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If only they would let me help them....but they have to have to *want* to...

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Monday, October 05, 2009

I want to apologize first off if this blog offends anyone!! so, I apologize ahead of time!

Ok, so here it goes.
I don't push my success on anyone IRL, it's just so obvious to all how much I've changed in so little as a year. YAY! me! lol Anyway, I've been asked over and over.... *How did you do it?* I simply answer *I'm counting cals, carbs, fat, etc along with excercise, and with the help of SP and all the support I get from this excellent website.*'s just so simple.. cals in vs. cals out..

I truly want to help people without being pushy of course, ultimately they have to have the WANT to.

The reactions I get when I tell them how easy it has been.. I get *I dont have time to do all that* , *Thats too much trouble* , *It costs too much to eat that way*, *I don't want to deprive myself*, *Life's short I don't want to give up my fav foods*, *I don't know why I'm fat I don't eat that much* You get the picture.. Some have even tried to make me feel bad about my success.... Talk about raining on someone's parade.. lol Thank goodness for haters because those people only make me stronger......... :)

My point here is, I'm starting to be frustrated with people and their excuses.. I just want to tell them all to just stay unhealthy then..... You have to give up some things sometimes in order to recieve the rewards.. Of course I would never actually say that to someone! I too, used all the excuses I could think of to justify my bad eating and laziness habits..... There just comes a point in time when excuses just sounds dumb....and lazy... Because let's face it, the excuses don't FLY!


excuse: *Counting cals etc. is too much trouble.*
You can't do simple math to add up your day for your health?*
excuse: *I don't have time*
*what?... you are planning your next meal in your head already and you know it, so make a GOOD CHOICE for your health?*
excuse: *I can't afford to diet*
*You can't afford to eat less for your health?
excuse * I don't want to deprive myself*
*You didn't deprive yourself, that's why you are unhealthy, now.
excuse: *Life's short*
*Life's shorter when your unhealthy*
excuse: *I can't give up my favorite foods*
*You don't have to give up your favorite foods, you just have to learn to manage them into your plan for your health! ie: moderation
excuse: * I don't eat that much, I don't know why I'm fat*
*closet eater, much?

Remember, I would NEVER say these things to people, but I did say these things to myself when I tried to make up ways to stay fat and unhealthy...

Bottom line, people have to have the want to, and it's really none of my business, but when I'm approached about it, I figure they already have some part of the want to. But, I think they are thinking I know some kind of magic secret or pill that makes it just disappear without hard work. And when I dont't have that magic answer, they want nothing to do with reality.. simply eating right and exercise.. EVERYTHING in MODERATION...........IF i had a magic answer I wouldn't be just giving it away! I'd sell THAT and be rich and famous! LOLOL

anyone else feel my frustration?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, this blog is so perfect. I get so tired of answering the question, "How did you do it?". Because when I tell them, I get the standard, "Ugh...oh that's WORK!" Well OF COURSE it was work, reminds me of Dolly Parton's line from "Steel Magnolias"..."It takes some effort to look like this!" LOL You not only have to want have to want to work for it. It's the second part that people have trouble understanding.

    When I started this journey, it was difficult and my sister-in-law was my biggest hater. She's overweight and was convinced that I would fail. I cut out a picture of Valerie Bertinelli in her green bikini and put it on my fridge as "inspiration"...she took one look at it and said, "YA RIGHT!" That was when I was a size 12, I'm a size 4 now...I just wanna scream back at her now..."YA! YOU WERE RIGHT!!" LOL...but I don't...just let the haters hate...
    4009 days ago
    I love your attitude!!! You and my friend Roxy would hit it off!! You keep on keepin' on!!
    4037 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5411411
    Let your success speak for itself in the way you look and feel, and if someone really wants to take off weight, they will listen and follow in your footsteps without excuses. You can't do it for them, it starts with them wanting to change their attitude and their life. You can't save them all, but I'm sure you have influenced some! I know I have! I've got 5 people signed up under me now and only been at it 4 months. Keep it up and let your SPARK shine emoticon
    4042 days ago
    I made a comment on your spark page and then read this blog and have to say a few things again. You are so right on it verses calories in and calories out. I have known this for years but just now got sick of being fat, fat, fat. I am done with fat and want fit and a whole lot less of me. I have made excuse after excuse for years. No more excuses, just accepting my responsibility for the health of my body. I cant blame none of this fat on anyone but myself. Thank you so much for being so straight forward and right to the point and not beating around the bush about all of this terrific progress you have made in your life. It sure does feel good to take control of your life, dont it. Live a long,healthy and satisfied life. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4042 days ago
    Wow, great post!

    It continues to amaze me how many people really believe there's some sort of "magic pill" that I've taken all summer long to lose the weight that I have so far. Even my family doesn't really get it; my husband has actually asked me when I'm going to "give myself a break" and start eating again. What? Does he actually believe I don't eat at all?

    The answer is clear -- you have to treat your body well by eating healthy and exercising regularly. That's it, period. But everyone has to get to that realization in their own way and in their own time.
    4049 days ago
    My cousin has put on probably about 100 pounds since she got married in 2000. My ex-husband used to see her parked in the fast food restaurant parking lot, stuffing her face with some super-sized combo. Her mother says she doesn't understand why her daughter can't seem to lose the weight because she eats so little (at home). People just don't want to own up to the fact that they are in control (or out of it, as the case may be). It's easier to keep on the same track because any little change can be frightening. Great blog!
    4050 days ago
    I love this! You made so many points that I identify with. I know a lot of overweight/obese people and I used to be one and it's amazing that the same cookie-cutter responses come out of everyone's mouth. I've gotten to the point that when people ask "how'd you do it?" I usually just push the question back on them and ask "do you really wanna know?" because 99% of the time they're not ready to hear what they probably hear all the time-clean eating and exercise.
    4053 days ago
    Some great points were definitely made here. Often, overweight people do want to lose the weight, but aren't willing to do all that it takes to get to their healthy weight. They have become so comfortable with their way of life that to change anything about it may seem like a grave inconvenience, or would leave them miserable.

    Fact is, whatever we want to accomplish in life requires some degree of effort (10% Inspiration; 90% Perspiration). A perfect analogy is that of the coal turning to diamond. A bit of coal must be subjected to intense pressure and temperature in the Earth's crust in order to transform into the beautiful, crystalline structure of a diamond. But we live in a society of the quick-fix (pills, surgery, etc.). So instead of becoming a diamond, people have become comfortable with becoming a rhinestone.

    I am guilty of remaining "comfortable" (which is ironic because I am not "comfortable"). And I have made the world of excuses, but I'm through with that. I have the utmost respect for people who get in there, do the work, and I celebrate the results with them. But now, it would be nice to celebrate my own results.

    For me it would take a lot of planning, but I'm sure once I learn how to plan and follow-through with the plan without losing encouragement this time, I'm sure I would soon be a Done Girl too emoticon
    4054 days ago
    Good ponts, well made!
    4054 days ago
    I completely understand this type of frustration. Especially in situations where I go out with friends and I try to make healthy choices and they act like I have an eating disorder or something because I don't want an appetizer, full meal, dessert AND mixed drink!!!! AND these are the same friends that wonder why they can never lose weight, it's very frustrating and it taxes relationships. I just use the same terms you do: moderation, health and cals in, cals out.
    4055 days ago
    good points.
    4055 days ago
    Thank you for posting this!

    So often, friends lament their unhappiness with themselves, but won't do anything to change it. It's good to hear that so many people are experiencing the same thing.

    I have one former friend (thats a long story) who used to lie all over the place and say he was going to the gym and working out for HOURS a day and eating healthy, when in reality he was eating a lot of crap, like the gigantic pizza slice another of my friends saw him stuffing into his mouth one night while at the same restaurant. Then he'd lament being overweight. Really?

    It's about taking responsibility for yourself, and I've learned you can't make people help themselves. They need their own wake-up call.
    4056 days ago
    HEY, I've used the "I don't eat that much" excuse myself (to myself). And it was true, I didn't eat that much (mostly), but I wasn't moving... Using the Spark Nutrition Tracker opened my eyes up. What I was eating was okay for maintaining (more or less) my weight, but not good enough for losing weight. I still eat around the upper end of my suggested calories most days, but adding a bit of exercise has helped.
    4056 days ago

    I think being truthful is important. And people need to hear the truth. It's been interesting for me to know that a lot of this kind of thing was said behind my back, anyway, when I was making excuses.

    Well said!
    4057 days ago
    YES! My MIL and FIL - they have actually made comments about our losing weight that were negative since they feel bad about themselves. I don't preach, but at this point I think I know what I am doing.
    4058 days ago
    Thanks for sharing and all we have in life is choices and decisions. We have to make the choice and live with our decision.
    You look wonderful!
    4059 days ago
    I agree! I am just starting to get these sort of comments. Drives me nuts. Hopefully though some folks will follow some good examples!
    4059 days ago
    Oh my goodness,yes! I get that too! And I so relate to what you are saying. I, for one, don't count calories and have no intention of counting them but I have lost over 100lbs and I'm still going. I'm successful because I did change SOMETHING! You have to make some kind of change to get a different result. But, like you say, most people aren't willing. I know because I used to be that person! For decades, I wasn't willing to give up anything and so I stayed overweight and got even heavier. But there came a time when I said enough is enough. When it came to be what I considered a matter of life and death. I'm thankful I had one more chance to change before a fatal heart attack, stroke or cancer took the life I enjoyed so much and enjoy even more now, woo hoo! Continued success to you and thanks for a great blog! And to those who haven't yet changed, please listen to this wise woman. Change something, it's worth it and I should know.

    Alex emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4060 days ago
    Yep yep yep !!!
    4060 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3544403
    I hear what you're saying!! There are so many things I just don't understand about people. I've heard these same things, and it's frustrating! Some people talk to me like I won some sort of lottery and magically lost these 116 pounds. Uh, not so much. You have to work. There is no pill or potion that will make it happen. You have to want it, and you have to be willing to make tough choices and do the work, no matter how hard it seems.

    Congrats on your success!
    4060 days ago
    I don't eat a lot seems to be a common response! I think they really believe it. So I can't be mad at them. I just leave it alone. And you're so right people are looking for a magic pill that will take their weight off. They do not want to hear the truth. I don't let it bother me. Everyone has to do it when they are ready...
    4060 days ago
    Gosh THANK YOU for posting this blog. I totally get that feeling of wanting to shake some sense into people! Grrr and then when they make excuses I want tell them don't ask for my advice if you are just going to dismiss it.

    I get the "I don't eat that much" excuse alot too!

    Keep up your awesome work! Those dodo's will just have to sit on the sidelines while you run your race!

    4065 days ago
  • MSCE22
    I think you have some very valid points, and alot of the stuff are excuses that I have given to why I can't lose the weight. Congratulations on your weight loss! I wanted to ask how often you exercise? What do your workouts look like?
    4066 days ago
    You know, I think most people ask what you're doing because they want to hear that you didn't have to do anything, just get out of bed. I hear all the excuses too; I've understand now that each person has to come to this on their own timetable. To people who ask me what I'm doing, I tell them and then I think to myself, "I'm here for you whenever you need me but please save the excuses for someone else. I've already used them."

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4067 days ago
    I think to a certain degree it's a case of "misery loves company" - like you said, those used to be your excuses & they were certainly mine too! Now all of a sudden, we have something positive to say (possibly the answer...) What bugs me is when I am talking about how great SP is & the motivation, how good I'm feeling, etc I am ALWAYS asked "well, how much weight have you lost?" Mine is coming off veeeerrry slowly so I'm trying not to be discouraged by the number on the scale (too many other pluses!)& I know it's a defence mechanism for some, but yes, they definately have to get in that, "if it's so great shouldn't you have lost more?" - geez, being healthy & feeling good isn't enough of a positive?? the weight will come off eventually but it does require some work, not magic! It's too bad though, because I end up not sharing my "success" with some people because I know they'll just end up bringing me down...
    4067 days ago
  • LBDB001
    Thank you!! I was with friends for a girls night out this weekend and I actually ate my healthy dinner before I went and also took the new 64 calorie beer and some pretzels and almonds to munch on. I believe at first they were offended! We got to talking and they all made fun of the beer (said it taste like water, i liked it) but they did eventually eat the pretzels and almonds after a few drinks. I had to explain why I refused to eat what they were eating and take a lot of flack for it. But I know I will have the last laugh when I am 50lbs thinner! You struck a cord with me on this blog. Thank You!! Thank You Again!!
    4067 days ago
    A freakin MEN! AMEN AMEN!! I'm still one of the "fat people", got at LEAST 30 lbs to lose, but I don't deny any of my bad choices. I have been depressed too long, and used excuses too long, but not anymore. I'm only on day 4 but it'll be the ONLY day 4 I see!! I loved this blog, b/c you described the old me. I'm already changing, and I'm NOT looking back. Thanks for the reminder, lol!!! If anyone takes offense to this, that just means they SHOULD be reading it!! :) Good job, you're an inspiration!!
    4070 days ago
    yes like you said they have to want to make a change. Too easy to give excuses. It is hard work and daily work and it takes time but in the end those pants fit and we really look great in them.
    4071 days ago
  • KROLES55
    Thanks for sharing.. I've lost weight in the past and let it creep back on. This go around has been slow because i just don't want to stop eating stuff that i know that is not good for me. All your points hit right at home for me.

    Thanks again

    4073 days ago
    You are right, just remember that the person you want to help has to make the choice for themselves and when they do they will turn to you for advice. Try not to judge in the mean time and don't let anyone make you feel bad for your success. They are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down...unfortunatly a natural reaction for some.
    4073 days ago
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