Thursday, March 13, 2008
no not to the mental hospital, which maybe I need the rest??? lol Yesterday was a horrible day. That's it, horrible. I allowed my ex to have control over how I felt and I plummetted into some serious depression. My eyes are puffy today, but I can also look back on yesterday as a learning experience. I didn't binge. I actually tracked my food from yesterday this morning. I did okay - though I obviously gravitate to the carbs when upset. I talked to my mom for awhile last night, and even if some of the things she said aggrevated me, I think the aggrevation lies in the fact that I know what she said was true. I gave my ex too much power. The world isn't over as I know it. Things will get better. I have to avoid the victim role. I have to stop feeling like I am the only one this happens too. Life isn't fair... I could go on. I know all this stuff too, its not like I haven't told myself all of it at one time or another. I told her that I just wanted to feel bad for awhile. Then it dawned on me.... WHY? What purpose does feeling sorry for myself serve? How does it change anything? It doesn't. If I wallow in self pity or stay angry, I will not move forward. I will not see anything get better. So, even though I sit here, very tired, puffy eyes and a slight feeling of overall saddness, I will not let it bring me down. I will push forward, run my errands, check the jobsite, read a little, write a little, and enjoy my time with my kids. That is my Thursday.