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HOUGHTON07's Photo HOUGHTON07 Posts: 48
10/4/10 4:31 P

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Hey.

I am going to a counselor this week and doctor just put me back on meds.

Woop. Dunno how long this will take but I am so frustrated and sad. I want to be able to enjoy my life and the people and things around me.

I wish it went away easier!

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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (325,322)
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9/23/10 7:00 P

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I am sorry that things have come to this!

You mentioned previously that you USED to go to a Counselor! I understand that they COULD be thin on the ground where you are, but find it hard to believe that there aren't a number of others for you to try! It isn't a case of "one size fits all" with therapists! Also, did you go back to your Dr? Are you on medication? If not then it is quite likely that your brain requires something, and if you are on meds, then it is also possible that a review is in order.

You REALLY NEED to do this so that you can have a better quality of life. It won't go away by itself!

Let us know how you get on with the Dr AND Therapist!

Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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HOUGHTON07's Photo HOUGHTON07 Posts: 48
9/23/10 12:16 P

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At first we tried to work it out. We have been doing really well actually. We were trying to do things with our lives together. Talk more, be more honest and comunicate better. it really seemed to be looking brighter.

Then one day (yesterday) he came over and was crying. He said he couldn't get rid of the guilt from treating me so badly because he knows he can't deal with my depression.

It is sad. I can't believe this awful thing that has happened to me, depression, has taken over my life and is stopping me from living and doing what i want to do.

I want to show my boyfriend what he means to me
I want to lose weight
I want to be healthy
I want to genuinely be HAPPY.

.. I feel at my ultimate low. I don't know what to do with myself.

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LORI12201's Photo LORI12201 Posts: 81
9/22/10 11:58 P

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I'm sorry about your break up. I know it is hard to go thru a separation not knowing how things will work out in the end. Keep your head up. I don't know if this will help you, but something that helped me somewhat is the book Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. I guess different things work for different people.

I myself am going thru a hard time. I live across the street from my ex. He is married now. It is hard to see him and his wife. I know he is happy and I try to be happy for him. Our break up was mainly my fault. I seem to sabotage all my relationships. I don't know what my problem is and why I can't seem to come out of this depression. I have taken meds in the past and have seen a therapist. Maybe it is time to try again.

Anyway... just take it one day at a time and try to keep busy so you don't dwell on it too much.

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
7/29/10 8:39 P

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emoticon
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
HOUGHTON07's Photo HOUGHTON07 Posts: 48
7/28/10 11:29 A

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JODI

Thanks for the support.

I am trying to do more. I have a shoulder injury which is making things worse so it is hard to do exercises that don't involve your back and shoulder! lol. So I have settled with the stationary low sitting bike to burn some calories. I am determined not to let this how ordeal control my life...

Other than that, things are up and down. My moods are still low but I see patches of brightness once in a while! Which is always a nice feeling.

Thank you again for your support. It is nice to know there is someone out there that cares :)

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
7/27/10 7:53 P

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TRACY Not going to the party might be the right decision for now. The time for parties will come when you are ready.
Don't worry about the weight you regained. It's been a stressful time. The important thing is that you have done it before, so you know how to do it again!
You may never have felt that way before, but I am willing to bet that you will again, or maybe even more so. You just need time.
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
HOUGHTON07's Photo HOUGHTON07 Posts: 48
7/17/10 4:48 P

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Hey

Thank you all for your posts. It is really nice to know that even though we don't know each other, you already understand and care more than anyone I actually do know.

Today I spent some time with my parents. I did chores and nothing too much that would tire me out or make me never want to do it again.

I am supposed to be at a party tonight.. but don't think I am ready to show up solo and answer the questions of why and where is so and so and all of that. So I think a night in or a visit to my parents or something will be okay for me.

I have never felt this way for someone so its so hard to not be with them all of the time. We planned so much together and those damn calendar pop-ups don't help!

Thank you all. I need support and you guys are just so nice to listen.

Tracy

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RIPPEDPAUL1's Photo RIPPEDPAUL1 SparkPoints: (198,695)
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7/17/10 10:14 A

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Tracy - I am also sorry to hear of your break-up. I agree with the gang, get yourself the help you need and see what happens. He may be a great guy but if he can't or won't deal with your struggles, he likely isn't the right one for you or you for him.

My personal history I have broken off relationships when they haven't gotten help or they wouldn't support what I needed.

While not being in a relationship when you want one sucks, being in a bad one is worse emoticon

4 Noble Truths

1. Suffering is a part of life
2. Suffering is caused by our attachments and avoidances.
3. Suffering can be ended.
4. Freedom from suffering is possible by following the Eightfold path.

Bigotry disguised as morality is still bigotry just as an outhouse with
marble columns is still an outhouse.
--D. A. Ridgely

co-leader of the following teams:
Bears, growling the pounds away, PHILADELPHIA IS ON THE MOVE,
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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (325,322)
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7/17/10 1:53 A

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Tracy - I am sorry to hear of your break-up! Unfortunately we cannot force a person to love us warts and all, and some unfortunately don't understand about depression and how it can affect us, or what they can do to help us, if anything. Some just don't want to know, but there is nothing that we can do about that.

The other posts have already mentioned that not all therapists fit all people - it is a case of "shopping around" till you get one that DOES suit you and with whom you gel. There are an asenal of meds out there that can help too, and this is where a Psychiatrist comes in to their own - that is what they are trained in - it is their specialty.

We are here for you every step of the way, so if you want to vent, or whatever, don't ever feel that you are alone.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are going.
Take care,
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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CD7700495 Posts: 278
7/16/10 1:50 P

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Tracy - I am really sorry for your breakup. Me and my depression never let a relationship start for fear of what you are going through right now. There are other reasons, too, but I wanted to tell you that I can empathize.
I will hope and believe with you that you shall find good providers to help you on your journey. I have been in therapy for 17 plus years by now and gone through many providers. And I agree that you might need an adjustment or maybe new meds. One day now then I wake up and have to fight, but before my meds were adjusted and I went through feeling like a lab rat, I finally feel stable. It is worth the frustration of failed attempts to finally find the right mix.
Keep plugging and Sparking away... it will be worth it!!
***(((hugs)))***
Runa

HOUGHTON07's Photo HOUGHTON07 Posts: 48
7/16/10 12:37 P

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Thank you.

This on top of everything just makes things worse. I had lost a lot of weight and was doing okay and now I have gained 10 pounds back and am getting lower.

I live in Bermuda. There aren't many resources or facilities but I will try to find people that are good or have a lot of experience...

Getting frustrated...

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
7/16/10 12:33 P

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TRACY I am really sorry that you are going through this right now on top of how you are already feeling.

It isn't easy to be a person with depression, and unfortunately, if our condition is not under control medically, it can be a challenge to live with us. That being said, many of us have managed to have good marriages with understanding partners.
I don't know if this guy is the man that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with or not, but either way, the best thing that you can do right now is to concentrate on becoming healthier.
Get all the professional help that you can afford, and then call around to some agencies to see what free or geared-to-income programs or groups are available.
Every counselor, doctor, group (or medication, for that matter) may not be the one for you, but that's okay. Don't let it keep you from continuing to try.
Start reading reputable books on depression and recovery (by reputable I mean by doctors and psychiatrists with lots of experience). There are also lots of resources on the web, but again, all sites are not equal.
Two of my favorite medical sites are:
www.mayoclinic.com
www.webmd.com
A great place to find out more and to check out what is available in your community is:
www.nami.org

Don't let this break-up derail your efforts to get well! If your former boyfriend decides not to continue to work on your relationship, it will hurt, but it would mean that he was not going to be the husband that you would need him to be. You will be okay -- this is not a reflection on you or your ability to be happy in the future.
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
SYLPHINPROGRESS's Photo SYLPHINPROGRESS SparkPoints: (108,203)
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7/16/10 12:31 P

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Hello, Tracy,

Carol has already suggested med(s) if you're not already taking them. If you are, they need to be reevaluated and/or adjusted.

A psychiatrist is far better able to diagnose and prescribe than your primary doctor.

It's too bad that depression and mood swings are the cause of your separation. Mood stability is its own reason for meds; having the life you want reinforces it.

Laurie

LAURIE, NYC

Tra-la-la.


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HOUGHTON07's Photo HOUGHTON07 Posts: 48
7/16/10 12:26 P

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How do you help people understand? What can I say or do?? It is the hardest thing.

I try to say I just don't have any motivation to do anything, anything as simple as getting up or doing laundry or having fun with my boyfriend.

It sucks.

No one else I know suffers from it.

I used to go to a counselor, but now I don't for lack of results and motivation.

I am on some meds, a low daily dose, but don't see much improvement.

I am changing doctor because I feel mine isn't helping me or taking my issues and questions seriously. So hopefully this works better for me.



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CAROLJEAN64's Photo CAROLJEAN64 Posts: 13,398
7/16/10 11:29 A

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Tracy, first and foremost, it is extremely difficult for someone who has never experienced it to understand depression. Early on my DH used to say, "Just get up and do somehting," He couldn't understand that doing something was exactly what felt impossible. Depression runs in both of our families and 8 our 9 cousins in our children's generation have dealt with it. That has helped him some. I remember saying one time, "I wish i just had a broken arm so i could show you where it hurts."
I don't know if it would help if he read about it. Here is the link to a Harvard Medical article about depression: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/health
_conditions_article.asp?AZ=296

Next comment: Are you taking meds? Are you seeing a therapist? I could never have improved without both. The meds gave me the energy and determination I needed to do the hard, but rewarding work of therapy.

Lost 65 lbs and maintained since 2006.


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HOUGHTON07's Photo HOUGHTON07 Posts: 48
7/16/10 9:41 A

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Hello

So I posted before saying that I was having problems with my boyfriend and controlling my depression.

We broke up :(

He finally couldn't understand it to the point where he really was feeling hurt and unloved. And I know I love him and want to be with him but hate that I keep hurting him with my ever changing moods. So he asked for some space and a break so that he can figure things out and hopefully I can too.

What if he doesn't want to work it out later???

I hate this. I wish I didn't have to wake up every day and try to be happy. I wish I was positive, confident, and happy all the time instead of battling it every second of every day.

It is so frustrating!

I wanted to marry this man. I still do. And yet all I do is make him feel sad because of my depression and different moods and attitudes that I go through.

Tracy

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