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8/11/08 6:02 P

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I also have Severe Depression along with several other ailments and I must say, you are handling it very well considering your circumstances. I go on the 13th and I have a feeling they won't be too happy to see me this month.
I can see how your environment could be causing a lot of your depression. I wish you the best on the 14th. I'm sure you will speak your mind. Denise

Had a surgery in July. The weight has been creeping up on me since then. Think I was nervous about exercising. Not an excuse. Seriously was worried about damaging myself. Lost 100lbs back in 2009....20lbs back in past 3 1/2 months. Gotta get active....
DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
8/11/08 5:51 P

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RLC I am sorry if my comments about mental illness offended you. I am also mentally ill, and I do understand about the stigma against people with mental health conditions.
You wrote, "unless someone produces a court order
that tells me I can't make decisions about my affairs, the law assumes I can unless I'm found to
be incompetent in a court of law. This hasn't happened."
If there is no court order, and since only a judge can determine whether you are fit under the law, but you believe that your rights are being violated, then you need advice from a lawyer who can help you to reassert your legal rights, especially since you don't trust local law enforcement, or anyone else in a position of authority, to help you.
We are trying to assist you in finding a practical solution to your situation, because this forum is called Problem Solving.
No one here is trying to insult, discourage, or accuse you. You don't know us very well yet (nor do we know you very well yet), but we are a caring and encouraging group of people. If our comments are not always on target, it would be because we are still trying to understand you and your situation.
Jodi
Senior Moderator
Dealing with Depression

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
RLC1231's Photo RLC1231 Posts: 26
8/11/08 4:52 P

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A Severe Depressive disorder. AKA Severe depression.
According to my doc, my environment is behind some of
it but not all of it.

I have an appt. later this week on the 14th.

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8/11/08 3:46 P

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Would it be rude if I asked you what kind of mental illness you have?

Had a surgery in July. The weight has been creeping up on me since then. Think I was nervous about exercising. Not an excuse. Seriously was worried about damaging myself. Lost 100lbs back in 2009....20lbs back in past 3 1/2 months. Gotta get active....
WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 152,055
8/11/08 3:41 P

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That's right RLC..Be Strong For Yourself. Continue to make healthy changes in your lifestyle, and take the steps necessary to deal with the negative things within yourself. You can't change others, you can only change yourself. Good luck to you.

HUGS
Pam

Co-Leader of the Fitness Instructors Team
Senior Moderator of the Dealing with Depression Team

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
SPARKLINGHOPE's Photo SPARKLINGHOPE Posts: 14,711
8/11/08 3:17 P

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I am sorry I didn't know people close to your home were unwilling to help due to legal reasons. :(

Becki
(IN - Eastern Time Zone)
FITBIT ONE

Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi
(1869 - 1948)


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RLC1231's Photo RLC1231 Posts: 26
8/11/08 2:58 P

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I am trying to be proactive. I have looked for help close to home however, people realize I have a legal problem and are unwilling to get involved.

In the meantime, I'm just going to keep on doing the things I can do for myself. I'm trying to make healthy changes in my lifestyle by becoming more active. I am taking steps to deal with the negative things in myself.

My family may not be interested in my mental problems or helping me get better however, I have to be interested enough to take up the slack. I have to be strong for myself. I can't give up!

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SPARKLINGHOPE's Photo SPARKLINGHOPE Posts: 14,711
8/11/08 11:33 A

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Please be proactive and seek help from sources close to home! We can only help so much........... emoticon

Becki
(IN - Eastern Time Zone)
FITBIT ONE

Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi
(1869 - 1948)


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RLC1231's Photo RLC1231 Posts: 26
8/10/08 10:56 P

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I am very much aware that I am mentally ill. However,I have discovered that there is a great deal of stigma surrounding those who are mentally ill. I also know that law enforcement in this country has adopted much of it.

I also know that the Constitution protects my rights or liberties. My liberties cannot be violated without due process.Only a judge can limit my rights.

I have to respectfully reject this idea that my rights have been suspended because I'm ill. Actually being ill means that my rights matter more
not less.

My situation is built on a lot of assumptions floating around about me that no one can prove.

In any event, unless someone produces a court order
that tells me I can't make decisions about my affairs, the law assumes I can unless I'm found to
be incompetent in a court of law. This hasn't happened.


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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
8/10/08 7:47 P

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RLC You sound to me like a articulate, intelligent person in a bad situation.
To be honest, you also sound like someone who has been very ill, which would explain why some of your rights may have been suspended, and why you are having difficulty remembering some things and getting co-operation from officials and social service workers.
Many people with mental health issues are talented people who can be very capable in some areas of their lives, but struggling a great deal in others. I know that while I am able to be a resource to thousands of people on DwD, I am lost when it comes to many practical aspects of my life.
This means that just because you are mentally ill, you can still write so well, and manage some other areas well. It also means that just because you are doing great in some things, when it comes to others you may be having more trouble coping.
Your parents should not be insulting you or treating you badly. I suspect though that the authorities will not allow you to be responsible for yourself right now, so you need someone else to step in as guardian. Do you have any other family members that care about you and might help you?
Failing that, you would be seeking to become a ward of the state, I believe. Then you would be the responsibility of the government, and I dont know that you want that.
Is there anyone at the hospital who might be willing to listen to you? Any psychiatrists or nurses or social workers there that might be objective enough to hear you out? If you couldnt contact them directly, getting into the ER might be the only way to reach them.
The lawyer option sounds like a good possibility actually, because he or she would be there to represent only your best interests, not anybody else's, and you wouldn't have to pay them money up front.
What you need is someone to advocate for you. A relative, another medical professional or counsellor, or a lawyer would be the kind of people who could do that.
Jodi


My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
PRINCESSTTM's Photo PRINCESSTTM SparkPoints: (0)
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8/10/08 4:52 P

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greetings RLC1231, I think you have a plan as you stated in your second post: All I can do is keep doing the right things for myself. Take my medication,exercise,write,do my bible studies,buy food, and pray the truth will come
out.

you seem to be very knowledgable of the resources in your community... and it does take to form any kind of plan for living in this world... for all of us... sometime just planning to get through the day is a challenge...

keep posting to vent as you need to... and your local community resources will be able to help you as you present your case... BUT we are here to hear you...

In fact I think I will use some of your plan to help me thru the next week: take my meds, exercise, journal and study, buy food... and pray... you are a wise one with such a plan... blessings emoticon emoticon


Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
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8/10/08 1:34 P

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I have to say this, I am so irritated with what this poor girl is going through. It seems surreal. There has to be SOMEONE who can help her but I don't really have a clue what words of wisdom I can offer.


Had a surgery in July. The weight has been creeping up on me since then. Think I was nervous about exercising. Not an excuse. Seriously was worried about damaging myself. Lost 100lbs back in 2009....20lbs back in past 3 1/2 months. Gotta get active....
PLATINUM755's Photo PLATINUM755 SparkPoints: (628,972)
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8/10/08 12:25 P

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RLC1231, it's ok to keep a low profile, but find out what is in your records with the various agencies -- it may go a long way to understanding why you are in the situation you are in. It will also provide you with the answer(s) you need to do something about it.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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8/10/08 11:14 A

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I know this is the opposite of your problem but when I couldn't get someone out of my house, I filed a report at the police station, went immediately to the courthouse and got a restraining order and he was removed. Surely you can do that backwards. Get a restraining order to keep them away and I'm sure the police will know of temporary housing for you. It's worth a shot to go and speak with the police.

Had a surgery in July. The weight has been creeping up on me since then. Think I was nervous about exercising. Not an excuse. Seriously was worried about damaging myself. Lost 100lbs back in 2009....20lbs back in past 3 1/2 months. Gotta get active....
RLC1231's Photo RLC1231 Posts: 26
8/9/08 10:50 P

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Well, thanks for the support and responses. For now my plan is to walk a very fine line until I get real help with this. I know that the Doctor who treats me for depression can't help and neither can the clinic. There just aren't many resources for me to consider. There are just two shelters in my area.If I leave, my parents can easily find me or involve the authorities.

Adult protective services can't be trusted to defend my right to leave. The authorities have threatened to pick me up if I do.

I've tried too many times to make plans to leave only to see them blow up in my face. I just don't know there is anyone or place I can turn to for help. Not even NAMI or Advocacy can help. They have
to co-operate with the authorities.

My plan for now is to keep a low profile.

I just think this thing is too far gone for me to prevail. Get away.




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SPARKLINGHOPE's Photo SPARKLINGHOPE Posts: 14,711
8/9/08 3:21 P

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Get help from anyone you can confide in! How can your parents tell you that you can't attend church? Develop a small plan to help yourself. You need positive resources. If you are surrounded by people telling you are worthless then you end up getting so angry that you prove them right. Try to figure out a way to not show your hand and escape the negative environment!

Becki
(IN - Eastern Time Zone)
FITBIT ONE

Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi
(1869 - 1948)


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PLATINUM755's Photo PLATINUM755 SparkPoints: (628,972)
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8/9/08 2:10 P

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RLC1231, just popped into my head after reading the last posts..have you checked the website for Independent Living Centers in your area?

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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PLATINUM755's Photo PLATINUM755 SparkPoints: (628,972)
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8/9/08 2:02 P

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emoticon and emoticon to the team RLC1231. Twenty (20) years is a long time to be frustrated -- are you currently taking meds, and are they helping at all. If not, it may be time to try something new... may be time to find another doc if therapy isn't helping either.

I wasn't sure when you referred to APS, if you were referring to Adult Protective Services, along with other authorities. If it is, have you requested a review of their records to find out why they have taken the position they have? You may have to obtain legal representation for this...and to determine what you can do about your situation. You need to get an objective person to stand in your corner.

We are here for you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing!



Edited by: PLATINUM755 at: 8/9/2008 (14:00)
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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8/9/08 1:57 P

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Your parents should look in the mirror when they're saying all of those nasty things about you because they are actually talking about themselves. All of the advice that has been posted is good advice. It's easy to say 'get a lawyer', blah blah blah but in the end, you will have your sanity back. Here's another thought. Have you ever thought of applying for disability? You'd need a therapist to get you started on that. I'd estimate that 1/2 of Sparkers are on disability because like you, they are unable to work. Most of them, like me and you, have severe depression along with other ailments. Please see a therapist where you can discuss all of this then they usually assign you a careworker to help you. It's worth a shot. Also, (I'll shut up in a minute), you can go through a lawyer for disability but they will still have to contact all of your doctors for paperwork. Also, the lawyer does not get a fee until he obtains the disability for you. Disability can help you with housing and give you a check in your mailbox every month so you can get away from those AWFUL parents of yours. I feel for you and I've spoken way too much....lol. Take Care.
Denise

Edited by: BLUEBRIT at: 8/9/2008 (13:58)
Had a surgery in July. The weight has been creeping up on me since then. Think I was nervous about exercising. Not an excuse. Seriously was worried about damaging myself. Lost 100lbs back in 2009....20lbs back in past 3 1/2 months. Gotta get active....
TURTLESTEPPIN's Photo TURTLESTEPPIN Posts: 78
8/9/08 1:55 P

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Please get any waiting available in your area for housing. That will get you started back to finding your independence. Also, if you were to check into the hospital they might be able to help you figure out what do and help speed up the process getting you out of your parents house. You could also refuse visits and phone calls from them until you are strong enough to deal with them. I had to do that to get me and my children out of my mom's house while I finished school. We are still getting assistance,because I haven't found a job yet and we live in a beautiful new complex very close my nice neighborhood when I was still married. Point is just cuz you get help with housing doesn't mean you'll have to live in dump. It really helps being away from the constant verbal abuse! I'll be praying for you.

Edited by: TURTLESTEPPIN at: 8/9/2008 (13:57)
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RLC1231's Photo RLC1231 Posts: 26
8/9/08 1:22 P

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I don't mind being asked what happened with my last job. Basically, I couldn't handle the stress of my personal problems and the stress of the job anymore.
After five years, I blew a gasket and gave up, quitting the job. It cost me what little independence I had. I cried for weeks.

My parents basically told me I'm a screw-up and don't deserve to have a life of my own. My parents
go out of their way to tell me everything is my fault. I'm an idiot,stupid,don't know right from wrong, and no one cares about me.

No wonder I suffer from severe depression and the treatment isn't working.




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I'd do as DEC said and find an attorney, it sounds as if you need your rights defined. Not just for your parents, but as you mentioned authorities as well. A therapist would also be of help and I do hope you have one as they can stand up for you too. You are very articulate, have been published on line.. Perhaps freelance writing could bring you in some income. In the mean time it does sound as if some professional intervention may be needed to help get you out of this cycle. A mediator as also DEC had mentioned. You need some people with clout in your corner. Your Doctor could be one. Have you spoken with them about this? I hope something here is of help.

I'm so sorry your having such a tough time...

Many

emoticon

"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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8/9/08 10:05 A

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I was immediately irritated when you said your sister accuses you of buying DVD's even though you have receipts for gas etc. Silly thing to be irritated about but that's me. Do you put the receipts in front of her eyeballs so she can see them up close?
Anyway, forget that. You said you keep your doctor appointments but didn't say what kind of doctor. I'm hoping you will say it's a therapist because you need guidance at this point and you can only get that from a therapist. It is extremely hard when you don't have any income. Can I be so bold as to ask what happened with your last job? Either way, you need someone to talk to (as you did here) but a human being so if you're not seeing a therapist, please ask your regular doctor about setting you up with one. Don't continue being so miserable. You sound so nice. You shouldn't have to put up with toxic parents.

Had a surgery in July. The weight has been creeping up on me since then. Think I was nervous about exercising. Not an excuse. Seriously was worried about damaging myself. Lost 100lbs back in 2009....20lbs back in past 3 1/2 months. Gotta get active....
DOWNEASTCAGUN's Photo DOWNEASTCAGUN Posts: 4,055
8/9/08 10:00 A

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RLC1231 - since you and your parents seem to have such differing opinions about your condition and abilities, I believe an outside mediator is called for.

Have you attempted to find legal representation? Perhaps a court-appointed guardian (just to oversee your financial health & keep tabs ... since the authorities have been involved in the past) would be a better alternative.

You could get an "outside" job then, and live your own life.

Look for a community-based legal services organization. Just a thought.
good luck.

* "Take care. Take comfort. Take courage. Take control. Take JOY wherever you find it." (DEC)*
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." - George Carlin


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RLC1231's Photo RLC1231 Posts: 26
8/9/08 9:36 A

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One of the unfortunate things about this is I have
been unable to find employment. At least for very
long.While employed, my parents would take my money.
Other things that would happen is I would be constantly verbally abused. I do mean constantly.It has been over ten years since my last real job.

Besides working, my parents wouldn't allow me to attend church or even find volunteer work doing something useful with myself.

Even though I have a minor learning disability, I
have and am capable of doing things my parents think
I can't do. I've taught bible study to retarded citizens,5th and 6th graders,worked as a counselor
for many christian concerts,and have been published
all over the internet. My parents just don't pay attention or haven't to what is before them.

I've also had my own apartment paying my own rent,
car insurance,buying food,and learned how to do minor repairs to my own car when I had one.

I do live with my parents however, against my will.
Numerous run-in's with the authorities have left me
being forced to remain in their custody illegally.
I am an adult and my parents don't have legal rights
over me. I can prove it. Unfortunately, being mentally ill is more important than my legal rights.
My parents just assert that I'm mentally ill, incompetent and suicidal.Even more that they have legal guardianship of me and everyone just assumes it to be true. I've checked it out and there is no
record of them ever filing for guardianship. I would
remember it.

My parents are just wrong and would be unable to prove their claims except for me being mentally ill.

Even now, I cook for myself, keep Dr. appointments,
am an accomplished writer,able to drive, etc. My abilities just don't match what my parents say.
I would think someone would want to find out the truth about me. From what I've experienced the truth
doesn't matter. Just my mental illness.

I'm no longer confident of my ability to turn this
situation around.

All I can do is keep doing the right things for
myself.

Take my medication,exercise,write,do my bible studies,buy food, and pray the truth will come
out.

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WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 152,055
8/9/08 1:48 A

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Chances are...your parents are NOT going to change. Although your message is quite informative, there are things that have been omitted such as do you live with your parents, your age, and your employment and financial status. Not knowing these things makes it difficult to advise you.

If you live with your parents, but you are financially able to find a place of your own, that would be my suggestion. However, if you are dependent on your parents for financial support, they most likely will continue to interfere in every area of your life.

Tell us more about yourself and the situation, and we may be better able to come up with some solutions that you might want to consider.

Take care hon, and keep in touch with the team. We are here for you.

HUGS
Pam



Co-Leader of the Fitness Instructors Team
Senior Moderator of the Dealing with Depression Team

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ndividual.asp?gid=953


I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
DOWNEASTCAGUN's Photo DOWNEASTCAGUN Posts: 4,055
8/9/08 12:22 A

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You don't say how old you are, if you live with your parents or near them ... but i'll tell you what i did ... moved ... and kept moving.
My family isn't as toxic as yours, but i certainly don't fit in with them ... and i find 1,900 miles is a good distance.
I wish i could be more help.

* "Take care. Take comfort. Take courage. Take control. Take JOY wherever you find it." (DEC)*
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." - George Carlin


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TURTLESTEPPIN's Photo TURTLESTEPPIN Posts: 78
8/8/08 11:40 P

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Sorry to hear about your situation, There is a good book called Toxic Parents, and Boundaries, both are probably at your local library. The book called Boundaries is a christian based book. It is very good.

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RLC1231's Photo RLC1231 Posts: 26
8/8/08 11:22 P

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I am very troubled over a situation which may be
unresolvable. I love my family however, for years
we've never seen eye to eye on things. Especially
with my parents. My parents for nearly 20 years
have interfered in every area of my life. They even
today do not treat me like an adult and operate under the impression that I'm incompetent.

Even today they don't notice the achievements I've
had and squash my successes with verbal abuse. Not
to mention threats, fear tactics and other forms of
control. Even telling outright lies about me.

For too many years I have tried to win their love
and respect however, it is unlikely that I ever will. I am at my witts end on how to break free
from their control. My attempts to leave seem to
backfire and my parents are able to gain the upper
hand. Over the last four years I have found my legal
rights being violated time and again by APS, the authorities, and no one defending me at all.

My parents and others have never met with anyone
about my mental problems yet, no one thinks too
much of it. My parents don't even have legal rights
over me yet, it seems to not matter. What does is
I suffer from mental illness.

On top of all of this, my sister gives me money to
buy food and gas however, she's convinced that I blow it on DVD's. Regardless of my claims of having
receipts, she believes whatever she wants and so do
everyone else. The honest to do is to ask me to
produce receipts but I guess that is too easy or
they would find I'm telling the truth and have to
apologize. The easy way is to ignore me.

I can't seem to appease anyone in my family. I feel
like an outcast or a criminal. The situation is just gets more toxic with time and I'm powerless
to fight back.

All I can do is turn this over to God and quit letting it ruin my life. Anything else is a
sure failure. I keep believing it will get better
and end up feeling like a moron.

I'm just sick of it and sick from it !!

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