Tests Today

Friday, June 12, 2009

My friends, it's been a hard week and an even harder day. As you know, today was the big day with all the tests.

First up was the MRI. Well, apparently, I am severely claustrophobic--because I freaked out within about 10 seconds. Now mind you, I am not a drama queen, nor do I like any kind of drama, but you surely wouldn't have believed that if you'd seen me today. I honestly felt like I was being buried alive--it was the mother of all panic attacks! It's been over 10 hours and I am still tormented by it. The poor technician didn't even get to leave the room before I started praying LOUDLY and demanding that she get me out NOW! She tried to calm me by getting my husband, but I truly have never felt such fear. Irrational? Absolutely. And I know that intellectually, but emotionally I believe I have been traumatized for life. Needless to say, I did not follow through with the MRI; instead I stood there shaking and crying while my poor hubby just hugged me. Apparently, this happens frequently--the technicians were neither surprised nor upset.

Next were a series of balance tests, which were rough, but I made it through them. The results showed that I do have Meniere's Disease in one ear, plus Benign Positional Vertigo. The bad part is that the doctor insisted that I MUST have an MRI. I refused in no uncertain terms to ever go through that again. He kept insisting that I really needed it and I finally asked him point blank WHY it is so important if the tests showed Meniere's and BPPV. He reluctantly told me that my balance tests also showed a 39% loss of balance on one side, which is a very high number, and indicates a great possibility of a tumor. So, we negotiated a compromise: he will let me have an open MRI (which he usually will not agree to because he feels gives inferior results) and I will be sedated with 10 mg of valium beforehand and I will attempt it again. Apparently, you cannot be put to sleep for this or the results won't be accurate. I asked to do it in my hometown, but he refused, saying it has to be in Birmingham where he can be in close contact when they do it. That alone scared me, but I didn't ask him to explain.

The good news is that Dr McGrew has a wonderful reputation; he is at the University of Alabama in Birmingham, a teaching hospital; and he seems sincerely concerned--enough that he spent a lot of time with me, explaining the situation and making it clear that he wouldn't put me through it unless it was absolutely necessary. Now, I just have to pray for God to give me peace, both about the MRI and the possibility of a tumor. Nobody in my family has ever had tumor, even a benign one, so it's pretty scary.

He also doubled the strength of my diuretic, gave me bunches of balance exercises to do, and greatly increased the valium I take daily--trying to break the cycle of vertigo. I don't know how I can function taking 15 mg a day; I normally take 2.5 mg and if it's a bad day, another 2.5 in the afternoon. But I have to function somehow, because I'm not willing to quit my job--it's my ministry in a lot of ways.

I know fear is not from God, and I have got to get a handle on this. Please pray that I can do what I need to do and this will all be used for God's glory in the end.
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  • DEBANNE1124
    And I thought I was the only one that acted anxious and frightened aobut that black hole they put me in. I shook uncontrollably as well inside there. then closed my eyes. They said to stay as still as you can be. I had jerks and spasms in my limbs. Poor thing. My heart really goes out to you. I am jsut glad you made it througha nd that there was no tumor in there. I am praying for you, honey. He will control your sureons hands carefully.
    4259 days ago
    Dear Marlene,

    My heart goes out to you. Sometimes we just have to take a stand with these doctors. I had a cardiologist who insisted I have tests requiring the use of iodine which I'm deathly allergic to - I had to tell them in no uncertain terms no and absolutely no. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Will be praying the open MRI will be totally different and much better. As for the tumour idea - better to know and deal with it than to wonder and worry and scare yourself to death. So many things can be done today about such things with relative ease.

    What it all boils down to though, is, as the others have already said, you're in God's hands and that's a great place to be. We're here for you and all will be praying for success in all ways.

    Love ya, Lady. Hang in there.

    emoticon Diana
    4323 days ago
    That must have been awful! With my imbalance, I also have a section of vision missing, so one of the first things they thought was that I had a tumor, in fact the opto-neurologist was sure I did. I had to have an MRI - it was very difficult for me, and I am really good at disassociating myself from my physical surroundings. I was medicated before I went in. I am so glad your husband was there for you, and that you didn't let them talk you into trying it again. I have heard that the open MRI's are so much better, so I am glad you have that available. I want to write more, but I have to go, so I will leave you with this - God knows you, inside and out - He has a good and perfect plan for your life, and nothing can touch you that He doesn't allow. This has to be just overwhelming for you, so I pray right now that you will KNOW He is holding you, and that He will give you peace, moment by moment.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4323 days ago
    My prayers are with you.
    4324 days ago

    Yes - you ARE the property of the MOST HIGH GOD!!!!! Satan CANNOT take control of your mind because of that - unless you let him! I know, you know that! So it's up to those of us who love you to keep uplifting you & helping you to remind Satan WHO and WHO'S you are, because right now, you're so in the midst of the battle that you feel weak & you need your arms lifted up like Moses needed his lifted up. That's what we're here for! So just remember - we're here! You can do this! You WILL do this, because you have the Blood of Jesus covering you!

    An open MRI is much less claustrophobic in nature - as a practicing Registered Nurse, I deal with people all the time who have had reactions such as yours with a regular MRI who sail through an open one & they don't profess Jesus as their Savior, at least not to me - so I KNOW that you will succeed!

    Now - do you still have to go without your meds? I suspect not, since You can take the Valium prior to the open MRI. Praise God that you can take your meds again - that alone can help you, since you were out of sorts this morning anyway!

    So, my sister, rest in the arms of Jesus, knowing that many are lifting you up. You WILL prevail, in His name!

    Love in Him,

    4324 days ago
    I suffered from vertigo for nine months and I know it's a miserable experience. I was left untreated for months, changed medical plans and finally underwent a MRI. I totally understand your anxiety. I'd been warned by friends at church and advised to keep my eyes closed the entire time I was undergoing the testing. It was difficult, especially when the interior of the machine kept moving and adjusting (making it feel worse). Fortunately I was able to withstand it through hymns and Christmas carols. An open MRI is supposed to be a much better procedure: thank God your doctor agreed to it.

    God is faithful and never forsakes you or leaves you.
    4324 days ago
  • PEBBLES32165
    I will definitely pray for you. Both for healing and for the clausterphobia. Maybe the Valium will help calm you. Next time you go take an mp3 player with some music that will calm you. Close your eyes and take deep breathes to relax you. (That is if they allow the music. It may mess up the MRI.) Back when I was 36 yrs old, the doctor was afraid that I had a brain tumor and the state wouldn't pay for the MRI. We finally got them to and I was thankful that I didn't have one. We just an abnormal brain. (But I function just fine.) Here's praying that yours will come out just fine also. Have strength and tell the devil if he won't leave you alone you're gonna kick him in the butt.
    4324 days ago
    God has not given us spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. Now that is true! God is truth. I too am claustphobic too they would have to put me semi to sleep. God will be with you in all this. Remember he is still on control. He promised he would never leave us even until the end of time. So Gods got your back. Nothing can come up against you. Do you still have my prayer I put on here some weeks back? If not I will post it again.

    Satan roars loudly but he can not touch you. You are a child of the Most high God, a child of the king, and nothing can come against your are covered by the blood. Remember the story of job...his later was greater then his beginning. I will pray for you continuely.
    4324 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/12/2009 8:15:42 PM
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