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2/5/19 11:24 A

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Hi. Welcome to the team. I can relate to what you said about your Dad, I watched my Dad die of lung cancer. It is a very traumatic experience for anyone. I still miss him, but now I feel thankful that I was born to him and had him as my Dad. I was very lucky.

I had a nervous breakdown 3 years after my Dad died and tried, almost succeeded, killing myself. I didn't even know what I was doing. I was totally out of it. I went to day treatment after getting out of the hospital and that saved my future. I cried constantly for my Dad. My therapy group told me to set the timer for 10 minutes, scream, rant, rave and cry for that time. When the alarm goes off, emoticon Write down three good memories of your Dad and concentrate on that. I did that for weeks and it worked. I think of my Dad and though I may tear up, even cry there is a big smile on my face. I was so blessed to have him as my Dad.

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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My name is Bonnie I live in CT DST

I went from 258 to 126 pounds and have maintained it since 12/28/12.

Too Blessed to be Stressed.

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2/5/19 8:45 A

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To shorten my story I have been on and off anti-depressant pills for the last 12 years. Maybe a few years longer. I don't really remember for sure at this point. Life has been very stressful and sad for me for the last 21 years and really sad/depressing the last 4. First my dad died from Prostate cancer (it was awful to watch a man that I had always seen as a strong man wither down to nothing and cry. Never in my life had I ever seen my dad cry.) Then the next year I my pet goose died. I had him for 20 years and 2 weeks. I care very much for my pets. I'm one of those people. 3 months after that my pet rooster died and I had him for 7 years. The following year I suddenly had to put down one of my cats. (I only have 5 now) She had many health problems and almost died once before that but she was doing good and I had stopped worrying so much about her. I drove like a maniac to get her to the vet over the hill (got her there in 5 minutes) thinking if I got her there they could save her yet again but not that time. She passed a blood clot and that was it. Nothing more could be done for her and she was only 10 years old and I will always blame myself for her life and death. I still to this day feel like I killed her and I still have moments when I want to dig her up and bring her back to life. I keep buying decorations for her grave and solar lights and I've bought so much I have had to stop myself from buying more. There just isn't room. But to me that's all I can do for her. I still cry everyday and night for her. She's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of before falling asleep at night. I don't have the same problem with the other pets I have lost in my life time but they made it to the end of their lives. They were old where my sweet little fur baby wasn't old. I have no clue how to get over her.
Anyways, I got off track. I've been on Prozac and it helps so I can control my crying and it does give me a little more energy but that's about it. Mind wise it doesn't help. It doesn't stop my brain from thinking. Is it supposed to???? Does it help any of you deal with life??? I did go off of it many times and when I did I drank beer. Beer stopped my brain from thinking but I would have to drink 24/7 and I'm not about to do that. Plus I can't because I have my other cats to take care of.
I also gained over 50 lbs due to taking the Prozac and it makes it 100 times harder to drop the weight and with my health problems exercising is hard. Even if I eat nothing all day I still won't drop any weight.
I was just wondering if my brain does have something wrong with it and I'm the only one in the world with a brain like mine? I also have problems with speaking, remembering, I can't multiply anymore. That started in my late 30's and I"m 54 now. Doctor keeps telling me it's due to no sleep and stress. I keep thinking it's Alzeihmers.
Thanks for any help.

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