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CLAIREPLUS5's Photo CLAIREPLUS5 Posts: 1,024
9/11/08 10:33 A

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I have to say, exhaustion, exhaustion, exhaustion. You will be more tired in the first few months than you can imagine. Imagine trying to go to school and work all day after, oh lets say taking ipecac in the morning and then when you stop throwing up take a sleeping pill and still have to function like all is normal. (I am not suggesting this of course, just trying to find a way to explain how hard it can be.) Add to that fluctuating hormones...well your joy at expecting your child may not be enough to keep you from being depressed when you have no choice but to go to school and work all day. I have 5 children and love them all more than anything They are my world, and I wanted children from as young as I can remember. If you have a way to make it easier on yourself, like waiting a little longer, I would say take it. Your hormones and emotions will be so up and down...it is just a lot to deal with. Waiting is hard, and I am far from patient. I understand your pull to motherhood. It will come, do what you can to make it easier on yourself if you have the option.


All the wise comments below are important points too. Your life will never be yours again, and you will go from one challenge to another as they grow. Forever. Read some of the teenage/grown children threads. Go to a team for parents of infants etc...read the things they have to deal with. Prepare yourself. The reality of it may help you be patient for a bit.

Edited by: CLAIREPLUS5 at: 9/11/2008 (10:41)
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind."
~ William James

"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are. " ~ Norman Vincent Peale


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WESLEYSMAMA's Photo WESLEYSMAMA Posts: 4,670
9/9/08 9:40 P

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So, Princess makes me realize I need to apologize for my tone...

Yes, Princess, I do so agree with you. However, in my case, I was wearing my fire proof suit, but the pharm company put a hole in it. emoticon I won't go into more detail here, this is not the place.

And, please forgive if I offended any by my post. Honestly, I have this friend who is my age, early 20's, is really going nowhere with her life, and she is obsessed with the baby fever. She has no SO even, and she has not thought through the responsibility that this is. It bugs the cruddy out of me that she, as well as many other girls I know, are thinking with this state of mind that "oh, babies are cute, let's have one," like babies are accessories or Paris Hilton's little dog. This is my personal pet peeve, related to my own life and to my age. Obviously, you ladies who are discussing babies on here are at a totally different point in your lives, so it does not apply here.

I also would like to take the time to say that I feel for all of you on the subject. Since having one of my own, my heart aches for every woman who has lost a child, cannot conceive a child, or has been separated from a child. I feel an incredible amount of personal guilt for complaining about being so incredibly fertile I conceived while taking the Pill religiously. I find the fact that I did this, and other women who are desparate for a baby cannot conceive at all, whether because of their body or timing, to be highly unfair.

I realize my anger, my bitterness, and my guilt are my own problem, and I am working on them.

I am sorry to steal the thunder here, but thank you for listening, everyone.

And may I submit that oopsie was in quotes, and I was not the first one to use similar phrasing? emoticon

Lord, grant me patience, because you grant me strength, I'll end up killing people.



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9/9/08 8:49 P

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ok, WESLEYMOMMA... I have just been released from chopping rocks in the LONDON TOWER... the work project is finished!!!! and I am feeling reallly reallly good.. and really really bad.. SO let's talk about an OOPSIE baby.... it ain't no oopsie about it... I mean if you are anywhere near one of those 'FIRESTICKs' then there ain't no OOPS... you messed with the fire and you got the baby....

bummer, what a life I lead.. try being an extroverted clinically depressed person with lots of ADD.. who is finally feeling some FREEEEDOM...to quote BRAVEBUTT... I mean BRAVEHEART....

OK, I got to run before I get caught and sent back to LONDON TOWER...

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
WESLEYSMAMA's Photo WESLEYSMAMA Posts: 4,670
9/8/08 8:23 P

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I had an "oopsie" baby back in December. I am married to a loving and supportive husband. I am only in pre-nursing, but this is the hardest thing I have ever done!!! And, when I was pregnant in school, I was sick every morning until he came. I would have to get up an extra hour early, puke, eat breakfast, puke, take another breakfast with me to my 8 o'clock class or work, and try to scoot through my day without fainting. I know not all women have it as bad as others in their pregnancy, but mine was rough and I am not alone in that. Babies truly are wonderful, but nothing can totally prepare you for the journey that pregnancy and motherhood will take you on!

Since you are sooooo close (and I know it does not seem that way right now) please try to hang on! Trust me, it will be worth it. I love my son with all my heart, but some nights I cry myself to sleep because a part of me resents that my body could not wait for me to get out of school.

And, it is perfectly all right not to be able to be happy for the women who are pregnant. As long as you are still being nice to them (which I know you are if they are your loved ones), it's okay not to share their feelings. Honestly, when I was pregnant, I put on a brave happy face to many, but I was more than understanding if others didn't feel the same way. Sometimes I wasn't happy. I guess what I am trying to say is when it comes to babies, all emotions are valid.

And, yes, I think you should spend time taking care of a baby....for at least 24 consecutive hours. emoticon

And, I wish you and your DH the best of luck in having one when the time comes. The best advice I can think of is be healthy, nuture your marriage, and relax. Babies will come!

Lord, grant me patience, because you grant me strength, I'll end up killing people.



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BAU02189's Photo BAU02189 Posts: 17
8/21/08 3:38 P

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i know exactly how you feel, i want a baby so much but know i need to wait til i out of school, i know that it would be just too much of a strain on my body and mind (we have the extra burden of messing with meds!) but as everyone here has said it will happen when it is meant to and you will be able to enjoy it so much more

please promise me one thing though, do not push your friends and family who are expecting away, it will only hurt you and them in the long run

lots of love gilz

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
8/16/08 8:39 P

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You said, "I don't see any difference between now, next month, or Nov." Oh, good, then you won't mind waiting then!
Baby fever comes and goes, but the babies stay around for good.
Make sure that you have a long-term plan for raising a child before you conceive one!
You need to look at factors such as, if you don't work right after graduation and get some experience, will that negatively impact on your ability to get a job later? How long do you plan to be out of the work force? If you aren't using the knowledge that you have worked so hard to get, will you get frustrated and wonder what all that school was for anyway? (That last one was me, in years 2,3,and 4 of parenthood.)
Remember, it is not just this little bundle of joy that you have to work around if you plan to have more. Four years off can turn into six, then eight, depending on how many children you have.
I know that the desire for a baby can be a very real physical and emotional longing that is hard to ignore, and odds are that you won't ignore it.
However, I feel the need to mention that you are dealing with some very serious peer pressure there. (Teenagers are not the only ones who suffer from it. We all do.) If all those people around you were building new homes, or going on exotic trips, or getting hybrid cars, you would probably start to think that you should too!
Just keep in mind that twenty years per child is an awfully long time, and they dont stay cute little babies for very long. Once you have a child, it is amazing the things that you can't do anymore, or at least, you can't do easily.
For some reason, women never tell you their pregnancy and childbirth horror stories until after you are pregnant. Ask around now, and it might give you an incentive to hang on until Nov.
If you want to travel, for instance, do it before starting a family, because odds are it will be a long time until you have the chance again. Besides, there are a lot of romantic venues in this world to make babies in!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
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8/16/08 5:10 P

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greetings... AHAUSER... I so love your comment about keeping the hubby around and happy so that he can make his contribution.... way too funny.... you have a great attitude... wishing you only the best... blessings emoticon emoticon

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
LITTLEELISA's Photo LITTLEELISA Posts: 74
8/16/08 12:43 A

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Pam,

I don't really have any advice to give, but I thought I could share my experience.

I had extreme baby fever just before I graduated from college, too. I was really ready to move on to adulthood from the really fun and freewheeling college life. I was kind of chomping at the bit for the next stage (what was I thinking?). But having a family was an important goal for me. I also worked with kids as nanny and as a recreation leader, so I knew what I would be getting into.

Once I actually graduated and settled into not being a student, the urge calmed a bit. My husband and I waited for about a year before we had our first child. I would like to say we got financially stable and bought a house first, because that seems like it would have been a good plan, but we didn't.

Now I'm really looking forward to grand kids. Since our teenagers are too young to have them, I recently fulfilled that urge with a puppy. emoticon




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WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 152,055
8/15/08 11:38 P

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It sounds like you are ready...so I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers in hopes that things go the way you want them to go. Take care and keep in touch with the team.

HUGS
Pam

Co-Leader of the Fitness Instructors Team
Senior Moderator of the Dealing with Depression Team

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I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
AHAUSER's Photo AHAUSER Posts: 19
8/15/08 11:12 P

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BTW... Tami and anyone else who offered kids for a day/weekend. I used to be a day care teacher. I (& another teacher) had to feed, diaper and preoccupy 8 1-2 year olds every day. I loved it and the only reason I didn't stay is because it pays horribly! Believe me when I say... I'M READY, well as ready as I can be anyways. :P

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AHAUSER's Photo AHAUSER Posts: 19
8/15/08 11:09 P

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You all have been so helpful and uplifting. I had a good conversation with my mom today. And eventhough the topic makes me somewhat emotional. I feel more in control of my feelings right now. I'm getting back into my normal routine from vacation. My focus at this point is to see where my cycle is at in the first place and try to keep the lines of communication open between hubby and I. Thanks you guys! I feel I've really found a safe "venting" place. :)

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8/15/08 8:59 P

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in reference to DOWNEASTCAGUN's suggest of borrowing a baby... the princess-to-be spent one summer babysitting a set of triplets.... who all had ADHD... it was a great 'safe-sex' episode for her at the time... in fact she still hasn't even ... well you know... emoticon

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 152,055
8/15/08 2:52 P

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That is great that you and your husband are very financially stable. In that case, you can be a stay at home mom when you have your baby. I am all in favor of moms staying at home and raising their babies. However, I know most moms are unable to do that in today's world. They work outside the home because they have to in order to make ends meet. You are lucky to be well off financially. You won't even have to work after your baby is born. Good for you!

Take care and keep in touch with the team.

HUGS
Pam

Co-Leader of the Fitness Instructors Team
Senior Moderator of the Dealing with Depression Team

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
BETHECHANGE's Photo BETHECHANGE Posts: 3,666
8/15/08 1:43 P

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I have 2 kids. Kids are very difficult when dealing with depression. No impossible, but difficult. I personally couldn't maintain working and having the kids. since the kids were here i had to give up work. before kids I finished a 4 year college degree in 2 1/2 years, I got a masters degree, i worked full-time and went to even more college, then worked full-time and part time. And then had kids and the world fell apart. So, although they can be a joy, they can also turn your life upside down. Would you like mine for a weekend?

tami

"If you're going through hell, keep going"--Winston Churchill
Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still. --Chinese proverb
Even the darkest hour only has 60 minutes--Morris Mandel
Sometimes a door opens and a human being becomes a way for grace to come through. Rumi


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DOWNEASTCAGUN's Photo DOWNEASTCAGUN Posts: 4,055
8/15/08 12:12 P

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The whole world is NOT pregnant
I'm not
emoticon
'course, that would be nothing short of a miracle at this point in life!
hahahahahahaah
emoticon emoticon

And stop and think about how hard it will be to make your classes while suffering from morning sickness, or Mother forbid, complications!
hang in there, sweetie, babies will come.

* "Take care. Take comfort. Take courage. Take control. Take JOY wherever you find it." (DEC)*
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." - George Carlin


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AHAUSER's Photo AHAUSER Posts: 19
8/15/08 11:35 A

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Thank you all for the thoughtful words. I do know it will be easier. I too am a believer that things happen for a reason and that there's a reason why I'm not pregnant and the whole world is :P. But we are very financially stable. I will make substantally more when I graduate but I wouldn't delivar until about 5 months after grauduation at this point. My thing is, I don't see the difference between now, next month, or Nov.

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DOWNEASTCAGUN's Photo DOWNEASTCAGUN Posts: 4,055
8/15/08 11:21 A

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I can't do better than WORKOUTWITHPAM did ... think of the advantages of having your baby a little later ...
and think how much easier it will be, later on, to get the things your child needs with a job that pays MORE than min. wage!

And although I don't believe in a higher power or fate, i am always flummoxed by the way things seem to happen when they NEED to happen.

Another piece of advice ... borrow a baby from someone for a day (offers to babysit are RARELY turned down) ... live with it for a day and see if you're still suffering from Baby Fever.
emoticon

* "Take care. Take comfort. Take courage. Take control. Take JOY wherever you find it." (DEC)*
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." - George Carlin


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WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 152,055
8/15/08 3:02 A

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Hon, there is a lot more to having a baby than just bringing home the "little bundle of joy." It would be wise to wait until after you graduate since you are so close to that event. Be happy and congratulate your friends and family members who are pregnant. Since all of their babies will be a little older than yours, just think of the money you will save by having them pass down the clothes and toys their babies have outgrown...LOL. Being pregnant, in school and working full time would be a lot to deal with. Get the graduation behind you and then you will be more relaxed and you might get pregnant right away. Take care hon, and keep in touch.

HUGS
Pam

Co-Leader of the Fitness Instructors Team
Senior Moderator of the Dealing with Depression Team

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
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8/15/08 1:02 A

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I was never sick with any of my pregnancies but my sister spent almost the first 6 weeks of all 4 of hers in bed she was so sick. Just think if that happened you would not be able to finish school. I agree with your husband that waiting is best. If you are meant to have a baby sooner you will get pregnant.
I got pregnant 3 times while on birth control so I know I supposed to have my kids. You will get pregnant when the time is right. Try to be happy for these people if they are happy.
I hope you start to feel better.



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LADYBINNS's Photo LADYBINNS Posts: 195
8/14/08 11:17 P

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oh gosh princess. i am so sorry. god bless you hun.
god works in strange ways but take my advice the both of you. trust in him that things happen for a reason. that is the hardest thing for me to realize
sometimes. and ausher please dont stay jealous for that could come back to bite you later when you are trying to have your baby. just try to say congrats and know that soon you will have a wonderful career and a good stable enviroment to raise your baby in.
hugg your dear hubby , he is on the right track. us ladys think more with our heart than our head . opps.

love and hugs to you both

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PRINCESSTTM's Photo PRINCESSTTM SparkPoints: (0)
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8/14/08 10:53 P

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AHAUSER, ouch, 'baby fever'... there is no good explanation... the Royal Consort and I needed 8 years before we figured out how to make babies (embarrassed face)... then the first baby died... then we had two babies ... then another baby died... then there was one more.... the pain and joy of babies... some of the best potential parents--can't get pregnant... and then the 'oops' babies.... I have no answers because even when we knew that three was enough, I still 'grieved' just a little every month when there were signs that no baby this month.... then the Royal Consort got fixed ... and I still grieve a little... I would love to have a zillion babies.... so I have no answers ... only similar feeings....

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
AHAUSER's Photo AHAUSER Posts: 19
8/14/08 10:27 P

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Alright here's the deal...
Since my younger sister announced she's pregnant with her 2nd child I have been in this incredibly up and down emotional rollercoaster. I have INTENSE baby fever that I can't seem to shake. So my sister announced in March 2008 = I start getting anxious about my family starting (DH & I aren't trying yet...I"m still in school, graduating in Dec 2008 though). So then it's may and my best nursing school friend finds out she got pregnant by some guy she's seeing (of course not planned). I go back down again. I get back up and I start to talk to DH more about maybe starting early so that the baby is due after I graduate. I get nowhere and he wants to wait until dec. So everything is fine, then about a month ago a close friend announces she's expecting (married but NOT trying, just a whoops sorta thing). I was upset b/c I had taken a pregnancy test and it was neg around that time so I went down. But came back up after DH & I decided on trying for a family in November. NOW, I swear these last 3 months are going to just hurt, becaues my best friend in the whole world who isn't married but seriously involved calls me and tells me she's pregnant. Seriously, I don't even know how to be happy for any of these people and they are all close to me. I can't even talk to my sister (for many other reasons) and every time I'm down b/c of it, DH just keeps firm with his "nope, not until Nov" He doesn't want to deal with me when I'm pregnant and in school (oh yeah, and I work almost full time). I know it's a lot but I feel so ready, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being happy for everyone else and all their "ooops!'es" Thinking about it makes me cry, Sorry this is so long. I'll end there. On top of it, I'm so afraid that the cherry on top will be that when I'm actually trying to get pregnant I won't be able to. Sounds silly I know, but what would any of you think if you were in my position?

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