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Introduction Text Well... it's been 2 days short of exactly one year since I last logged in to SparkPeople. For whatever that's worth... July 2012 Update: Hi! I'm still here on Spark, though I'm currently not exactly dieting. I've been in recovery for an eating disorder for just over a year now, so first I'm learning how to grow new coping mechanisms without food and also growing some self-love and self-respect. Lately I'm eating more reasonably and I *might* have started back to exercising today. I'm beginning to think about my good old SMELLZ plan again. More than anything, I just want to be healthy, I want to breathe, I want to be able to walk and hike and bike and play and live and love without discomfort. I don't care about the number on the scale, I just care about me. (Most days, at least...) My blogs are an important part of the recovery. My personal blog is called Recovering Grace ( <link>http://recoveringgraceblog.blogspot.com/ </link> ) but I re-post most of the relevant stuff here on my Spark Blog too. Please check them out, and keep in mind that I'm always grateful for comments or feedback, mostly because I crave the attention! Thanks! November 2011 Update: That old Current Status message is STILL true! I am going to be away from Spark for at least a couple of months while I handle some family issues, which are becoming a bit overwhelming. I will be back when certain things are settled. Life is fluid! See you soon, and please send me a Spark Mail if you'd like to find me on Facebook. (My Sparkmail gets forwarded to my regular email, so I will see it.) April 2011 Update: There's a Hole in my Sidewalk - Portia Nelson Chapter 1 I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost… I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter 2 I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend that I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter 3 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter 4 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter 5 I walk down another street. January 2011 Update: Yeah, that cycle of rage and depression? Not so much "back from" as I thought. I had another long cycle with it all through winter. But, some things worked out, others got helped, and I got through it without becoming an alcoholic after all. Since the beginning of January I've been trying to get back to something like normal and re-build some consistency. Today I'm going to tentatively say that I'm ready for this project again. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I *really* need all the help I can get around here! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ October 2010 Update: I've just come back from a two week long cycle of rage and depression. I think I'm done with it, for now, but I updated my page a bit to give myself some much needed inspiration. I must not give up. June 2010 Update: Yep, I've turned 40 (and it didn't even hurt), I'm still waiting to graduate (come ON, December), and I am indeed getting to take my first ever trip out of the country - I'm going to study abroad at Cambridge University for one month in July. My SLEEP, EAT, MOVE, LIVE, LOVE plan is going well - well enough that I think I might even be okay for a month away from my scale and my routine. (I'll let ya know!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, here we are in 2010. I'll be 40 this year, I'll finally get my BA in Tech Writing this year, and I might even get to take my very first trip outside of the U.S. And while I'm looking forward to all of that, I'm also planning for this to be the year that I finally stand up and take care of myself. Sometimes that's going to mean being a little tougher on myself than I'm used to. A low-crap diet means sometimes saying NO when I wanna say YES and the get-up-off-my-butt and exercise plan means... well, getting up off my butt! But that doesn't mean I'm punishing myself. This isn't penance for being a fatty. I don't care if some jerk doesn't like fat chicks and says snarky things to me in the grocery store line. Those people don't matter. I'm just me, getting healthy. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." � Dr. Seuss I matter, and my friends here and at home matter, and all of us are out of our minds, so I guess it's all gonna be okay after all... Get your boogie shoes on SparkPeeps, it's time to dance! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2009: So, while I've been a member at SparkPeople since 2006, I haven't actually done much dieting in the past couple of years. About the time I signed up I experienced a phase of "diet burnout." I have since gained back about 30 of the 50 pounds I had lost that year... Now I'm back in business. My "official" start date was Monday November 24th (2008), at 280 pounds, but I know that I got up to at least 295 at my highest. One thing I need to keep in mind is all of the hard work the Hubby and I did to get back up on this wagon - we don't want all of this hard work and planning to go to waste, do we? That's just one of the many reasons I have for starting a new life...

Create and maintain a healthier life - regular sleep, regular exercise, and better quality food. Daily Goals: (S.M.E.L.L.Z.) * sleep more * move more * eat more * love more * live more * zen more

"Fall seven times, get up eight." - a Japanese proverb

I'm a writer and reader, the mother of 4 cats, and crazy in love with a very fine man indeed.



Add a Link "Being defeated is often temporary, giving up makes it permanent." - Marilyn vos Savant "We expect these things to change by waking up, and suddenly there they are." - Toad
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