Surgery is Eminent
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Monday is the big day for my endolymphatic shunt surgery and I am feeling more stressed as it gets closer. I am truly surprised at how anxious I am; I have had other surgeries and didn't feel anywhere near the anxiety that I am feeling this time.
I have been crying for two days and can't seem to get my emotions under control. I even had nightmares last night that my face was horribly swollen and paralyzed on one side. Clearly, I am quite frightened about the risks associated with the surgery, but I have been able to put it out of my mind until yesterday. The hospital called in the afternoon to confirm the surgery and give me the pre-op info and I have been a basket case ever since.
It's not the actual surgery that scares me--it's the extra risks of the surgeon cutting near the brain, which means a risk of meningitis, and the risk of facial paralysis, that really have me concerned. The risks are small, but enough that the surgery will take place in the hospital and not in an outpatient facility. That way, if complications arise, I will be admitted to the hospital.
Barring complications, this should be no big deal--just do it and go home the same day. So why am I having such a hard time? I think part of it is also the fear that it won't really work and I'm quickly running out of options.
Still, I know that God is control, and fear does not come from God, so I have to banish it somehow. I have to keep reminding myself of that and keep the faith that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I need Him to lean on because I my emotions are so fragile right now that I don't know who this person is who is inhabiting my body.
All my sparkfriends, I covet your prayers--not only that the surgery will be successful, but that God will take away my fears and anxiety so that I can make a quick recovery.
I can always count on you all for encourgement and support. Thank you, my friends.