Never Stop Trying
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Here we are. Again. Wondering what has happened to me over the past12 months, and why, Why, WHY I have once again fell into old patterns and bad habits. It took years for me to get to a place where healthy eating and moving every day came second nature; I couldn't imagine ever being in a place again where I wasn't giving my body only the healthy food it needed and deserved to operate at a peak level.
I could berate myself; I could bash myself; I could give up, right here and now. I could walk away and tell myself that it isn't what's on the outside that matters, it's what's on the inside - and I would be correct about that. But I also know that I don't feel good when I don't eat in a healthful manner. I know that I don't have energy, and I know I tend to be more depressed when junk is fueling these cells, this brain. I know that I'm not being the best ME I can be, and no matter what part of me or anyone else may think, I DESERVE to be healthy, fit and as good as I can be.
I know what made me this way, and it's all about emotions. It's all about being in a place emotionally that I don't feel in control of, and in many cases, trying to deny to myself. It's also about the past, and trying to fill a hole in my heart with food in my stomach; to some extent, I also know that when we eat certain foods, it sets off a chemical reaction that can mimic love, happiness, and many other emotions. I know it's also about self-worth, not feeling worthy, or in some cases, putting everything else before my health and my own needs.
Right now is possibly the hardest time of year for me, stress-wise. But I know if I can find a way to take care of me now, it will only make it easier for me to handle all the things going on in my life. 16 hour workdays, challenges that home, children and family bring, as well as personal struggles from long ago that still haunt me and current concerns that I deal with almost daily. But I have to choose to deal with it head- on. I've done it before, and I can do it again.
I'm ready to get up and go again, and I know as long as I do, I will be successful.
I will never stop trying.