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FATSHIONISTA101's Photo FATSHIONISTA101 Posts: 9
9/8/10 6:23 P

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I agree with the addiction analogy. You just have to say no and stay strong no matter how much it hurts and how much you want to go back.

It sounds like you are headed in the right direction (admitting your flaws is always a great first step) so just stay steady and don't stray.

Keeping yourself distracted is also helpful. Lean on the people who love you and care for you to help you with this-that's what they're there for! Surrounding yourself with healthy relationships is a key reminder that you are capable of having them and of what it is you don't want.

I hope things work out for the best for you.

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WOWEETOO's Photo WOWEETOO SparkPoints: (0)
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8/31/10 10:24 A

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YOU KNOW ALREADY WHAT TO DO
APPLY IT RIGHT NOW and never look back NEVER!!!
you have the answers you laid them all out
JUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF
when you feel weak come and post but don't post about what you are going to do do it and reinforce your doing right here
it can be done and you are already on your way..you have the answers already there
hugs
the lady mary

TODAY IS LIFE THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL

there is no cause when there is no effect km

i can do that, but not on a tuesday
for that is my day of thrust in the opposite direction -
off the starboard bow
over the hurdles,
and down the shute.

last is just the slowest winner. c.hunter boyd

people often say that motivation doesn't last. well neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. zig ziglar

if i stitch fast enough do


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RIPPEDPAUL1's Photo RIPPEDPAUL1 SparkPoints: (198,695)
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8/31/10 1:45 A

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I recently heard a wise bit of advice on dating and relationships that would have saved me some heartache when I was younger. Pick the 3 things that you could not live with and if they are appear with those you are dating, no matter what other wonderful qualities, walk away. You'll save them and yourself a lot of pain and frustration. Doesn't mean they can't be friends if you both can see that through.

A couple of other thoughts

Learning to communicate four needs and feels and hearing others in a healthy manner may be helpful to you consider looking for the series of books by Susan Elgin the Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense.

It sounds like you are down on yourself and not comfortable being alone. Another bit of wisdom I picked up on the way

To allow others to love you, you need to love yourself. If you can't find anything to love, find something to like about yourself. If you can't find something you like about yourself, find something you can respect.

We can do this with others in our lives to learn to live with them, the longest person you'll ever live with is yourself so why not try getting comfortable with you and the rest might settle down.

Take this for what it's worth to you emoticon

4 Noble Truths

1. Suffering is a part of life
2. Suffering is caused by our attachments and avoidances.
3. Suffering can be ended.
4. Freedom from suffering is possible by following the Eightfold path.

Bigotry disguised as morality is still bigotry just as an outhouse with
marble columns is still an outhouse.
--D. A. Ridgely

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TREATL's Photo TREATL Posts: 6,613
8/30/10 11:59 P

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You are on the right track. What you are being called upon to do is to set boundaries with your male friend and stick to them. The following is a link to and article called "Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships:"

www.livestrong.com/article/14688-est
ab
lishing-healthy-boundaries-in-relatiR>onships/


This article is called "Hidden Hurt:"

www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Articles/bounda
ri
es.htm


I hope these article offer some practical support for you. We're all in this together, and we are here to support and encourage each other. Come back soon and post often. Become an active member of the team and see your success increased.

Lynne

Co-Leader, Dealing with Depression Team

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ? Maya Angelou

“The art of medicine is long and life is short; opportunity fleeting; the experiment perilous; judgment flawed.”-Hippocrates, The Emperor of All Maladies

When the power of love
overcomes the love of power
the world will know peace.
--Jimi Hendrix


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GIVEUP30's Photo GIVEUP30 Posts: 28,115
8/30/10 8:57 P

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emoticon go out for a long walk yes you can emoticon how refreshing you feel now... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DWDMOTHERHEN's Photo DWDMOTHERHEN Posts: 6,889
8/30/10 6:43 P

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Sometimes a relationship is like an addiction. It may not be good for you, but it is hard to give up, because even if you are in a bad pattern, it is familiar, and you still have that hope that it will make you feel good again, like it used to do.
I think that is the way you are going to have to treat this relationship, because you can't handle any contact with him, any more than an alcoholic can just have one drink.
This addiction is poisoning you, and you need to stop cold turkey. The withdrawal symptoms may be nasty, but you need to hold on and work through the pain if things are going to get any better...and they will get better, but you will need to give it time.
Once you have made it through the worst of the withdrawal period, then you will need to heal and rehabilitate. You will find out why you are prone to this pattern, hopefully with the help of your therapist, and learn how to be healthier emotionally.
For now though, you are going to need to resist temptation and be kind and patient with yourself. The patience that you have spent on him, now give to yourself.
Hang in there. We are here for you!
Jodi

My blog for women with depression is:
adarkershadeofblue.wordpress.com/
My "dealing with issues" blog is:
motherhensnest.wordpress.com/

Former Senior Moderator abd Co-moderator of the Dealing with Depression SparkTeam
I am not a medical professional or a trained counselor. Please seek professional advice about treatment options.
VXWALL1942's Photo VXWALL1942 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/30/10 6:18 P

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You've said it all! There is no reason to continue to punish yourself. You have done nothing wrong. You are a strong intuitive lady capable of standing on your on two feet. You do not need this man. You have said you don't want this man. Cry if you need to. Journal to get it out. But quickly focus on 'me' time and spend the weekend without thoughts of what was, or what could have been, or what if he...! I think time at the beach would be grand. Take a good hard look at you and begin listing what you want that will confirm your value. You cannot believe that your worth is linked to someone else. You have to love yourself and know what makes you special. Start making that list. I am woman. I am strong. I am smart. I am capable. etc. Never give up on you.

vicki

vicki

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Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. -Anonymous

If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing here in the pits? -Erma Bombeck


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8/30/10 6:17 P

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wow.... you have some issues that are really disturbing you..... YET you have some great plans about what to do and what not to do. I hope you will be able to follow thru so that your health goes up!!!! blessings emoticon

Terri, Princess of the Terri-tory~~Sure is hard to be a princess around here. WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY *to be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection. Allow myself to find happiness in the only place that it can be found: my real messy, imperfect experience Anon + Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” Dr. Seuss+ SorryTHX,Forgive,Love+
JUSTFORME81 Posts: 4
8/30/10 6:01 P

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Enough is enough. It is the truth. I have tried a million times to end this relationship. We are in a constant state of breaking up. It is so full of drama and stress and anxiety. This is not how I intented things to be and I have no idea how it got so far gone. I can't seem to leave it. I was so strong and determined this morning. Now I feel beaten, exhausted, lost, sad, confused. I want it to end. I want the pain and saddness to be lifted.
I feel like I make one wrong turn after another, spinning around and around in this awful circle. I don't know how to break free. I am never capable of letting things go, letting things go, leaving it, not saying every single thought that pops into my end. What can I do to make this easier for me? What steps can I take to get me to a better place? What would my therapist say? A lot has to do with my cell phone, but turning if off is not an option because Im a mother and it is myonly means of communication with people. Facebook is so distracting. Email is so distracting. Texting is so distracting. I need to set up rules again, control my usage and not let it control me. Checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if he has contacted me. Listening for that noise of an incoming text, waiting and waiting and waiting. I need to gain some control here cause I am spirling down quickly. Trying to figure out what he is thinking, how he is feeling, what I am thinking, what I am feeling, who said what, what does it mean, how should I handle this or that, waiting to hear from him, waiting to text him...doesn't it all sound crazy?
what about any of this is attractive? nothing. it is drama and stressful. it is exhausting and frusterating and overwhelming. he must feel the same way i do...that i wish he would just stop existing. that he would just disappear from my memory like some dream that i can hardly remember.
i don't want to hurt anymore. i don't want to feel rejected and pushed away anymore. i don't want to feel like i am crazy and he is normal and i am ruining things. how can i stop hurting? what can my plan be? i need a plan, i need to snap out of this fog of us and move on with my life. stop feeling hurt and sad and frusterated. stop waiting and wondering and crying. move on. move on. move on.

let it be. let it go. let it breath. leave it.

my plan. i have to have some plan of attack to get through this. i can't keep just going back and forth driving myself nuts. i can't keep feeling like my emotions are a 1000lb weight that i can barely handle and they are weighting me down and causing me to feel so empty and depleted.

i will be in bed by 10pm everyday this wk. i need more sleep so i can feel human.
i will make it to this wkend. i will have 3 days to myself. i will somewher, sit by the water, go to shops, journal. maybe i will stay at the bed and breakfast. i will be kind to myself because this is not easy and as my therapist says, it just happened, it is raw. but the problem is that it is always raw cause it keeps happening. like he said, we are in a constant state of breaking up. im so tired of it. i want it to disappear. i want it to go back to when we had fun and laughed and played and texted and i felt happy and giddy and safe and trusted that he like me as much as i liked him. but that is impossible now. it is broken. maybe i broke it. it doesn't matter who did the breaking or whose fault it is. it is done and it is going to stay done. no matter how i feel about him and how much i "just want to be with him" it is just not what i want. i want someone more emotionally open. someone who can talk about the future. someone who i feel wont turn and run if i say something wrong. he is not that guy and i don't think he will ever be. i want to have a future with someone and i do think i could let that happen naturally and not push and push and push as he says, if i ever felt safe enough in our relationship to just relax. i did push and push and push. but i felt like i didn't have an option cause i was never getting what i wanted or the answer i was looking for. the "i want to be with you too, im not going anywhere." so i guess it all comes down to the same thing over and over and over, in every relationship i have....i am trying to make these guys someone they are not. he isn't that guy...who is gonna feel that or say it. i want someone different. i always do this...i find someone, throw myself into them, feel so intensely for them i can hardly breath and would die to be with them...and i don't even care who they are or if they are who i am looking for, they don't need to have any of the qualites i want or need...i just love them cause they showed interest in me...like a dog with a bone. i throw a world of hopes and dreams and love in their lap and then am hurt and horrified and sad when they reject me, when in reality they were never the person i wanted in the first place.

i need to sleep. rest. clear my head. journal. cry. give up on it and let it go.

let it go. Enough is enough.


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