He made the decision
Sunday, July 26, 2009
He told me he is going to leave. He says he cant make anything right and he cant figure out how to take care of his family. I told him if he leaves then I am done. I dont know if this other woman is even anything to worry about or if they will possibly have something again. But I do not want to take any chances with my heart. If he leaves, I wont trust him and I wont know what he will be doing. I wont want to take this chance again. I guess this might change but as of today if he leaves I dont want him to come back. I dont want to be that girl who takes back the man who treats her bad over and over. I dont know at this point what he could do to make things better with us if he leaves me. I told him I want Avery to live me me and only me. What he doesnt realize is that this doesnt impact Avery right now. It is gonna have a major effect on Erica. He is not her biological dad but she has only known him as a dad. He has been in her life since she was a little over 1 year old. So she has only known him. And she chose to call him daddy (we called him by first name for so long and she decided one day he was daddy and so she started calling him that). I dont know how I will be a single mom again. I mean it was hard with one baby. But now I will have both of them. And I only work part time cause I cant afford child care. So now I will have to figure how to get a better job and put him in child care. I really dont want that. We decided it would be so much better for him to be with us instead of child care else where. We made this decision and now it cant happen. I worked really hard to keep this job by doing the TECE1 class and I did the self study through the college which was so much harder and without much help. But Avery is too young to go to my school. I am so scared right now.
I didnt do my walk yesterday. Was gonna do it last night but obviously that did not happen. Did not do one today either. Didnt eat well. I didnt eat terrible either but I am acknowledging that my choices could have been better. I dont know what will happen. I dont know what to think.