts... I think it is essential to define the problem, and your goal.

If your goal is to stop bingeing and / or lose weight then really, you do 'just' need to learn to how to not eat when bored.

If that is your focus then to focus on the boredom (or whatever feeling), what it is, why you have it, what to do about will distract from that simple task of learning to not-eat over feelings and thoughts and events in your life.

Then if your goal is to be happy - you might want to analyze your feelings and do something about the boredom. But, that is not needed (and maybe not even useful and even counterproductive) if the goal is to stop bingeing (and maybe lose weight at some point.

On a side note I also believe more and more that to diet is not compatible with learning to be binge free... It's just asking too much I think.

Edited by: WHITE-GREEN at: 3/22/2016 (14:37)
13 Days since:  BLE rezoom
0
12
25
37
50
CD15565988 Posts: 2,065
3/22/16 12:14 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I have just posted a massive long (rambling?) blog of my thoughts on eating through boredom/emotions and thought I'd copy it onto this thread!...

So on Friday morning I started a calorie controlled diet. Sunday morning I felt soooo bored. I thought "I've been covering up my boredom by eating. I think I've been bored a long time."

But actually I have a lot of things to do.
And actually I think there's more to this than just eating because I'm bored.

I don't need to learn how to not eat when bored - I need to learn how to get rid of this bored feeling, which I don't think is actually boredom.

(Thanks for all the suggestions and comments you've all made so far by the way -

keep busy,
housework,
knitting, embroidery, crochet
painting nails
TV
Spark
go to the gym
visit family
make a list of things you enjoy
spin the wheel
read The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck
go for a walk

- they're all good helpful suggestions!)

Someone wanted to hear from anyone who'd found a new interest that had replaced food...

I have lots to do but sometimes don't want to do any of it.

Eating doesn't really stop me being bored - it just soothes the uncomfortable emotional feeling I'm having - the feeling that I usually call boredom, but that I don't think actually is boredom.

I read a blog once where the lady was saying that the word boredom is not in the Bible, and she felt that God was saying to her that what she was actually feeling was anxiety. Not long after reading that, I was cleaning the shower quite happily and then suddenly felt bored. I backtracked and realised the previous thought that I'd had was along the lines of "this is hard work, I'll never get it clean..." and decided that she was right - I was feeling anxious and calling it boredom.

I agree it's possible to not eat over this feeling. And I agree that this feeling is unlikely to go away when I am losing/have lost weight and when I am eating right. So it's really not about food/weight etc, but this feeling is a part of my life that needs to be dealt with.

And yes I know "we all get bored/lonely etc sometimes" - but there is sometimes, and there is too much.

I believe Joyce Meyer once said (probably in one of her sessions about losing weight) that although some people eat through boredom, she has noticed that people who have eating problems find it hard to enjoy themselves except by eating...

I definitely fall into that category. At least some of the time. What makes it different do you think? Why can I sit and knit one evening and feel totally at peace. And yet another evening I don't want to knit (or do any of the million and one things that I could do - from chores to reading a novel to whatever) because it seems like a waste of time, or because I just don't want to do it, and if I do start to do it I don't enjoy it.

I spend a lot of time on Spark. Some would say too much, but what "they" think is not important. What I, God and my lovely husband think is important to me. I enjoy it here. I find it helpful, and I know that my being here helps others because they've said so. And I enjoy doing something that helps others. But...

I would like a more fulfilling life. I would like my life to be filled with all sorts of good things! I don't fill my time by watching a lot of tv. But I have filled it by sparking. Maybe in a way that isn't the best way. Although, I have heard it said that in order to become friends and build relationships with people you have to do the small talk as well as having those times where you share confidences and discuss the deeper things of life.

I am definitely dissatisfied with my life.

I think I am lonely. Very happily married to the best friend I've ever had, perhaps even the only real friend I've ever had, but I think I also need to have a good friend who I can meet up with for a coffee once a week. I've had friends like this before. They are a Godsend aren't they?!

I guess also, I miss my mum... but I don't think that is what this is about, because I think I've been like this since I was a teenager.

Another thing is, four days into my diet (3 successful days and 1 not awful day!) God feels so much closer. It reminded me of that film about Eric Liddell, the Olympic runner: "Chariots of Fire." There's a line it where he says:

" I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."

That's how I feel when I'm eating right. I feel like God is so much closer.

So - I'm sorry this is a rather rambling blog! But I guess my (rather long) summary to myself would be:
I need a good friend to meet up with once a week for a coffee.
I need to go for a walk (or multiple walks) each day because that usually lifts my mood and makes me feel relaxed.
Sometimes I need to do things even when I don't want to do them because (a) that's life - we all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes - (in fact a friend once said that every day he would do one thing that he didn't want to do, one thing to help somebody else, and one thing that he enjoyed) and (b) then I won't get into the position where I'm anxious about the thing I have to do because I haven't done it for so long that it's built up into an impossible task (I'm thinking housework!...).
I need to remember that eating to soothe uncomfortable feelings is not helping anything.
I need to remember that eating right pleases God, and that when he is pleased, I am pleased.
I need to remember that God says over and over again in the Bible "do not fear" and "do not worry" and that if he says it that much, it must be something he is expecting me to struggle with, so it's ok, but I just need to make a decision to do what he says and not fear/worry, but do what I can to help the situation, and leave the results in his capable trustworthy loving hands.
I need to learn to do small talk so I don't feel so awkward in social situations.
I need to make an extraordinarily massive list of new (and old) things I would like to do and start doing them. I'm thinking things where other people are involved. Social things. Fun things. Energetic things. Things maybe that I haven't even thought of!
I need to make a list of people I could invite round for dinner/coffee and invite them!

I'm not sure what the thing is about enjoying things sometimes and then having times where nothing is enjoyable... so... maybe I ought to Ask Jeeves about it... I definitely need to look into it further. Or maybe if I just do all (or even some) of the above I may find I no longer have the problem...

And of course, you know that I would love to hear whatever you have to say on the matter! If you've read this far - well done! - I appreciate it and hope you've found it helpful in some way!
:-)

OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 17,776
3/22/16 1:37 A
Online Now  • ))
Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
We're both No S-ers . Gosh, it's helped.

But I'm not married, no kids, and have had trouble with developing more of a friend network. Got some emotional issues, too. Not blaming anybody, but it does make for having a harder time with free time.

Seven years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.
*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
8 years and counting! nosdiet.com/
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=1323


3,961 Days since:  I began the NO S lifestyle
0
1000
2000
3000
4000
OHMEMEME's Photo OHMEMEME Posts: 1,101
3/21/16 9:14 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Planning for three meals a day with an evening snack I like to call dessert has helped me from eating out of boredom and some other emotions as well. I never thought I could stick to this but have done so for about 3 years now. I rebelled when I read about the No S Diet here but I have modified it and tweaked so it works for me. Also Judith Beck strategies have helped. But I think no that developing the concept of I just don't snack and I plan most meals ahead keeps me from impulsively thinking about what I could eat....and then eating it. As I said before, this has evolved over a few years of trial and error with more errors to come. But then again...keep trying.

Same with activity...keep it fairly structured. After work/school is busy with unwinding a little, visiting elderly mother with sisters, kids and grand kids some days, regular walks and exercise classes at the gym, prepping and having dinner, Spark time, TV time, bed time. No snack time included until all is eaten and done about 8:30 pm with hubby in front of tv. Calories allotted...

Gotta just make a choice to try...one day, one week, or one month. Commit and try it.

Best wishes as we continue this search for health and happiness.
Keep Sparking!

A decision made about how much to weigh is a decision made on how to live. (KANOE) I have decided.


 current weight: 178.2 
229
215.5
202
188.5
175
OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 17,776
3/21/16 5:47 P
Online Now  • ))
Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I don't usually eat over this vague feeling I think you're talking about, but I used to. Mostly conquering food and losing weight has not solved this problem.

I am not averse to filling my time with TV or the web, but I know those are not activities moving me forward in life.

I have plenty I SHOULD be doing. I just don't want to.

I would love it if members come on here to report on how they combatted boredom recently, like on the same day they were tempted. General suggestions are less inspiring to me than reports of times people do something specific. But, if someone has discovered a new interest that has helped replace food, I'd like to hear that, too.

Seven years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.
*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
8 years and counting! nosdiet.com/
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=1323


3,961 Days since:  I began the NO S lifestyle
0
1000
2000
3000
4000
CD15565988 Posts: 2,065
3/21/16 5:27 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I started calorie counting last week. It made me realise that I'd been masking boredom with food. At least that's what I thought in the beginning. But I have loads to do. Just don't want to do it. Then I realised it might be more a case of I'm dissatisfied with my life? Or maybe it's an inability to enjoy. Anyway it's something I need to investigate/think about etc. So I thought I'd just put it out there. :-)

Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Living Binge Free Team Goals & Building Gr8 Binge Free Lifestyles Posts

Topics:
Last Post:
5/13/2020 11:09:33 PM



Thread URL: https://sparkrecipes.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=2846x1323x63944308

Review our Community Guidelines