So, it's my birthday and...

Friday, October 30, 2009

I just feel like crawling back under the covers and crying myself to sleep. By all accounts, this should be one of my best birthdays ever. It's only 8:30am and I have received so many "Happy Birthday" greetings from friends and family already, I'm having a huge party tomorrow, and I am down to my lowest weight in the last year and a half. But it's all overshadowed by my marriage problems. I just want to ignore what's wrong in my life and enjoy everything that is right... but my husband is my best friend in the whole world and my soulmate and right now I feel so unloved by him. I hate how he seems like he doesn't care at all about me anymore. I don't even know where to go from here. I hurt so much that I'm so angry and I keep lashing out. I just want the pain to go away...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am sorry your love life is struggling but so happy for you with your weight loss-- you must feel amazing! Happy belated birthday!
    4274 days ago
    Well, I want to wish you a happy birthday and hope that you're able to work through your relationship troubles!

    DH and I have been married 10 years and are more in love than ever... but it's work. We tackle every issue head on, as soon as one of us identifies the issue. Since you feel something's going on, you need to get those lines of communication open. Endeavor to be open, honest, and non-accusing.

    My advice: In the calmest way you can, tell him how you feel, and why you feel that way (all "I" statements, no "you" statements). You may do better if you can write down your feelings and your reasons. Try to think of what you would like to see -- i.e., what's the solution? Also, try to think of how you can support him -- what can you do to make his life easier?

    Hopefully, he is as committed to solving the problem, and the two of you can figure out the solution together... just really try to be on the same "team," and the problem is the "other guy." As a team, you can overcome!

    You are strong and lovely... I'm hoping things look up for you!
    4279 days ago
    Happy Birthday, I hope you can put your troubles aside for a few hours and enjoy the day with your family. As soon as you can, have a talk with your dear husband and tell him how disconnected you feel from him and see if he is feeling the same then together come up with ways to make the other feel appreciated and loved. If you need to talk, I'm just an email away, I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts.
    4283 days ago
  • no profile photo BLAQUELORELEI
    Happy Birthday don't give up hope
    4285 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2361197
    Happy Birthday to you. emoticon
    4285 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4232769
    oops. Double post.
    4285 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/30/2009 10:29:20 AM
  • no profile photo CD4232769
    I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now... but happy birthday :)
    4285 days ago
  • NUTTE1
    I think K4Fred said exactly what was on my heart, but I wanted to lend my support and honest wishes that this birthday will turn around for you.
    4285 days ago
  • K4FRED
    Marriage is complex and definitely has its ups and downs. I know, I've been married for almost 30 years. In those years, I've felt like you describe many times, but we kept working at it.

    Don't wait, sit down and find out why he is ignoring you. Maybe he has his mind on something at work or is worried about a family member. Guys often push their emotions down and don't deal with them. Then it resurfaces, like a hidden volcano and often they don't know what the problem is. Talk to him, honestly, without lashing out and do it as soon as possible. If he knows there is a problem, he'll probably do some reflecting and try to put things right with you.

    Here's wishing you a clear, bright birthday and many more happy days!

    K4FRED emoticon
    4285 days ago
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