The me who is, who was, and who is to come . . .

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I start each morning looking at the photo on my wall - the me that was, then look at my image in the mirror to see the me who is. We are two different people, she and I. And yet, after nearly two years on this plateau, and after seeing the scale creeping up a pound here, a pound there, I wonder . . .

She has never really left, has she? This lifestyle change has made me a new person, but she is still in here. I see her on those days when I bury my nose in a book and refuse to exercise because I am in a "good part." I see her when I open the freezer door and pull out some ice cream - and not the first helping, either.

She is not a bad person. She was me for over 35 years.

But now, as I look in that mirror, then back at the photo on the wall, do I see, not who was, but who is to come? Heaven forbid!

How can I merge these two parts of me? How do I give "her" equal standing so that when "she" comes out it is not the death of the one I am now but is the perfect compliment?

This is the question I face.

I don't want to go back.

I cannot go back.

So now, as I take the next step forward towards the me who is to come, I will focus on making both uf us . . . whole.

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