DEADBEAT DAD & GRANDMA!! Relationship in Uproar!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Okay today has been an extremely emotional day for me. This week has been emotional for me but today has just topped the charts. I have eaten about 8 donuts for 3 donuts it's 290 calories, so in donuts alone I have eaten around 800 calories. I didn't even care, just have been so upset. emoticon

Most of you know that I am a single mom with a great guy but with a deadbeat father. Who is always criticizing me & putting me down. He is soooo worried about who I am dating verses being concerned about his 2 sons. So he had been sending me hateful text messages & voicemails, so I decided 2 weeks ago to put a block against his number. He hasn't paid child support in well over a year. However, he is always managing to go to a Lakers or Cavaliers game or on a cruise. I learned that he was doing tooooo much emotional damage to my sons.

So since I haven't allowed him to call me, he calls his mother & tells her all types of crazy things. Now let me be clear, that his mother has not called or seen my son's in over 2 years!! So imagine how surprised I was yesterday when I saw a letter in the mail from her! She says in the letter "How she is sorry that she hasn't had time to call in 2 years but she has been busy with working 2 jobs & that it's not good for me to poison the boys mind & that their dad isn't a deadbeat & that I should let him talk to them. I should let the dad be in his kids life" ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS!!!!

This put in me in such an emotional uproar!!!! So my current guy Eric doesn't like the kid's father b/c the father is very out right disrespectful to me & to him. I mean he lives in another state but once drove from Atlanta to Orlando & didn't even tell me & was sitting outside my house at 5 a.m.!!! Imagine how surprised Eric was when he went to start the car up to see a man sitting in my driveway. This is not the first time he has popped up without calling. He thinks he still controls my life & can show up whenever he wants & this causes friction with me & Eric b/c Eric feels like he is being walked over by my crazy kid's father. So now me & Eric are not speaking to each other & he is up set with this situation & now I am upset b/c I can't control this situation! emoticon

So Eric has been dealing with it & is tired of it & is even considering ending the relationship b/c he is tired of dealing with the crazy kids father & now his crazy mom. I just needed to get this off my chest, just for me. I am just having a horrible day. I would hate to lose Eric b/c of my crazy baby daddy showing no respect for me, his kids or Eric.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a jerk. Defend your family, including Eric. Go to the courts, and get a restraining order. No child support, no control over anything having to do with the children. They don't even know his name. Let them think Eric is the dominant man in their life... I hate deadbeat dads, and grammas that act like they're all pompous because they raised a crappy son. What she has to say means nothing. I agree with someone else who posted to put the letter back into the envelope. But, don't mail it back, use it as evidence to the courts to get this sperm donor out of your life. Tell the kids you made a bad mistake with him, but it was good because they came out of it, and now you've made it right by finding Eric. gggrrrr... I'm ready to eat a donut right with you...
    4222 days ago
  • BUTTONS973
    Well if you don't want to lose your man then you know what you gotta do. First of all, you need to put that letter back in it's envelope and mail it back to the grandma. And second, you need to change your phone numbers to keep your ex from calling you. Your b/f should not have to go through that, really he shouldn't.
    4222 days ago
    Hey in some ways I kind of understand where you are coming from. My dad or should I say sperm donor was the same way he didn't want to have anything to do with me, but when my mom tried to move on he kept popping up and saying bad things about her and turned his whole family against her. Then when one of that family member would see me they kept saying my mom was trying to to turn me against them and this was all when I was like 8 and 10.
    I first think you need to you cut the deadbeat father OFF! If he ain't doing nothing for your sons then he needs to go some where. Don't let him get in the way of YOUR happiness and YOUR life! And with his mother you don't owe her an explanation she just came out of no where probably because her son needed someone to complain to!She has no say if she is not apart of your sons lives or helping you take care of them. Do not let your fathers children get in the way of YOUR happiness! Because really you could be taking him to court to get child support and I'm sure he don't want that, because then he wouldn't be going on his little trips!
    Sorry this is kind of long this kind of hit home because in some ways it's kind of similar to my own father issues. I'm 22 and now all of a sudden my fathers siblings and him want to start being there and help taking care of me! I don't think so! Ok sorry that kind of went towards me lol. But its about you Girl and your happiness! I hope it all works out. emoticon
    4222 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/22/2009 8:55:08 PM
    Please see about getting a restraining order against that deadbeat dad. No child support then he has no right to anything. come on gal you are strong. You and Eric will work things out if you do this. If you let that ex mess with you then that hurts Eric and that is what he is trying to do. I am here for you emoticon emoticon for you. Give that deadbeat and his mom the heave ho.
    4222 days ago
  • DEE797
    emoticon I hope you are able to work things out with Eric and continue on your journey together. The deadbeat is just that and like everyone has said a restraining order and/or a letter from an attorney threatening him with jail may do the trick of getting him and his family to leave you alone. It's harassment and the fact that he doesn't want you to be happy.

    Your Happiness is the best revenge! YOU CAN DO THIS!!
    4222 days ago
    I would not get rid of the text messages or voice mail. You will need that for evidence. Storage that information for future use. Second, you need to get a police retraining order and go to court about the child support. Have it set up where it will be taken directly from his pay check. Third, if he wants to be in your sons life I would suggest supervised visitation. Best of Luck! Don't get to bent out of shape with the donuts. Work it off another day by adding extra minutes to your workout. We all have days like this. emoticon
    4222 days ago
    I think your ex is jealous of your new relationship and the fact that you were able to get over him that why he starting so much drama.I also think he still wants you that why he's always stirring up the drama so the new man can leave you, some men hate to see their exes happy. Hopefully the new one wouldcome around and the both of you can work this out.
    4222 days ago
    You have more control than what you know! First like someone else said get a restraining order and enforce it. Second, pay no mind to his mother...who is she...nobody, last sit down with Eric and see what can be worked out. Your happiness is key in this battle and if you dont get it under control you will be heavier and unhappier. The truth is the truth, it is what it is. He is a deadbeat and his family seems to be some too. You're not lying to the kids. You're telling them the truth.

    Lastly PRAY for peace right now because you need it to fight this battle. The devil dont want to see you happy. He wants to destroy you. You need to stay strong in order to win this battle. Good Luck!
    4222 days ago
    Hey where is the DIVA in you?! You can get control of things. Throw the letter out. If she hasn't had contact with her grandchildren, she has no right for saying what she said because it is only heresay! If she is so concerned for their welfare, then she should do something about it. Just my opinion. And call the cops if he shows up again in the middle of the night or get a restraining order for doing that and the harassing calls and texts (if they can do that). At least you have put a block on his number.

    I don't have kids myself, but I know what my brother went through raising his kids and dealing with his ex-wife. She never or hardly paid child and every time he tried to garnish her wages, she quit the job. So that was costing him money each time he did that, so he quit. However, my brother sued for college tuition and won. She now has no relationship with her son, but does with her daughter.

    I think it is a shame that your ex is acting this way, much like my brother's ex. It just ruins relationships and he is only bringing on himself. Sounds like he needs to grow up! Hope everything goes ok with Eric.

    4222 days ago
    First of All I have a BIG (((((((((HUG))))))))))))))) for you. I have dealt with a Deadbeat Dad and I'm an emotional eater. So I know the more he called me fat, the more I ate. But I wish someone had spoke up and gave me the advice I'm about to give you. Throw those donuts in the dumpster. 800 calories, The day is still not lose. Take a long walk to clear your mind and Think about the best revenge there is. Taking care of yourself and patching it up with Eric. He does not want you happy. If he cares about the kids, he doesn't want them stressed at home either. Don't let him impede your progress, HE IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!
    Pray even if you don't feel like it. Only J.C. can give peace that passes all human understanding. After your walk, treat yourself to warm candlelight bubble bath. You know I'm big on self-care girl. Your deserve the best!
    4223 days ago
  • SPARKLE1908
    Personally I'd call the cops if he showed up unannounced or was just sitting outside my house at 5 creepy is that?

    Like the other poster said, I would probably trash his mom's letter..she is only getting one side of the story and is defending her son(to be expected)...she is not a regular part of your sons lives so her "advice" would have gone right out the window...

    I hope you and Eric can come to a better place and preserve your relationship...everyone has a limit to how much they can take or want to deal with and you sound as if you need "legal" interference with the dad to make sure he has boundaries and knows them and the consequences for not following them....

    Eating donuts is not that bad in the grand scheme of things..there are much worse vices out there...just do what you need to get back in control of everything and stop giving your energy to those that don't deserve it... emoticon
    4223 days ago
  • RAVEN227
    Hey Cassandra, I am sorry you are going through all of this. I will call you in a few....

    4223 days ago
    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for you, this brought tears to my eyes! I'd say at this point that your best option is a lawyer or friend of the court. They should be going after him for child support and should also be able to help you deal with the harassment that he is causing. As for his mother and his phone calls; ignore it all! Do not respond, do nothing and if he shows up at your house call the cops but do not talk to him. As for Eric, you guys need to sit down and talk; my guess is that if both of you choose to ignore the idiots than you can work this out.

    As far as the donuts goes and any other bad eating do not beat yourself up over this!!!! I can't believe that is all you had - cr@p I would have had the donuts and then eaten an entire pizza and not stopped until I was sick. Don't give up on SP, keep tracking, working out when you can and blogging. Just because you are not mentally able to deal with your eating right now, if you keep up with SP then you are already in good shape when you are ready to eat right!

    Please e-mail me in private if you need to talk! I will happily give you my phone # if you need me to or my skype user name!

    Hugs to you!!!!
    4223 days ago

    The truth is you do have control. All you have to do is shred the letter and just treat it like all the other junk mail you receive that is on no use. I like you was a single parent and same issue no support financially or emotionally for our child. I was blessed enough to be given a very caring and loving man that for the last 23 years has been her father and to this day when her biological father contacts her about every 3 years she is polite but says that he may have been the donor but he is not her father. The funny part was about 5 years ago his second wife left him with 2 children to raise and he tried to get his home refinanced but the support was showing as an outstanding debt so he had to settle with me before he could do it.

    You just keep on being the wonderful mother you are and the rest is not for you to control.
    4223 days ago
  • ACCT1908
    4223 days ago
    Oh Cassandra, I don't know which is worse - your ex or his mother. But he needs to get his life together and stay the heck out of yours. I believe that a lawyer is your best tool - and since he isn't paying child support and has left the state, maybe he can be arrested if he shows up again... or at least maybe you can tell him he will be. Sometimes life doesn't seem fair. I'm not sure if Eric is insecure, or if he is really upset by the effect your ex has on you, but he needs to support you, not give you more grief. (I know the perfect man does NOT exist, even mine!)

    And don't sweat the donuts... and if you have any more there, throw them out!!!

    4223 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4757562
    Girl, I would be so tempted to write her back and let her know that she is NOT welcome to write any more letters to let you know how to be a parent and that she what she SHOULD be doing is calling her sorry behind son to let him know that he needs to be a man and support his kids.

    Ugh, I got mad for you just reading that foolishness so you might want to leave that alone until you can let her know calmly that while you respect her, you would really appreciate it if she would make an effort to get both sides of the story before offering any advice and let her know that you are sure your boys would love to hear from her... I still can't believe that heifa hasn't picked up the phone in 2 years, but had the nerve to write a letter trying to blast you... smh!

    Throw the rest of the donuts out, and count today as your cheat day. Definitely let your ex know that he is NOT welcome to show up to your house unannounced and that you will file a restraining order against him the next time that he does so. And be forceful with it!

    Hopefully both you and Eric will calm down soon enough and allow this to be another growing experience that makes your relationship stronger.

    You are too beautiful and too good of a person to let this get you down. Keep doing what you have to do to make life even better for you and your boys!

    4223 days ago
    If your ex is crazy, and obviously it sounds like he is, then your current man should know that. It's not like you're inviting the father and his mom into your life, they just appear there of their own free will. I'd try talking to your new guy about how you can resolve the situation together. If he loves you and y'all want to be together, maybe there is something the two of you can do together to make the kids' father go away. He could always sign over his rights and then you'd never have to deal with him again!
    4223 days ago
    I feel for you. I am here if you need someone.

    Don't let him damage all of the hard work you have done and do whatever it takes to keep Eric in your life. You deserve some happiness.
    4223 days ago
    4223 days ago
    ok, i totally hear you. I have a very strangely similar situation with my daughters deadbeat dad who she doesnt even know but any chance he can to abuse me verbally or emotionally he jumps on. and i too have a great supportive guy now who also cant stand the "respondent" as we have dubbed him, bc thats all he is really, a guy who just doesnt bother to appear in court. What you have that I dont is a man who is doing harmful damage to your kids by creating a hostile environment. That being said.... breathe for a moment, cry if you have to, dust off your self, and refocus.

    I'm not going to beat you up (neither should you) about donuts. Please, you have an intensly crappy day, and one day of donuts is NOT going to break you. Just bc you ate them today, big deal, don't set yourself up for the guilt attack, forget it move on, tomorrow is a new day.

    That being said... dont let this a-hole control you. And I'm only saying that bc even if you are not talking to him or seeing him, his manipulation is controlling if it takes such an emotional toll on you that you are mistreating yourself in response to the stress. Refocus, Eric is where its at, he's your support and strength. He wants what is best for you and your family bc he loves you. Find strength from him that you need not to let this D-head control you and upset you. For your children, for yourself. If you work on that I'm sure Eric wont feel he needs to take a breather from all this either. Easier said than done I know. But think of your future... yourself, your goals, and eventually finding a way not to respond to this jerkoff.

    A few things ppl have told me that stick w me when I have to deal w my ex:
    "Nothing you can say or do will ever make him any more or less of a father, that is up to soley him"
    "the best way to stop someone from manipulating you is to not respond to it" (this would of course include mama dearest)

    I'm sad to see your status. Please dont give up on yourself even in this stress. Make some new goals, that relate to how you want your relationship to be, your life w Eric, your role w the baby daddy. You've been so good at ur Spark goals, you can do this too! We are all here for you, no matter how this all comes to play out. Keep me posted. HUGS!
    4223 days ago
    Take a breath...then go see a lawyer. You need to know legally what you can't and can't do as far as the boys' father is concerned. He owes back child support. He needs to keep quiet...or risk garnished wages or worse. This guy might need to be legally compelled to keep his distance if you know what I mean.

    As for his mother, she said it best herself. Yeah, she IS sorry. Don't even think about her. "Consider the source," I always say. She is not worth the energy it would take to even think about her. Too busy to call in two years? That just tells you what kind of person she is. Don't even go there with her. Her son is lame and disrespectful because she allowed him to be that way growing up. And now she's taking up his cause? She needs to be putting a foot up her grown son's ass, not bringing you down...

    I'm sure you care very much about your boyfriend, but at this point your sons have to be your main priority. And as painful as it is, you want a man in your life who takes you and your sons for better or worse, not someone who wants to walk away when it gets tough. Because being in a relationship and raising kids can get tough a lot of the time, even without "baby daddy drama."

    You are a strong woman, and I'm sure you'll work this out. You're right, a lot of this you can't control, but the things you can control, take charge.

    4223 days ago
  • SUNGBIRD2000
    Girl, I am so sorry to hear about all the drama going on in your life right now. It is tough being a single mother in itself! Take a deep breath, don't be so hard on yourself about the donuts girl! You have another day to do better in that department. For starters, you need help emotionally to deal with things! I am praying for you girl! Trust that God will work this situation out for you. I don't know if you are a Christian, and if you are not please don't be offended...I am only sharing with you what gets me through my trials being a single mom myself! God can touch Eric's heart, your Mom's heart and your baby's father's heart! You can't carry those burdens, so don't try! It's easier said than done...but hang in God to give you wisdom on how to handle the situation and he will get you through this storm! I'm praying for you! emoticon
    4223 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    Hang in there...don't beat yourself up over the donuts. I wanted to eat them myself this morning...

    Just remember that your boys need you and love you - and staying healthy is the best way to make sure you are always there for them!

    I wish I had more words of encouragement.

    Keep your chin up.
    4223 days ago
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