SOMEBODY has been praying for me!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Or, several some bodies and I feel it. I can tell, because when I woke up this morning, my mind felt more clear than it has in several days now!
Yeah, I still feel what I am going through, I still know it has to be dealt with and I still want to get tomorrow over with. HOWEVER, I just have an overall feel better if that makes sense.
This was weird, my husband said he was going to counseling tomorrow with us. I was like, great, you're gonna make fun of me. He asked why and I told him about me taking the blogs, etc... Finally, I just read them to him, all the ones I have ready to print out. Once I read through it all, he was like yeah, I think maybe you should print them out and take for her. HUH? Is this MY husband speaking? He actually told my 2 sons to go upstairs in the middle of me reading them to him. That is when I knew he was really listening and paying attention and taking me seriously.
He apologized to me saying that he thought it could be his fault that I feel like I am weird for feeling the way I do, because in his attempt to keep me from getting hurt, he has always told me not to tell people everything, not to put myself out there, etc... He said it was what he loved about me, but it was also what he hated about me! I told him I realize he only told me those things because he did not want to see me hurt. He has tried to teach me HIS defense mechanism.
THEN, he got up, came over and reached for my hand, pulled me up out of the chair and hugged me tightly for several minutes, saying it would be alright. I think I would have cried, if I had not been in shock! While he was hugging me, I said, "You realize, I have built some walls where you are concerned too? don't you?" he said he knew that and in some instances, he "allowed" me to build those walls and I was puzzled - so he said, it was because he knew he could be a cold hearted SOB and if I had my walls up I would not be hurt as much by him.
So, yeah, it has been a weird, but good? day I suppose?
Well, I gotta take Jarod to work in about 10 minutes, then I can take my Sunday afternoon nap, LOL and then go back to church tonight!
Thanks again for all the support and prayers you all have given me. It has helped so much!
Just keep praying, I really want us to get better as individuals and as a family and not just start, get so far and then all of us run back to our shells, we have done that too many times to count.