Allowing The Grief

Monday, February 08, 2010

These first 8 days of February have been mostly sad for me. I am in "sunny most of the time" California but deep inside of my being, I am experiencing a thunder storm, dark clouds and much rain!

Why is it that I feel like it is really not o.k. to feel "this way"? Why am I trying to put on a happy face when I am feeling anything but happy? Why am I trying to convince even myself that I am not depressed when I really am?

Even in the land of sunshine, one can be sad or depressed and it is o.k. Anybody that I know who wants to be around me ONLY when I am perfectly happy and smiling...is just not important enough for me to be around and not a true friend. I do feel hurt and I am depressed. I certainly don't mean to burden anyone with this current season of blah.

I am allowing this grief to exist. I am not wanting to embrace it nor own it but it will be allowed. If we don't deal with the hurts and the reality of grief...both will come back as unresolved issues. Personally, I am not enjoying this ride and I want to cry out to the Lord, "Are we there yet??!!" but I keep hearing that small voice of reason that reminds me that this too, shall pass. I know that I won't be dealing with my current circumstances forever. My core belief system is being challenged but my faith goes on stronger than ever. Amazing how that works.

A new beginning is surely on the horizon and becoming is superior to being. My frown shall be a radiant, genuine smile again. Allowing this short period of grief, shall provide growth and well being and I shall be glad.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have read your blog on grief. I am sorry for your loss. The devil uses times like these hoping that we turn away from God. I am glad that you have not allowed him to take you there.

    Everyone runs away from sadness, pain, and heart ache. We never want to feel anything negative in fact. Why would we. Our society tells us happiness is for sale everywhere. It comes in a bottle, a spouse, a friend, with a house, in a car, and of course those luxury vacations, You will find happiness when you get that perfect job, or raise!

    Keep your eyes focused on God and ask Him to give you His grace. He can surround you with His grace and peace.

    I experienced a loss of a child, a broken dream, a shattered heart broken and stabbed deeply. My husband and I were to adopt a beautiful girl a few years ago. She was a big part of my life for 4 months. I felt love her her like I never loved anyone. When the abortion did not go through my heart hurt in a way that I did not know was possible! Each day was unbearable. God was there for me. He did help me but it was not completely taken away.

    As we experience such pain it is important to remember, as you have, this too shall pass. God will continue to heal you. Remember to use your experience to help others in the future. Such experiences are not experienced in vain when we help others in HIS name.

    Dear Jesus please ease the pain in this person's heart. Please her to find people who will surround her with love, and accept her in whatever mood she is in; whether she is laughing or crying. Bring into presence the window that opens when this door has been shut. In Jesus name I pray amen. emoticon
    4103 days ago
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    Hi Sis. I have been through many trials of grief myself. When in these trials, the people who didn't understand my grief - have not been there to know what it is like and cannot emphasize. I have lost a child. I grieved deeply with that loss. Many people tried to emphasize but only the very small few could relate. Our mourning can be healed by Jesus. He has healed many of mine. I found by journalling daily with Jesus, first praying and then when something comes to mind - begin to journal on that. The woundings and the offenders have come up. In time when the whole grief process has taken place, only then can I forgive my trespassers. The glorious peace that follows is wonderful and the hurts have disappeared and freedom comes. Be patient with yourself while you grieve out your losses. Grief is painful and undesireable - but it is the pathway to peace and freedom. Hang in there and wait on the Lord and He will direct your path. Dorothy
    4104 days ago
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