HAVE TO LIGHT MY FIRE!!!! Unsuccessful Year....

Monday, October 26, 2009

Hey Lovely Diva's,

I am writing today b/c I am having a difficult time finding my spark again! I mean it's so bad that I was depressed about my weight & called out of work today. I was soooo disgusted with myself. I gained 4 pounds last week. I felt so ashamed of myself & so pissed with myself that I ate foods continuously & they weren't bad foods but it was just adding on calories for no reason.

I laid in my bed last night & thought about how this has been such an unsuccessful year. I started in May & only to be 10 pound heavier than when I started. I am going to be off today & tomorrow for mental days to get myself together. I look at the success that others have made on their journey & how I would've been at my goal weight by now. I should have been in my size 10s by now. However, I can't really dwell on why I have not reached my goal but what I need to do to get me there.. I am going to eat healthy today & I am going to workout today.

I know that something has to turn around b/c I know I can't continue to gain weight. I can't continue down the road that I am on. So I am trying my best to re-ignite my spark b/c I honestly don't like the way I feel right now.


"You can't put the FIRE into someone but they have to have the FIRE in them!! Do you need to re-light your FIRE????" Today I light my FIRE!!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I just saw this one. YOu are still here and that means a lot. You haven't given up. I was wanting to be down 20 pounds by my bday @ the end of the week. I hasn't happened. I have lit the fire under my butt now and going to be successful from here on out, join me and we will start our new journey together. Let's make this happen. We can do this and we and we are worth all of the time and work it takes.
    4218 days ago
    No matter how many times you find yourself down, while you are down you have time to catch you breath, dust yourself off and then come back stronger then you were before.

    Blessing, Latasha.

    emoticon emoticon
    4218 days ago
  • FIT_BY40
    C'mon girl. Don't beat yourself up like this. You are an amazing woman. We all wish we could lose it like someone else and feel sometimes that we are working in vain. Instead of beating yourself up about the weight, consider the positive things you have achieved in your journey. Hang in there, you can do it. You always have such things to say on my page so I am putting you under my wing and watching over you. Just hang in there.
    4218 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/26/2009 7:51:46 PM
  • ALLNTIME2009
    The one thing you can always remember. Never quit quitting. It doesn't matter how bad last week was. As long as you make the effort to get back on track, things will be fine. Yes, there are a lot of people here that have made wonderful progress, but there are other people who are where they want to be. That should not stop you, but encourage you. Don't beat yourself up about this, God has given you another day to get in the groove. Get the groove a mooving. Most times when I feel like beating myself up, I don't. Simply because I have so many other things to be grateful for and happy about. Those boys are your motivation.

    Take your two days off and get your "ME TIME". Once you get into it, you will see it's all good. If no one else has your back...God does and so do your SparkFriends.

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    4218 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/26/2009 7:45:34 PM
    When I am having issues I try to find quotes to help me keep moving. Hope this helps, not sure when she wrote it:)

    Endorphins to the Rescue!
    Feeling blue? Well, get moving! Exercise changes your brain chemistry and positively influences your mood. It also triggers the release of endorphins, which act on the brain as natural pain relievers. On top of that, exercising will boost your confidence. As you start working out and getting stronger, you'll start to feel like a powerhouse in other aspects of your life. Whatever you do, don't lie around and sulk — it's totally counterproductive. You have the power to change your life, so get up and do it!
    4219 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4757562
    Like others have said, your year has not been unsuccessful because you kept coming back to Spark and have learned a lot as a result. If jumping back into the program headfirst feels daunting, then pick one or two small things to work on; like drinking 8 cups of water or tracking all of your food for week (starting now)... baby steps count too!

    I'm not sure what your schedule looks like for this week, but I have some buddy passes to the Golds in Altamonte, let me know if you're interested in coming to Zumba or Kickboxing class with me (I usually do them both) and I'll see if they will let your boys wait for us in the Kiddie area.
    4219 days ago
    Okay so last week was a bad week. Its done and over with. Yes light that fire because You can. You keep my fire lit. Dont concentrate on that goal weight or size. Go one day at a time then one week at a time. I have been stuck on a plateau for about 2 months now. You have kept me encouraged and I want to encourage you. We are all here for you. Go Diva. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4219 days ago
    I know you say you can't really dwell on why you haven't reached your goal, but sometimes if we look at things with a unbiased eye, we can learn the whys of what is going on with us.

    Imagine if you were talking to a good friend about her weight loss issues. What questions would you ask her if she told you that she couldn't seem to lose the weight? Then ask those questions of yourself. Knowing what went wrong can help to figure out how to fight and overcome those things. It's not "dwelling" on the negative, it's more like trying to figure something out. It's like being an archeologist, digging for clues...

    It sounds from what you said in this blog and earlier blogs that you are an emotional eater. You say you felt so ashamed and pissed at yourself that you ate...the other day you said you were upset about your ex and ate too many donuts. How are you dealing with your emotions? Are you dealing with them in a healthy manner, or do you eat to dull the pain or anger? I'm not an emotional eater, so I can't offer any advice in this area, but I'm sure others can.

    Keep searching and keep striving. It will all come together in time.
    4219 days ago
    As many times as we consider ourselves to have failed - we turn the page and can write how much we've learned and the fact that we're still in the game of trying to make amends. You haven't had an unsuccessful year, you've spread plenty of spark, you're growing in wisdom, you haven't gained what you probably would haev if you weren't trying to make changes. Change will come in due season and not overnight. Don't give up and make I add a log of blessings to your newly lit fire! Keep at it you'll get there!
    4219 days ago
    I don't think you can call this an unsuccessful year. Look at how much you have learned this year. You know what you need to do, you know where your weakness lays, you found exercise you like, you found new foods you like, you found the will to do it. Those are all HUGE steps in the right direction. Like all addictions the first step is admitting that you have a problem. You've done that now all you have to do is find a way back to the path to healthy. I wish I could help you get there but all I can do is remind you of how good you were doing, how good you can do and tell you that I believe you can do it!!
    4219 days ago
    Remember, it takes as long as it takes. Don't compare yourself to the progress of others and don't get caught up in the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" thinking. You're doing the best that YOU can. We can always do better, but we're doing our best right now.

    Think of how much you may have gained of you hadn't had your health and a plan somewhere in your mind. Probably more than 10 pounds, if you're like me!

    You can do this! emoticon
    4219 days ago
    Hey there, Don't feel too hard on yourself. You're a work in progress! Don't for one second thing that just because something hasn't happened YET doesn't mean it will never happen. I was 275 lb, depressed, suicidal thinking that I just gave my life up because I was heavy and I had the body of a 70 year old. I saw my peers as far younger than me, at 19 I felt like a grandma. I thought life would NEVER get better. Still, 53 pounds gone I still feel like I will wake up and I will be back where I started. What keeps me going is the thought of writing your own life. YOU write your life do not let your weight define you and if you don't want that weight on. You can take it off and let it lose control over you. You gained 4 pounds this past week? SO WHAT! Keep your chin up, practice self control. Every time you show restraint you become stronger. In April one month before I started sparking I ate an ENTIRE box of those sam's club cookies on my own. You know the ones that have like 24 cookies? Oh yeah, I ate one of those in like 2 days, even worse? I also ate about 4 Mr. Goodbars a day because my boyfriend bought them in bulk from sam's. I also ate ice cream and mini chocolate nuggets and god knows what. I did it because what I really craved was feeling happy and living better. What I wanted was 100 pounds gone forever and to get my life back and I tried so hard to feel happy again that I just drowned. But I decided that I needed to get my spirit back and made baby steps. 5 pounds lost in May and I was so happy, I know I could have lost more but I was happy with 5 lost then any gained. The next month I lost 14 pounds and I've been going strong. Though not always, there are so many times I've cried and wanted to just eat junk food and die but somehow I always picked myself back up. Every day that you eat only 1 doughnut instead of 8 or 1 oatmeal creme pie instead of the whole box IS a victory. So we don't feel like we're too hard on ourselves we need to have a little sweets every so often so we don't go crazy and do something we'd regret like eating 3k calories of junk food a day or etc.. BEST advice I can possibly give is DRINK WATER! I haven't been able to work out for a week because I've been sick and this month has been so rainy that I've hardly been able to get out of the house at all and I've almost hit my monthly goal though because I've had tons of water to help flush out toxins! Try to stock up on fruits/veggies, too. So even if every day you do have something "bad" try to balance it out with some produce.

    4219 days ago
    You can ignite that fire Momma! It has always been there, you just have to find it. We all have our moments where we take 2 steps forward and get knocked back 10. I know I sure have. Just don't give up Momma! Don't give up on you. You are so worth getting healthy. Goodluck with today! I had a horrible weekend. We went to China Buffet girl....and I ate to my hearts content. That was on Saturday, so when I woke up Sunday I figured my weekend was shot anyway and that I would pick back up today. Alright babe! If you need me you know I am here!
    4219 days ago
  • NEWME0519
    You can do this!
    4219 days ago
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