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10/18/11 Update

What the friggin frick! I lost my damn mind again. I was emotional eating like crazy. I am up to 235 pounds! What! How did I get here? Lol I remember when I said I wouldn't allow myself to go over 200. Lmao! What a joke that was. Anyway. I am fed up with myself. My dresses don't fit! I used to be one of those people who could pull off being fat. Is there such a thing? Probably not, just another one of my delusions. Well I am going back to portion control. I've been telling myself since I'm overly stressed and tired of work and the hell at home that I can overeat all I want because that is the only happiness I ever get. But it is in turn making me even more depressed because I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror.

The whole jiggly ass thing is not working for me. I'm going to track my food on here because I can see how much I am eating. To keep at this weight, I've been consuming 3,000+ calories per day? I am shocked when I see that, but I do a lot of eating even when I'm overly full. I've done a lot of eating til I'm sick and I have to vomit to give my stomach some relief. This is embarrassing and tiring. Sooooo. Maybe I won't ONLY eat 1200 calories a day, but I sure as well better not be over 2000. This time, I'm not going to deprive myself. I'm going to eat what I want. If I want panera! Damn right I'll have my panera bread, but instead of getting an entire sandwich, a cup of soup, and my yummy green tea lemonade which is more like green tea.. yeah right cup full of damn sugar I'll get half of a sandwich with a salad or soup and some water! I reaaaaallly love Tina Fey and I just read she lost her weight by using portion control she learned from weight watchers. This woman didn't even exercise. Weight watchers wasn't really my thing but portion control shouldn't be that hard to track with Spark! I don't want to do points or anything I just want a straight forward look at what I'm forking down. Please dear god or guardian or whatever the heck watches over me.. let this be the last time I COMPLETELY fall off the wagon. I know I'm not going to be perfect, but I want to at least try. I don't want to give up anymore.

August 24, 2010

I'm Velanie! (pronounced like Melanie, but with a V)

Soo, at this point I can't really say I'm fully committed to losing weight. The desire is there, but I hit a road block when it comes to action. I have been trying to keep meat out of my diet for the most part, but I've only been able to fully cut out beef and pork. I believe I've been a spark member since 2008 and I have used some of the tools on here with decent success. I need to fully commit myself to losing weight. I want to feel better as far as my health goes because at the moment I can't even walk up the stairs without getting winded.

Update** January 8, 2011

Well well. It's a new year and I have a new attitude. So much has changed for me. I just decided to do this instead of "trying". YES! That word is finally out of my vocabulary. I have stopped all that trying and started DOING for a change. I've joined WeightWatchers yet again because they revamped their points system. I had been telling myself I'd get back on WW for oh.. about 10 months! I have started making my own meals with the recipes from the site and they are surprisingly delicious! I am not denying myself of anything, but I realize that I'm starting to crave healthier foods. My favorite dessert.. wait for it....... FROZEN GRAPES! Yum. My first week, I lost 4 pounds. Not bad eh? At the end of this year I will be at my goal weight. You WILL see a new me. It will be amazing and I hope to help a lot of people along the way, just like you've all helped me.

Member Since: 3/29/2007

Fitness Minutes: 0

My Goals:
work out 3 times a week
drink at least 6 cups of water per day
eat more fruits and veggies

My Program:
Working on learning about food right now with weight watchers. I seem to be a carboholic at night.

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