ANGIEB1231

SparkPoints
 

woman's week at the gym...

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

an oldie but a goodie...you may have already seen before but still stinking funny...

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

____________________________
____
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

____________________________
____
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

____________________________
___
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadm ill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other stuff too.

_ ______________________________
THURSDAY:
#@*hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
____________________________
_____
FRIDAY:
I hate that #$%&* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

____________________________
____
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

____________________________
____
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SHUTRBUG1
    This is funny!
    4273 days ago
  • COUNTRYNETTERS
    I always have loved this one! :)
    4273 days ago
  • JEWELS571
    That was hilarious, new to me!!!
    4273 days ago
  • JELLI-LEAN
    TO0 funny! Thanks for sharing! ~Janel :)
    4273 days ago
  • DIVAGLOW
    Angie that's so funny. Thanks for sharing that. I smiled through the whole thing.
    4274 days ago
  • PACKY62
    too much girl
    we all need a instructor like that at times were is jillian?
    if we can not get in gear like a old tired truck some times we need to kick in gear and if we don't then we need some one to do it to us. if i could affored it i would pay for a traine to wip my but. please wip me!
    4274 days ago
  • THERESAMARIEM
    Hahahaha! So funny! I love it!!!
    4274 days ago
  • SPEEDWACER
    I feel bad that I laughed at some of this, but I can see myself in the same situations. For a while I was in this pilates class where the instructor was a really cool person outside class, but in class she was horrible. I didn't just want to quit because I'm not a quitter, but I'd always try to make her kick me out. I'd deliberately get out of sync and turn right instead of left. She didn't kick me out. I should have tried harder.
    4274 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

More Blogs by ANGIEB1231