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September 2012 at 165 goal

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Me (at 279) and my three amazing kids...James age 9, Samuel age 21 months and Kaleigh age 15 1/2

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TRACYNOTGIVINUP is a SparkPeople Motivator!

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Hello Everyone, my name is Tracy. I have been having a hard time for the past several months now. Here are some of my numbers to try to shorten my description:

Joined SP in July 286 pounds.
In September of 2012, I hit my goal weight of 165 pounds.
In April of 2012 I began running and loved it.
In July of 2012, I ran from start to finish my first 5K. I still loved it.
In December of 2012, I ran each day for a total of 100 miles.
In April of 2013, I began wondering what I was aiming for. I had a hard time keeping my weight in check and wasn't looking forward to my running anymore.

Since then I have been struggling. I have gained about 30 pounds back. I am very unhappy with myself and seem to keep grasping on different things to try to find my lifestyle, but thus far nothing has worked. I have tried running again, but am still finding it feeling like a chore, probably because I am looking at it as a job/chore and I am mad at myself that I am not in the shape I was just a year ago. After months of doing this, I made some new years resolutions, figuring that had to work. I feel like I MUST know what I need to do. But they came crashing down around day 10. I suppose I should note here, I am a food addict and I am pretty sure I suffer from binge eating disorder. I have been thinking for days, I decided that the time I was happiest was when I was active on Spark. I believe it is because I always searched myself and came up with goals and plans to achieve them. I need to do something to keep myself in check. So, here I am back sparking. I also searched my thoughts about starting a new name or coming back to this one. It is kinda shameful to look at what I had done on this old name and feel like I let others but mostly myself down. But then decided that this is what I need to do, go back to this girl who lost the weight, who found the motivation and determination to follow through with making goals and setting plans. I decided it was truly time to live up to my name on spark.....


Member Since: 7/8/2011

Fitness Minutes: 40,738

My Goals:
Get back to my goal weight range of 163-168 pounds.

Find my love for running again.

Run a half marathon.

Get smaller and leaner, not skinny.

My Program:
Eat in my calorie range

Weight lifting 3x a week

Running/cardio 3x a week

Learn that it doesn't have to be all or nothing

Personal Information:
My name is Tracy.

I am 40 years old.

I live in Connecticut, USA.

I am married to my high school sweetheart, have been for 17 years.

I have 3 AMAZING children, Kaleigh, 18, James, 13 and Samuel 4 years.

Other Information:
I love:

my family
my friends
my new home
Big Bang Theory
UConn Huskies men basketball

Read More About TRACYNOTGIVINUP - Profile Information moved here. (Updated January 19)

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 current weight: 190.0 
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  • v BBORDEN86
    Okay, so I forgot to follow you on pinterest... but last night before bed I was looking into the whole 30 pins. I was going to try it this morning until I realized I had coffee with creamer in it and also scrambled my eggs with a little bit of milk. 3 scrambled eggs, and I've already had a banana for snack. Lunch isn't at all whole 30 friendly, leftovers penne with chicken and italian sausage, sooo... I might have to try again tomorrow. :/ I'll eventually get the hang of it. Sugar is huge for me apparently. No wonder I constantly eat. I was thinking about it after i made my coffee this morning. There is sugar in my creamer, and I put extra sugar in it. My husband is forever telling me it tastes like sugar water. Now.... I totally get it.
    2682 days ago
    Just read your intro again. It occurs to me that you beat up on yourself too much. You get so driven at doing something and while you have the enthusiasm about doing something new there is no stopping you. After a while when the enthusiasm wears off you start second guessing yourself and feeling bad about not approaching something with the same degree of drive/joy that you used to have. prepping to run the half marathon was a large part of your joy of running. However to spend the amount of energy and time to do it while juggling 3 kids is wearing. My DS can do it because other than his job and his social life he has no other demands on his time. Having 3 kids with a 13 year spread is a job and a half. I only have 1 still at home and DH and I have been counting down all year until we don't have to see that she catches the bus every morning, does her homework, gets to her after school activities etc etc.
    Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing great! You caught yourself before you hit the dreaded 200 ( I wish I had). Get yourself back down to a weight you can be comfortable with. Eat sensible and don't deprive yourself to the point that food is an obsession.
    Have a great day!
    2683 days ago
  • v BBORDEN86
    You are some awesome for doing this! Thanks for the links.

    I was mainly concerned about the meats. I mean for the most part I try to stick to ground turkey instead of ground beef now, but was wondering about the bacon. Also other red meats, but like you said sometimes it's just not possible.

    I plan on checking out your links though. I think that will help me. I may do a paleoish lifestyle. Do it as much as I can, but if it's not possible don't beat myself up about it. I think the more I add whole foods into my diet the better regaurdless.

    I'll have to follow you on pinterest. I think on there I'm bethborden. :)
    2683 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/26/2014 9:25:03 AM
    Hi! Hopeyou had a good day. Unfortunately last night was a typical wakw up every hour night again. However my cardio was pretty good today and I got over 8000 steps in by the end of it. I also reached 10000 steps today and 11000 yesterday. Had my son over for dinner. Fixed baked ziti and I ate too much. We all devoured seconds. Should feel guilty but it was delicious.I will make something lighter for dinner tomorrow. We had snow all day! It melted as it fell on the roads but is beginning to accumulate on grass. Will see if school is delayed tomorrow. Tomorrow we are having coffee with friends so our gym workout will be later in the day.
    Did you know that 20 pistachios are only about 100 calories? Hope they work for you.
    Have a good evening!
    2683 days ago
  • v BBORDEN86
    Questions: Can you eat store bought bacon? Is the goal mainly to eat things as the come. Like an egg is really an egg, banana a banana. Can you use vegetable oil at all? Or do you have to use extra virgin olive oil... or nothing? I'm definitely a meat person can you still have ground turkey or chicken, what about red meat? Are their links you can copy so I can find the correct information. :)
    2684 days ago
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