Surgery is Eminent

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Monday is the big day for my endolymphatic shunt surgery and I am feeling more stressed as it gets closer. I am truly surprised at how anxious I am; I have had other surgeries and didn't feel anywhere near the anxiety that I am feeling this time.

I have been crying for two days and can't seem to get my emotions under control. I even had nightmares last night that my face was horribly swollen and paralyzed on one side. Clearly, I am quite frightened about the risks associated with the surgery, but I have been able to put it out of my mind until yesterday. The hospital called in the afternoon to confirm the surgery and give me the pre-op info and I have been a basket case ever since.

It's not the actual surgery that scares me--it's the extra risks of the surgeon cutting near the brain, which means a risk of meningitis, and the risk of facial paralysis, that really have me concerned. The risks are small, but enough that the surgery will take place in the hospital and not in an outpatient facility. That way, if complications arise, I will be admitted to the hospital.

Barring complications, this should be no big deal--just do it and go home the same day. So why am I having such a hard time? I think part of it is also the fear that it won't really work and I'm quickly running out of options.

Still, I know that God is control, and fear does not come from God, so I have to banish it somehow. I have to keep reminding myself of that and keep the faith that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I need Him to lean on because I my emotions are so fragile right now that I don't know who this person is who is inhabiting my body.

All my sparkfriends, I covet your prayers--not only that the surgery will be successful, but that God will take away my fears and anxiety so that I can make a quick recovery.

I can always count on you all for encourgement and support. Thank you, my friends.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Marlene, this blog wasn't one of the ones that showed up on the team page when I was online before your surgery - but I was lifting you in prayer anyway! Don't for one moment think that I forgot you! Just wanted to send you a note now - your fears were quashed with God's help, & through the prayers of your family, friends, & all of your Spark friends! God is so good - I agree with Sandra, wishing we could all have gathered around you physically, but since we're all spread throughout the states & beyond, at least we could gather around you in cyberspace! That's such a special gift also!

    And I want to thank each & every one of our brothers & sisters here on SP who have prayed for you, too - I consider it a blessing to be able to pray for each of my friends, brothers, & sisters here, & a blessing to be prayed for by all of you. God has given us a wonderful gift by allowing us to have SP as a prayer tool!

    Lots of love & hugs to you, my sister!

    4368 days ago
    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    4370 days ago
    You are in my prayers. I find when I get to the state of anxiety you are describing, if I start repeating the Lord's prayer over several times, I feel better. Also, see if a loved one near by will hug you very tight to the point of uncomfortable. It is good for both the body and the spirit.
    emoticon emoticon
    4371 days ago
  • ASMPP1
    emoticon emoticon Prayers for you, your family, and your team that will perform the procedure. emoticon
    4371 days ago
    Marlene, a note will be put tonight between the stones of the Kotel (Western Wall) in Jerusalem on your behalf.
    I pray for the surgery to be a complete success and also pray for your peace of mind.
    You and your family will be in my thoughts the next few days. Please try to keep us posted when you are able to!
    emoticon emoticon
    4371 days ago
    I too will be praying for you........breathe Jesus in.......and the devil out. A good friend told me that when you feel stress or anxiety. Lifting you in prayer right now and will continue.

    Barbarapan> emoticon

    4371 days ago
    Lots of prayers and powerful thoughts coming your way. May you feel God's peace and the knowledge of His healing arms around you as you approach this trial.
    4371 days ago
    You've been on my mind Marlene and I too am praying for you. I understand about being nervous about the risks. They may be small but they are real and you have such hopes that this procedure will help. The waiting and anticipating are the hardest parts. After tomorrow you will be on the downhill side and recovering. We are all praying you through this and God will give you extra grace to carry you. I wish we could all gather round you in person right now but know that we are with you in Spirit as Christ has made us family.
    emoticon emoticon Get well soon!
    Love, Sandra
    4371 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/16/2009 9:46:48 AM
    I think it's normal to be afraid. But you have great faith. Now the only trick is getting what you know in your head to give you peace in your heart. Continue to abide in God and we will all continue to hold you in prayer. We will also pray for the doctors, nurses and all who will be caring for you that God guides their hands and works through their gifts to bring you through this surgery easily.
    Greg is right about being in the flesh. Which is why we ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for us and strive to live according to the Spirit.
    Try to rest today and know that you are prayed for every hour today and tomorrow.
    4371 days ago
  • BETRME100
    Marlene, you are in my thoughts and prayers...

    4371 days ago
  • DEBANNE1124
    Marlene, sweetie

    I've lifted one up for you as well. Please try to relax. I can understand your fears. Bu the odds are in your avor things will go well. Just talk to your Lord and let him know what's on your mind he listens. Please ahve your husband come on here and let us know you are doign well Monday night or tuesday. I will be thinking about you.

    4371 days ago
  • DEBANNE1124
    Marlene, sweetie

    I've lifted one up for you as well. Please try to relax. I can understand your fears. Bu the odds are in your avor things will go well. Just talk to your Lord and let him know what's on your mind he listens. Please ahve your husband come on here and let us know you are doign well Monday night or tuesday. I will be thinking about you.

    4371 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3598327
    Sending prayers your way.
    4371 days ago
    Hey girl big dad said it all. And I am in agreement with him. God is in control. Prefect love casts out fear. If God was with you on the other surgeries ..why would he leave you now?? He will never leave or forsake you. Lord please anoint the hands of the surgery and all those who are the care of my sister-in-christ. Give her peace threw this time in her life. Satan the blood is against you be gone in the name of Jesus Amen.
    4371 days ago
  • LINDA!
    Sending prayers!!
    4371 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2833646
    4371 days ago
  • BIGDAD1211
    You are in my prayers my friend and know that God is on your side. Fear comes to us because we are in the flesh still and you know who attacks us through the flesh, but remember that He that is in us is greater than he that is the world. Trust in God's Will my friend and you will be alright.

    Father God I ask that You give Marlene, peace in her spirit Lord. Lord I pray that You watch over her as she goes into surgery and that You bring out out safely. You are always with us and You promised to never leave us, so Father God, I thank You by Faith for what You are about to do in Marlene's Life

    I bind you satan in the Blood of Jesus and I rebuke you in His mighty Name You have no right over Marlene's life and you know that God is in control. I bind that fear in her and I bind you.
    Father God , thank You for everything
    In Jesus Name

    God Bless you sister. Please keep us posted
    Your Brother In Christ
    4371 days ago
    Marlene, You are always in my prayers daily. You only have to go through this one step at a time, so as overwhelming as it must feel, you only have to get through one minute at a time. I've seen you going through this process for a while now, and I think you can and do trust this doctor.
    I pray that God will comfort you, and give you peace about the surgery and your recovery. I pray that He will guide the hand of the doctor, and give him the wisdom to do what is best for you. I pray that God will hold you through the surgery, and give the nurses, staff, and your family kindness and patience to help you through the surgery and recovery time. I pray He will give you something to hold onto, whether that's a verse, a thought, or a kind word. I pray the surgery will be successful, and give you relief. And I pray that your recovery will be quick, so you can come back and join us online again soon (just had to add that - sorry)!
    4371 days ago
    You must know that I've had brain be honest I don't know what you feel about the before, I didn't really have a before. I am living proof of our Lords mercy & grace. Leave it in His hands. You are in my thoughts & prayers. I've been praying for you for a while now. God Loves You, Marlene & so do I!!!

    4371 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/15/2009 10:50:16 PM
  • PINK2965
    Dear Marlene,

    You have my prayers. I could totally relate to your Blog since I have just gone through a kidney transplant a few months ago. You talk about fear and anxiety...boy, do I know those feelings all too well. What I want to share with you is that when I went into my surgery a few months ago... I tried to keep myself very calm and I too handed the entire situation over to God's hands and let him take it from there. I had an unexplainable peace come over me as I went into surgery... I am hoping that YOU will feel that same thing..... peace...and knowing that someone else is in total control FOR you.. and they will take care of you.

    I understand your fears and my heart goes out to you... but I will be praying for you and please try and keep all positive energy around you.... that is so important. You are going to be back here posting away talking about your recovery and how happy you'll be to have it behind you. I have a good feeling for you!!

    Just wanted to pass along my prayers to you even though I do not know you personally... I relate to your fears all too well and know what you are facing. Be strong, be positive and let God handle it ALL from here my dear. God Bless You!


    4371 days ago
    Breathe deeply. Picture the positive outcome and focus on that while breathing. Stay focused on staying well in this moment. Tomorrow will come soon enough.
    4371 days ago
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