I can't believe I'm doing this! 8-18-08
Monday, August 18, 2008
My heart is beating so fast because I know that lots of people will see this; what will they say, what will they think? Okay...deep breaths. I need to do this. I have been apart of SP for 7 weeks now. I am doing well. My August goal was to stop the negative attitude toward myself. I am doing it and it feels great! Just to take you back in time a bit... I was always thin, very athletic and could eat anything I wanted growing up. When I became pregnant with my first child I was very young (just turned 20) and weighed 135 pounds. My mother made me feel ashamed. I lost my job and had to move in with in laws and I had become VERY depressed. I lived in my room. To avoid people I would come out of my room when everyone was sleeping. Well long story short I gained 90 pounds, from only eating and sleeping. After my daughter was born people wanted to be around me and the baby but I had become even more depressed because I had become FAT!
I have now realized that I am a beautiful, strong, independent woman and I will not let anyone tell me different! I look at these pictures of me and of course it's not what I would liek to see but I am happy. I finally realize that I don't need approval from my mother because I am a grown lady and she hasn't supported me for over 13 years. I am who I am because I work hard. I just forgot to take care of myself all these years. I have been so focused on giving my daughters a beautiful life that I pushed myself back into a corner. I am stepping out of the corner and living life for me and my family now! I can see in these photos that I am happy, I am strong and I can love myself. I want to teach my daughters that they need to love themselves because if they don't then other people can and will hurt you. I will continue to work hard to be healthier and I will succeed! This was right before I left for the gym. I will have to do this again. My heart rate has dropped back to normal and I feel proud of myself. I am on track and loving me and loving every minute of my happiness!
Thank you to all Goonies - you are all truly an inspiration to me and I could not succeed with out the support I receive from each of you! Thank you!