He made the decision

Sunday, July 26, 2009

He told me he is going to leave. He says he cant make anything right and he cant figure out how to take care of his family. I told him if he leaves then I am done. I dont know if this other woman is even anything to worry about or if they will possibly have something again. But I do not want to take any chances with my heart. If he leaves, I wont trust him and I wont know what he will be doing. I wont want to take this chance again. I guess this might change but as of today if he leaves I dont want him to come back. I dont want to be that girl who takes back the man who treats her bad over and over. I dont know at this point what he could do to make things better with us if he leaves me. I told him I want Avery to live me me and only me. What he doesnt realize is that this doesnt impact Avery right now. It is gonna have a major effect on Erica. He is not her biological dad but she has only known him as a dad. He has been in her life since she was a little over 1 year old. So she has only known him. And she chose to call him daddy (we called him by first name for so long and she decided one day he was daddy and so she started calling him that). I dont know how I will be a single mom again. I mean it was hard with one baby. But now I will have both of them. And I only work part time cause I cant afford child care. So now I will have to figure how to get a better job and put him in child care. I really dont want that. We decided it would be so much better for him to be with us instead of child care else where. We made this decision and now it cant happen. I worked really hard to keep this job by doing the TECE1 class and I did the self study through the college which was so much harder and without much help. But Avery is too young to go to my school. I am so scared right now.

I didnt do my walk yesterday. Was gonna do it last night but obviously that did not happen. Did not do one today either. Didnt eat well. I didnt eat terrible either but I am acknowledging that my choices could have been better. I dont know what will happen. I dont know what to think.
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  • JLBART74
    Im very sorry to hear that this is happening. But maybe it will be a good thing. There are some good men out there. Believe me I went through a couple of bad ones before finding my hubby.

    4349 days ago
  • MYTURN11
    I know that it is very hard for you right now and your thoughts are flying all over the place. As hard as it might seem, try not to look at the entire picture. Just look at today, at you next step, and do the next right thing for yourself and your children for right now. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I was there, where you are now, so many years ago. I understand, I really do. emoticon
    4349 days ago
  • GLM19566
    My heart hurts for you so much. Unfortunatly had simualr situation almost 2 yrs ago Sept. Do not for get that his disicissions have nothing to do with you. They are not about you. So do not let this mess with your self worth. You ARE a strong lady. You are a wonderful motivator and friend. This is your gift to the world. It was his choise not to use this beautiful gift in an appreciative way. Allow your self the time to grieve and heal. And by all means do not beat your self up. Take care of your self and stick with your program your are important and special. emoticon
    4350 days ago
  • no profile photo JENN38
    emoticon to you and your babies. I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. Call your local Social Services they should be able to help you find affordable daycare in your area, and give assistance and guidance.
    4350 days ago
  • ~PAMELA~
    I'm sorry you have to go through this! I know that you have to take care of those babies and yourself, this is the most important. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.((Hugs))
    4350 days ago
  • GODDESS1011
    You are in my thoughts and prayers. I was a single mom myself and I know how hard it can be this is the time that you need to lean on your family and trust me they will help you get through this. Wanda is right there are programs out there that will help single moms you just have to find them.

    If you need anything i'm here for you
    4350 days ago
  • PATTYS74
    Oh Cheryl,
    I so wish there was something to say to help. But there is nothing. Wanda gave you some wonderful advice. Making the first step is the hardest. Once you decide you are not going to let him treat you like this it will get better with time. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4350 days ago
    you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! emoticon
    4350 days ago
    God bless you and Avery and Erica. They are worth it, be strong. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4350 days ago
    I'll be praying for you--I know how it feels to go through this but know that you will make it! emoticon
    4350 days ago
    You need to take care of yourself and your children right now. Concentrate on them. Stay strong for them.
    4350 days ago
    You must continue to be strong. Erica and Avery look up to you. They trust you. Your love is generous and God is with you. God loves each one of you. Trust God as the sparrow is cared for God will care for everyone. Let your husband go and Trust God.
    4350 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5078271
    Ok, sweetie, I have read this post and abit of your previous ones. I couldn't read too much because it brought back some very painful memories for me. I went through the husband cheating, taking him back, swearing he would never do it again, then it happening again with same he ended up with her, had 3 more kids with her.....and left her. Oh well, she wanted someone who would cheat and look what she got. Unfortunately, all the kids involved got hurt. But, on to your situation: If he cannot commit 100 % to you and your family, get rid of him. It is not worth the emotional toll on yourself and the kids. You will make all the other women who have experienced this before you and all those who will in the future. Do you have family to stay with for a while? Or a good friend? Are you involved with a church that might be of assistance? Have you checked with Social Services? Sometimes they will help pay for childcare. You need to take care of yourself---for yourself and for your kids. Get walking---take the kidlets. Go to the park. Get involved with other single moms---they can be a great resource. I cannot stress how important it is for you to do your walking and eat right. Not only will you be improving yourself and your health, you will also be a strong role model for your children on how to handle difficult situations effectively. I know you are overwhelmed. I know it all hurts. I know the fear. I also know it gets better. I know you can get through this. I know you WILL get through this. So those things that must be done. Are you taking poor care of your children through this? Of course not! So don't do that to yourself either. Do not give up!!!! And do not be a doormat for anyone--- would you want your daughter to accept that type of treatment? Or, would you want your son to treat a woman that way? Again, of course not! So do not model that for them. God bless you, honey. I remember all to well what it was like. You and your babies will be just fine. emoticon Wanda
    4350 days ago
    First God don't present you with nothing you cannot handle, it will only make you stonger. I am sorry you are having to go through this. From knowing you, I know that you are very strong willed and you do not give up. Don't give up and I will pray for you, this kids and your husband. Be strong.
    4350 days ago
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