LYNNBART

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Hello fellow Sparkies,

As my topic reads, I am happy to be here with you! I am also truly overwhelmed by what lies ahead. I am excited, but scared also.

I am fast-approaching my 41st birthday - it is just over one week away. I currently weigh in at 190 lbs. I work, don't have children (I avoid dating & meeting new people because of my feelings about my weight). Therefore I have loads of free time & no excuses not to use it! Yet I am bursting at the seams at 190 & am terrified if I don't do something now, that I will be looking at 200 lbs plus by my 42nd birthday.

Growing up very active & athletic, it's emotionally a real 'trip' when I look at myself naked in the mirror today. YIKES! That pretty much sums it up! I giggle as I write this, though it's not really that funny.

To be honest, I was always healthy & at a healthy weight up until around 35 years old. Since then, I have gained approximately 10 lbs a year. To me, that is a lot of weight, gained very quickly. Not something I am proud of.

It is remarkable to me how much my self-esteem, self-image, and general confidence level (in anything) has been affected by my change in weight & appearance. When I was younger - teens, twenties & early to mid thirties - nothing could stop me! I was so confident, outgoing, and unafraid. I shone!

It's a real eye-opener when I find myself on the other side of the fence. I see the world differently & really notice all of the discriminatory vibes out there. I suppose we can thank our media-driven society for that. Not an excuse, as I know for myself that I am uncomfortable at this weight because I know my body is not naturally meant to be this size (pain in knees, back, rolls where there shouldn't be rolls, etc is not natural at my age). My point being, though, that the skinny-minny images out there don't exactly help matters!!! LOL :(

Today, I am a different me. At least, I feel that way on the outside. Inside, I know that the real me is still here, but so coated & dormant from years of suppression.

Truthfully, sometimes I feel trapped in this body! Sometimes it makes me sad and angry, and other times just outright apathetic.

That is a very dangerous feeling - apathy.

The layers of reasoning behind my weight are multiple, and perhaps not all that interesting to all of you out there. In fact, it's hard to wrap my head around what all of the reasons are - why I do what I do (make bad choices), why I don't do what I indeed must (exercise and make healthy choices, consistently).

Figuring out and dealing with the emotions behind my being overweight & unhappy about it is SO HARD & yet when I read books like The Life You Want by Bob Greene, it seems absolutely pivotal to do this in order to get where I want to be.

Hence, what do I do? I read 35 pages into it & put the book down for 6 weeks. My thinking is: I CANNOT do this! The real logic is: if I don't, it WILL DEFINITELY get WORSE!

Man, it's hard! And yet, I know in my heart this is a fundamental step.

I didn't intend to spill all of this out in my introduction, however I realize that it is truly an introduction about me. About where I am now, and a bit about how I got here. This is the introduction, the start of my journey.

I have set goals for myself, and with your help and support & my own drive, I will achieve those goals. I refuse to perpetuate the downward collosal spiral!

Being here, I feel part of a greater good somehow. It sounds corny for sure, but I feel that there are truly people out there in Spark-Land that I will relate to, that will relate to me, and who know what it's like because they have been there.

I look forward not to commiserating about what a drag it is to be overweight, or unhappy with one's weight... but to befriending a healthy support group & working together to achieve our goals in order to live better, healthier lives!!

I would love to hear from you! Please do reply & I will do my best to keep interacting.

On my way to lovin' myself & lovin' life again...

Warm regards :)

lynnbart



Member Since: 4/8/2011

My Goals:
I am committed to losing 55 lbs and keeping it off! This will only happen for me via serious lifestyle changes, that I know 'fo sho'!! A daily committment of exercise, and healthy choices and I will achieve this goal!


My Program:
Positive awakening!
Prayer.
Belief in myself.
Drawing on inner strength & the beauty of my life & the beauty that surrounds me every day.
Daily exercise!
Not just cardio, but strength training/weights too!!
Healthy food choices!
Staying connected with people. SO important!!
Being honest with myself.
Pushing myself when I think I can go no further.
Weekly weigh-ins.
HUGE attitude shifts!!
And... getting up & doing it all over again the very next day!! :)



Personal Information:
I go by the tagline 'lynnbart', so if any of my Spark Friends would like to address me, that is my 'name' for now.
I am from the Toronto area.... Ontario, Canada.


Other Information:
Currently reading:
"Left Neglected" - -
SO GOOD !!!




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Comments
  • v BLUEROSE73
    Happy Sunday. Hope you're summer is going great. Are you still on track to do all you can today to reach your goals tomorrow? If so, great! If not, what can you change today that will help you feel accomplished? One little thing. Drink more water? Cut out soda? Go for a walk? Small changes add up.
    emoticon emoticon
    2876 days ago
  • v 1FUNNYGRANNY
    Thank you for adding me as your Spark Friend. I am adding you to my Spark Page also. This is my second time to join Spark People. i got tired of it the first time I was here even though I had lost 32 pounds. This time I am not going to quit because I can't afford to gain any more weight. I am 72 years old and married to my 3rd husband for 33 years. When I was single I dated when I was thinner and also dated when I was very heavy. I hope you are not afraid to go on a date because you have some weight to lose. Be adventurous and live each day to the fullest. Please let me know if I can help you.
    emoticon
    3710 days ago
  • v YICHE12
    emoticon for adding me as a Spark Friend emoticon . This will surely facilitate our getting to know each other better. Many emoticon
    3710 days ago
  • v WILDFLOWERR_
    emoticon to Spark people!
    emoticon for adding me as your emoticon emoticon
    I have added you as well.
    And I am looking forward to getting to know you!

    Blessings,
    wildflowerr
    emoticon

    3711 days ago