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DUSTYROSE1968's Photo DUSTYROSE1968 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/30/08 9:36 A

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Wallowa be patient he is out there. I will pray about it. Just don't be inpatient. Good things are worth waiting for.

Life is Short,
Don't waste it,
Improve it.
?~*-:¦:-*?~.•*´¨ ) ? .?¸.•*¨) ?
? .•*´¨ )?? **Diane's* ??*¨)
Retired and Loving It .•*´¨?-:¦:-
?-:¦:- )? ¸.•*¨) ?¸.•*¨)? -:¦:- Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you can't live without
?~*-:¦:-*?~.•*´¨ )
?-:¦:- )? ¸.•*¨) ?¸.•*¨)?
Make time to read, you


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CD3857732 Posts: 3,188
8/28/08 1:43 A

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8/28/08 1:11 A

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WALLOWA I wish you all the luck in the world to a new beginning, with the best man for you.
A man that loves you, for who you are, a man that can give you, a caring, loving relationship, with respect, and trust, is a man that will give you, happiness and freedom from grief. Diane

Life is Short,
Don't waste it,
Improve it.
?~*-:¦:-*?~.•*´¨ ) ? .?¸.•*¨) ?
? .•*´¨ )?? **Diane's* ??*¨)
Retired and Loving It .•*´¨?-:¦:-
?-:¦:- )? ¸.•*¨) ?¸.•*¨)? -:¦:- Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you can't live without
?~*-:¦:-*?~.•*´¨ )
?-:¦:- )? ¸.•*¨) ?¸.•*¨)?
Make time to read, you


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CD3857732 Posts: 3,188
8/27/08 12:11 A

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WOWEETOO's Photo WOWEETOO SparkPoints: (0)
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8/26/08 11:16 P

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free because you set yourself up to go there and the opportunity arrived and you took it and ran with it in your newfound wisdom congrats to you my friend you have certainly arrived!!! hugs mary

TODAY IS LIFE THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL

there is no cause when there is no effect km

i can do that, but not on a tuesday
for that is my day of thrust in the opposite direction -
off the starboard bow
over the hurdles,
and down the shute.

last is just the slowest winner. c.hunter boyd

people often say that motivation doesn't last. well neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. zig ziglar

if i stitch fast enough do


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8/26/08 10:29 P

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SHARONE104 Posts: 90
8/26/08 7:49 P

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blackcosmocat, great advice!
wallowa, my partner, now deceased, was emotionally abusive until the end, fortunately, when he had a change of heart and became wonderfully supportive just before passing. I'll never know what made him so unselfish but I do know now that he loved me and wanted to give me a belief in myself and the unconditional love my parents didn't give me. It was enough for me to realize that THAT was where I needed to go myself...he kind of propelled me into finding SELF-love. I don't know whether this will ever lead to confidence in finding a partner. But, I do know that I have a wonderful male friend who lets me know in many ways how much he values me as a person.
So, wallowa, be patient w/yourself and allow yourself to accept love from every direction and to let it flower w/in. Love yourself! It can be the start of something wonderful. I know it was for me!

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LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/26/08 3:32 A

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Wollowa,

These 'guys' are masters of manipulation and making us feel like it's our fault, making us feel bad about ourselves is part of their game.

Your not the bad guy. Why? For wanting to be treated decently?

emoticon

"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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8/25/08 7:57 P

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LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/25/08 5:22 A

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Aren't they wonderful! And that coming from one (ME) was had been about as Jaded as you can get. Totally obnoxious, like saying "oh barf or gag me" when a sappy came on the radio and forget movies. Reading more and more of these (I have over the past couple months) REAL life, solid, healthy, loving relationship stories is a most precious gift.



"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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PRINCESSTTM's Photo PRINCESSTTM SparkPoints: (0)
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8/25/08 12:13 A

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wow I am impressed by AJDOVER1 and DUSTYROSE and BLACKCATCOSMO... these are great guidelines for just about any relationship... I am learning...

Wonder what would happen if I printed some of this and just left them around for the Royal consort to read for hints....
blessings emoticon emoticon

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
DUSTYROSE1968's Photo DUSTYROSE1968 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/24/08 11:01 P

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Kath, I had a really bad marriage the 1st time around. I was married for 16 years and they were the best years of my life age 20-36, Prim, youth, looks. I looked for a man who was kind loving understanding and mature. I was 37 he was 31. He is very unlike my first husband. I am now 58 and he is just turned 53 I will be 59 in Dec. We both had bad marriages so we lived together for 17 years then got married in 2004. Why because it was cheaper tax wise to be married. We have always loved each other and felt that we were married and decided to make it legal so we would reap the benefit. We didn't need the piece of paper but the Government did. We are still very happy together. He is my Sole mate and best friend. I will say this most people keep picking the wrong kind of man or woman. That is a fact. I am very grateful I took my time and found the right one. I also prayed about it, which I believed worked. He is out there. Don't give up.

Life is Short,
Don't waste it,
Improve it.
?~*-:¦:-*?~.•*´¨ ) ? .?¸.•*¨) ?
? .•*´¨ )?? **Diane's* ??*¨)
Retired and Loving It .•*´¨?-:¦:-
?-:¦:- )? ¸.•*¨) ?¸.•*¨)? -:¦:- Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you can't live without
?~*-:¦:-*?~.•*´¨ )
?-:¦:- )? ¸.•*¨) ?¸.•*¨)?
Make time to read, you


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8/24/08 7:50 P

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
8/24/08 5:50 P

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I have been in a bad marriage, and I am now in a wonderful marriage.
This tour de force is something I posted on the Relationships thread recently.

I married at 19, and spent over 17 miserable years before I threw in the towel.
Here are some reasons that I think we dont meet "the one."
Reason #1 Sometimes we don't meet the right guy because we are spending to much time with the wrong ones.
At 40, I had gotten pretty discouraged with all the guys I met who were divorced and it was obvious why. I joked to a friend that what I needed was a nice widower -- someone who had already been well-trained!
Not very long after I met that nice widower, and he is the love of my life!
You might not pick him out of a lineup for looks or occupation, but fortunately I got to know him well enough to realize what a great guy he is.
Reason #2 Too often we dismiss terrific guys because of their looks, or job, or financial status. None of that stuff matters a hoot. Besides, most good-looking guys are really in love with themselves anyway.
Both of us agreed that we were too old to play games, and we put all of our cards out on the table early on. Neither one of us tried to put our "best foot forward." No bait and switch -- I'd been through that the first time around.
Reason #3 We try so hard to impress each other that we spend a lot of time being fake before we realized that the other person was not at all who we thought.
I checked out his references -- not the ones on his resume, but the people in his life who knew him the best What I found out fast was that he had friends that went back 20, even 30 years who had wonderful things to say about him. He had cards and letters from his children that said how much they looked up to him and loved him. He had an almost 30 year happy marriage, and get this, he nursed his late with full-time for the last three years of her life (which explained his financial situation).
Truthfully, exes can save you a lot of time if you are willing to listen. Instead, we believe Joe Slick when he says that she was a ball-breaking witch who took him for all he was worth. Later, we find out that she WAS right, and he is a lying, cheating SOB who doesn't pay child support to the three kids he already has.
Reason #4 We ignore warning signs because we really want to make it work, and don't find out the truth about his other relationships until we are thoroughly involved. The result is more wasted time with Mr. Wrong.
Myself, for the most part I picked good places to look for good guys. I watched friends make all the wrong moves in that department. They met guys in bars, at parties where everyone was stupid drunk, or dated somebody's friend's friend from work.
Now for the shocker -- I met my DH on the Internet, which should have been a terrible place to meet a man. It was a Christian dating site, but there were plenty of guys on there who were anything but who they said they were. I lucked out, okay?
Reason #5 We are looking for love in all the wrong places.
My son complained to me once that he was always the friend, and never the boyfriend. I told him to hang in there, because girls got smarter as they got older (well, sometimes), and he did meet a wonderful girl who was a friend and the one he loved.
Reason # 6 I have seen this over, and over, and over, and it still blows me away every time.
My SIL was engaged to this guy from a very old-fashioned culture with lots of machismo and sexism. In talking to her about this, I found out that his brother was the one she could always talk to about anything, and he was such a nice person! So I said to her, something that seemed perfectly logical to me, "Why are you with S.instead of the brother who understands you and is really kind?"
She said, "But I'm not in love with him!'"
Well, she should have been!
Reason # 7 We overlook the boy-next-door, good pal kind of men for the bad boys or over-achieving work-aholics, because we think that they are so much more exciting and romantic.
OK, so you don't want to hear any more about how to do the wrong thing, but just turn it around now.
What to do to do:
1. Quit trying to fix him, mother him, make excuses for him and forgive him over and over. Cut your losses and move on.
2. Make a list of the character traits that you want in a mate. Put the superficial stuff aside. Look for honesty, respect, thoughtfulness and affection, not bank account, hairline, or fashion sense.
3. Get to know his family, friends, co-workers, his friends' wives, and, given the chance his ex or her friends.
4. Set some standards of behavior that you will and won't accept, what Dr. Phil calls "deal-breakers" and stick to them. Expect to be treated as valuable, intelligent, and honest. No disrespect allowed.
5. If you want to meet a man with integrity, you don't want to go dumpster-diving. Go to places where you can develop your own talents and interests, and you will be more likely to meet someone compatible. Better yet, you gain personally whether or not it leads to romance.
6. Look around you. Who are the men you admire? Who of the male species can you talk to easily? Who "gets" you? Who treats you well all the time?
If one of them is single, reconsider. If not, note the characteristics of those men as things to look for in a man.
I actually considered who could I set up this wonderful man up with before I came to and thought, "Why not me?"
7. If your mother, sister, best friend, and co-workers dont like him, find out why, and really listen! One person who cares about you might be wrong about him, but any more than that and you should ask yourself, "Do I like this guy for the right reasons? Am I missing something?"
Respect and trust, not sexual chemistry, leads to long-term love. He needs to show respect and trust to you, and you need to honestly admire him and trust his judgement, before you think of putting your life in his hands.
Whoa, I think that I just wrote an essay! Can I do the multiple choice questions now?
Jodi


My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/24/08 5:07 P

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Good, keep the hope coming ladies & Gents. More, more, more. (Yes, I was just possessed by Billy Idol.) emoticon

"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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MAUREEN19640824's Photo MAUREEN19640824 Posts: 10,340
8/24/08 4:49 P

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All of you give me hope. I am pretty jaded right now about men... Sigh.

emoticon

Joy is the best makeup.
-Anne Lamott

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
-Author Unknown


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LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/24/08 3:56 P

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AJDOVER,

Yeah You! I so love hearing about Good relationships.
We need more posts like these. MR2HORSES long, happy, best friends marriage... stuff like that. Helps to keep you in the moment of now and not then.

emoticon

"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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WOWEETOO's Photo WOWEETOO SparkPoints: (0)
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8/24/08 3:45 P

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and i see you have also been successful at reaching goal your life sounds wonderful and i applaude you for going out and getting what you want YEEHAW!!!!!! mary

TODAY IS LIFE THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL

there is no cause when there is no effect km

i can do that, but not on a tuesday
for that is my day of thrust in the opposite direction -
off the starboard bow
over the hurdles,
and down the shute.

last is just the slowest winner. c.hunter boyd

people often say that motivation doesn't last. well neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. zig ziglar

if i stitch fast enough do


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AJDOVER1's Photo AJDOVER1 SparkPoints: (750,759)
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8/24/08 2:25 P

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Hey WALLOWA! I actually do have some experience here. When I left an abusive relationship three years ago I read every book on the subject I could find. I had a bunch of knowledge, but I really didn't know how to apply it to real life.

I was introduced to several guys by mutual friends. I recognized immediately that one guy was different. He didn't have all the qualities that I had on my mental list, in fact, he had qualities I never thought of. Another friend told me flat out that he wasn't "good enough for me." She meant he wasn't tall enough, cute enough or rich enough. That sounded so shallow, I looked at my list differently.

What is romantic? My guy didn't bring me bouquets of flowers, but he did plant flowers in window boxes so I could watch the hummingbirds I loved whenever I was at his apartment.

What is kindness? My guy didn't shower me with compliments, but he never said anything unkind to me -- and he never said anything unkind about anyone, no snide remarks, no criticism about slow store clerks, no sarcasm about bad drivers.

What is generosity? Not expensive gifts, but he gave me his full attention when we were together. He didn't have a lot of material stuff, but he shared it all with me.

Bright and creative? When I told him about my stressful job situation, he asked enough questions that we both determined it was unavoidably stressful, but temporary. He went out and bought me some womens' stress formula vitamins to help me handle this period.

Most important, he brings me joy and helps me be a better me. He's confidant -- not arrogant, calm -- not passive, engaging -- not confrontational. Take your time, keep re-evaluating your list and listen to your heart. It took me a long time to realize, love should never hurt.

Best wishes to you on your journey.

Edited by: AJDOVER1 at: 8/24/2008 (17:19)
Let's walk!


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LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/24/08 11:45 A

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I don't know? I just checked her page and she blogged on the 20th. Seems she is running mad scientist experiments and her lab almost blew up. emoticon Not enough acid???? I will not pretend to understand the words of a chemist(?), it seems she's very busy.

"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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WOWEETOO's Photo WOWEETOO SparkPoints: (0)
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8/24/08 11:39 A

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well it happened last week sometime as i made the mistake of bringing mel around and she was so presumptuous as to steal him for the dungeon and replaced him with the swiss guards not that the guards are bad per say but they certainly aren't mel the lady-in-waiting mary
by the way how come we are missing kash these days is she on vacation??? emoticon

Edited by: WOWEETOO at: 8/24/2008 (11:37)
TODAY IS LIFE THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL

there is no cause when there is no effect km

i can do that, but not on a tuesday
for that is my day of thrust in the opposite direction -
off the starboard bow
over the hurdles,
and down the shute.

last is just the slowest winner. c.hunter boyd

people often say that motivation doesn't last. well neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. zig ziglar

if i stitch fast enough do


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208.5
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LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/24/08 11:31 A

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When did she stick Mel in there? I missed that one.

Oops of topic.

Edited by: LILITH0572 at: 8/24/2008 (11:29)
"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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WOWEETOO's Photo WOWEETOO SparkPoints: (0)
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8/24/08 11:23 A

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and her royalness is holding the dread pirate jack in that dungeon and she ain't lettin' him out fer nothing she's got george and now mel down there too and she for sure ain't sharing i can tell you and she hasn'rt asked even for the royal emoticon tiara because she hasn't got the time to "fool" with it so that's the story and i'm sticking with it the lady-in-waiting mary

TODAY IS LIFE THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL

there is no cause when there is no effect km

i can do that, but not on a tuesday
for that is my day of thrust in the opposite direction -
off the starboard bow
over the hurdles,
and down the shute.

last is just the slowest winner. c.hunter boyd

people often say that motivation doesn't last. well neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. zig ziglar

if i stitch fast enough do


 Pounds lost: 273.0 
0
69.5
139
208.5
278
LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/24/08 3:19 A

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emoticon Princess what are you saying???? Oh no, it couldn't be.... not that!!!! Hey, now emoticon
you have your dungeon, I have my imagination... emoticon

"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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8/24/08 2:41 A

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emoticon come on PRYZYM, let's go for a walk and talk...
OK, look, you must give up on this focus upon Johnny Depp... you must accept the fact that he will ... well, probably... never will..... emoticon

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
LILITH0572 Posts: 3,743
8/24/08 2:37 A

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Hello, I read that book many moons ago. There is one called How to Spot a Dangerous Man that is very good.
I'd recommend it to anyone who's been in a bad relationship. You know you can't tell by what they look like, but how they act and maybe more importantly react. As said, kids have a wonderful sniffer for the good in people. I wonder why we loose that as we grow? Hmm. I too, am a tosser to the universe. After I left my ex I've taken time to work on the whole me. I know, when I am really ready, Johnny Depp :P, I mean the right man will come into my life. Seriously, there is something to the saying of 'it will happen when you least expect it'.

emoticon

"Because Nice Matters" unknown

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it." Charlie Chaplin

"Reality is as individual as our fingerprints." T.Rhiannon Lee

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CRAFTYMISHKA's Photo CRAFTYMISHKA Posts: 160
8/24/08 12:53 A

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Wallowa,
The running joke with my sisters and I are that our Dad's side of the family has broken pickers. It is hard for any of us to pick the right mate. Our Uncle said we could blame Grandma and Grandpa 'cause they never taught any of them (5 boys 1 girl) how to argue or work at a relationship. They thought (dad and his siblings) it just came natural when you found the "ONE" My eldest sister and youngest elder sister both found the right man 1st try. So 2 out of 5 is good right? This last time around my son picked my husband. On his 2nd birthday his biological call to say he couldn't make it to his party and told him to tell our son. He did my son said OK and hung up on him, then called my best friend and said "Daddy come" he ran 3 blocks down 1 flight of stairs and up another he was at my door in less than 5 minutes. I fought the relationship for close to 10 years. Didn't think he was my type. The 1st 3 years every time I tried to break up or away from him either my son would get sick or my car would break down. We got married 8 years and 2 months from the day we met and have been married over 7 years. We do have our trials, but for the most part we are doing fine. So long story -didn't make it short- if you have a friend or child or even a close relative that you trust that is aware of your errors in judgment maybe they can help you out since like my sisters and I you appear to have a broken picker.
Hugs and best wishes for a happier future.
emoticon

Edited by: CRAFTYMISHKA at: 8/24/2008 (00:52)
Mishka aka
Michele
Buckle up it's going to be a bumpy night. 'Bette Davis in All about Eve.
Currently live in Grandview Plaza KS close to Ft. Riley.


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MR2HORSES's Photo MR2HORSES Posts: 2,776
8/24/08 12:46 A

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Smart Lady...... You will find what you are looking for because you know what you don't want. Keep verbalizing the positive and he will come... I believe in putting what you want into the universe. When you least expect it and you may not recognize him at first, but he will come..... Good luck.... emoticon

"There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. "Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled." Author Unknown
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8/23/08 11:55 P

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8/23/08 9:47 P

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Spark'en WALLOWA I don't have any experience either. I do know that my DH is my best friend. It didn't start out that way but after 38 years we are best friends. I don't know how I happened to pick him, it just happened... It was a kinder world then too....

I'm sorry I can't help but I am still glad you have joined us... Good luck finding answers to your quest.



"There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. "Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled." Author Unknown
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8/23/08 9:20 P

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greetings and welcome... another good book that I have read is BOUNDARIES by Cloud... I haven't experienced such relationships with the Royal Consort... but I have had to learn to recognize unhealthy emotional relationships in other areas of life... Like WOWEETOO, I have no advice... BUT I am so glad that you got out of the relationship... you surely don't deserve any of that !!!

And the male Royal Rugrats have been trained never, never, never to be such rotten friends... blessings emoticon emoticon

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
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8/23/08 9:06 P

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8/23/08 8:48 P

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ummmm never knew how to handle that but i will say this someone will come on here and will have some answers for what they did i quit after round one and decided i was too picky and no one had what i was looking for sometimes it's lonely but i'm ok and have lots of just friends including men and sometimes i think that is the answer friends and not the kinds with benes hugs mary

TODAY IS LIFE THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL

there is no cause when there is no effect km

i can do that, but not on a tuesday
for that is my day of thrust in the opposite direction -
off the starboard bow
over the hurdles,
and down the shute.

last is just the slowest winner. c.hunter boyd

people often say that motivation doesn't last. well neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. zig ziglar

if i stitch fast enough do


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CD3857732 Posts: 3,188
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