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Saturday, February 27, 2010

I haven't blogged in basically a month. OMG my life has seem to be tipped upside down since then. The scale has gone up and up and up....have had some downs in there but mostly up.

Life has just gotten so crappy in this last month...well it has been a build up of crappiness, it just exploded in Feb.

Kids have seriously tested me on patience and my reasons for wanting children. 14 yr old and my 10 yr old are currently grounded for lieing, stealing, and cheating. I thought I raised my children to do better than that and I have seriously felt like a failure in many areas of raising my kids....I do have one other child 12 yr old and so far she has stayed good LOL and actually made National Honor Society for middle school....I do have a high point for Feb.

A close friend has fallen seriously ill and that has weighed heavy on me the last few days...but as of now he has stabilized and looks like he will recover.

Hubby and I have fallen back into our rut, the rut that nearly destroyed our marriage just this past summer..well we are back in it. Our financial situation is grim and that has SERIOUSLY stressed me the point that I probably should make an appointment with my cardiologist...but I just haven't............

I dont have energy to do anything and I try. I try to exercise but I'm skating by in that department. The thing that scares me the most on that is my feeling on it..... I just don't care....I do, but I don't do anything about it. I had my hubby and a couple of his buddies move up the treadmill out of the basement in Jan. LOL I've used it, but not as much as I thought I would of seeing it is sitting here in the living room!! LOL

I know I have to do something and I know that the exercise would bring me out of my slump, doom and gloom attitude. BUT the energy is JUST not there. Hubby suggested I take 2 more weeks but in these 2 weeks NOT to think about exercise or what I'm eating or not eating. To chill and relax on myself just stop stressing out over the whole thing. I have stressed out over this suggestion OMG I'm a flippin freak! I am NOT myself right now, not at all. I don't like the person that I am right now. I dont like the reflection I see when I'm in the mirror...I just hate everything about this person right now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh Tracy, I don't like hearing you sound so down but considering what you've been struggling with I can't imagine where else you'd be. I doubt there's any advice I can give that would be helpful on the family side (as I lack the experience of a DH or children), but I hope that talking to us about it makes you feel a little less alone. We need to give you a big Dragon hug and share your burden evenly throughout the team, and then you'd only need to carry 1/23 of it. If only we could do that.

    I am envious of your treadmill in the livingroom though. I don't have one and at this point couldn't afford one and couldn't get it up the stairs at my apartment. Maybe tonight during BLC you could walk for each commercial break? That might be a small enough goal that you can start feeling like March can't possibly be as bad as February... Wishing you all the best, Christy.
    4170 days ago
  • WENDIE07
    Hang in there I am soo sorry I the stress you are going though. I know about stress about husbands I am kinda going though the same thing down here at my end.
    4171 days ago
    this time of year is so hard already without all the other stress you describe...hang in there, one minute at a time if need be! you know what you need to do, and you will do it, but for now, just breathe...
    4171 days ago
    So sorry :( It can be really hard to pull yourself out of a major funk. Especially when there are other people (husband, kids, work, parents...) who can often be the cause of your stress. We all deal with stress differently and I don't think I'm one to give advice. But - sometimes you need to let yourself breakdown and then after your good, hard cry, you say out loud, Enough of this! I'm going back to being me and there's nothing anyone can do to change that!
    4171 days ago
    Tracy, hang in there. There has to be a better day in store for you!!
    4171 days ago
    Please do not feel a failure with the kids - they all have different personalities, inherited personality traits, and are influenced by far more things than just their parents. It's not easy bringing up children and at times very stressful, this alone can cause a strain on anyone's marriage, without having financial problems too. Perhaps you could sit and discuss with your DH where you can make savings or is there anything you could sell (perhaps on ebay) to bring a little money in?

    It's March lst tomorrow - think of this as a good day for a fresh start - but start slow. Just change your food a little bit at a time, replacing junk with something healthy, and try to find some exercise you would like to do for just a little at a time - like 15 mins a day.

    I sincerely hope the next month will be better for you. I'm glad to hear your friend looks like he will recover.

    We used to like taking our children out for walks in the woods on Sundays. I'm sure this helped bring the stress level down for all of us, even if it was only temporary, it gave us a bit of breathing space and bonding.

    Take care.

    4172 days ago
  • FT4EVR
    So sorry you are having a tough time. I wish the words....this too shall pass....would help you but I know when I am in a stressful time it is hard to see that.
    I have trouble exercising when I am stressed too so I understand. How about focusing on deep breathing? Diaphragm breathing....belly breathing I call it. It will relieve chest tension too if you are feeling that.
    Wish there was more I could say to help you.
    4172 days ago
  • AUNTIE65
    I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. Take a deep breath and maybe just try to focus on one thing right now - not the whole big program. Maybe just a few miles three times a week to help relieve some of that stress?

    Know we are here for you! Tami
    4172 days ago
    Boy, it is hard to start exercising. I have been just barely skating by on that too. Why is it that we know what will make us feel better, but just don't do it?

    I had one son that continuously lied when he was trouble all the time. He's 30 now and has grown out of it, but he really drove me nuts for about 6 years of so. Hang in there, they do eventually grow up and have to be responsible for themselves!
    4172 days ago
  • JEM0622
    Interesting that the first doc you think of for stress is your cardiologist. Do you have a family history of heart disease? Or are you worried about the stress on your heart? My stress has reminded me to get back to running. Running helps relieve the stress. HUGS. ~Julie
    4172 days ago
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