Allowing The Grief
Monday, February 08, 2010
These first 8 days of February have been mostly sad for me. I am in "sunny most of the time" California but deep inside of my being, I am experiencing a thunder storm, dark clouds and much rain!
Why is it that I feel like it is really not o.k. to feel "this way"? Why am I trying to put on a happy face when I am feeling anything but happy? Why am I trying to convince even myself that I am not depressed when I really am?
Even in the land of sunshine, one can be sad or depressed and it is o.k. Anybody that I know who wants to be around me ONLY when I am perfectly happy and smiling...is just not important enough for me to be around and not a true friend. I do feel hurt and I am depressed. I certainly don't mean to burden anyone with this current season of blah.
I am allowing this grief to exist. I am not wanting to embrace it nor own it but it will be allowed. If we don't deal with the hurts and the reality of grief...both will come back as unresolved issues. Personally, I am not enjoying this ride and I want to cry out to the Lord, "Are we there yet??!!" but I keep hearing that small voice of reason that reminds me that this too, shall pass. I know that I won't be dealing with my current circumstances forever. My core belief system is being challenged but my faith goes on stronger than ever. Amazing how that works.
A new beginning is surely on the horizon and becoming is superior to being. My frown shall be a radiant, genuine smile again. Allowing this short period of grief, shall provide growth and well being and I shall be glad.