This difficult journey will be worth it!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I shared my struggles on one of my threads and decided I should blog it. Most of my blogs are uplifting and motivational, I am a positive person.

But I'm blue today, at the brink of exhausted tears... truthfully, I am crying. Last Thursday I was a mere 3 ounces above my -50 lb goal and by Sunday I had gained 3 lbs-- for no reason, I've been perfect.

I've plateaued for so long... it's frustrating to read so many success stories and I can't be more PERFECT with my plan. Why is my body so difficult!?! I know as we age it is so much harder to shed... I'm 53.

Maybe the weight gain is caused by stress-- We have been in renovations since February and my house is like living in a storage unit. And my mother-in-law is coming to stay with us and it's ALWAYS stressful when she's here. Since our MBR is being worked on, we are sleeping in the guest room and she's going to be sleeping on a sofa. And, she'll really be under foot because there is no place in my home that isn't piled up. She'll be here about 2-3 weeks and I know I'm stressed out about that.

I also face going back to work next Monday and won't be posting as often. I'm afraid I won't be able to remain disciplined with my exercise... that's one reason I've pumped it up so much lately... I want to form the habit before going back to work. I'm also contemplating at getting back into the workforce instead of pursuing my extremely volatile fine art career.

I'm just really getting exhausted of doing all the right things and yet still continue bobbing up and down with my weight. I know to simply keep moving forward and do the right things... and my weight is supposed to eventually go down. I need to move past this bluesy day and remind myself that even though this journey is a difficult one, it will be worth it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm proud of you! You did well despite your ups and downs! emoticon
    4718 days ago
  • BIGGIRL2082010
    That's a LOT of things on your plate, girl! Relax a little when you get a chance - if your gym offers a sauna or whirlpool or massage - DO it! Stress definitely doesn't help the weight loss.

    Hang in there - this WILL be just a blip. And on the job/art front - do what you need to do - there's no point giving yourself angst just because you don't choose to starve in the garret like the romantic view of artists! :) I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest a career in marketing - bonus - you'll get soooooo good at it that you'll be marketing the artwork without even thinking twice about it - you'll be back to full-time artist in no time! :)


    4721 days ago
    The scale is a fickle beast. Not your friend, though it pretends to be some days. My scale has also been EVIL to me lately. So, I am at war with it. I will punish it by eating extra veggies today, and doing more cardio than I had scheduled. Evil scale, you are trying to bring me down, but I will bring YOU down! I am STRONG and I am MORE STUBBORN than the scale!

    Besides this insane ranting, the other thing that is helping me is to reward myself based on my ACTIONS, not what the scale says. I am going to have a pedicure on Friday if I stay within my calorie guides and do all my exercise.

    One of my favorite Spark Motivators is BEMORESTUBBORN. Her motto is "be more stubborn than the scale". Check her out, she is a beautiful lady!
    4722 days ago
    OK, me again - I just read an email that I *had* to share with you - it's from Phit-n-Phat:

    For two weeks I was frustrated with the whole competition process because I have been at it for well over 15 weeks and weighed the same. The scale shot up and I looked like a blowfish. Literally, I workout 2.5 hours per day, do the fasted cardio, lift heavy as heck, and eat like a champ. I mean fish, greens, almonds, egg whites, flank. This is the life of a newbie competitor.

    Three weeks ago I was weighing in at 135.5 and felt the best in my life. I thought I was looking great. For two weeks I went back to 142ish and just felt huge. All of the swelling settled right in my abs and a tad on my thighs (I only work them over like punching bags so they stay in the recovery process).

    Monday the scale finally starts to show love. The swelling is going down and man, let me tell you, I have learned a huge lesson. That scale really doesn't mean anything.

    Honey, my body looks better today at 138 than it did at 135.5 three weeks ago! I cannot wait to see the next round of pics because I can see changes just looking in the mirror. I think my body must have been going through some serious shifting because I look different and my pants are starting to just fall off!

    ******especially for you, Camille!*******
    I tell this story because I often have my own clients get so upset when they workout really hard one day and then the scale goes up. It's normal. It's supposed to happen. If you workout and train at all and the scale doesn't ever move up on you then you must be doing something wrong. Muscle doesn't build until it's had a chance to hold some water for repair. Fat doesn't burn unless it's got muscle working hard on it and neither is going to happen unless you eat the right amount of food...you don't starve and you don't overeat.

    My lesson today is if you are a regular weigher like I am, PUHLEEZE think back to the past two three days. Did you follow your plan? Did you eat good foods? Did you workout hard? Did you drink your water? As long as you did these things you have nothing to worry about.

    That's how I made it through two terrible weeks. I literally had to keep eating fish and veggies and working out for two plus hours a day while the scale moved up eight pounds just trusting in my famous quote...nobody gets fat eating right and exercising hard.

    4722 days ago
    Hugs, Camille!

    I really believe that the closer one gets to a goal, the more likely one's weight is to vary. I don't know if it's the body rebelling, or the mind saying "I'm so close, I can do these other things no problem!".

    I had been reading Michael Pollan's latest book, and I actually wrote this one bit down: "The specific ecology of your intestines helps determine how efficiently you digest what you eat, so that the same 100 calories of food may yield more or less food energy depending on the proportion of firmicutes and bacteroides resident in your gut. … so there is nothing very machine like about the human eater, and to think of food as simply fuel is to completely misconstrue it. "

    Don't worry about being perfect. Maybe step away from tracking and eating perfectly for a little bit, and let your body rest a bit?

    Oh - and you've got a trainer now, right? Are you adding muscle? Does your scale track body fat and water? If it doesn't, then look into getting one, and just take a look to see if your FAT is decreasing. You want your muscle to increase!

    I can also really sympathize about the renovations and the mother in law. Been there, doing that. I just wish my husband would FINISH a particular renovation before starting on something else!

    We're going to be staying with my MIL for 2 nights in a few weeks, and I'm trying not to stress about that. Got it down from 3 nights. Two years ago we found that 4 nights was about 3 nights too long, and last year 4 hours was too short, so we'll have to see if this is a happy medium. We had her here once for weeks and weeks, and it did not work well (the more so as she decided afterwards that I was a horrible daughter in law, wife, and especially mother, and wrote me a long letter about that). Difficult to recover from that, but it's still important to try and maintain a relationship, while standing up for oneself.

    It will get better. You're doing the right things, you're committed, you're in this for the lifestyle - and look at how far you've come already!

    Take care,

    4723 days ago
  • MEME102
    I can't add anything more to what the others have said other than I have read your wonderful blog....I feel your pain ....and I want so much more for you!!! You have been at this long enough to know that 'everything' will eventually work out...but our human minds always ask 'but when'....and we all know that is in "God's time, or in due time' whatever way you believe , it WILL happen. Just keep plugging away at what you have been doing,,,know that it WILL pay off sooner or later....and realize that all the stresses your under right now are not helping....bless you!!
    4723 days ago
    Camille, I've been there with the plateaus(still) and I understand. You will get thru this, and tears can be very cleansing so let them flow and then go on with renewed strength.
    Think of all the people who have commented to you lately. The UA hunks and the man from Subway. Those were unsolicited praises and were very honest. Listen and remember what they said, I believe Subwayman said "curvy and I mean that as a compliment"! I'd love to hear that! Forget the scale.
    Think ahead to your hike this week. You are breaking new ground for yourself and you're going to have a fantastic new experience.
    You'll get past this, it's just a blip on the radar screen.

    emoticon Wendy
    4723 days ago
    Patience dear lady!!!!
    I understand your frustrations and they put your picture in the dictionary for diligence, stop and think how far you have come - even in the past few weeks with your new trainer! No one else I know recently has had eyecandy give up high fives.
    Stop and think, I know you aren't getting enough sleep. But with your training you have muscles, sure your trainer will tell you what happens when you get muscles. Also you may have gotten something with more sodium than you realized or even something as simple and water retention who knows why that happens?

    You have a lot going on, and you have been so excited about your Mt LeConte trip. So what if your house is topsy turvey! Instead of playing where's Waldo, play where's Mother in Law.

    Come on, I saw a smile begin - take a deep breath, this too will pass and we'll all be doing the happy dance with you very shortly.

    4723 days ago
    You can do it!!!
    Are you getting enough sleep?
    I seriously could've written this post, except for the job part! My MBR is undergoing remodeling too... and I totally feel your pain of the chaos! I am so encouraged by seeing your focus on your goal of being a healthier weight and I'm motivated to try my hardest - even when I don't feel like it! Thanks for posting your ups AND your downs!
    4723 days ago
    The scale can be discouraging, and the stress doesn't help either.

    Try to focus on Non-Scale Victories like inches lost or better stamina and health. Or bask in the glow of new healthy habits. Keep your body guessing.

    Are you eating enough for your activity level? Could you do some new exercises and give your body some new challenges?

    I've read some excellent advice here about Plateau Busters, Part 1-3.
    Good luck and keep on keeping on! It WILL work!
    - Marit
    4723 days ago
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