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My motivation to lose weight, to fit into a little black dress.

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On 2/23/09, I noticed that I had fallen off the wagon and was gaining weight all over again. That day, something lit up inside me and said:

I am DONE!!!!!!
I am DONE feeling bad about myself because I am fat
I am DONE hiding from my life because I do not want to face the facts
I am DONE eating my emotions
I am DONE making excuses

Want I want:
I want to feel good about myself .
I am going to stop giving in to temptation so easily
I am going to be more independent.
I am going to give myself more creative options to lose weight.
I will follow my nutrition planner, as best as I can

I want to stop blaming others for my mistakes
I want to have children and be able to play with them.
I want to find who I am and am able to find my true soul mate.
I want to be happy with myself so I can make others happy.
I want to find a good variety of things I like to do to be able to find good hobbies I will enjoy.

My major reason I am here:
To lose weight for good and keep the weight off.
I started this journey at a size 16 (almost a size 18), my goal is to be a size 10.

This is A wonderful touching story that might inspire you. If you choose to read on, its up to you.

Two Choices

What would you do? make the choice.. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway.

My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?" The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child." Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted..

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first!

Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third- baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as th e runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay" Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!


We all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things."

Pass along a little spark of love and humanity... A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. - Plato

As of today 2/23/09
Starting weight: 203.5
Goal Weight: 165

4/08- Today was a hard day, I gained two pounds and do not feel so motivated. I want to be able to brush it off and be able to just keep going but I am having a hard time doing so.

4/21 Today I feel good. Even though I went over my calories I still do not feel defeated. In one of my teams I was asked If I could be one age forever which age would I choose? I say : I know that I was happy being 18. Even though I a not old enough to do somethings. I remember being happy that year. I was free, in college, meeting new people, fell in and out of love, and having fun.I was also ( 155 poundsnot whole year but most of it). Of course I do not want to re-create that year. But being 18 was a good age to be.

what a change life has year after year.

Member Since: 10/9/2008

My Goals:
3/10/09: I weighed in at 201.5, not quite under the 200.

3/14/09- 198.5 (Onderland)
3/31/09: 195
5/03/09: 198
6/3/09: Start all over again at 210!

My Program:
Stop eating the wrong foods and eat the healthy foods.

Personal Information:
Hi I am from North Cal, was a south Cal girl.

I love green and so Spring is my favorite season.

Other Information:
i want to have kids and be able to play with them. I can see myself anf SO having a child within 5 years. want to be ready.

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