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Hello. My name is Angie and I live in Jax. I am married, with two daughters, ages 18 and 16, 2 dogs, 4 cats and fish. Yep, it's a zoo at my house!

I have struggled with weight issues my entire life. I say issues and not just weight because I was not a heavy teenager, but I THOUGHT I was. You could not have convinced me of anything different. Looking back now, I probably weighed 130 at the heaviest of my pre children weight. But in my own eyes, I was huge. My dear stepfather, who adopted me and my sister when we were younger and was a real dad to us in every way that matters, while providing me with unconditional love and fond, happy childhood memories, also gave me a very negative self image. Not by anything he said to me, but by watching his own struggle with weight and how it completely dominated his life. From the time I can remember, he was overweight. He tried every diet out there, from liquid diets, to weight watchers to Richard Simmons. I mean everything. Our house was full of different diet plans, none of which worked for him for any length of time. There was a time I can remember vividly, form the ages of 12-15 years old, when there was a rubber model of what a pound of fat looked like sitting in our fridge and food pantry. It was put there so that he would see it when the need to overeat struck, but I saw it too, everytime I opened the fridge or pantry door. There was another time when he was doing Weight Watchers when we had a bet going on. Whoever lost the most weight treated the other to dinner (of course he would have had to buy either way) So I exercised like a fiend and lived off of carrots and fat free italian dressing for over a month. I won. I was 13 years old and not in the least bit heavy. I can remember him being on the metabolic diet, a mostly liquid diet, and then getting in his car and finding fast food bags hidden in the back under the seat. At my sisters wedding, he weighed his lowest, around 200 pounds. At my wedding, two years later, he was back up to 260. On average he hovered around 300-350. Once we moved out, he and my mom divorced and he broke down and had the bypass surgery. If I knew what that would have done to him, I would have fought him on it to the end. It's a great tool for those equipped for it. He was not. He did lose the weight, and kept the majority of it off for the rest of his life. What he didn't lose was whatever demons drove him to food in the first place, and he replaced the food addiction with alcohol. He moved a couple hours south of me and my sister, I think so we wouldn't see exactly what was going on. In December of 07, he took his own life. Talk about a shock. He used to work the suicide hotlines when I was younger, so he knew exactly what he was doing, knew exactly how to do it without anyone knowing his plans. He always used to say that those that reached out for help really did not want to end it all. They wanted help. If they wanted to end it, they just did. I guess he was right.
I'm still reeling from what happened, still struggling to understand and deal with the guilt and loss. Some days are better than others. Now, looking back, I can try to understand what he was going through. I can honestly say that I forgive him for what he did, but still cannot understand it. I can look at my childhood, and wonder why someone didn't step in to get him some help. I can understand that he didn't ask for that help. I can recognize the part that my childhood played in my own body image. I can try to overcome all of that to become healthier myself, now that I really do have weight to lose. And hopefully one day I can forgive myself for not seeing what was going on.
Sorry so long. And sorry it was such a downer. If you made it to the end, thanks for taking the time to read. I've never publicly said any of the above. Some of it, I've never even said to myself. I think this was a kind of therapy for me.

Short term - 160
Long term - 140

Member Since: 3/29/2009

Fitness Minutes: 895

My Goals:
My goal is to reach a healthy weight of 140 pounds. To enjoy the process each day and to learn from this journey.

My Program:
Daily calorie goal of 1200-1400

Daily workouts - min of 45 minutes

Alternate between cardio and strength tranining

Personal Information:

Other Information:
"I may be the last little turtle to cross the finish line, but I'm going to look good in my shell" - Julie Hadden

"Do this for yourself, no one else"

Read More About ANGIEB1231 - Profile Information moved here. (Updated July 12)

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